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View Poll Results: Is this an example of a double standard in DV cases?
YES, the police should not have let her back in, a man would never have been given that option 24 88.89%
NO, she had nowhere to go 3 11.11%
NO, women are never the instigators of violence 0 0%
NO, he probably did something and she killed him in his sleep in self defense 0 0%
Voters: 27. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 09-29-2004, 08:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA
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Place Cleveland Ohio

A man (who had been charged 1 time for domestic violence) called the police to have his live in g/f removed because she was getting violent with him.

He did exactly what the anger management classes told him to do. Call the police and remove the problem.

The police came, talked with the lady outside. Went back to the man and told him she had nowhere to go that night, could he allow her to spend that night there and then she would move out.

He said ok.

Later that night as he was SLEEPING she stabbed him to death.

(No info on what the DV charge had been. leaving your spouse at the mall can be considered in the state of Ohio DV because you have left her no way to get home. I know from experience.)
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

Last edited by pan6467; 09-29-2004 at 08:51 PM..
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Old 09-29-2004, 11:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
Sounds like 100% double standard to me. I personally think the cops in that situation underestimated her. Thinking "she's just a woman uncapable of violence" cost that man his life.
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Old 09-29-2004, 11:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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If the cops underestimated her, so did the boyfriend who agreed to let her back in.
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Old 09-30-2004, 12:18 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hardly a doublestandard, if the dude thought she was going to kill him in his sleep he would have not went along withthe suggestion. There's not even close to enough information that would be needed to decide if it was really doublestandards or not.

Did the guy insist she was taken away and the cops said they won't make her?

Did she threaten his life?

If he really thought something like that would happen, he would have left without staying the night in the house with her.

Add an option of "No, not a double standard, as even the guy didn't think that could possibly happen" and I'll vote for the poll.
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Old 09-30-2004, 05:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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How about a poll option for "no, women frequently make the same mistake"?

Lots of women victims of domestic violence call the police to defuse a situation but then refuse to press charges. Sometimes emotion gets the better of people and clouds their judgment. And sometimes people are unpredictable.
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

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Old 09-30-2004, 05:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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We can't remove someone from the home if they have established residency. According to the article, she was a "live in" girlfriend, and therefore has just as much of a right to occupy that residence as he does. I can not forcibly remove someone from their home, unless I am taking them into custody and charging them with a crime. From what I read, there was no charges to be issued.

Here's what I always tell the other party: If you don't feel safe staying here with this person, I can arrange an emergency shelter for you to stay in tonight. If he didn't feel safe, he shouldn't have stayed in the home with her. Unless there is a protective order issued, I can't keep two people apart. ("I really really mean it, stay away from him" just doesn't work)

Last edited by fhqwhgads; 09-30-2004 at 05:53 AM..
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Old 09-30-2004, 06:12 AM   #7 (permalink)
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fhqwhagads... just a question out of curiosity. If the man was sole owner of the house and his girlfriend was just staying there (living) does that really make her an established resident? If her name is nowhere on the deed or lease then technically she has no rights regarding the house correct?
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Old 09-30-2004, 06:21 AM   #8 (permalink)
Location: Louisiana
i asked this question to a deputy sheriff that works with us.. he said that on a domestic call if a person asks for the other to leave and there is no sign of physical violence or other signs of arrest.. i.e. broken stuff, drugs, or outstanding warrents they cant remove a person from a place. but they can try and talk them into leaving..

sorry the dude was fubar from the get go. besides why didnt HE leave?
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Old 09-30-2004, 06:21 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by guccilvr
fhqwhagads... just a question out of curiosity. If the man was sole owner of the house and his girlfriend was just staying there (living) does that really make her an established resident? If her name is nowhere on the deed or lease then technically she has no rights regarding the house correct?
In my state, yes she does. If she has been staying there for a certain period of time (30 days or more, usually), she gets mail there, she has clothes and thing there, etc.... we can't make her homeless at the drop of a hat. If the other half goes to the courthouse and seeks a protective order, the judge can issue what's known as a "vacate order", and then we go and remove the other party. I can't just decide to do that without a court order.

Of course, every situation is different. If I have reason to believe that a person is going to be an immediate threat to themselves or to someone else, I can take the person to the hospital and place them into "protective custody". This is most commonly used when I can show that a person is suicidal. To remove someone and place them into protective custody because they were arguing with a spouse would be a large stretch.

Like I said though, every case has to be looked at on a case by case basis. There are very few absolutes.
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Old 09-30-2004, 06:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
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thanks for answering that question. every state is different but like you said there are no absolutes
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Old 09-30-2004, 08:00 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Seething
Sounds like 100% double standard to me. I personally think the cops in that situation underestimated her. Thinking "she's just a woman uncapable of violence" cost that man his life.
Here's the way I see things in this situation: (and I apologize in advance for kinda taking over this thread)

Let's say that you call a contractor out to your house because you're afraid that your roof is going to collapse. The contractor looks at your roof, and tells you that there is a chance that the roof will collapse, but he can't be certain. He tells you that before he can start work on your roof, you have to go downtown and sign a few papers. He further tells you that if you don't feel safe in the house, you need to stay in another place for the night. You decline, and in the middle of the night your roof collapses and kills you. Should the contractor be blamed because you didn't go downtown and sign the papers, and you didn't leave the house?

So why should I be held responsible because the victim doesn't go downtown and get a protective order (This can be done at anytime, day or night). If the person doesn't want to find another place to stay, and something happens to them, should I be held accountable?
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Old 09-30-2004, 08:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
Well maybe I've seen one to many episodes of the show COPS, but usually when a call is made regarding domestic violence and the woman is the victim, I don't see the cops asking the guy if he has a place to stay. He goes right to jail. I don't see why she wasn't taken to jail in this instance, unless the boyfriend didn't want to press charges. It's unfortunate for the guy since he is dead now. Maybe exercising better judgement prior, would have saved his life.

I wonder what kind of punishment she will get for murder. Briefly, in the city I live, a woman also stabbed her husband to death while he slept. During the court case the woman stated she was the victim of violence for 20 years even though there were no records from police, womens shelters etc,,.. to corraborate her story. Both his and her families were shocked at these revelations since everything appeared to be the contrary. The end result; the judge bought the story hook,line and sinker and sentenced her to 1 year house arrest and 5 years probation since he felt she was to fragile to be incarcerated. She certainly wasn't fragile when and how she cowardly took a life.
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