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Old 02-04-2004, 12:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
Location: here but I wish I lived there
Have you ever had someone expected you to..

I just finished the questionaire that was posted by :::OshnSoul:::.
The one question there was pet peeves. It just reminded me of a peeve that I have. Simplified it in my answer there but wanted to ask the fellow TFPers here if this is ever happened to you guys and what you did to solve the problem.
My pet peeve is when people expect you to bend over backwards for them. But when it came time that you needed help they were either no where to be found , expecting to be paid for it or just gave you the attitude of yeah right why should I help you.
I knew a couple people like that. One person I knew was a constant mover and always bribed with money but when the job was done money was never paid. It wasnt with just me it was with everyone, anytime you said no he would hold a grudge for months and black list you just because of that one time you said no. The other person I knew was a constant drinker and has a daughter that lives in a group home and only comes home twice a week. She is responsible for picking her up at the house and then taking her home. But problem there was that she would bring her daughter to her house and then sit in the kitchen for hours on end and get drunk and then expect someone else to take her daughter home. When anyone told her no they were busy doing something else she would get all bent out of shape and say see if I do anything for you again.
I was just wondering how you handle people that thinks the world revolves around them and them alone?
I just stoped associating with them myself. But how do people deal with it when its family members or close enough to family memebers.
I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do

Last edited by Yalaynia; 02-04-2004 at 12:25 AM..
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Old 02-04-2004, 12:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: College Station, TX
I have a coworker and there are times when he works the morning and i work afternoon, and we have something to get done for tomorrow, he won't do it and just expect me to do it. it's really aggrivating
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Old 02-04-2004, 01:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
Something like that..
Location: Oreygun.
Originally posted by Confederate
I have a coworker and there are times when he works the morning and i work afternoon, and we have something to get done for tomorrow, he won't do it and just expect me to do it. it's really aggrivating
God I hate shit like that. Granted I have been guilty of it a few times, 99% of the time I end up cleaning up after everyone. It is not that big of a deal sometimes, but I work basically all the shifts and I know what can be done and what cant, and coming in to tons of shit that could have been done earlier, but was left for you to do is not a fun thing to start your workday to.
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Old 02-04-2004, 11:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Ontario
At one time, I had a really good paying job and everyone used me like a bank. I had no problem with this because I trusted my friends and I knew I would be paid back.

Now, whenever I need to borrow some money (which is rare), everyone happens to be fucking broke.
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Old 02-04-2004, 11:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: In your local grocer's freezer.
Sounds to me like all of you need to learn how to say "no". If they resent you for it, then they're not really worth having as friends. F-them. I only give people one chance, if they fuck me over then too bad, I'm done with you. Been burned too many times and life is too short to put up with other people's bullshit.
It was like that when I got here....I swear.
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Old 02-04-2004, 11:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
Ya, I've had that happen once or twice- not much at all, but I still do things for them when I can- when it's not inconvenient or simply out of my hands. I keep in mind that I want to treat others the way I want to be treated- even if the person I help doesn't help me, I know karma will reap through other people.
I don't expect anything out of others, really. I just try to be the difference that makes a difference.
If I have expectations, it can lead to dissapointment. I am a "no strings attached" type of person without asking anything in return.
Not trying to sound all "good" and stuff, but that I don't want to bother with dissapointments or frustration over such a thing.
Old 02-04-2004, 12:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
alpaca lunch for the trip
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Location: in my computer
Family. OY! I hate that! I suppose, just make yourself less accessible. Resist getting the phone when they call. If they leave a message, give an extra day to call back. You never will be able to teach somebody right from wrong, so just take care of yourself and your immediate family, and STOP helping losers like that.

You also mentioned:
...When anyone told her no they were busy doing something else she would get all bent out of shape and say see if I do anything for you again..."

If she gets that cranky, remind her that she has never really done anything for you.

These people have no idea what it's like to be on the other side. Resist and stop helping. Blacklisting? Yeah, go for it. Put me on the list. I want YOU to know that I would rather be on that list and not hear from your sorry ass.

Do it. Your life will be better. You owe them: nothing. You owe yourself: everything.
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Old 02-04-2004, 02:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
Slave of Fear
I was brought up to treat other people like you want to be treated. but I was continually getting used and abused. I have narrowed my Friend list down to people who don't take advantage of me and avoid anybody else. It is a terrible way to live but being a door mat is worse.
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Old 02-04-2004, 03:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
Location: Far too far from my Angel....
I've got an Uncle who fits that mold, and sadly nobody else in the family wants anything more to do with him.

We reap what we sow, and while the family in general doesn't go out of the way to return his hostility and crass behavior, we also don't associate with him any more.

That's all you really can do, isn't it.....
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Old 02-04-2004, 03:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Upper Michigan
My mother does that all the time. Bugs the hell out of me. She just did it today. I choose to tolerate it to a point for the trade off of being able to say I still have good relations with my mother. I'm just careful not to hope for anything in return for what she asks me to do.

Even when she does do something for me and doesn't ask for any compensation she uses it later to bring up how helpful she is to me and how I "owe" thus and thus to her. Big pain.
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Last edited by raeanna74; 02-04-2004 at 03:14 PM..
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Old 02-04-2004, 09:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
I can't think of a good title
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Location: East Bay Area, CA
Next time they ask for something just tell them no and give it to them straight. That they're freeloaders and if they continue in the same fashion, then you're better off having different friends.
The black wind howls...
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Old 02-05-2004, 07:04 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: Near Raleigh, NC
Tell em to suck an egg. If they never do anything for you in the first place what's in the threat "See if I do anything for you again"?
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."
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Old 02-05-2004, 07:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: On the edge of sanity
I have an aunt like this. She always wants to be kept in the loop on things and if you forget or neglect to tell her right away, you're on her shit list. I don't understand why my inlaws bend over backwards for her. I've had my share of friends and co-workers who are like that too.
I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.
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Old 02-05-2004, 05:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
Cosmically Curious
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Location: Chicago, IL
I have the problem of never being able to say no to anyone who needs help, so yeah, I get taken advantage of quite frequently. The worst was one girl I used to work with who would basically sit back and watch while I did everything at work, and then whenever I'd take a break would call me lazy. Some people.
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan
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Old 02-05-2004, 05:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
If no one ever reads any of my posts again, be ABSOLUTELY positive you get this: NEVER, EVER MOVE NEXT DOOR TO YOUR PARENTS. Get as far away as you can logically get. I know, I know. YOUR parents are great. Do stuff on the weekends, babysit the kids, feed the pets when your on vacation. THEY"RE GREAT. Yeah, well so were mine. Now, almost daily, I catch myself resenting the 50 yard walk between our houses.
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Old 02-05-2004, 05:59 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
Originally posted by Confederate
I have a coworker and there are times when he works the morning and i work afternoon, and we have something to get done for tomorrow, he won't do it and just expect me to do it. it's really aggrivating
Had that happened to me too, really just pisses me off...
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war
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Old 02-07-2004, 09:02 AM   #17 (permalink)
Location: Montana
I have come to the conclusion with some folks that if the currency of our "friendship" is based on what I do or do not do for them, then as of that moment, I stop payment.

Over the past few years, i have learned to define my life in on my own terms (i.e. career, relationships, friendships). People like the ones described in this thread are users and abusers and need to be dealt with like a cancer, early detection and swift removal.

A "true friend" will not hold you emotionally hostage or shake you down by how you perform for them. IMHO, a friendship should be entered for the sake of friendship, out of respect and admiration of individual qualities.
This is just my opinion, i could be wrong.
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Old 02-09-2004, 01:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
Location: San Francisco
I am certainly in the boat of never being able to say no- it's caused lots of grief by overbooking, and overextending myself and my hubby- He insists I need to learn to say no, and not get disappointed when others say no to me....

And I have discovered that it is NOT "what comes around goes around", it's rare that I ever ask for anything, and that's mostly because I do more for others than I've ever had done for me. Reckon I do need to learn to say no more often
Cute, but useless.
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Old 02-09-2004, 09:19 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Location: Windy City
I'm usually pretty lenient, and will do stuff for other people if they ask, until I get stepped on. Then, it'd take ten mules to make me change my mind and give in. usually a friendship goes away when that happens. It's sad that it turns out that way.
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
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Old 02-10-2004, 08:34 PM   #20 (permalink)
Location: in a golden garden of grey
Originally posted by Yalaynia
I was just wondering how you handle people that thinks the world revolves around them and them alone?
I dont. Well, what I am trying to say is I am still figuring that one out. People can suprise you when you least expect them to.

Im pretty cold now, so it gets easier.
...absent of everything.
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