Lebell

Oh sure, it's all fun and laughter until someone accidently summons the Dark Lord!

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for more uplifting messages: http://www.chick.com

edit: fixed the images.

I don't know why they don't want hotlinked images, considering I'm just getting the message out (evil laugh)

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Stare At The Sun

You've got to be fucking shitting me. That is unreal.

I'm speechless...

I really hope this is some parody/satire site, i'm just to tired to look at the site itself. Though, i wouldn't be suprised if it isnt.

Lebell

The sad reality is that it's not.

Chick Tracts have been around as long as I can remember, inflamming the masses (pun intended).

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Nisses

WHAT.ON.EARTH?

Next thing they'll ban playing cards because it inevitably leads to gambling away your life-savings in illegal cock-fights...

My first thought was a louzy attempt at satire too. Then I looked up the site it came from...

I am honestly disgusted when I read what this so-called christian has to say about D&D.

Honestly, if the author believes these things are real and you will cast spells to influence others... then who here is the mentally twisted individual? The player who enjoys a little social passtime? Or the author who's mind cannot seem to grasp even the meaning of the word "fantasy" ?

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

Aletheia

Yeah I have seen that before. Everytime I play D&D I think of that and laugh.

Nisses

I tore this off of the site http://www.chick.com/articles/dnd.asp
Where the comic came from

Nice way to go about doing this. He used to be a hardcore satanist. A bit earlier he was an Alexandrian Witch High Priest. And now he's a fundamental christian? Nice to know he's at least consistent in his actions. But wait, that's supposed to validate him probably. He knows his stuff because he has played the game a few times. If it was with his fellow Hardcore Satanistic Witch High Priests, I'll bet it may have been a bit weird.

And that whole idiotic slandering TSR:
the authentic rituals around the table go something like:
"I cast Lightning."
"Ok, roll dice to check for damage."

And here I thought a ritual would involve a little more...

Argl, why am I getting worked up over this moronic site?

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

Tophat665

Sounds like Chick missed his save against Feeblemind. Such is life.

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Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

tecoyah

Chikapu is Satan Incarnate, and has captured the minds of your children. Bow down before the lord of chicken/kitten things, that you may feel the power of badly done anime.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Harshaw

Man I can't believe this, what a load of crap.... Dungeon Masters are never that hot.

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This too shall pass.

rockogre

This is one of the few things I have seen on the TFP that I can, in all honesty, say I find offensive.

But then I find all crap like this offensive.

I can only hope that there are more of us than them.

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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

Bill O'Rights

If you think that one was bad, try going to thier site and looking at some of the other crap that they have out there.

This one is my personal "favorite". I like how they've drawn the "creationist" teacher to resemble an evil witch, or something. Nice little piece of propaganda work.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

guthmund

We used to find them along the urinals at work all the time. Nothing brightens up my day like a good Chick tract.

Now if you'll forgive me, I've got some people to curse and demons to call....if I can just find my dice.....

{Edit: I just read the link above....

"No, Timmy most people will end up in Hell."

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No signature. None. Seriously.

Midnight_Son

you should see some of the things I've read about the Harry Potter books and movies.....it's really scary.....now can we burn the churches??

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SWM, tattooed, seeks meaningful tits and beer. Enjoys biker mags, pornography, and Sunday morning walks to the liquor store. Winners of erotic hot dog eating contests given priority.

moonstrucksoul

ahhhh laugh out loud funny, that comic is from 1984, literally, the first illustrated panel shows a copyright date from 1984. If you aren't old enough to remember, the christian war against D&D was a big thing in the early/mid eighties.

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analog

HOLY SHIT.

Who the hell actually believes or spreads this bullshit??

I mean... DAMN.

EDIT: They call Catholicism NOT a christian church!

Lebell

Yeah, they're pretty old school hard core fundamentalist.


(BTW, since I'm in one of those churches, please don't burn them Midnight_Son )

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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CinnamonGirl

Ugh...I used to get those as "tips" when I waitressed.

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

RoboBlaster

D&D doesn't make me worship Satan, it only let's me form a nice working relationship with him.

flamingdog

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0900/0900_01.asp

This is the best one. Compares Chick Tracts to Chinese Communist propaganda, which was similarly presented in the form of comic books. He calls his own message propaganda without hesitation, irony or self-awareness, as if it's supposed to convince the average American to buy [into] his shit.

Oh yes, it's all for sale. Chick is making a fat wad out of exploiting Christians' unwillingness to get n people's hostile faces about their faith. You buy a gross of Chick tracts and leave them places for people to find. Your contract with Jesus is fulfilled, you get to go to heaven and Chick gets paid, his conscience clear.

nanofever

I love Jack Chick, such a funny man. As for the Dark Dungeon tract, I have been level 12 for some time and I haven't been taught any spells. I guess I'm going to have to settle for "I, I attack the darkness" and "I want to cast Magic Missle."

My favorite chick quotes are "I don't want to be elfstar anymore. I want to be Debbie" and from the Gomez tract "Tonight we serve you the taco supreme".



The worst tract ever ,in my opinion, is "Lisa":

"LISA" Review! (Art by Carter ©1984.) This has GOT to be the most uncomfortable Chick tract ever written. Not because it's insensitive, but because the topic is SUPER sensitive: Child Molestation-- by the parent! The story follows a jobless, hen pecked husband as he stays at home and watches pornography. His beer bellied next door neighbor comes over to watch with him, then drops a bomb shell: "I know what's going on with (you and your daughter) Lisa... That's pretty juicy gossip. I'll keep quiet, old buddy, if we can share and share alike!" WHOA! The story suddenly kicks into hyper-gear. The very next panel, hen-pecked Henry is catching another bomb shell, this time from his doctor who just ran tests on Lisa. She has Herpes! And she told the doctor how her daddy and his neighbor are to blame! He screams that she is a liar, but the wise old doctor doesn't buy it. Just when you expect the police to arrive and cart Henry off, the doctor launches into a sermon about Jesus and forgiveness. Henry instantly converts (hey, it beats the big house!) and mums the word on daddy's dirty deeds. Henry races home and tells his wife he's saved. She admits she knew about the molestation all along, because her *!%* uncle did the same thing to her (so it's a family tradition). They pray together and tears flood from every eye ball. They call Lisa and we see how young she really is for the first time. It's shocking. She still carries a teddy bear and looks maybe five years old. We're talking MAJOR molestation and rape here, but all seems forgiven. Never mind the incurable child Herpes, or the unrepentant next door neighbor. The important thing is, another saved soul. I must be vindictive, because I wanted to see someone dive into the Lake, or at least get raped in prison. Giving the perp a good dose of AIDS would have been poetic justice. Instead, nobody is punished except the victim. (I guess that's more realistic than most of us like to admit.) This tract is currently out of print, but it's a favorite. Grade: A for Adult Content

http://www.monsterwax.com/chickreviews.html#lisa

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I'm leaving for the University of California: Santa Barbara in 5 hours, give me your best college advice - things I need, good ideas, bad ideas, nooky, ect.

Originally Posted by Norseman on another forum:
"Yeah, the problem with the world is the stupid people are all cocksure of themselves and the intellectuals are full of doubt."

assilem

Lebell. The pics got rexed. Do you have a link?

FOUND IT!

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The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

nanofever

Chick's site changes the numbers after the pictures its seems, this should work though...

(edit: I hope you don't mind that I pasted your links into the top post. Thanks for getting those.

-lebell)

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I'm leaving for the University of California: Santa Barbara in 5 hours, give me your best college advice - things I need, good ideas, bad ideas, nooky, ect.

Originally Posted by Norseman on another forum:
"Yeah, the problem with the world is the stupid people are all cocksure of themselves and the intellectuals are full of doubt."

assilem

This happened to me just last week. I should have visited chick.com sooner. Thanks for the heads ups Lebell.

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The mother of mankind, what time his pride
Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host
Of rebel Angels

CaptainGumby

Ahhh...brings back flashbacks of 1982-83. I was about 11 or 12 when the local library decided to let people play D&D there on Saturday mornings. They set aside several rooms and the first Saturday was a hit. Next Saturday the local press was there taking pictures, interviewing players, etc. The article's headline was "Demons invade library!" Needless to say, that was the last day we were allowed to play at the library.

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. -Groucho Marx

panbert

Just my two cents worth...

Can't say if this is necessarily the view of the mainstream Christian church, so just want to warn you guys not to start burning down churches just yet.

nanofever

Just a thought I had, if Debbie was a real friend she would take a player's guide, three 6-sided dice and a photocopied character sheet over to Marcie's house to roll up a new ambassador to satan's embassy.

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I'm leaving for the University of California: Santa Barbara in 5 hours, give me your best college advice - things I need, good ideas, bad ideas, nooky, ect.

Originally Posted by Norseman on another forum:
"Yeah, the problem with the world is the stupid people are all cocksure of themselves and the intellectuals are full of doubt."

Vyk

Wow. Frightening what belief can be perverted into.

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"Courage of the heart is very rare"

yotta

When I've played D&D there have never actualy been any rituals. I don't know what this guy is smoking

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I am Jack's signature.

hu-man

I can't believe this is supposed to be for real. I mean, come on!

Midnight_Son

...I suppose I could leave one standing, just out of kindness

shalafi

Aahhh the 80s DnD will make you burn in hell. Listen to Judas Priest and youll kill yourself. Who shot JR? wow....flashbacks are fun.

DelayedReaction

Our club (Terrapin Gaming Club at the University of Maryland) plans on distributing these tracts as flyers for open gaming night. Great publicity.

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If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.

rockogre

Little Susy is scarier than much else I can think of.

It's interesting that with such a diverse bunch as we are at TFP, so far not one person has stood up for this crap. I find the idea that adults and children are taken in by this message and, Chick turns a profit, to be sickening.

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Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

elfstar

I want to be Debbie!

moonstrucksoul

you are debbie, now shut up and roll

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Lunchbox7

I feel cheated. I could of been casting 'Holy Smite' all this time.