Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > General Discussion


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-23-2009, 04:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
How close are you with your immediate family?

Growing up, and even as an adult, I put my parents through pure hell. Drug addiction, dating men much older than me, rebellion in general, etc. We've never gone longer than a week or so without speaking, but we've had our share of disagreements and arguing in the past. However today, we're the closest we've ever been. I still have my original Mom and Dad lol - they've never divorced. I talk to my Mom everyday - several times. She really is my best friend and I talk with her about EVERYTHING. I holler at Dad maybe once every few days or if he's in the background when I'm on the phone with Mom or something. They live 3 miles from me, but I don't see them as often as I should be. But we do talk on the phone all the time.

I have a brother who's 5 years older than me. We've been estranged for about 2 years - parents don't speak with him either. He's always been a dick. Best way to describe him is he's an American Simon Cowell. Difference is Simon is right a lot of the time when it comes to his opinions. My brother just likes to act like he is. Life's been so much better for all of us since he's been out of the picture. It breaks my parents' hearts not to have him as part of the family, but they finally realize how much of a selfish asshole he is and if that's what he's all about, then they don't want him as a son. There's some other drama as well, but I won't bother with it atm.

What about you? Close with your parents / step parents / etc.?
woos is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 06:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
Sober
 
GreyWolf's Avatar
 
Location: Eastern Canada
My parents died young... mother when I was 4; father when I was 29. I'm reasonably close to my younger brother, but not really close. My older brother has some serious social issues... he skipped a couple of grades in school and ended up in with a bad crowd... drugs, alcohol, etc. He dropped out of university with a 4.3 CGPA and refused to speak to my father for several years. It was only when he was dying that my brother "came back into the fold". We're still not close, but we do keep in touch.

The rest of my family just isn't close. My wife has a cousin whose family is almost as dysfunctional as mine. We love to get together and trade stories about whose family is weirder. So far, I think he's winning, but it's close :P
__________________
The secret to great marksmanship is deciding what the target was AFTER you've shot.
GreyWolf is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 06:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
WHEEEE! Whee! Whee! WHEEEE!
 
FuglyStick's Avatar
 
Location: Southern Illinois
Very close. There was a period in my life when I had very little contact with any of the members of my family, but now I am in touch with them as much as possible. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs, but the one constant has always been my family. There is an opinion that closeness to your family compromises your independence somehow, and I think I believed that too at one time; but having an uncle pass away a few years ago in his fifties has encouraged the family not to take each other for granted, and there has been an effort on everyone's part to stay more involved with each other.
__________________
AZIZ! LIGHT!
FuglyStick is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 06:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
It's interesting for me to hear about your backgrounds. Gives a lot of insight, if that that's the right word to use lol.
woos is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
BadNick's Avatar
 
Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
I feel close to my immediate family, even to some of my more extended family like aunts, uncles, cousins. My extended family live in other cities a day drive away, so we only get together about once a year, but I still feel close to a lot of them.

However, I don't really socialize with my immediate family, they are not part of my circle of friends. So we only get together on holidays or celebrations like birthdays, marriages etc. and that ends up being every couple months or so. There are usually reasons we talk on the phone more frequently so it feels like we're more in touch than the personal visits may indicate. My sisters and I especially talk a lot about taking care of our mom, making sure she's OK, seeing the right doctor at the right time, helping her do things she needs help with.

My dad died almost ten years ago but it was about the same back then; my mom lives about a 20 min. drive and I visit her once a week; my one brother and his two kids live with my mom so I see them once a week. My two sisters live less than 1/2 hour away, each with their own family, so I see them every few weeks or so. My other brother is less connected to the rest of us, even when he lived closer, but now he lives a couple hours away with my nephew and his family and we see them a couple times a year.

So even though we don't all see each other "a lot" I'm sure we would all agree that we're still close to each other. Sure there has been some drama here and there between some of us, but nothing that would permanently shatter the family connection.
BadNick is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 12:46 PM   #6 (permalink)
Tilted
 
jnthnlllshprd's Avatar
 
no contact with parents, no intention of establishing contact

very close to siblings
jnthnlllshprd is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 12:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
Good to the last drop.
 
ZombieSquirrel's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
My father died when I was 21 and my mother died just after I turned 23. I was very close to them before they passed.

I was the bothersome little sister to my brothers when we were younger, but we are very close now. I think losing both of our parents made us closer.

My oldest brother lives 6 hours away, but the second oldest brother lives less than an hour. My oldest Brother married a wonderful woman and she's the sister I never had.
I see him a great deal. We socialize together and go on vacations together. He can be a bit of an ass sometimes, but he's genuinely a good guy.

My brothers are great guys and I love them dearly and am very lucky to have them. They would do anything for me and I would do anything for them.
__________________
Attack ZombieSquirrels

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9 View Post
She probably tastes like cheap beer and smells like a jockstrap.
ZombieSquirrel is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 01:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
My dad died when I was 18, I'm living with my mom and my brother until my brother is out of college to help with finances. I would very much like to live just far enough away that visiting once or twice a week is convenient.
MSD is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 01:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Well...I've been emailing with my dad all day, talked to Mom briefly this morning, and plan on calling her back for a more lengthy chat in a bit. I would say I am very close with my parents. Beyond being my parents, as I've become an adult, they have become good friends, too. I live in the house they purchased for their retirement, so they are also my landlords. I can't discuss my relationship with my brother.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 01:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
genuinegirly's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
My immediate family consists of my husband, my rabbit, and myself. We're exceptionally close. Snuggle in the same bed, spend every weekend together, and find excuses to go home for lunch so we can be together.

Now to answer what you were really asking...

We're pretty close to our siblings and our parents. We do our best to speak to one family member or another every week. I tend to communicate with my sister every few days, usually through an online chat program.

We really enjoy spending time with all of the family for holidays and other occasions for short visits. Tt and I both tend to be more anti-social toward our families when we have to live with them and see them every day. I think this is because our families consist of high-energy and strong personalities, which leaves us wanting to step away for a time.

Living far away, communicating regularly, and visiting twice a year seems to be the key to keeping everyone happy.
__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
genuinegirly is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 02:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Canada
Not really. I used to be inseperable from my older sister, but she moved away when I was 11, and she was 18, and we've neer been tha same. She's pregnant now so we're re-bonding over that a bit, and I'd love to be close to her again, but we're not terribly close now. As for my parents... Ive never been close to my dad. He was a workaholic, he was angry, he always yelled and made things uncomfortable. Only after I moved out did I even concider him human. My mother... My counselor used to laugha t my sotries and say how much she loved my mom, because my mom has a big heart but shes not very good at thigns. She would go through my garbage and try to talk to my counsellors when i woudlnt talk to her. But shes always defended me and done everything I needed. But no, we're not close.
Salem is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 04:00 PM   #12 (permalink)
We work alone
 
LoganSnake's Avatar
 
Location: Cake Town
In 10 out of 10 situations, I would put my family above all else.

Growing up and seeing how my parents interact with their families and how my immediate and extended families help each other out in the time of need or just come over to shoot the crap had a profound effect on me and how I perceive family and family relations. There are few things in life I value more and the sooner people who are getting to know me learn that, the more they will understand where I am coming from with many of my ideals and ways of thinking. My ex once asked if I loved her more than I loved my sister. She wasn't happy with the answer, so say the least.

Now to answer the question directly - yes, I am extremely close with my family. My mom and sister most of all. My sister and mine relationship closely mimics that of my mom and her brother.
__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Last edited by LoganSnake; 11-23-2009 at 04:17 PM..
LoganSnake is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 04:23 PM   #13 (permalink)
Custom User Title
 
Craven Morehead's Avatar
 
Very close to my parents. Talk with my Dad daily. My Mom maybe a couple of times a week. Dad had severe health problems this year, so the frequency of calls increased. And I'm very close to my sons, both grown. Talk with them at least twice each week and email/text quite often.

Families are everything. At least, they should be. I realize that's not always possible for everyone and I am blessed in that regards. But when the times turn bad, that's when they are needed. And I'm quite thankful for mine this year. I love them all very much.
Craven Morehead is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:04 PM   #14 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
awww
woos is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:27 PM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Tucson
I'm not really close to my family at all. :/

My sister and dad I only really keep in contact cause I live with them for the time being. I rarely talk to my mom and my older brother.

Can't wait till I got myself a stable job (part time seasonal doesn't cut it ) and head out of here. They've done more bad than good for me.
Spartanx9 is offline  
Old 11-23-2009, 07:37 PM   #16 (permalink)
Mine is an evil laugh
 
spindles's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Craven Morehead View Post
Families are everything.
this!

More detail: Fairly close, though my parents live 8 hours drive away. My eldest brother lives near them and my other brother lives in Sydney like me (about 40 minutes drive away). I see him fairly often and we have a lot in common, but less so since we have both started families of our own. I enjoy spending time with my eldest brother, but am not as close to him as my other brother.

I talk to my parents every couple of weeks.

I think I talk to my wife's parents more often (mostly because they only live 1/2 hour away...)
__________________
who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?
spindles is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 07:13 AM   #17 (permalink)
Very Insignificant Pawn
 
Location: Amsterdam, NL
Never close to my family. Just lived there till 18.
Parents dead. One brother; last talked in 1967.
flat5 is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 08:08 AM   #18 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
Are you married? Do you have children?
woos is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 08:40 AM   #19 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
Halx's Avatar
 
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
I'm close with them, but I still keep my family at arm's length. We all support each other, but we're not so close. For instance, that family on "Brothers & Sisters" creeps me out because of how much they share. I don't want to know anything more about my sisters other than how they're doing and what they're going for in life.
__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]
Halx is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 08:53 AM   #20 (permalink)
Good to the last drop.
 
ZombieSquirrel's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halx View Post
I don't want to know anything more about my sisters other than how they're doing and what they're going for in life.
Once when my brother was drunk he shared that his girlfriend had a clit ring. He then proceeded to ask the guy I was dating at the time if I had one. His reply was no, but he was hoping to find out....

THEN my brother asked two of my cousins if they had one. There's something wrong with that boy.
__________________
Attack ZombieSquirrels

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9 View Post
She probably tastes like cheap beer and smells like a jockstrap.
ZombieSquirrel is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 10:27 AM   #21 (permalink)
Soaring
 
PonyPotato's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio!
I now live with my mother and sister (though I spend a significant amount of time at my SO's house to stay sane), so we're getting closer.

My mother and I are pretty close, but she still really hurts me sometimes. She's a very immature communicator, and knows exactly how to get under your skin. And she does it. Regularly. It stings.

My sister put our family through hell for a handful of years with heroin addiction and stealing from us. I have a VERY hard time trusting her, and so I have a very hard time communicating with her sometimes. I once offered for her to come live with me while I was in college to kick the addiction.. and the same day, she stole two of my credit cards. She's hurt me many times, so while I try to help.. I don't feel comfortable putting myself on the line for her very much anymore. I always get burned.

My father was the type to be very silent about his emotions unless he was angry. He was an alcoholic, and also put us through hell for a few years. He told me he loved me for the first time last year (in an email), and he also told me once on the phone. He was the coolest person in the world when I was a kid, but when I hit puberty he didn't care to participate in my hobbies anymore. I never really knew him that well, and since he passed in August I never will.
__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
Henri-Frdric Amiel
PonyPotato is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 10:40 AM   #22 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
Quote:
Originally Posted by PonyPotato View Post
My sister put our family through hell for a handful of years with heroin addiction and stealing from us. I have a VERY hard time trusting her, and so I have a very hard time communicating with her sometimes. I once offered for her to come live with me while I was in college to kick the addiction.. and the same day, she stole two of my credit cards. She's hurt me many times, so while I try to help.. I don't feel comfortable putting myself on the line for her very much anymore. I always get burned.
This makes me sick. But for you. I can imagine what your family's been through. Addiction kills spirits.
woos is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 11:50 AM   #23 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Marlon's Mom's Avatar
 
Location: In the woods. With a shotgun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by woos View Post
However today, we're the closest we've ever been. I still have my original Mom and Dad lol - they've never divorced. I talk to my Mom everyday - several times. She really is my best friend and I talk with her about EVERYTHING. I holler at Dad maybe once every few days or if he's in the background when I'm on the phone with Mom or something. They live 3 miles from me, but I don't see them as often as I should be. But we do talk on the phone all the time.

I have a brother who's 5 years older than me. We've been estranged for about 2 years - parents don't speak with him either. He's always been a dick. .... It breaks my parents' hearts not to have him as part of the family, but they finally realize how much of a selfish asshole he is and if that's what he's all about, then they don't want him as a son. There's some other drama as well, but I won't bother with it atm.

What about you? Close with your parents / step parents / etc.?
Woods, you and I have very similar situations. My parents are AWESOME and we talk on the phone at least three times a week (unfortunately, they live several states away and no one can afford to travel). I would be lost without them - they're my best friends.

As for my brother (five years older), we've never been particularly close - mostly because he's decidedly unsocial and rarely speaks more than two syllables at a time - but have always been on fairly good terms.

However, family matters have taken a dramatic turn in recent months. Seems that, in September on my mother's birthday, my brother stopped by mom and dad's (they live about 15 miles from bro) to whine and complain about what a bitch my mother is. Then he told them that he didn't want to have any more contact with them - zero, zilch, nada.

So last week, they called me up to tell me that he's been written out of their will.

Yeesh.
Marlon's Mom is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 11:55 AM   #24 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
Now that's creepy -

Not too long ago, I told my parents 'you know, we need to go over the particulars. Like when you pass, etc.,' as I knew my bro was written out about a year ago. They have a lot of rental homes, property, assets, etc. and I wouldn't know the first thing to do when, God forbid, they do leave this earth. Sickening thought for me. I depend on them emotionally and mentally, so much. ugh
woos is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:12 PM   #25 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: LI,NY
I am closer to my parents now than I was before. A few things made us closer. My dad fighting lung cancer and winning (so far) and my separation. Before that, we were sorta close, but it was different. I would not tell them many things because I didn't want to hear all of their negativity. And would you believe Facebook helped me and my mom get closer? Who would have thought that? lol

My sister and I were very close growing up. I would turn to her instead of my mom, she was there for me all of the time. Until I was dating the boyfriend before my ex-husband. Because of him, I shut my whole family out of my life. If I didn't break up with him, I'd have lost them totally. Luckily, my sister was there for me when I did break up with him. I really needed her. We are still close to this day, even though we have totally different views on things, which is really nice to have.
__________________
"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras
Meditrina is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:29 PM   #26 (permalink)
Custom User Title
 
Craven Morehead's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by woos View Post
Now that's creepy -

Not too long ago, I told my parents 'you know, we need to go over the particulars. Like when you pass, etc.,' as I knew my bro was written out about a year ago. They have a lot of rental homes, property, assets, etc. and I wouldn't know the first thing to do when, God forbid, they do leave this earth. Sickening thought for me. I depend on them emotionally and mentally, so much. ugh
The last time I visited my father, he took me into his office and showed me where all his papers are on all of his financials. All neatly arranged in a 3 ring binder. Told me a few other things about his finances and his will. As I posted previously, he's had health issues this year (4 surgeries). Its an odd conversation to have, but its necessary. I hope this knowledge isn't needed for several years.

And we're never too old to learn from your parents. I realized I would too have to have that conversation with my sons at some point in the future.

The circle of life never becomes more clear as it does at times like this.
Craven Morehead is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 01:32 PM   #27 (permalink)
Sitting in a tree
 
Location: Atlanta
I'm not looking forward to it. :/
woos is offline  
Old 11-24-2009, 07:10 PM   #28 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Buffalo, New York
My parents and I are close, but I am more distanced from my younger sister. I think it is only because of the large distance between us, as well as a 9-yr age difference. My family is very independent, so it isn't unusual to go a few weeks without speaking with/seeing my mother and father. My sisterr and I maybe touch base 3-4 times per year. It isn't much of a big deal with us :-)
MoonDog is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 12:40 AM   #29 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
KellyC's Avatar
 
Location: Home sweet home
I'm close with my mom. She's the only "adult" that I can joke around with. I tell her a lot of stuff about my life. My dad, eh, even though we're under the same roof we can go for days without saying a word to each other. I'm fine with that. He's a bastard any way. As for my brothers, well a semi-close relationship. We do stuff together and we talk about stuff, but we don't talk like we'd talk to our friends. And my sister, not so close. We remain a civil to each other. I get infos about her from my mom when I'm curious; mom talks to her every day.

I'm kind of worried that when my parents die, we'll drift apart and be those siblings who don't talk to each other. It's gonna be awkward when we bump into each other at the supermarket.
__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.
KellyC is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 06:11 AM   #30 (permalink)
Soaring
 
PonyPotato's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio!
Just a note to all of you who are close enough with your parents to at least bring up the topic of death: MAKE SURE THEY HAVE A WILL AND THAT YOU KNOW WHERE IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS ARE.

My father never wrote a will. He also never listed my mother or either of his daughters as beneficiaries on his life insurance through work, nor his 401k. Because of that, we have had to pay a lawyer a ridiculous amount of money to sort out all of the paperwork involved in his estate, and it took 3.5 months for my mother to receive the life insurance money, while the rest is caught up in court. This is even though Ohio law states that a living spouse receives everything.. you still have to go through the legal bullshit to get there.

Also, survivorship deeds on real estate property are Very Good Things.

I suggest talking these situations through with your parents/loved ones ahead of time. It might be an uncomfortable topic, but it will make the actual experience SO much simpler for you in the end, when you actually ARE dealing with the whirlwind of emotions associated with loss. The stress relief would be worth the uncomfortable conversation, I think.
__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
Henri-Frdric Amiel
PonyPotato is offline  
Old 11-25-2009, 08:22 AM   #31 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Marlon's Mom's Avatar
 
Location: In the woods. With a shotgun.
Fortunately, my parents have been very good about getting their paperwork in order. They've got an excellent wills and estate attorney who has been working with them on what needs to be done, and making sure all their ducks are in a row.

This is good because I am an idiot when it comes to money, taxes, investments, etc., and don't know the first thing about being the executor of a will. Happily, mom and dad have also named a close and trusted cousin to be a trustee for the estate, and I'm SO thankful. Cousin Barbara is sharp as a tack and could be described as a dog with a rag when it comes working through bullshit legal crap. Now, I don't know if my brother will contest anything when the time comes, but I do know that having Barb on my team means we'll all get through it with a minimum of confusion and stress.

Well, as little as can be expected.
Marlon's Mom is offline  
Old 11-26-2009, 01:21 PM   #32 (permalink)
Insane
 
raging moderate's Avatar
 
Location: Whatever house my keys can get me into
eh, average closeness i guess - I talk to them 1-2 times a week on the phone and see 'em on some holidays. We've been pretty spread out for the last couple years in terms of living arrangements, and that hasn't helped much. my SO and I are spending thanksgiving doing nothing. I talked to the immediate fam on the phone today but it was kinda awkward. My sister still lives at home and is in high school, i've been out of college for two years. I dunno it works out okay, but sometimes the conversations seem like an obligation to them and me
__________________

These are the good old days...




formerly Murp0434
raging moderate is offline  
 

Tags
close, family

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:16 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2023, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360