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Old 07-10-2003, 10:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
buying pr0n

I feel so fuckin stupid

I got this crazy idea. My band is playing with this "hell spawn" band on Saturday... great fuckin guys. But they do the make up and demon theme... waaaayyyy over the top.

My band just does some crazy ass rock and roll or punk (but thats niether here nor there)

So I had this idea to buy a sick ass porn mag and spray mount a "rock and roll bible" on the cover. Then on each page write " thou shalt rock", and act like a maniac preacher and wave my beble around preaching the good word of rock and roll after the demon set.... I think it's funny at least

So here I am 33 and I'm freaked out about going into a magazine shop and buying a porn mag.

Seriously, I'm stalling right now. waiting for the lunch rush to end.

Am I crazy?
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Groningen, Netherlands
I think anyone would get nervous walking into a porn store the first time. What will ppl think, the checkout girl 'll take you for a lonely perv, and you'll prolly get spotted by some aqcuiantance that's gonna fuck up your life in some way.
But in reality you'll prolly walk in and out and be done in 2minutes flat and feel silly about yourself
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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It's your mom saying to you in your head over and over again:

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN!
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Just walk through the store loudly and repeatedly proclaiming, "I'm purchasing this pornographic periodical for use as a prop in an upcoming stage show! I do not intend to use it as material to fuel my masturbatory fantasies!"

If nothing else, you'll embarass all the poor honest pervs in there. ;-)
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll say it with my fist raised in the air!!!!!!!
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Old 07-10-2003, 10:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Just get your ass in there and buy the stuff... it is always way more stress thinking about buying porn that actually buying it...

Besides... half the thrill of porn is the actual purchase. The Internet has taken that thrill away.
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
I made it!!!!

flanked by two men in their 70's scoping the "just legal" magazines.

I had a hard time choosing though.. big and beutiful, juggs, tabboo, backdoor or hotties next door.

I was looking for something a little more cheesy but the selection was slim. I went with Tabboo, nuns, rubber....

too bad I'm just going to rip out the pages and throw them at people.
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Old 07-10-2003, 12:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
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Excellent!!!! I hope the show goes well. Wish I could be there.
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Old 07-10-2003, 01:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Location: Belgium
Quote:
Originally posted by isandro
I think anyone would get nervous walking into a porn store the first time. What will ppl think, the checkout girl 'll take you for a lonely perv
Uhh I think she knew what to expect when she started working in the pron store.
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Old 07-10-2003, 01:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: shittown, CA
damn I was to late. I was gonna suggest you try to get the porn for free, explain how it's going to be a prop and put down there phone # as like "Rock and Roll church of healing" or some shit.

Anyway, glad to see ya man up.
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Old 07-10-2003, 01:33 PM   #11 (permalink)
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yeah.... well unless you could have been spied by your coworkers....

the other day one of my friends called me up and asked me to meet him for lunch at the local shaker bar... lunch was titties and a soda (can't drink right now ) but when I walked out a co worker was sitting by one of the theaters talking to a friend of his. I'm not sure if he knew where I came from... but it was a bit uncomfortable for a bit, until I figured ... what the heck! it's my lunch hour I'll spend it as I damn well please...
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Old 07-10-2003, 02:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
The best.

i used to work for a weekly entertainment paper. We had an uppity realitor advertiser . Would always come in and nit pick his ads... mister pressed suit and silk tie.

My old band had a girl drummer, she worked at this 24 hour porn shop that was less than a block from my house. She often worked the overnight shift which I thought was crazy. She was never robbed but the shop was robbed often. I'd take my dog on walks and swing by there... since I wasn't shopping I didn't care if anyone saw me going in, I was just visiting a friend.

So one nighht I'm hanging out with her and i said "damn those porn movies are loud back in the booth area" she informed me it wasn't the movies but guys wanking and suckin and blowing eachother in the booths. She said she didn't go back and had a cleaner come in to "clean up" the mess.

So I'm sittin around chatting with drummer girl and out of the video booths comes mr uppity with a shit eating "I just got blown" look on his face... that is until he saw me, there must of been some instant recognition cause he dropped his head and scurried out the door.

I didn't laugh out loud or ever say anything to him afterwards... what he does is what he does, but he never looked me in the eye again when he came in to talk about his ads.
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Last edited by GSRIDER; 07-11-2003 at 05:57 AM..
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Old 07-10-2003, 07:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: Yesterday i woke up stuck in hollywood
hahahah thats a great story gsrider, i wish i had a friend who worked at a porn store
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Last edited by YourNeverThere; 07-10-2003 at 07:30 PM..
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Old 07-10-2003, 07:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
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go in there with someone else from your band
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Old 07-10-2003, 08:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
Loser
 
hey, go in there with your honey.
she might get some cute idea while she's there with you.
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Old 07-10-2003, 08:35 PM   #16 (permalink)
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bye bye siteplug

Last edited by cheerios; 07-10-2003 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 07-10-2003, 11:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
Insane
 
umm, i think you should wack one out before ripping all the pages out. I mean, that's like throwing away perfectly good food.
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Old 07-11-2003, 05:55 AM   #18 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
Quote:
Originally posted by rogue49
hey, go in there with your honey.
she might get some cute idea while she's there with you.
The funny thing, I told my wife about the whole ordeal and she said she would of gone and got it for me.
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Old 07-11-2003, 06:07 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Location: West Lafayette, IN
Quote:
Originally posted by GSRIDER
The funny thing, I told my wife about the whole ordeal and she said she would of gone and got it for me.
D'oh!

I've never bought pr0n. It's on the net for free.
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Old 07-11-2003, 06:13 AM   #20 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
I haven't bought any since I was 15 and there was no net... of course I had to buy it from kids who stole it from their dads.

I couldn't use web pr0n for this "project" though
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Old 07-11-2003, 06:31 AM   #21 (permalink)
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try buyin it online if you dont wanna go thru the whole process
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Old 07-11-2003, 07:02 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Location: Massachusetts, USA
Re: buying pr0n

Quote:
Originally posted by GSRIDER
Am I crazy?
You've never bought porn before? Guess not or you'd not bother calling it "pr0n".

And you call yourself a guy?? Be a man, go in that store with your head held high, buy a candy bar, and ask for a condom under your breath.

(edit) Uh, or maybe you're a woman? In that case, I doubt you'd have this problem after buying tampons for years.
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Old 07-11-2003, 07:04 AM   #23 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Quote:
Originally posted by Sparhawk
It's your mom saying to you in your head over and over again:

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN!
LOL! His mom's never bought porn, even when she was young and hot, I guess.
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Old 07-11-2003, 07:14 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Don't be embarassed about buying porn, they're the perverts who are selling the stuff.
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Old 07-11-2003, 07:31 PM   #25 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Orlando
they have a lunch hour rush at your local pr0n purveyor?
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:28 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by asquint
they have a lunch hour rush at your local pr0n purveyor?
That's what I was thinking? The local porn store lunch rush?

I figured a late night one, my local Whackateria has a rush right after midnight.
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Old 07-12-2003, 04:52 PM   #27 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: right behind you...
Cynthetiq: sorry to sound dumb but i didn't get your point above..

why are you guys ashamed of buying porn? the only time i've ever come close to blushing was when I purchased so from an o l d lady.

you are who you are. and only 20% or so people will deny once looking at porn and 19% of those are probably liars.

besides. who hasn't bought Real Gay Midgets Bukkaked By 90 Year Old Men Whil Having Sex With Dogs #9!?!?

oh wait....
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Old 07-13-2003, 02:32 AM   #28 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: New Orleans
Quote:
Originally posted by WhoaitsZ
[B]
besides. who hasn't bought Real Gay Midgets Bukkaked By 90 Year Old Men Whil Having Sex With Dogs #9!?!?

oh wait....

I think someone should just delete the spam mail they recieve
and not order anything online again.
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Old 07-13-2003, 08:50 AM   #29 (permalink)
narcissist
 
Location: looking in a mirror
I tend to be with my girl anytime I'm in a porn shop, and like you, it's always for novelty use or because a certain celelbrity is in a mag or something. (for the record I've only bought stuff twice)

I think it makes me look less perv-ish since I'm a bit of a "freak" (tattoos, piercings, baggy black clothes, etc). For some reason, it's almost like the people there don't even question it when you look a certain way.

Glad to hear that you made the trip w/no problems, though. Be sure to give a hollar and let us know how the "Bible" idea goes over.
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Old 07-13-2003, 10:48 AM   #30 (permalink)
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I just bought porn yesterday.. it was great.. if you spend over a certain amount they give your 2 extra DVD's for free..
Say hello to the new owner of 12 hours of plumper porn and cumshots

I'm not ashamed, shit.. im a big black guy; I doubt i'm going to get many problems from anyone
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Old 07-13-2003, 02:41 PM   #31 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
them Damn DVDs are outrageous. I thinks it's like a 200% mark up.

As far as the act went... my ears are still ringing and my body is unbelieliably sore. I smited down many sinners. The good book of rock and roll prevailed. The band before us went along with my schict... they were all "SATAN" and i was all "GOD"... they had on make up and blood, I looked like a southern baptist... it fuckin rocked.
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Old 07-13-2003, 03:04 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Location: looking in a mirror
Glad to hear the show went so well!
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Old 07-13-2003, 06:17 PM   #33 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: SAn Diego
I make it a point to never spend money on porn. I figure that as long as you don`t pay, you`re not really an addict.
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Old 07-13-2003, 08:09 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Hmmm... if you're still calling it pr0n then you're not ready to buy it.
 
Old 07-14-2003, 10:28 AM   #35 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Parts Unknown
I buy my prawn from the local seafood merchant.
Wait, what?

sk
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Old 07-14-2003, 11:13 AM   #36 (permalink)
Upright
 
I thought it was a rule that as soon as you turn 18 you are supposed to pick up some porn?
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