macmanmike6100

Two weeks ago, I watched a man die. I did my best, along with two facility staff members who knew more than I, to revive him.

For thirty minutes the ordeal persisted. I think we all knew he was dead by the time he was loaded into the ambulance, but I still went home thinking "There's still a chance."

His death came on a morning when I was merely a volunteer for a career conference. The attendees had no idea what was going on. I smelled the contents of his stomach and felt his cold and pale skin. It was the first time that I've ever experienced death so closely; in the past, I've only been to a couple of funerals for relatives I really didn't know.

This man was just a corporate representative and I didn't know him until I met him in this situation. (Thanks OFKU0)

I finally was able to get his wife's address and <b>will</b> send my condolences via a sympathy card. However, <i>what should I write?</i>

OFKU0

Did you know this person casually or otherwise or was it a stranger?

__________________
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

Moskie

I'm not sure if I can give you too much advice, but I can't get passed this sentence.... my morbid curiosity really wants to know how this came about.... (if it's inappropriate, ignore the question)

As for what you should say, I don't think the actual words are very important. The fact that you're going out of your way to express anything is all that matters, so don't worry about racking your brain for the exact right words. Just be honest. Hope that helps...

lurkette

One thing that she might find comforting, aside from your condolences, is the fact that he wasn't alone when he died.

After my brother was hit by a car this April he spent 2 weeks in a coma. My mom and grandma and I were all staying at his apartment, and the morning he died we got a call that he was coding. We were 15 minutes from the hospital, and all I could think of on the way there in the car was that he was going to die alone. It ripped my heart out. As it turns out, we got there and the doctors let me (but not my mom and grandma) in the very crowded room while they were still working on him, and I got to hold his hand and tell him it was ok, that we were there, and that it was ok for him to go. That has meant so much to me, that he wasn't alone when he went. That someone who recognized his humanity was there to send him on his way. Even if I hadn't gotten there in time, two of our favorite nurses were with him, and it would have comforted me to know that they were there. I know we all die "alone," really, but there's some comfort in knowing that someone's passing doesn't go unnoticed.

Best of luck, and I applaud your courage in saying anything. Little kindnesses like this really do make all the difference for someone who's going through a loss.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

macmanmike6100

if people are really interested in the more morbid details, i'm fine to discuss it; i've spent time already comes to terms with it; pm me

lurkette, you entry was touching; thank you, all of you - I'll let you know what I write when I do

tekaweni

Yes I think Lurkette has it exactly right. I've never been in this situation but I know if I was, this would be the right way.

__________________
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

raeanna74

Lurkette especially said it well. Just a simple note to let her know that you feel for her loss, you were there for that time when he went, and that it deeply affected you so that you wanted to send your condolences. Just telling someone you care is what counts. The note, no matter what you say in it, will be enough to offer her some comfort. Your words will just give the comfort substance. God bless you for your care for a stranger.

If there was anything positive that stood out to you when you met the man you could mention that. Ex. He was cheerful and friendly when I met him. Just a thought.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

joe100

My thoughts on this are.

Remember this situation is about the wife not about you. So a proper sympathy card just like the other ones that she will get might be enough.

OFKU0

I wouldn't want to dissuade you from sending a sympathy card, just remember though,as earnest as your intent is, you really never know how the person on the receiving end will feel.

Some people accept the graciousness of people and the positive message of condolence,others don't.Some people for various reasons feel insulted or even patronized by such a offer.

Again you seem quite taken back by this,and no offence intended,but is this closure for you also?If it is,be careful in what you say.The real pain is with his family.

__________________
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

Journeyman

Tell her that his last words were to tell her that he loved her. If they weren't his last words, lie.

Edit: On second thought, it suddenly occurs to me that this is a popular set of last words on the battle field BECAUSE they know death is a few heartbeats away. The guy probably didn't know what was going on more than you did.

macmanmike6100

yeah, i see what OFKU0 and joe100 are saying and agree...I should be cautious. I'm going to keep it minimal, I assure you (although it would've been that way anyway).

Thanks everybody.