Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > General Discussion


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-04-2004, 12:20 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: here but I wish I lived there
Have you ever had someone expected you to..

I just finished the questionaire that was posted by :::OshnSoul:::.
The one question there was pet peeves. It just reminded me of a peeve that I have. Simplified it in my answer there but wanted to ask the fellow TFPers here if this is ever happened to you guys and what you did to solve the problem.
My pet peeve is when people expect you to bend over backwards for them. But when it came time that you needed help they were either no where to be found , expecting to be paid for it or just gave you the attitude of yeah right why should I help you.
I knew a couple people like that. One person I knew was a constant mover and always bribed with money but when the job was done money was never paid. It wasnt with just me it was with everyone, anytime you said no he would hold a grudge for months and black list you just because of that one time you said no. The other person I knew was a constant drinker and has a daughter that lives in a group home and only comes home twice a week. She is responsible for picking her up at the house and then taking her home. But problem there was that she would bring her daughter to her house and then sit in the kitchen for hours on end and get drunk and then expect someone else to take her daughter home. When anyone told her no they were busy doing something else she would get all bent out of shape and say see if I do anything for you again.
I was just wondering how you handle people that thinks the world revolves around them and them alone?
I just stoped associating with them myself. But how do people deal with it when its family members or close enough to family memebers.
__________________
I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do

Last edited by Yalaynia; 02-04-2004 at 12:25 AM..
Yalaynia is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 12:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
Death Leprechaun
 
Confederate's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
I have a coworker and there are times when he works the morning and i work afternoon, and we have something to get done for tomorrow, he won't do it and just expect me to do it. it's really aggrivating
Confederate is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 01:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
Something like that..
 
Location: Oreygun.
Quote:
Originally posted by Confederate
I have a coworker and there are times when he works the morning and i work afternoon, and we have something to get done for tomorrow, he won't do it and just expect me to do it. it's really aggrivating
God I hate shit like that. Granted I have been guilty of it a few times, 99% of the time I end up cleaning up after everyone. It is not that big of a deal sometimes, but I work basically all the shifts and I know what can be done and what cant, and coming in to tons of shit that could have been done earlier, but was left for you to do is not a fun thing to start your workday to.
__________________
"Eventually I became too sexy for my gym membership fee."
Chingal0 is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 11:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
Ssssssssss
 
Kaos's Avatar
 
Location: Ontario
At one time, I had a really good paying job and everyone used me like a bank. I had no problem with this because I trusted my friends and I knew I would be paid back.

Now, whenever I need to borrow some money (which is rare), everyone happens to be fucking broke.
Kaos is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 11:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
Everything's better with bacon
 
SaltPork's Avatar
 
Location: In your local grocer's freezer.
Sounds to me like all of you need to learn how to say "no". If they resent you for it, then they're not really worth having as friends. F-them. I only give people one chance, if they fuck me over then too bad, I'm done with you. Been burned too many times and life is too short to put up with other people's bullshit.
__________________
It was like that when I got here....I swear.
SaltPork is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 11:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul:::
Guest
 
Ya, I've had that happen once or twice- not much at all, but I still do things for them when I can- when it's not inconvenient or simply out of my hands. I keep in mind that I want to treat others the way I want to be treated- even if the person I help doesn't help me, I know karma will reap through other people.
I don't expect anything out of others, really. I just try to be the difference that makes a difference.
If I have expectations, it can lead to dissapointment. I am a "no strings attached" type of person without asking anything in return.
Not trying to sound all "good" and stuff, but that I don't want to bother with dissapointments or frustration over such a thing.
 
Old 02-04-2004, 12:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
alpaca lunch for the trip
 
jujueye's Avatar
 
Location: in my computer
Family. OY! I hate that! I suppose, just make yourself less accessible. Resist getting the phone when they call. If they leave a message, give an extra day to call back. You never will be able to teach somebody right from wrong, so just take care of yourself and your immediate family, and STOP helping losers like that.

You also mentioned:
...When anyone told her no they were busy doing something else she would get all bent out of shape and say see if I do anything for you again..."

If she gets that cranky, remind her that she has never really done anything for you.

These people have no idea what it's like to be on the other side. Resist and stop helping. Blacklisting? Yeah, go for it. Put me on the list. I want YOU to know that I would rather be on that list and not hear from your sorry ass.

Do it. Your life will be better. You owe them: nothing. You owe yourself: everything.
jujueye is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 02:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
Slave of Fear
 
I was brought up to treat other people like you want to be treated. but I was continually getting used and abused. I have narrowed my Friend list down to people who don't take advantage of me and avoid anybody else. It is a terrible way to live but being a door mat is worse.
Frowning Budah is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 03:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Far too far from my Angel....
I've got an Uncle who fits that mold, and sadly nobody else in the family wants anything more to do with him.

We reap what we sow, and while the family in general doesn't go out of the way to return his hostility and crass behavior, we also don't associate with him any more.

That's all you really can do, isn't it.....
wry1 is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 03:11 PM   #10 (permalink)
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
 
raeanna74's Avatar
 
Location: Upper Michigan
My mother does that all the time. Bugs the hell out of me. She just did it today. I choose to tolerate it to a point for the trade off of being able to say I still have good relations with my mother. I'm just careful not to hope for anything in return for what she asks me to do.

Even when she does do something for me and doesn't ask for any compensation she uses it later to bring up how helpful she is to me and how I "owe" thus and thus to her. Big pain.
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Last edited by raeanna74; 02-04-2004 at 03:14 PM..
raeanna74 is offline  
Old 02-04-2004, 09:29 PM   #11 (permalink)
I can't think of a good title
 
Lokus's Avatar
 
Location: East Bay Area, CA
Next time they ask for something just tell them no and give it to them straight. That they're freeloaders and if they continue in the same fashion, then you're better off having different friends.
__________________
The black wind howls...
Lokus is offline  
Old 02-05-2004, 07:04 AM   #12 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Iliftrocks's Avatar
 
Location: Near Raleigh, NC
Tell em to suck an egg. If they never do anything for you in the first place what's in the threat "See if I do anything for you again"?
__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."
Iliftrocks is offline  
Old 02-05-2004, 07:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
is Nucking Futs!
 
Dano069's Avatar
 
Location: On the edge of sanity
I have an aunt like this. She always wants to be kept in the loop on things and if you forget or neglect to tell her right away, you're on her shit list. I don't understand why my inlaws bend over backwards for her. I've had my share of friends and co-workers who are like that too.
__________________
I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.
Dano069 is offline  
Old 02-05-2004, 05:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
Cosmically Curious
 
onodrim's Avatar
 
Location: Chicago, IL
I have the problem of never being able to say no to anyone who needs help, so yeah, I get taken advantage of quite frequently. The worst was one girl I used to work with who would basically sit back and watch while I did everything at work, and then whenever I'd take a break would call me lazy. Some people.
__________________
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan
onodrim is offline  
Old 02-05-2004, 05:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
If no one ever reads any of my posts again, be ABSOLUTELY positive you get this: NEVER, EVER MOVE NEXT DOOR TO YOUR PARENTS. Get as far away as you can logically get. I know, I know. YOUR parents are great. Do stuff on the weekends, babysit the kids, feed the pets when your on vacation. THEY"RE GREAT. Yeah, well so were mine. Now, almost daily, I catch myself resenting the 50 yard walk between our houses.
soopadoopa is offline  
Old 02-05-2004, 05:59 PM   #16 (permalink)
Free Mars!
 
feelgood's Avatar
 
Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time
Quote:
Originally posted by Confederate
I have a coworker and there are times when he works the morning and i work afternoon, and we have something to get done for tomorrow, he won't do it and just expect me to do it. it's really aggrivating
Had that happened to me too, really just pisses me off...
__________________
Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war
feelgood is offline  
Old 02-07-2004, 09:02 AM   #17 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Montana
I have come to the conclusion with some folks that if the currency of our "friendship" is based on what I do or do not do for them, then as of that moment, I stop payment.

Over the past few years, i have learned to define my life in on my own terms (i.e. career, relationships, friendships). People like the ones described in this thread are users and abusers and need to be dealt with like a cancer, early detection and swift removal.

A "true friend" will not hold you emotionally hostage or shake you down by how you perform for them. IMHO, a friendship should be entered for the sake of friendship, out of respect and admiration of individual qualities.
This is just my opinion, i could be wrong.
Toecutter is offline  
Old 02-09-2004, 01:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: San Francisco
I am certainly in the boat of never being able to say no- it's caused lots of grief by overbooking, and overextending myself and my hubby- He insists I need to learn to say no, and not get disappointed when others say no to me....

And I have discovered that it is NOT "what comes around goes around", it's rare that I ever ask for anything, and that's mostly because I do more for others than I've ever had done for me. Reckon I do need to learn to say no more often
__________________
Cute, but useless.
teriaki is offline  
Old 02-09-2004, 09:19 PM   #19 (permalink)
Drifting
 
amonkie's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Windy City
I'm usually pretty lenient, and will do stuff for other people if they ask, until I get stepped on. Then, it'd take ten mules to make me change my mind and give in. usually a friendship goes away when that happens. It's sad that it turns out that way.
__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
amonkie is offline  
Old 02-10-2004, 08:34 PM   #20 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: in a golden garden of grey
Quote:
Originally posted by Yalaynia
I was just wondering how you handle people that thinks the world revolves around them and them alone?
I dont. Well, what I am trying to say is I am still figuring that one out. People can suprise you when you least expect them to.

Im pretty cold now, so it gets easier.
__________________
...absent of everything.
absence_of_color is offline  
 

Tags
expected

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:34 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360