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Old 04-22-2004, 12:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
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Describe your worst local TV commercials!

So, there's this place called Michael's Furniture and they make the worst commercials. Every one of them features a guy dressed as a rabbit, a guy in a mattress constume, the owner Michael who is a fucking nut with a tupee, and his slut of a wife. I can't get over how bad these commercials are. One commercial, the guy did completely nude.

There was another commercial which was a take-off of a Jack In The Box commercial with Jack and his wife in bed talking about a new sandwich. The commercial was just two pairs of cartoon eyes in the dark with the wife asking the guy to lower the price on his mattresses for her and he agrees to do so for her and adds "Maybe there's something you can do for me..." and you see her pair of eyes drop down... oh man. Terrible.

There is also a KIA dealership that uses a fat ugly bastard and a chimpanzee to sell cars. I can't believe they are still in business.
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hmmmph.. far cry from the old days of The Money Store, Cal Worthington and his dog Spot, and who could forget Fred Rated at Federated stores

commericals? tivo. no commercials.
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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i worked as a bartender here abouts and was in a commercial based on star wars where the evil empire was a lobster - as the lobster approached (camera closes in) the lobster got bigger and bigger - then the owner appears in a cape weilding some flaslight as a light saber and the lobster goes into the pot - the day is saved...

they still air it and i still hear it
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: the land of milk and honey
up, here there a a few local businesses with annoying commercials. there is a carpet dealer, Flynn's Carpet Cents, whose slogan is "I know two things, I need to lose weight and I need to sell this carpet". truthful, but annoyingly dumb.

And this "Car Pro's Tacoma" commericail where this guys talking about all these cars he has, and he has this pen in his hand, and he waves it around. it's not ridiculous, but i bothers me, what's the pen for? is he gonna sign a contract during the commercial? i think he is a chain smoker and needs something in his hand at all times.
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: the land of milk and honey
Quote:
Originally posted by Cynthetiq
hmmmph.. far cry from the old days of The Money Store, Cal Worthington and his dog Spot, and who could forget Fred Rated at Federated stores

Cal Worthingtion? are you from the NorthWest?

"Go see Cal, Go see Cal, Go see Cal, Go see Cal, "
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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nope.. So Cal born and bread... now I'm in NYC.

oh.. and who could forget..

Pete Ellis Dodge, Long Beach Freeway, Firestone Exit, Southgate.

damn jingle....
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Poland, Ohio // Clarion University of PA.
Our local cable company basically does all the marketing,
programming, writing, acting, etc for local commericals on our
cable networks. The three main advertisers are the self
proclaimed "Cable Guys," and do commericals of their own to
spread the word about commericals with Armstrong Cable, our
local cable provider. And basically, they are the dopiest, most
gaud-awful commericals on earth.

They basically try to act cool and sophisticated and try to throw
in some humor but it really never ever works ... ever...
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Qwest isn't really local (14 states) but they have these awful commercials where people are excited to receive their monthly Qwest bill. People running around screaming "Woohoo I got my Qwest bill today!" Stupid.
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Old 04-22-2004, 01:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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Location: Home sweet home
Leswchab commericals always irritates the hell out of me.
Taco Del Mar is next on the list, talk about cheesy stupid shit.
And the local car commercials too, FUCK! I just wanna throw something at the tv.
and this...
Quote:
Originally posted by crazybill5280
Qwest isn't really local (14 states) but they have these awful commercials where people are excited to receive their monthly Qwest bill. People running around screaming "Woohoo I got my Qwest bill today!" Stupid.
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Old 04-22-2004, 01:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
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In my area, they run ads for Dirt Cheap Liquor stores. They've got the owner of the chain next to a man in a chicken suit who keeps saying "Cheap cheap, fun fun."
Utter stupidity at its finest.
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Old 04-22-2004, 04:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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the worst ads by far are those Enzyte male enhancement pill commercials. first it has that annoying whistling song in the background and second of all he has the most obnoxious smile in all the ads, ugh im getting stressed out just thinking about them
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Old 04-22-2004, 04:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by battlemouth
the worst ads by far are those Enzyte male enhancement pill commercials. first it has that annoying whistling song in the background and second of all he has the most obnoxious smile in all the ads, ugh im getting stressed out just thinking about them
Oh yeah...almost forgot this lil' fucking commercial. It fits as an anti-sex commercial more than anything. Just creeps me out thinking about it....
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Old 04-22-2004, 04:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
don't ignore this-->
 
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Location: CA
cal worthington is the man! my grandparents met him and said he's a nice guy, and I used to love the huge wildcats he had in his commercials...

Any of the car dealership commercials featuring the kings are pretty lame. I usually just mute the tv when commercials come on though.
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Old 04-22-2004, 04:44 PM   #14 (permalink)
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One of 'em is for a local self-owned realestate office. The owner stands in front of a bluescreen, and the background is of one of his "sold" signs. Only trouble is, they didn't get the scale right, so the guy looks about 2 feet tall. It's hilarious.

Another is a government-run service that helps low income people buy their own home. It's got these two guys on there, one of which always wears a sideways baseball hat, never speaks, but nods in the most dopey, exaggerated fashion. Looks like he has about a 40 IQ. Always get a kick outa that one too.
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Old 04-22-2004, 04:51 PM   #15 (permalink)
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two words: Nascar ballet
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Old 04-22-2004, 04:55 PM   #16 (permalink)
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We have/had one so bad it even made it onto David Letterman!

It's for a car insurance company called Eagle, and they had this mascot called "Eagle Man." So, there are two women driving in a car and then there's a thump and one says to the other "what's that?! do you have insurance on this car?" The driver would say "no!" Then they're get out and there would be a guy in a giant eagle outfit who has just laid a giant egg on the roof of the car and the two women would say together, "It's Eagle Man!" And he'd say "III've got something for yooouuuuuuu!!!" Then a chick would hatch with a sheet of paper with insurance rates in its beak.

It was truly terrible.
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Old 04-22-2004, 05:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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There's some quick loan/cash place, and they something along the lines of "did _______ catch you with your pants down?" and then pan to this guy who's dressed in godawful bright women's undies and garters making a cover-the-crotch move. Very gross. They've convinced me never to set foot in their store
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Old 04-22-2004, 06:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by SecretMethod70
We have/had one so bad it even made it onto David Letterman!

It's for a car insurance company called Eagle, and they had this mascot called "Eagle Man." So, there are two women driving in a car and then there's a thump and one says to the other "what's that?! do you have insurance on this car?" The driver would say "no!" Then they're get out and there would be a guy in a giant eagle outfit who has just laid a giant egg on the roof of the car and the two women would say together, "It's Eagle Man!" And he'd say "III've got something for yooouuuuuuu!!!" Then a chick would hatch with a sheet of paper with insurance rates in its beak.

It was truly terrible.
Ha ha ha ha, I had almost forgotten about the glory of Eagle Man, almost.
I'll agree with Secret, worst commericals ever made.
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Old 04-22-2004, 06:15 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Location: Louisville, KY
There's some furniture store in Cicinnati that runs these horrible ads featuring a short bald guy and a super tall ex ball player. (if you can call a Bengal a ball player) They all make jokes about the height difference...it's so damn stupid. I wish I could describe them better...

As for the male enhancement ads...I love the one that tells you to seek medical help if you have an erection for more than six hours...that cracks my shit up!
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Old 04-22-2004, 07:29 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Oh god... these commercials for this children's furniture place called the Bedroom source are awful. They have Michael Peca (New York Islanders) on them and first of all they just have his face sort of inserted there from the corner and he's almost sideways, in addition to obscuring half the picture. Second of all he seems by the way he's talking that he is having the worst possible time ever and the only reason he has his dopey grin has to be Botox or something. Truly painful to watch.

There was another one for this thing called Project Safe with a bunch of high school kids holding a banner and people coming up to them going "Project Safe? What's that?" It stands for "Schools are for Everyone" apparently.... whatever it is it gave no implication what the purpose of it was or how to get more information... no website, phone number, anything. The acting these kids were doing was horrible also, they sounded like they were all half asleep. On top of that, one of them could obviously hardly speak English. On top of THAT, it was all done on an awful camera and you could hear the traffic going by, plus it was hardly in focus an whoever was filming couldnt keep it steady. Truly horrendous.
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Old 04-22-2004, 08:24 PM   #21 (permalink)
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There are a bunch of really bad ones. A lot of them have semi-professional singers warbling out some power ballad and then the serious voice over guy. I swear to god, I think they're all done by the same guy.

The worst one is by "Furniture Factory Outlet." They have this old guy named Earl who constantly mispronounces the name of the place while his wife slaps him with her hand to get him to shut up.

It was kind of funny at first, but 10+ years of hearing "So, come on down to Furniture Retalitory Outlet." and the like is too much.
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Old 04-22-2004, 09:55 PM   #22 (permalink)
WoW or Class...
 
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Any commercial with car salesmen who yell into the camera.

I do have the desire to go for a test drives in their cars -- just so I have the opportunity to run them over and shut them up.
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Old 04-22-2004, 10:03 PM   #23 (permalink)
::::::::::::::::::::::::: :.
 
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Location: this ain't kansas, toto
i rarely see any commercials nowadays...

...tivo is a blessing cuz we fast fwd past the commercials, but at the same time it's kinda a curse cuz i never know about the commercials people discuss.
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Old 04-22-2004, 10:09 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Location: Florida
Honda of Fort Myers, FL. Their ads say something like "We don't have to yell at you to sell our cars." Nice idea. But then they do a spoof of those car dealer commercials with all the flashing colors and crazy screaming announcer. So not only is it not any less annoying than those stupid commercials, it shows that yes they DO have to scream and yell to sell cars. Idiots.
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Old 04-22-2004, 10:41 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Location: nyc
Bad Boy Bail Bonds.

picture it... night, a women asleep in a large bed -- the other side empty. flash to the digital clock. 3:00am. cue phone ring.

Woman: Hello?... oh my god! you're in jail! what do i do?

VO: When you're in need bad boys bail bonds is here to help

cut to bail bond office -- woman dragging 3 small children behind her, man mets her at the door and hands her coffee. woman smiles.

cut to logo and cheesy rap song... "bad boys bail bonds...."

my thoughts: if any boyfriend/husband calls me from jail at 3am there is no way in hell i'm getting our 3 kids up and truckign my ass odnw to the bail bonds man until at least 10am the next day. if i can fit it in.
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Old 04-22-2004, 10:44 PM   #26 (permalink)
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We have these stupid VW car place ads that try to copy fear factor but fail horribly.
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:13 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Location: Simi Valley, CA
Quote:
Originally posted by Halx
There is also a KIA dealership that uses a fat ugly bastard and a chimpanzee to sell cars. I can't believe they are still in business.
You mean Mr. Pickles?!?! Don't they give you money if you have their crappy license plate frame on your car?

Oh.... and "Tell 'em Mickey sent ya!" Mickey Jones or whatnot, some random quasi-celebrity who does commercials for an Italian restaurant. Just such an odd combination.
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Old 04-22-2004, 11:31 PM   #28 (permalink)
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There was this one comcast commercial where a man walks into a dollar store and asks for the price on everything and the jackass teller is like "its ooonnnneeee dollaarrrr" its so negative I think its bad.
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Old 04-23-2004, 08:13 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
Quote:
Originally posted by SecretMethod70
We have/had one so bad it even made it onto David Letterman!

It's for a car insurance company called Eagle, and they had this mascot called "Eagle Man." So, there are two women driving in a car and then there's a thump and one says to the other "what's that?! do you have insurance on this car?" The driver would say "no!" Then they're get out and there would be a guy in a giant eagle outfit who has just laid a giant egg on the roof of the car and the two women would say together, "It's Eagle Man!" And he'd say "III've got something for yooouuuuuuu!!!" Then a chick would hatch with a sheet of paper with insurance rates in its beak.

It was truly terrible.

I loved those Eagleman commercials. Syndidated morning radio DJ Mancow Muller was in one of them. He considers it one of his lowest moments.

Invariably, bad local commercials include one of the following two elements: Used cars and/or the kids of the business' proprietor.
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Old 04-23-2004, 08:20 AM   #30 (permalink)
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There's a car dealership that been featuring the kids of the owners in the ads for like 12 years. Maybe they were cute once, but I can't help but think that these kids are now in high school and still doing very dumb commercials for their dad. They have to get severly beaten by their peers on a daily basis.
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Old 04-23-2004, 08:21 AM   #31 (permalink)
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The commercial for the New York Times where the woman calls up and says, "I'd like to get delivery of the Sunday New York Times," and acts like her fucking life depends on getting that subscription.
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Old 04-23-2004, 10:06 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Location: Denver
Anyone in Denver can back me up that one of our worst offenders is Rocky's Autos. Lame attempts at humor and just flat out stupid. They have one goofy character (Rocky), a police man, and a woman. The banter about their wonderfull cars is horrible. Deliberately so.
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Old 04-23-2004, 10:15 AM   #33 (permalink)
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anyone old enough to remember dick balch chevrolet in the seattle area - he'd take a sledge hammer and smash a brand new car with it - didn't matter whether it was a vega or a vette - he made millions!!!

i like the enzyte comm's - they crack me up - esp. the pool scene...

but the one guy i really can't stand is the ditech banker dude that loses another loan - i mean really - since he can't get the loans signed they should have fired him YEARS ago
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Old 04-23-2004, 10:57 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Two words:

BOB ROHRMAN



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Old 04-23-2004, 12:17 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Location: Scottsdale, AZ
i cant believe that no one has mentioned Quiznos Subs....they have absolute the WORST advertising in the entire world. They have two commercials, both of which are equally disturbing, not to mention the fact that after watching them you WILL NOT want one of their subs.

1.) has a guy sitting at a bus stop or something....looking pretty damn freaky. he's got a pale face, dressed in business attire, and just looking like a cereal killer. somebody walks up to him and asks him something, to which he responds. this person then asks "where you raised by wolves or something?" to which he says "Yes, i was." they them show him suckling on a wolf's tits. and they then introduce Quizno's Subs.

2.) Quiznos has a few of these commercials advertising deals and whatnot, but i found one that you can watch.

LINKY
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Old 04-23-2004, 03:47 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Hey Halx, how bout crazy Gideon "camcorders $99" Cynthetiq I grew up with Cal Worthington and his "dog" spot too, Pete Ellis Dodge, you won't get a lemon at Toyota of Orange. Now they have a couple for Cerritos Auto Square (i think) with Superdave, they are dumb as hell.
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Old 04-23-2004, 04:03 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Location: upstate NY
Michael Pecker

[QUOTE]Originally posted by KWSN
Quote:
Originally posted by KWSN
Oh god... these commercials for this children's furniture place called the Bedroom source are awful. They have Michael Peca (New York Islanders) on them and first of all they just have his face sort of inserted there from the corner and he's almost sideways, in addition to obscuring half the picture. Second of all he seems by the way he's talking that he is having the worst possible time ever and the only reason he has his dopey grin has to be Botox or something. Truly painful to watch.

There was another one for this thing called Project Safe with a bunch of high school kids holding a banner and people coming up to them going "Project Safe? What's that?" It stands for "Schools are for Everyone" apparently.... whatever it is it gave no implication what the purpose of it was or how to get more information... no website, phone number, anything. The acting these kids were doing was horrible also, they sounded like they were all half asleep. On top of that, one of them could obviously hardly speak English. On top of THAT, it was all done on an awful camera and you could hear the traffic going by, plus it was hardly in focus an whoever was filming couldnt keep it steady. Truly horrendous.
KWSN, that's hilarious. I used to live in Buffalo and Michael Peca did a commercial for Tops Supermarkets that was the lamest crap you've ever seen. His wife is walking with a cart, getting groceries and Michael keeps asking if they need any tuna. Finally she says yes and he shoots it like a puck into the grocery cart. Doesn't he earn enough playing hockey to be able to avoid looking like an idiot on TV?
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Old 04-24-2004, 09:59 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Location: The Amish Wastelands of Ohio
since making the move to satellite, i dont see many local commercials, but some of the more annoying ones are from local car dealerships. Anyone in the northeat ohio/ cleveland area knows who Dick Goddard is... hes a local weatherman who is old enough to have given the weather forcast for Ceasar. These commercials are loud as all fuck and have this old fart talking about how great some POS car is while you have nothing to look at but him.
Another one is for the Check Into Cash people. May they rot in hell for their little hand gestures and catchy commercial.
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Old 04-25-2004, 12:04 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Location: Bored in Sacramento
Super Dell Schanze for <i> Totally Awesome Computers </i>. He is Utah's answer to Crazy Larry. More or less he gets on the screen and ad-libs a comercial about how great his product is. He will sing, dance, or yell at the screen. He also owns one of the largest guns stores in the west. He did one comercial where he whipped out a gun and shot a notebook from another company... they decided not to air it. The guy is nuts.
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Old 04-25-2004, 05:21 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Location: nihilistic freedom
I don't know if this is a local one or not, but there is a carpet or blinds or something to do with your house company called Empire. The worst part about the comercial, asside (the extra 'S' if for extra ASS-tastic) from the rediculous bald guy with Coke bottle glasses, is the shitty jingle they play to get you to remember their phone number. Generally a jingle is catchy and memorable, but this one is sung by somekinda lethargic senior citizen quartet and there's no melody to it at all. If I heard that thing 10 times in a row, I still wouldn't have any idea what the number was. Half because the number is impossible to remember, and half because I'm constantly trying to block the sound of that train wreck out of my head.

I hate it.

Last edited by nothingx; 04-25-2004 at 05:24 PM..
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