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Old 08-17-2010, 06:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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How to be alone



How do you occupy and consolidate your down-time?
Do you think you need more, or less, solitude throughout the week?
What awakens within yourself (or goes on 'snooze') when you find yourself alone?
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Old 08-17-2010, 06:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I actually enjoy my alone time, although being married now I get much less of it than I used to.

Aside from doing whatever mundane errands or extra work that might need to be done in off-time, when alone, I try to treat myself well.

I cook for myself if I can. I watch favorite TV shows or movies. I relax in the pool or hot tub. I read. I talk with friends or family on the phone. I play with my dog. I smoke a little herb. I masturbate. A lot. I sing, just for me, for fun. I meditate. I pray. I learn Torah. I write.

I think if one is truly comfortable with oneself, if one truly loves oneself, being alone is a blessing.
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Old 08-17-2010, 08:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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i have acquaintences but i dont have many friends.

so i tend to spend a lot of my time alone. My job required alone-time to read contract documents and drawings, and i gravitate towards places when i go out. My circle of friends are a combination of people just like myself, and i find solice in their company. my trips and treks to faraway places and to tops of mountains give me time to think and process my own thoughts as does my distance running.

being alone is liberating and i couldnt imagine being swamped by people at all times of the day. i feel....free. i guess thats what introverts are, but i find myself a mix of intra and extraversion, and im ok with that combination as long as the balance isnt tipped towards being an exravert.
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Old 08-17-2010, 09:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I need more solitude to be honest. Usually about 7 days a week I'm either working or hanging out with friends so my down time usually consists of a few hours in the morning...if nobody stayed over at my place and maybe a couple of hours before bed. Even when I promise myself a night off I'll get a call and what ever is going on is probably more interesting then what I've got going on by myself, so I'm usually out the door. Oh well.

When I do get down time I try to catch up on things I haven't been able to stay on top of like cleaning, shopping or paying bills...but when I get through that I try to catch up on my music collection (whats come out that I NEED to hear?) maybe watch a ballgame, read or try to squeeze a movie in. Usually down time for me is when I shut my mind off and just try to recharge. Once in a great while I just like to disappear, leave my phone behind and just head on out into the woods and not come back out for a week or two...that's when you REALLY get to know how comfortable you are with just being alone.
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Old 08-20-2010, 08:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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yep i'm with Levite. I love to chill alone and smoke a little herb, play video games and just be alone. playing with the dog is always a plus. usually i do a little cleaning but not too much. sometimes i'll go out to a bar or something just to be around others yet not among friends. that can be very calming to hear the chatter but not have to participate.
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Old 08-21-2010, 06:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I need to spend less time alone.
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Old 08-21-2010, 01:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Occupation by being's unavoidable as far as I can tell. I need less solitude because of my tremendous greed for more input. I think about you.
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Old 09-15-2010, 09:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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i only work 10-15hrs over 3 days and live alone yet i love my own company so in-between housework (none of my cats do it!), catching up with friends and family, reading, or shopping, i can quite easily amuse myself for hours on end
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Old 09-15-2010, 11:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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A couple years ago I moved abroad and lived alone for a year. It was great. I had another fix of it this summer as my wife and kids were in Canada for two and a half months.

Sure, I missed them but I also enjoy my own company. Even when they are here, I enjoy going to movies by myself. Going out for dinner alone. It gives me time to think. To read.

What I don't really enjoy is cooking alone. When I cook, I cook for others and rarely myself.
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Old 09-15-2010, 11:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
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cooking is such a chore for me because there's only me to cook for i think but i have too because my cats don't do that for me either
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Old 09-16-2010, 04:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for bumping the idea back up, Vodka. I've been meaning to add some more of my own insight and personal anecdotes to the topic, but I kept putting it off.

One thing when you are alone for quite some time (a few hours, a day, the weekend or years) is you start to imagine the things you've been putting off (sleep, work, play, future plan, past ties, needs of 'right now') and you begin to forget what you left behind when you were "with company" and back in the social mixer that is common societal living.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlatan View Post
A couple years ago I moved abroad and lived alone for a year. It was great. I had another fix of it this summer as my wife and kids were in Canada for two and a half months.

Sure, I missed them but I also enjoy my own company. Even when they are here, I enjoy going to movies by myself. Going out for dinner alone. It gives me time to think. To read.

What I don't really enjoy is cooking alone. When I cook, I cook for others and rarely myself.
About the cooking part: I remember somewhere a statement by World's King that was the exact same philosophy as your parting line.

Me, though: While I do cook, and if I'm afforded the option to cook for others, I put my entire being and expertise into making it perfect, when I'm alone, I lax my cooking and just do it 'wholesome', simple, and at times, riddled with mistakes. When I cook alone, I do it to satisfy my idle mind, and then my hunger, solely. Rarely do I pay much attention to taste or presentation if I'm cooking for myself.

It's kooky. I serve the world on a platter for guests, but if I'm left to my own devices, I much rather prefer to prepare myself scraps, and enjoy.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:10 AM   #12 (permalink)
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An interesting video, but rather useless for shy extroverts. Certainly introverts can feel self-conscious about being alone, and I imagine this sort of video is aimed at them - it's OK to be alone, they say!

Alas, for extroverts who are not even remotely introverted (drained by being alone, recharged by being with people) being alone is not something I enjoy at all, and quite frankly wish to do it as little as possible. I'd be most happy surrounded by people 16/7 (sleep needs quiet). Alas, I've just moved to a new city and aside from my girlfriend I have no friends. I need a video about *not* being alone, so I can stop going to restaurants by myself for lunch and then driving right back home after work. And my girlfriend is an introvert, absolutely.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:20 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASU2003 View Post
I need to spend less time alone.
This.

Sometimes the world feels like it's collapsing. This is when you take your "aloneness" for granted and you don't have the balance of some semblance of connection with others. My circle is too small, and underused.

I spend too much time alone, and it is wasted in fretful rumination. Of course there is more at play than just being alone. But that's another topic. I value time alone; I need it. However, I think I've become overindulgent, and now the time slips by, wasted.

I wish I were more like Tanya Davis.
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:58 AM   #14 (permalink)
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thank you so much for this.



saw this and knew i had to respond.

i enjoy my alone time too, and i can't stand crowds... ug!
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Old 09-17-2010, 03:46 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I think it is about balance, in the past year with my daughter being around who I love immensely and I value most our time together with her and my wife, we have also had a ton of functions and it seemed every weekend this summer was packed with activities. Work also is weird hours since my wife and I have to alternate going in early since someone has to drop and pickup my daughter from the babysitter.

Alone time is nice, I can use a few hours here and there, but really I would not trade the time I have playing with my daughter to get those hours.
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Old 09-17-2010, 04:19 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I giggled a bit when I opened this thread because today my day is focused on alone time.

Called in sick to work this morning so I can enjoy time just for me. I need time to not be "on" and just think, not talk. Right now I am enjoying a coffee while I surf the net and read up on the news.

Will be followed by a long bike ride in the country (50-100km). The bicycle rides are my saving grace. I love to get on my bike early on a Saturday morning when everyone in the house is still asleep. There is something about just you and the road out in the silence of the country side.

Sorry folks even this post is too much interaction for me on my day of 'my time'. I am off to relax and enjoy a ride as tonight I have to take the family out to the local fair and be "on" again.

I will add that I fine it odd about the people who can't be alone. At my old job I would try my best to hide during lunch breaks and read my book or listen to music but some chatter box would always seek me out. Why do some people feel so compelled to never be alone? is it not being comfortable in yourself? embarrassment that people will think your a loser if your not with other people? probably the reverse thoughts they think of me when I am alone.
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Old 09-17-2010, 06:14 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
I will add that I fine it odd about the people who can't be alone. At my old job I would try my best to hide during lunch breaks and read my book or listen to music but some chatter box would always seek me out. Why do some people feel so compelled to never be alone? is it not being comfortable in yourself? embarrassment that people will think your a loser if your not with other people? probably the reverse thoughts they think of me when I am alone.
I think it largely has to do with introversion vs. extroversion. The best metaphor I've ever heard was as a battery; introverts batteries are "in use" and slowly draining in the company of many people, and the ultimately need "alone time" to recharge their battery - whether that's in the shower, alone in a room, on a bike ride in the country, etc. On the other end, extroverts batteries are "in use" and slowly draining when alone; their ideas go unshared, their desire for conversation goes unsated. Their battery is recharged by being around people, having conversations, etc.

There's naturally a spectrum, and every extrovert needs time alone eventually, as does every introvert need time with people. But if you're strongly one or the other (I'm strongly extroverted) then being alone seems like a phenomenal waste of time. I have things I want to share with people - if there weren't any people to share it with, then I'd likely have to off myself. It has nothing to do with being uncomfortable with myself or thinking I was being judged for being alone, but a strong desire to be in the company of other humans, regardless of what I'm actually doing.
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