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Old 04-27-2004, 12:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
Lebell's Avatar
 
Location: Sexymama's arms...
Hey Christian! Put that down that D20 or go to HELL!!! (D&D Humor from Chick Tracts)

Oh sure, it's all fun and laughter until someone accidently summons the Dark Lord!

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for more uplifting messages: http://www.chick.com

edit: fixed the images.

I don't know why they don't want hotlinked images, considering I'm just getting the message out (evil laugh)
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Last edited by Lebell; 04-28-2004 at 01:12 AM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 12:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
Eh?
 
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Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
You've got to be fucking shitting me. That is unreal.

I'm speechless...

I really hope this is some parody/satire site, i'm just to tired to look at the site itself. Though, i wouldn't be suprised if it isnt.
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Old 04-27-2004, 12:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
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Location: Sexymama's arms...
Quote:
Originally posted by Stare At The Sun
You've got to be fucking shitting me. That is unreal.

I'm speechless...

I really hope this is some parody/satire site, i'm just to tired to look at the site itself. Though, i wouldn't be suprised if it isnt.

The sad reality is that it's not.

Chick Tracts have been around as long as I can remember, inflamming the masses (pun intended).
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Old 04-27-2004, 02:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
Shade
 
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Location: Belgium
WHAT.ON.EARTH?

Next thing they'll ban playing cards because it inevitably leads to gambling away your life-savings in illegal cock-fights...

My first thought was a louzy attempt at satire too. Then I looked up the site it came from...

I am honestly disgusted when I read what this so-called christian has to say about D&D.

Honestly, if the author believes these things are real and you will cast spells to influence others... then who here is the mentally twisted individual? The player who enjoys a little social passtime? Or the author who's mind cannot seem to grasp even the meaning of the word "fantasy" ?
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Old 04-27-2004, 02:49 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah I have seen that before. Everytime I play D&D I think of that and laugh.
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Old 04-27-2004, 03:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
Shade
 
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Location: Belgium
I tore this off of the site http://www.chick.com/articles/dnd.asp
Where the comic came from

Quote:
On top of that, the second issue is that the materials themselves, in many cases, contain authentic magical rituals. I can tell you this from my own experience. I was a witch high priest (Alexandrian tradition) during the period 1973-84. During some of that period (1976-80) I was also involved in hardcore Satanism. We studied and practiced and trained more than 175 people in the Craft. Our "covendom" was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin; just a short drive away from the world headquarters of TSR, the company which makes Dungeons and Dragons in Lake Geneva, WI. In the late 1970's, a couple of the game writers actually came to my wife and I as prominent "sorcerers" in the community. They wanted to make certain the rituals were authentic. For the most part, they are.
Nice way to go about doing this. He used to be a hardcore satanist. A bit earlier he was an Alexandrian Witch High Priest. And now he's a fundamental christian? Nice to know he's at least consistent in his actions. But wait, that's supposed to validate him probably. He knows his stuff because he has played the game a few times. If it was with his fellow Hardcore Satanistic Witch High Priests, I'll bet it may have been a bit weird.

And that whole idiotic slandering TSR:
the authentic rituals around the table go something like:
"I cast Lightning."
"Ok, roll dice to check for damage."

And here I thought a ritual would involve a little more...

Argl, why am I getting worked up over this moronic site?
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Old 04-27-2004, 03:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Sounds like Chick missed his save against Feeblemind. Such is life.
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Old 04-27-2004, 04:10 AM   #8 (permalink)
Illusionary
 
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Chikapu is Satan Incarnate, and has captured the minds of your children. Bow down before the lord of chicken/kitten things, that you may feel the power of badly done anime.
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Old 04-27-2004, 06:02 AM   #9 (permalink)
Is mad at you.
 
Location: Bored in Sacramento
Man I can't believe this, what a load of crap.... Dungeon Masters are never that hot.
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Old 04-27-2004, 06:14 AM   #10 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
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Location: SW Oklahoma
This is one of the few things I have seen on the TFP that I can, in all honesty, say I find offensive.

But then I find all crap like this offensive.

I can only hope that there are more of us than them.
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Old 04-27-2004, 06:56 AM   #11 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by rockogre
This is one of the few things I have seen on the TFP that I can, in all honesty, say I find offensive.
If you think that one was bad, try going to thier site and looking at some of the other crap that they have out there.

This one is my personal "favorite". I like how they've drawn the "creationist" teacher to resemble an evil witch, or something. Nice little piece of propaganda work.
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Old 04-27-2004, 07:10 AM   #12 (permalink)
big damn hero
 
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We used to find them along the urinals at work all the time. Nothing brightens up my day like a good Chick tract.

Now if you'll forgive me, I've got some people to curse and demons to call....if I can just find my dice.....

{Edit: I just read the link above....

"No, Timmy most people will end up in Hell."
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Last edited by guthmund; 04-27-2004 at 07:22 AM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 07:48 AM   #13 (permalink)
The Cover Doesn't Match The Book
 
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Location: in a van down by the river
you should see some of the things I've read about the Harry Potter books and movies.....it's really scary.....now can we burn the churches??
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Old 04-27-2004, 08:51 AM   #14 (permalink)
hovering in the distance
 
Location: the land of milk and honey
ahhhh laugh out loud funny, that comic is from 1984, literally, the first illustrated panel shows a copyright date from 1984. If you aren't old enough to remember, the christian war against D&D was a big thing in the early/mid eighties.
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Old 04-27-2004, 08:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
Banned
 
HOLY SHIT.

Who the hell actually believes or spreads this bullshit??

I mean... DAMN.

EDIT: They call Catholicism NOT a christian church!

Last edited by analog; 04-27-2004 at 09:13 AM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 09:40 AM   #16 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
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Location: Sexymama's arms...
Quote:
Originally posted by analog
HOLY SHIT.

Who the hell actually believes or spreads this bullshit??

I mean... DAMN.

EDIT: They call Catholicism NOT a christian church!

Yeah, they're pretty old school hard core fundamentalist.


(BTW, since I'm in one of those churches, please don't burn them Midnight_Son )
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:01 PM   #17 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
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Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
Quote:
Originally posted by Tophat665
Sounds like Chick missed his save against Feeblemind. Such is life.


Ugh...I used to get those as "tips" when I waitressed.
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
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D&D doesn't make me worship Satan, it only let's me form a nice working relationship with him.
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:26 PM   #19 (permalink)
Still fighting it.
 
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http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0900/0900_01.asp

This is the best one. Compares Chick Tracts to Chinese Communist propaganda, which was similarly presented in the form of comic books. He calls his own message propaganda without hesitation, irony or self-awareness, as if it's supposed to convince the average American to buy [into] his shit.

Oh yes, it's all for sale. Chick is making a fat wad out of exploiting Christians' unwillingness to get n people's hostile faces about their faith. You buy a gross of Chick tracts and leave them places for people to find. Your contract with Jesus is fulfilled, you get to go to heaven and Chick gets paid, his conscience clear.

Last edited by flamingdog; 04-27-2004 at 01:58 PM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
Huzzah for Welcome Week, Much beer shall I imbibe.
 
Location: UCSB
I love Jack Chick, such a funny man. As for the Dark Dungeon tract, I have been level 12 for some time and I haven't been taught any spells. I guess I'm going to have to settle for "I, I attack the darkness" and "I want to cast Magic Missle."

My favorite chick quotes are "I don't want to be elfstar anymore. I want to be Debbie" and from the Gomez tract "Tonight we serve you the taco supreme".



The worst tract ever ,in my opinion, is "Lisa":

"LISA" Review! (Art by Carter ©1984.) This has GOT to be the most uncomfortable Chick tract ever written. Not because it's insensitive, but because the topic is SUPER sensitive: Child Molestation-- by the parent! The story follows a jobless, hen pecked husband as he stays at home and watches pornography. His beer bellied next door neighbor comes over to watch with him, then drops a bomb shell: "I know what's going on with (you and your daughter) Lisa... That's pretty juicy gossip. I'll keep quiet, old buddy, if we can share and share alike!" WHOA! The story suddenly kicks into hyper-gear. The very next panel, hen-pecked Henry is catching another bomb shell, this time from his doctor who just ran tests on Lisa. She has Herpes! And she told the doctor how her daddy and his neighbor are to blame! He screams that she is a liar, but the wise old doctor doesn't buy it. Just when you expect the police to arrive and cart Henry off, the doctor launches into a sermon about Jesus and forgiveness. Henry instantly converts (hey, it beats the big house!) and mums the word on daddy's dirty deeds. Henry races home and tells his wife he's saved. She admits she knew about the molestation all along, because her *!%* uncle did the same thing to her (so it's a family tradition). They pray together and tears flood from every eye ball. They call Lisa and we see how young she really is for the first time. It's shocking. She still carries a teddy bear and looks maybe five years old. We're talking MAJOR molestation and rape here, but all seems forgiven. Never mind the incurable child Herpes, or the unrepentant next door neighbor. The important thing is, another saved soul. I must be vindictive, because I wanted to see someone dive into the Lake, or at least get raped in prison. Giving the perp a good dose of AIDS would have been poetic justice. Instead, nobody is punished except the victim. (I guess that's more realistic than most of us like to admit.) This tract is currently out of print, but it's a favorite. Grade: A for Adult Content

http://www.monsterwax.com/chickreviews.html#lisa
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Last edited by nanofever; 04-27-2004 at 01:36 PM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:36 PM   #21 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: Eternity
Lebell. The pics got rexed. Do you have a link?

FOUND IT!
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Last edited by assilem; 04-27-2004 at 01:39 PM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:42 PM   #22 (permalink)
Huzzah for Welcome Week, Much beer shall I imbibe.
 
Location: UCSB
Chick's site changes the numbers after the pictures its seems, this should work though...

(edit: I hope you don't mind that I pasted your links into the top post. Thanks for getting those.

-lebell)
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Originally Posted by Norseman on another forum:
"Yeah, the problem with the world is the stupid people are all cocksure of themselves and the intellectuals are full of doubt."

Last edited by Lebell; 04-27-2004 at 07:09 PM..
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Old 04-27-2004, 01:50 PM   #23 (permalink)
Insane
 
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Location: Eternity
This happened to me just last week. I should have visited chick.com sooner. Thanks for the heads ups Lebell.
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Old 04-27-2004, 02:35 PM   #24 (permalink)
Crazy
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by moonstrucksoul
If you aren't old enough to remember, the christian war against D&D was a big thing in the early/mid eighties.
Ahhh...brings back flashbacks of 1982-83. I was about 11 or 12 when the local library decided to let people play D&D there on Saturday mornings. They set aside several rooms and the first Saturday was a hit. Next Saturday the local press was there taking pictures, interviewing players, etc. The article's headline was "Demons invade library!" Needless to say, that was the last day we were allowed to play at the library.
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Old 04-27-2004, 06:36 PM   #25 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Just my two cents worth...

Can't say if this is necessarily the view of the mainstream Christian church, so just want to warn you guys not to start burning down churches just yet.
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Old 04-27-2004, 07:40 PM   #26 (permalink)
Huzzah for Welcome Week, Much beer shall I imbibe.
 
Location: UCSB
Just a thought I had, if Debbie was a real friend she would take a player's guide, three 6-sided dice and a photocopied character sheet over to Marcie's house to roll up a new ambassador to satan's embassy.
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Originally Posted by Norseman on another forum:
"Yeah, the problem with the world is the stupid people are all cocksure of themselves and the intellectuals are full of doubt."
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Old 04-27-2004, 08:08 PM   #27 (permalink)
Vyk
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Wow. Frightening what belief can be perverted into.
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Old 04-27-2004, 08:19 PM   #28 (permalink)
Irresponsible
 
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When I've played D&D there have never actualy been any rituals. I don't know what this guy is smoking
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Old 04-28-2004, 01:39 AM   #29 (permalink)
The one that got away
 
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Location: Over the hill and far away
I can't believe this is supposed to be for real. I mean, come on!
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Old 04-28-2004, 06:01 AM   #30 (permalink)
The Cover Doesn't Match The Book
 
Midnight_Son's Avatar
 
Location: in a van down by the river
Quote:
Originally posted by Lebell
Yeah, they're pretty old school hard core fundamentalist.


(BTW, since I'm in one of those churches, please don't burn them Midnight_Son )

...I suppose I could leave one standing, just out of kindness
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Old 04-28-2004, 06:52 AM   #31 (permalink)
ARRRRRRRRRR
 
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Location: Stuart, Florida
Aahhh the 80s DnD will make you burn in hell. Listen to Judas Priest and youll kill yourself. Who shot JR? wow....flashbacks are fun.
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Old 04-28-2004, 08:21 AM   #32 (permalink)
BFG Builder
 
Location: University of Maryland
Our club (Terrapin Gaming Club at the University of Maryland) plans on distributing these tracts as flyers for open gaming night. Great publicity.
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Old 04-28-2004, 10:15 AM   #33 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
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Location: SW Oklahoma
Quote:
Originally posted by Bill O'Rights
If you think that one was bad, try going to thier site and looking at some of the other crap that they have out there.

This one is my personal "favorite". I like how they've drawn the "creationist" teacher to resemble an evil witch, or something. Nice little piece of propaganda work.
Little Susy is scarier than much else I can think of.

It's interesting that with such a diverse bunch as we are at TFP, so far not one person has stood up for this crap. I find the idea that adults and children are taken in by this message and, Chick turns a profit, to be sickening.
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Old 04-28-2004, 12:17 PM   #34 (permalink)
Upright
 
I want to be Debbie!
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Old 04-28-2004, 12:19 PM   #35 (permalink)
hovering in the distance
 
Location: the land of milk and honey
Quote:
Originally posted by elfstar
I want to be Debbie!
you are debbie, now shut up and roll
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Old 05-05-2004, 10:44 PM   #36 (permalink)
Addict
 
I feel cheated. I could of been casting 'Holy Smite' all this time.
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