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Old 04-19-2004, 02:57 AM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Houston TX
Texas is better than your state

After seeing the winners along the inauguration route, the folks from Texas have decided that we might just take matters into our own hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States (all 49 states).

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

NASA in Houston, Texas (we will control the space industry).

We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

Defense Industry (we have over 65% of it). The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will
need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc,Etc. The list goes on and on.

Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research,the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

We have enough colleges to keep us going: U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

We have a ready supply of workers (just open the border when we need some more )

We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and vegetable produce and everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.


Signed,

The People in Texas
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Old 04-19-2004, 02:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Houston TX
oooohhhh... almost frogot...

we have beer, lots and lots, and lots more beer than you
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Old 04-19-2004, 02:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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California is the world's 5th largest economy. We won't need your gas because we lead the nation in alternative fule.

Last edited by Aletheia; 04-19-2004 at 03:01 AM..
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:23 AM   #4 (permalink)
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But ah, what do you need to produce those alternative fuels? Oil makes the industry go 'round.
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Well...to be completely honest, I think this is actually a great Idea. With what your previous Governor did to your school system, I figure you got about twenty years before the Brain trust in Texas drops to the point of critical failure, we will require a dome placed over the entire state the keep in the emmisions you continue to produce from oil and hog farts as well.
Should there be armed conflict, it should only take you four or five months to find the members of your National guard, but as you say, you will have a bunch of beer drinking riflemen availible to fire wildly into the air. As for the beer, You and Hank hill are more than welcome to the worlds supply of Alamo, Lone star and any other canned alcohol with a star on the label.
Fortunately we will have Florida and the Cape for our space center, and California readily availible to actually MAKE the spacecraft to fly out of it.
Should we get desperate for energy, we can always do as your former Governor has been attempting and destroy the Arctic for oil, but I doubt it will come to that simply because without Texas, our collective I.Q will increase to the point where we actually think clearly and develop the alternative energy program that has been shelved for years to keep the Texas economy alive.
I would request that you forward the above submition to your local senator, so as to expediate the formation of the republic of Texas. The rest of us have been waiting for years for someone of your critical thinking to create the needed documentation to make this blessing a reality.
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:30 AM   #6 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Xell101
But ah, what do you need to produce those alternative fuels? Oil makes the industry go 'round.
Actually, Oil and Water (hydrogen) do not mix. And I never knew there was oil in the Sun. Perhaps you are refering to the oil that is used to lubricate the windmill farms, or to lube the turbines in the hydroelectric generators, ....Yeah that must be it.
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Last edited by tecoyah; 04-19-2004 at 04:36 AM..
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Houston TX
Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Well...to be completely honest, I think this is actually a great Idea. With what your previous Governor did to your school system, I figure you got about twenty years before the Brain trust in Texas drops to the point of critical failure, we will require a dome placed over the entire state the keep in the emmisions you continue to produce from oil and hog farts as well.
Should there be armed conflict, it should only take you four or five months to find the members of your National guard, but as you say, you will have a bunch of beer drinking riflemen availible to fire wildly into the air. As for the beer, You and Hank hill are more than welcome to the worlds supply of Alamo, Lone star and any other canned alcohol with a star on the label.
Fortunately we will have Florida and the Cape for our space center, and California readily availible to actually MAKE the spacecraft to fly out of it.
Should we get desperate for energy, we can always do as your former Governor has been attempting and destroy the Arctic for oil, but I doubt it will come to that simply because without Texas, our collective I.Q will increase to the point where we actually think clearly and develop the alternative energy program that has been shelved for years to keep the Texas economy alive.
I would request that you forward the above submition to your local senator, so as to expediate the formation of the republic of Texas. The rest of us have been waiting for years for someone of your critical thinking to create the needed documentation to make this blessing a reality.
woah.... too much democrat for me.... its supposed to be more amusing than truth... but oh well... to each his own. Have fun in flordia
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: Sydney, Australia
Yeah, well we Australians have the southern hemisphere hub of your Echelon spy network...in the middle of the desert...next to that cow...no...over there...keep walking...bingo.

<img src="http://www.mhforum.fslife.co.uk/echelon/images/pinegapbase.jpg">
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by LStanley
woah.... too much democrat for me.... its supposed to be more amusing than truth... but oh well... to each his own. Have fun in flordia
Damn dude.....relax, Mine was also a joke, if you couldnt tell I apologize. But that democrat jab was just painful.

I thought I did a pretty good job of throwing your farce for a loop with an equally farcical rebuttal,.....all in good fun.
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:18 AM   #10 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
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Location: I'm workin' on it
Bye bye Texas
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:41 AM   #11 (permalink)
.
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Macheath
Yeah, well we Australians have the southern hemisphere hub of your Echelon spy network...in the middle of the desert...next to that cow...no...over there...keep walking...bingo.
don't forget about Waihopai in New Zealand... we share this little burden.
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: Virginia
umm where exactly is "flordia"?
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:53 AM   #13 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Houston TX
Quote:
Originally posted by mattevil
umm where exactly is "flordia"?

it was like 4am when I posted and I've been drawing floorplans in autocad all night..

who cares if I can't spell
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Old 04-19-2004, 05:07 AM   #14 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by LStanley


who cares if I can't spell

Yeah...come on guys, remember he is after all from Texas


The above statement is intended as humorous, and in no way reflects the opinions or attitudes of our sponsors, family members, the general assembly or humans in general. Any commonality between the statement and any actual Texas resident is purely coincidental and would be extremely unfortunate for all involved. Our lawyers have documents in hand that prove the benign nature of said comment and have filed a brief with the court of appeals in houston to clarify the intent of the above comment. Should any offense be taken from said comment, the issuing party will be held unaccountable for all damages inflicted due to pain and suffering litigation, civil penalties, and court incurred financial responsibilities.
We reserve the rights to the above statement and have pending trademark patents on file with the office of the registrar.
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Old 04-19-2004, 05:10 AM   #15 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Houston TX
Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Yeah...come on guys, remember he is after all from Texas


The above statement is intended as humorous, and in no way reflects the opinions or attitudes of our sponsors, family members, the general assembly or humans in general. Any commonality between the statement and any actual Texas resident is purely coincidental and would be extremely unfortunate for all involved. Our lawyers have documents in hand that prove the benign nature of said comment and have filed a brief with the court of appeals in houston to clarify the intent of the above comment. Should any offense be taken from said comment, the issuing party will be held unaccountable for all damages inflicted due to pain and suffering litigation, civil penalties, and court incurred financial responsibilities.
We reserve the rights to the above statement and have pending trademark patents on file with the office of the registrar.
ROTFLMFAO

(read it really fast and talk in a monotone voice)
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Last edited by LStanley; 04-19-2004 at 05:18 AM..
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Old 04-19-2004, 05:57 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: Deep South Texas
Texas Facts---

Nobody asked for them, but here are some little known Texas facts:

World's first rodeo was in Pecos ... July 4, 1883.
The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built
over water.
The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first
full time coach for Rice University, Houston.
Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North
America.
Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America's only remaining
flock of whooping cranes. *** PRIDE HERE!
Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900 caused by a hurricane
in which over 8000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was "Houston."
El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas.
Laredo is the world's largest inland port.
Tyler Municipal Rose Garden is the world's largest rose garden with over
38,000 bushes with 500 varieties on 22 acres.
The State shell is Lightning Whelk
King Ranch is larger than Rhode Island.
Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43" in 24 hours
in and around Alvin in July 1979.
Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, instead of by
annexation.
A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old. *** MORE
PRIDE HERE!!!
Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885
There is no period after Dr in Dr Pepper.
Texas has had six capital cities ...
1. Washington-on-the-Brazos
2. Harrisburg
3. Galveston
4. Velasco
5. West Columbia
6. Austin
The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than
the Capitol Building in Washington D.C. (by 7 feet)
The name Texas comes from the Hasini Indian word "tejas" meaning friends.
The State animal is the Armadillo
The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston.
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:32 AM   #17 (permalink)
Tone.
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Well...to be completely honest, I think this is actually a great Idea. With what your previous Governor did to your school system. . . (snip)
EXCELLENT post. Very funny!
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:39 AM   #18 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: ...We have a problem.
Texans love their state, what can I say. We know we're not perfect and those 10 of us who are democrats cringe when Georgie boy talks about his Texas roots (never realized Texas floated down from the northeast ), but hell, we're proud (and friendly) regardless!

I'd venture to say we have the same sort of pride in our state that just others have in theirs.
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:55 AM   #19 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by txlovely
Texans love their state, what can I say. We know we're not perfect and those 10 of us who are democrats cringe when Georgie boy talks about his Texas roots (never realized Texas floated down from the northeast ), but hell, we're proud (and friendly) regardless!

I'd venture to say we have the same sort of pride in our state that just others have in theirs.
All I can say is.....please breed excessively, and continue to breed more, even after you have breeded and breeded.
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:23 AM   #20 (permalink)
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You can have George W.
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:32 AM   #21 (permalink)
The Cover Doesn't Match The Book
 
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Location: in a van down by the river
Quote:
Originally posted by LStanley
oooohhhh... almost frogot...

we have beer, lots and lots, and lots more beer than you
wrong, I live in Wisconsin.
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Old 04-19-2004, 08:51 AM   #22 (permalink)
Shade
 
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Location: Belgium
Lol, you had me at #2 man. Funny stuff
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Old 04-19-2004, 09:06 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Location: Ein tov she'ein bo ra!
what about them Cowboys?
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Old 04-19-2004, 10:33 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Location: Wish I was on the N17...
One thing you forgot to mention is that your corn, milk & cheese, and other food products that don't grow so nicely in the desert plains of Texas will increase in cost dramatically.

Enjoy your tumbelweeds and dust storms!
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Old 04-19-2004, 10:59 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Location: Above and Beyond
Quote:
Originally posted by viejo gringo
The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was "Houston."
I beg to differ. Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin actually looked at Neil Armstrong and asked, "You Stoned" before Armstrong stepped outside the lunar vehicle. NASA took that for "Houston" so the American people wouldn't think astronauts actually got stoned up there.
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Old 04-19-2004, 12:54 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by kjroh
One thing you forgot to mention is that your corn, milk & cheese, and other food products that don't grow so nicely in the desert plains of Texas will increase in cost dramatically.

Enjoy your tumbelweeds and dust storms!
Some people think Texas is a huge desert but they think wrongly.

Also another "cool fact" is that the Six Flags amusement parks takes it's name from the six flags over Texas, that is, the six countries that have governed Texas. The Spanish, French, Mexican, Republic of Texas, Confederate (think American Civil War), and of course the United States flags are the ones that "six flags" refers to. Also, the state tree is pecan and state flower is the bluebonnet.
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Old 04-19-2004, 01:11 PM   #27 (permalink)
With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much
 
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Location: left side of my couch, East Texas
Oh man, I got a hardon.
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:30 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Actually, Oil and Water (hydrogen) do not mix. And I never knew there was oil in the Sun. Perhaps you are refering to the oil that is used to lubricate the windmill farms, or to lube the turbines in the hydroelectric generators, ....Yeah that must be it.
Yeup, pretty much everything somewhere down the line requires oil to be produced, refined, gathering, etc.
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:39 PM   #29 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: In beautiful (YOUR AREA)
Quote:
Originally posted by jay-g
You can have George W.
Then he'll acuse us yanks of having WMD's
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:42 PM   #30 (permalink)
pow!
 
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Location: NorCal
Have you ever noticed how people who live in really crappy places are the ones most likely to offer unsolicited proclamations as to why their home is a lot better than you might think it is?
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Old 04-19-2004, 03:49 PM   #31 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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Tecoyah and LStanley...you guys are priceless
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:30 PM   #32 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Toronto
Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Actually, Oil and Water (hydrogen) do not mix. And I never knew there was oil in the Sun. Perhaps you are refering to the oil that is used to lubricate the windmill farms, or to lube the turbines in the hydroelectric generators, ....Yeah that must be it.
Or to MAKE them... Does the term "petroleum products" ring a bell?
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:31 PM   #33 (permalink)
can't help but laugh
 
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Location: dar al-harb
ok, that is fine.

just as long as we sooners can continue to cross the border once a year to roundly kick your asses in football.

signed,

the people of oklahoma
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Old 04-19-2004, 04:42 PM   #34 (permalink)
it's jam
 
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Location: Lowerainland BC
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
Have you ever noticed how people who live in really crappy places are the ones most likely to offer unsolicited proclamations as to why their home is a lot better than you might think it is?
Yes, as a matter of fact I do notice this.
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nice line eh?
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Old 04-19-2004, 05:05 PM   #35 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Fort Worth, TX
Quote:
just as long as we sooners can continue to cross the border once a year to roundly kick your asses in football.
That may be true, but us Longhorns dont need to drive 3hrs to have fun, we have 6th St. only 2miles away .

Quote:
One thing you forgot to mention is that your corn, milk & cheese, and other food products that don't grow so nicely in the desert plains of Texas will increase in cost dramatically.
Come to the Hill Country, or the Woodlands, or anywhere in the Eastern half of Texas. Less than half the state is a desert. And for a second point, dairy products (cows) DO grow very nicely down here, how the hell do you think we produce the vast majority of Beef in America (and the world)... but oh yeah, we're just a giant desert.

Quote:
Have you ever noticed how people who live in really crappy places are the ones most likely to offer unsolicited proclamations as to why their home is a lot better than you might think it is?
Been everywhere in America between California, to Florida, To the NE, to Oregon. Sorry, but I love Texas the best. Until you come visit dont dog the state.
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:06 PM   #36 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Somewhere, Missouri
Only crazy people come from Texas... CRAZY PEOPLE!!!
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:10 PM   #37 (permalink)
Dubya
 
Location: VA
34 proud Texan posts and not one mentioning the women! The beee-u-tee-ful corn-fed Texas women. Mmmmm, mmm.

-not-quite-so-proud Virginian...
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:14 PM   #38 (permalink)
Junkie
 
I think he forgets all the nukes are in the midwest
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Old 04-19-2004, 06:18 PM   #39 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
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Location: Sexymama's arms...
LStanley;

Bad news dude.

You have the PEACE time space agency (NASA).

Colorado has the MILITARY space agency (NORAD).

And while nukes are assembled at Pantex, Colorado, Wyoming and Nebraska have the missles to deliver them.

Also, have fun with your dwindling oil.

Wyoming and Colorado have the coal.

Maybe we'll dam the Rio Grande while we're at it for some hydroelectric and divert the rest.

But if you do leave, then we'll just split Alaska into two states...both of which will still be larger than Texas...


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Old 04-19-2004, 06:34 PM   #40 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: st. louis
i think everyone is forgeting that Missouri has the best beer(da bud or schlaflies depending) not texas but with all the visits from George maybe we'll go with ya that would be perfect wouldn't it, we can steal some stealth bombers and bring the beer and you bring all that to the table and boom we are unstopable
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