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Old 04-21-2003, 06:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Spanking (your children, not your monkey)

What do people think about the right to physically discipline your children? If you have an opinion, what's your rationale?
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I think spanking a child on the bottom with your hand is alright, but beating with a belt or paddle is a little over the top for me. I don't think it's necessary to bruise and blister your children to get your point across.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Spanking a child is definitely reinforcement of some kind. Whether or not it is the correct kind of reinforcement is an argument to be left between parents and psychologists. I was spanked, and I'm none the worse for the wear.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I agree with Plummie. One thing to keep in mind always is that you must keep your emotions in check. I don't spank my kids, I was spanked and hated it and it didn't work. I think all it did was piss me off and make me hate the spanker.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I never spank my kids. I don't think it works, yelling and spanking does not work.
I use time outs and I talk to my kids and it works!
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I worked in a mental hospital for children for a while. A lot of the staff thought that all the kids needed was a good beating. They figured they were beaten as a child when they misbehaved and they turned out alright, so the same should work for the mentally ill kids. (The staff didn't beat the kids, but still thought that physical discipline would be the best therapy if they were in charge).
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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It really depends on the situation, physical punishment to the point where bruises are left is just not right. Although when i have kids of my own i'd perfer not to physically harm them, i always liked the reward system where if kids do something right they should be rewarded. Kids have a psychological association with rewards and will repeat tasks that they get rewarded with.

But smacking really depends on serveral factors. But mainly in the social situation of the country. In China i know for a fact that its pretty much socially accept to hit ones child for punishment. While in New Zealand and more western first world countries that some physical abuse in frowned upon and kids can actually be removed and placed in a different home.

My personal view is that physical abuse is never the answer, its usually the parents who lose their cool and hit their kids. If you can keep your anger under control then you would rarely have to result to smacking. But i suppose people have different views to how they treat their children, and some methods may work better than others.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
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it definatly depends on the situation, a 7 year old should get spanked when it is deservedm the parent has to decide when it is deserved. after all, when raising a kid, those parents are responsible for the kid being a productive member f society one day, if spanking works go for it.

i was spanked, and at 16 my father got sick of my mouth and pinned my to the wall by my throat....child abuse?...i think not, i deserved it, and i didnt actually get hurt after all, lack of oxygen is all good
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I think spidey is right. Howerer, I was spanked but not because my parents wanted to punish me by hitting me. It didn't even hurt. It was more humiliating than anything, and it really taught me (when I was 4).
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Spanking is OK, as long as (as pointed out earlier) it's with your hand. Humiliation is teh funny. My friend got spanked in front of me last year. He was 14.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Spanking shouldn't be utilized in any form.

Instead, their privileges should be reduced in order for them to under that their actions is improper and can't be tolerated.

What's the use of spanking a child? It doesn't serve any purpose.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:32 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I got spanked a couple of times when I was a wee one, and it did pretty good at keeping me in line. That's because it hurt like a b*tch. Spanking on the bottom is different than oh, getting hit in the face. Definitely. I know what both sides of that fence are like, and I would say spanking was good discipline for me without the added psychological baggage.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I have kids, and they get spanked. As a child myself, I was severely abused, mentally, physically, and psychologically. I turned out pretty good regardless. However I know a person who was never spanked as a child, who now spends his days in and out of jail, rehab, and jobs, who contributes little to nothing to society, generally a real waste of flesh.

What is my point... I dont think there is a right or wrong to the argument of physical discipline. What matters is not wether or not you choose to strike your child, what matters is wether or not you nurture your child. I love my kids more than I ever imagined it was possible to love anything. They come to me with thier problems, they talk to me, we are a very loving family, but when the time comes, they know that if they are spanked, then they have done something very wrong, and it doesnt happen again.

Now, I dont spank my kids every day.. when they were young, a quick swat on the behind, or a smack on the hand was fairly commonplace, but that was never more than just a light swat, an attention getter if you will. As they grew, they learned right from wrong, good from bad, and realized that when they did wrong, they got punished, when they did good, they got loved. So now, spankings are reserved only for the most severe of punishments, when other methods dont work and offenses get repeated. After a spanking, negative behaviour stops... at least with my kids.

Someone mentioned "the reward system" which in a way is good, but can backfire as well. Case in point .. my neighbors. They use this method of "discipline" in a pure sense.. and thier children have grown to expect and DEMAND rewards, if they do even the slightest thing right, however they also know, and do not care, that negative behavior goes untouched.. so those children act as though they can do anything to anyone anytime and know they will face no recrimination. Granted this is an extreme case, but a pure reward system breeds that sort of attitude.

I personally think the best system includes both reward and punishment. But reward with love, and punish with love. My children know that if they are spanked, it is because they have made a mistake, and afterwards we sit down together and discuss why it happened, and how to avoid the same thing again. They also know, that if they come home from school with a good grade, they are going to get a big hug.

Each parent is responsible for raising thier own children. However we as a society are morally responsible for watching out for all children. Abuse is a very real problem, and we should care about it. Realize that spanking is NOT neccessarily abuse, and abuse is much much more than just spanking.

I lived six years of my youth as an abused child, three times in the hospital, once because I was forced to overdose on sleeping pills, once because I was thrown against a wall and beaten so badly I could barely breathe for 3 days, and once because I was sexually molested and had internal bleeding. No one knows more than I what abuse is. I am very very very careful with my emotions around my own kids now. I never strike them in anger, I never spank without explaining why first, and discussing afterwards.

Ok, im sorry im getting off the subject. If you cant tell this is a subject very important to me. I firmly believe a majority of the problems with the youth of this country come from parents who either dont care, or dont know any better, and more the former than the latter.

im done now, sorry for taking up the space with my ramblings
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:39 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by krwlz
it definatly depends on the situation, a 7 year old should get spanked when it is deservedm the parent has to decide when it is deserved. after all, when raising a kid, those parents are responsible for the kid being a productive member f society one day, if spanking works go for it.

i was spanked, and at 16 my father got sick of my mouth and pinned my to the wall by my throat....child abuse?...i think not, i deserved it, and i didnt actually get hurt after all, lack of oxygen is all good
Ummm...lack of oxygen is all BUT good...grabbing someone by their throat regardless of their age is abusive.

Physical abuse creates devious behavior. They sneek behind your back, and lie to your face....I believe a proper remedy for discipline issues, is the reward system..Do something honestly, truthful, positive...reward. Something bad such as lying, cheating stealing etc...privileges begin to disappear.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:46 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Every kid is different. I do spank in extreme situations, especially ones that could have resulted my child getting hurt (like running out in the street after I said to STOP). I don't have to do it very often. I've found that losing a possession or a privledge usually has a greater effect.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with people who decide not to spank. I do have a problem with people who decide to do NOTHING to discipline their children. They are doing their children a huge disservice.
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:47 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Spanking should only be used when what they have done is extremely bad... definintly not something that should be used regularly for punishment... and it shouldnt be more then on the ass with the hand... no paddles or anything...
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
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i have never spanked my kids.....never will.

you just gotta talk to them.

right from wrong,etc.

teach 'em to be good people and they'll end up being good people.
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:03 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by HeyAgain


What's the use of spanking a child? It doesn't serve any purpose.
Spanking for the sake of causing pain, doesnt.

However spanking is a very real, very "right now" form of punishment. IF it is used as a tool, rather than a means of lashing out at a child, then it can and is very productive.

For instance.. my child is misbehaving in a store.. she is only 5 years old, and has very little concept of time at this point. I try putting her in the cart, but she climbs out every time I turn my back, I try telling her if she doesnt behave she loses play time, loses TV time, will have to take a time out when we are in a place where that can happen, but nothing is working, she is intent on being a little hellion and pushing the limits. I take her aside, tell her I have tried to get her to be have and she would not do so, I turn her around, give her one swat on the bottom, and then ask her why she recieved it. She tells me why, then I ask her to suggest what she can do to avoid it happening again. On her own she tells me that she needs to behave, and do as I ask of her while we are in the store. The rest of the time we are there, she is an angel. She understands her actions had an immediate consequence. She wasnt hurt physically, rather the emotional shock of the spanking was all that was needed. And when we got home, we went in the back yard and played with the puppies for an hour so she could burn off all that energy she was holding back.

This actually happened less than a week ago. So when you say it serves no purpose, I must and will disagree
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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When a kid screws up, according to adult standards, and doesn't know or hasn't learned about their mistake,fine,cut them some slack.But if the little bastards willfully and knowledgeably make the wrong decision either motivated by their own ignorances and general disregard for any semblence of respect,then yeah..take the little fuck aside and give them a crash course in respect.Maybe if this technique was applied rather than the touchy,feely approach,there wouldn't be as many assholes in the world.
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:48 PM   #20 (permalink)
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my parents spanked me, and used timeouts. only spankings with hands, and it worked wonders on me. one threat... and i straightened right up. i'll probably use it when i get older... unless i see a good argument not to.
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:48 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I am speaking as a semi mature adult with no kids and no prospects of any in the near future.

Spanking should only be done if the spanker has their emotions under complete control. Many people do not know what a surge of adrenaline can do to their fine motor control.

Spanking should never endager the child physically or emotionally.

Spanking is a physical expression of how the parent is dissapointed in the bad choices made by the child, but the child is reassured at that time and a lot of other times that they are loved and will be despite what they do.

I am sure I was spanked as a small child in a minor way, but I don't remember it. The key is, that I never doubted once that my parents would spank me if they I deserved it. I knew that I could not play them against one another.
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:08 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Seems there is a lot of different thoughts on this. Here's mine:

Its ok to spank (I try to refrain from using hit because that conveys the wrong message to the reader). I was spanked as a child with both a hand and a paddle. The paddle my dad made was a thin maybe 1/4 inch ply wood with a handle, he made it with a skil saw. That thing stung more than his hand, and it made a really loud "pop" sound. So sometimes the sound of that actually made it feel worse than it really was. I was never swatted more than 3 times in a row, and never hard enough to bruse or anything, just enough to scare some sense into you. I'll probably swat my kids (if I ever have any) but not out of anger, only out of disipline. I think thats what is important, don't think you should be allowed to raise your child if you hit them out of anger instead of swatting them out of disipline.
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:42 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Did my parents ever hit me when I was a child? Yes. Did they do it on a regular basis? No. If my parents hit me, I knew I had done something REALLY bad. I can only remember it happening twice. The one time, I called my mom an idiot (this happened when I was little). She responded by smacking me. I never did it again. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not supporting parents hitting their children, but sometimes, it is a very effective way of getting the point across that something is just not acceptable. There's a difference between beating a child and punishing a child, though. And, just for the record, I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, and I think that, under the circumstances, my mom's reaction was completely justified.
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:45 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Sorry, forgot to say this earlier.
I agree that parents should not lash out at their children purely out of anger. That's what leads to child abuse. However, if a parent waits too long after the wrongdoing, then the punishment loses some of its effectiveness. The child no longer associates the punishment with the action, and instead sees it as unjustified punishment. This has been proven in some research, we learned about it in bio last year. Sorry, no link, don't have time to find it right now. Just something to think about.
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Old 04-21-2003, 10:06 PM   #25 (permalink)
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spanking causes pain, then the child associates the pain with the negative behaviour and usually won't do it again. But i still wouldn't spank my kids, after being on the receiving of it in the past.
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Old 04-21-2003, 10:13 PM   #26 (permalink)
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No. Its emotionally and mentally scarring. It can ruin a childs life if done enough. It constitutes child abuse. But to a degree. if the kid is obviously being a jerk, then he needs to be put in line. Its a tough issue.
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Old 04-21-2003, 10:31 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I was spanked as a child. Hand, belt, switch. There were few occasions when I did get spanked but when I did I deserved it. Either acting up in the store or yelling/talking back to my dad. I never got any bruises or blisters. They didnt do it to hurt me only to show me what I was doing was unnacceptable. And it worked. I cant remember getting spanked past the age of like 6 and even before then they were few and far between.
I did make one mistake though. I once ran from my dad when he tried to spank me. What did he do...sat there.. he knew I had to come bcak sometime. Never did that again.
Will I spank my children. I can't say for sure now because I'm not close to that situation yet but I'm sure if I feel its necessary I will. I've seen the results of the "you cant have tv/phone/computer for 2 weeks" discipline and it doesnt work. I watched my parents do it with my sister but it always turned out with my sister whining and begging till a few days later they gave in and let her have it back. Next month it would be the same thing. I think thats one of the reasons my sister is like that today, she never learns from her past experiences.
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Old 04-22-2003, 01:00 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Spanking a child is definitely reinforcement of some kind. .
It's actually punishment.
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Old 04-22-2003, 01:05 AM   #29 (permalink)
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I got beat when I was young and I turned out just fine... really I did.

I punish my kids accorcingly.
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:00 AM   #30 (permalink)
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When I was a kid, my father spanked me. I believe it helped. I look at my brother's kids and, because of his wife's religion, he doesn't spank them and they act out of character all the time!
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:27 AM   #31 (permalink)
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I don't think it's the spanking, but the embarrassment that works more, so always in front of the others, and NEVER while you're still mad about whatever they did to get the spanking. And always, hand on butt only! It works. If you back it up with love.

My youngest is 16, and I haven't had to give a spanking in over 10 years, I think.
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:31 AM   #32 (permalink)
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I think i have to agree with the pro-spankerson this one, on the same condition many have already said. I feel spanking can be a very productive form of discipline, *only* if it's done out of love and concern for the child's wellbeing, and not at all out of anger. That's where the fine line to abuse is crossed.

I was often spanked as a child and when I was, my parents always took time to explain that they weren't doing this because they enjoyed it or to simply hurt me, but to help teach me what is right and wrong. As I grew older I was able to understand that.

I will def. take it into consideration when i have my own kids
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Old 04-22-2003, 03:37 AM   #33 (permalink)
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What a complicated subject with no easy answer! I had two kids; spanked on and not the other and there ended up being no difference. The one that never got spanked responded to your body language and words. The other responded to very little unless you grabbed his atttention.

If the intended result is to change behavior, there are many other ways. The biggest motivator is avoidance of pain. Beyond that the field gets muddy. I think *most* people spank because it makes them feel better. However, that doesn't get to the heart of the issue - the reason for the negative behavior in the first place.

Like I saod, a complicated issue!
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Old 04-22-2003, 05:07 AM   #34 (permalink)
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spank that ass! just only for really important stuff... dont spank them just cause they do something annoying.. only spank them when it's meant to protect them from doing something that could hurt them
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Old 04-22-2003, 05:16 AM   #35 (permalink)
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My kid gets spanked when he deserves it. I agree with the reward system as mentioned earlier. When they do something good, they get a good reward. When they are bad and not doing what they are told, they get a bad reward. Spanking is OK, beating is not...there is a big difference.

We have gotten some shocked looks from people when we are in public and we spank our kid. I figure, you misbehave now, you will be corrected now, if we wait until we get home you will have no idea why you are getting in trouble.
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Old 04-22-2003, 05:26 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Remember the childrens behaviour is different through genetics . People in my family have never been aggressive so i'll probably won't find the aggressive gene in me what so ever. But yer there are the agressive children and then there are the quiet ones. You'll probably wouldn't need to smack the quiet ones as often as the aggressive ones.
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Old 04-22-2003, 05:27 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Ask just about any successful man, with good morals and a happy family, whether or not his dad smacked his ass when he was little, and 9 times out of 10 he'll tell you, "Hell yeah, my dad beat my ass, and I'm glad he did!"

There's a big difference between the occasional smack on the ass when they just got done doing something wrong, and beating them to the point that it's child abuse. The media has done it's best to give spanking a bad name, so that nowadays most people won't spank their kids under any circumstances.... and just look how society is turning out. If anything, more brats need to get smacked when they start causing trouble so we don't have to put up with more of their shit later on.
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Old 04-22-2003, 06:54 AM   #38 (permalink)
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BoCo would be correct here.
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Old 04-22-2003, 07:59 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Yeah, I definitely agree with BoCo.
The other issue with parents these days is when they make threats that they are not willing to back up, like revoking priveleges (sp?).

My aunt and uncle have three kids, and all three of them are just crazy. When they do something bad, they are usually punished by not being allowed to do something they want to do. However, if my cousins keep harassing my aunt about it, she usually will give in and let them do it. I mean, my cousin peed on the couch and his older brother. He's old enough to know better, and it wasn't accidental. Personally, I think if my aunt had swatted his ass, he wouldn't have done it again. I forget if she actually punished him-I don't think she did, really.
Their dishwasher is crooked and the door is all dented up, because my youngest cousin repeatedly ran his bike into it. If I had done something like that once, I would have found out very quickly not to do it again. Instead, he was able to repeat it until he broke the dishwasher.
I suspect that if my aunt and uncle actually went through with their threats, or maybe spanked them if they did something bad enough, their behavior would improve immensely.
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Old 04-22-2003, 09:58 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by BoCo
Ask just about any successful man, with good morals and a happy family, whether or not his dad smacked his ass when he was little, and 9 times out of 10 he'll tell you, "Hell yeah, my dad beat my ass, and I'm glad he did!"
Ask just about any unsuccessful man with bad morals and a messed up family whether or not his dad smacked his as when he was little, and I bet you will find the same.
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