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Old 04-12-2004, 09:58 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Some of our members' more memorable quotes. (NSFW)

Quote:
Originally Posted by lotsofmagnets View Post
that was the best 2 hrs i think i´ve ever wasted. how is this thread not in the hall of fame? i think this thread is the hall of fame......
This is why this thread is here now. It predates the HoF by a few years, but what's in it deserves a spot among the TFP greats.

Not everyone has a classic hilarious thread, or one that displays staggering stupidity, but we've all said some really funny things and some really dumb things. Just about everyone here has said something worthy of the Hall of Fame, and that's where it will end up.

One final warning before we get to the thread: don't look at post #139 unless you want to see man ass.




Tonight, I've seen a few quotes from fellow TFP'ers that I feel deserve recognition. These are the sort things you'd put on a calendar of TFP quotes. I'll put down a few, you can all throw your nominations out there. Maybe we'll actually get a page-a-day calendar of our own

Quote:
Originally posted by Strange Famous
I used to have a baseball bat but it got messed up cos me and some friends used to play baseball with tins of canned ham.

Quote:
Originally posted by Phaenx
When I turn 85 I'm going to have my grandchildren hire a team of assassins to fight me to the death.

With swords.
Quote:
Originally posted by Phaenx
I've just decided that I want the assassins to be ninjas as well.

Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
I am just small enough that when I took off my towel, I was able to squeeze through the pet door into my garage. Once inside, I went to work on the (locked) door between my garage and pants.

To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.

Quote:
Originally posted by The Original King
Stand up against the over-bearing pre-school teachers.

Fight for the right to eat glue.

Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
Steve sent me a very convincing email about how he lost a testicle. I believed him. I was nice to him. I tried to make him feel better. I felt terrible for him.

Steve was a big fat liar. All the time I was being nice, he was laughing his ass off at me.

I eventually learned the truth. So...I took that lying email, and incorporated it into my own little peice of revenge.

Check it out.

http://www.stevehasonenut.com

Quote:
Originally posted by Macheath
damn, the kidneys must find the whole experience baffling. "..what the hell is he doing up there?.."

There's a few to start off

Last edited by MSD; 08-15-2008 at 11:47 AM..
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Old 04-12-2004, 10:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
Flavor+noodles
 
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Location: oregon
I could not find any awesome ones.
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Last edited by qtpye4u84; 03-23-2005 at 06:24 PM..
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Old 04-12-2004, 10:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by qtpye4u84
THose are cool and funny. You should find more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote:
Originally posted by qtpye4u84
I went with a boy firend to go eat pizza, with some ppl from tfp that he was going to meet. We had fun so I decided to get on here, he is now my ex but hes cool.
ummm the idea is that you try to find them to include in this thread...
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Old 04-15-2004, 07:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Toronto
Um.. it might just be.. you know, a vibe I'm getting, but judging by QT's speech patterns and posts, I'm beginning to doubt her age..
Plus her story keeps changing from boyfriend to husband, and now ex. Again, I'm just sayin' is all...
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Old 04-15-2004, 07:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Fenton-J-Cool
Um.. it might just be.. you know, a vibe I'm getting, but judging by QT's speech patterns and posts, I'm beginning to doubt her age..
Plus her story keeps changing from boyfriend to husband, and now ex. Again, I'm just sayin' is all...
I'd like to second those thoughts
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Old 04-15-2004, 07:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Bay Area, California
quote:
Originally posted by Phaenx
When I turn 85 I'm going to have my grandchildren hire a team of assassins to fight me to the death.

With swords.

quote:
Originally posted by Phaenx
I've just decided that I want the assassins to be ninjas as well.


My favorites... Heheee.
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Old 04-15-2004, 08:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
WoW or Class...
 
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Location: UWW
Click hear to read the full story behind the quote "To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses." One of the funniest stories you will ever read on the internet.
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
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Old 04-15-2004, 08:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
 
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Location: right here of course
remembered that story just from that one line, quite a amusing tale.
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Old 04-15-2004, 08:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
WoW or Class...
 
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Location: UWW
Same here Gibson, it is honestly one of the few times I've actually laughed out loud while reading something on the internet.
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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
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Old 04-16-2004, 12:51 AM   #10 (permalink)
Here
 
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When the hell did a say that?
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Old 04-16-2004, 07:34 AM   #11 (permalink)
The Griffin
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by The Original King
When the hell did a say that?
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Old 04-16-2004, 08:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by iamnormal
He mite as well get use to the idea of some thing being inserted into his anus. When you get older they don't check for colon cancer by looking in your mouth.
Quote:
Originally posted by Astrocloud
I think I would only let them use it if they were brand new. No used anal beads.
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Old 04-16-2004, 08:58 AM   #13 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
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Location: College Station, TX
the clavus quote was immortalized in my signature for a solid amount of time. Honestly the funniest true story I've read on the 'net.
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Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 04-16-2004, 11:39 AM   #14 (permalink)
green
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Jadey
You SHOULD be embarassed about seeing Sister Hazel twice. But I've only seen them ONCE so I'm okay.
Quote:
Originally posted by Fremen
Dude, I'm always masturbating.
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Your arms are broken!
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Old 04-16-2004, 01:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
Invisible
 
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Location: tentative, at best
Quote:
Originally posted by Jim Kata
My friend's step dad had a movie called "Chicken Lover".....I guess that is self explanatory. A whole bunch of people would stop by his house just to watch it. I mean people he didn't even know would show up and be like "Are you the guy with the chicken movie?"
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Old 04-18-2004, 08:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
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Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
Quote:
Originally posted by pinklily
But now I am starting to think that I am a Honda...and I used to think that I was a Porche...
Boy, do I know that feeling
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Old 04-18-2004, 09:11 PM   #17 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Somewhere, Missouri
Quote:
Originally posted by fhqhgads
I had a threesome once...with twins. Not sure it counts though, because they were conjoined twins. Sure, Stacy was into it, but Lacey just stood there, asking us to keep it down. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated her being there too, but she didn't have to bring a book...
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Old 04-19-2004, 07:52 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jephree
Just wondering how to get rid of that unattractive "ROOKIE" status/symbol below my ID. How many posts?..., or..?....

________________________________

"Would appreciate any help, thanks."
followed by:
Quote:
Originally posted by Mr.Deflok
You've still got a lot of cock to suck before you get to the big league buddy.
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Old 04-20-2004, 06:02 AM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Illinois
...getting punched in the junk by a three-year-old child.

Explaining to Junior that “we need to be gentle with Daddy” from a fetal position on the kitchen floor was not one of my better moments in parenting.

From clavus' vasectomy story.
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Old 04-21-2004, 03:34 PM   #20 (permalink)
green
 
From the thread where The_Dude asked whether there was a such thing as horizontal pussy...

Quote:
Originally posted by phredgreen
but just imagine the sound she would make going down a slide naked:

thbthbthbthbthbthbbbbt

i know you are already imagining it in your head...

EDIT: and a couple from the great Giant Hamburger

(in reference to me):

Quote:
Originally posted by Giant Hamburger
The person above me is over 1,000 years old and lives in a glass egg filled with blue nutritive fluid.
Quote:
Originally posted by Giant Hamburger
Hail KWSN!

Every man has his price. I could write a number on a piece of paper and slide it across the desk for your eyes only. If that number was large enough, I do believe my feet would be licked with zeal. I will consider it.
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Your arms are broken!

Last edited by KWSN; 04-21-2004 at 03:58 PM..
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Old 04-21-2004, 09:47 PM   #21 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Canada
TOK always has the best quotes. My favourite:

Quote:
Originally posted by The Original King
Quote:
Originally posted by The Original King
If I wanted that feeling you get from anal beads I would take a huge shit.
I said this while drunk. Now that I read it sober... it has nothing to do with anything.
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:08 PM   #22 (permalink)
Here
 
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Location: Denver City Denver
Yeah. I quoted myself.

I touch myself all the time. Just a natural progression.
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Old 04-22-2004, 12:53 PM   #23 (permalink)
will always be an Alyson Hanniganite
 
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Location: In the dust of the archives
Fuck me!!! I forgot all about phredgreen's response to The_Dude's "horizontal pussy" thread. Oh...my fucking god...I never laughed so damn hard in my freakin' life. And now, I get to experience it all over again...as if anew.

Seriously...I'm laughing so hard right now, I've got literal tears rolling down my cheeks, my side hurts, and the little 18 year old HPOA of an assistant of mine, is beginning to fear for my sanity.
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Old 04-23-2004, 05:02 PM   #24 (permalink)
King Knave
 
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Location: Lancaster
I think
EVERYTHING giant hamburger has ever said.
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Old 04-26-2004, 08:11 PM   #25 (permalink)
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This may be the funniest thing ever said on the internet, or it may be teh sleep-deprivation talking

Quote:
Originally posted by KWSN
DING DING DING DING DING DING!!!!!

We have a winner!!!!!

Your prize:



AN EGGPLANT SHAPED LIKE SPIRO AGNEW!!!!!
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Old 04-28-2004, 06:15 PM   #26 (permalink)
green
 
Quote:
Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
This may be the funniest thing ever said on the internet, or it may be teh sleep-deprivation talking
definitely sleep deprivation
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Old 04-29-2004, 08:22 AM   #27 (permalink)
The Griffin
 
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in the last TFP version marco polo - i think - posted a chat he had with some guy representing Bloussant boobie growing cream - it was on-going and the funniest damned thing i've ever seen posted on these boards...

bloussant is a boob growing cream - and they had a "have any questions" chat line set up

he got in and asked this guy if it worked on guys and passed it off that the guy he was chatting with was in the closet

anyway - it went on for weeks and marco kept posting the logs from the chat in a thread

gets better...

the guy he was chatting with wouldn't talk to him any more so he went in as a different guy looking for marco and asked when he last chatted with him cuz they had a date

then asked him if he'd like to join in

knock down piss yourself hilarious

went down with the crash of 2003 - wish it was still here!!!

Last edited by Hanxter; 04-29-2004 at 08:35 AM..
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Old 04-29-2004, 02:46 PM   #28 (permalink)
zomgomgomgomgomgomg
 
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Location: Fauxenix, Azerona
I nominate Averett, in her viscious defense of the "Not getting any" thread with

Quote:
Get back here! I have to spork you!
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Old 04-29-2004, 04:46 PM   #29 (permalink)
I am Winter Born
 
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Location: Alexandria, VA
Quote:
Originally posted by twistedmosaic
I nominate Averett, in her viscious defense of the "Not getting any" thread with
Haha, I was going to post that here - beaten to the punch. And I'm still running from the spork
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Old 04-29-2004, 04:58 PM   #30 (permalink)
Newlywed
 
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Location: at home
Quote:
Originally posted by Rubyee
Yes, and I hate it- nothing tickles more than pulling hair out of your butt.

Hope that doesn't end up as some quote I get known for.
This... this just had to be added....
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Old 04-29-2004, 05:02 PM   #31 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
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Location: I'm workin' on it
Quote:
Originally posted by Pragma
Haha, I was going to post that here - beaten to the punch. And I'm still running from the spork
I'm right behind you
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Old 05-12-2004, 09:58 AM   #32 (permalink)
I'm baaaaack!
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sillygirl
This... this just had to be added....
Damnit.
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Old 05-13-2004, 08:30 AM   #33 (permalink)
Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind
 
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Location: Oreegawn
Quote:
Originally posted by gremlinx8
...getting punched in the junk by a three-year-old child.

Explaining to Junior that “we need to be gentle with Daddy” from a fetal position on the kitchen floor was not one of my better moments in parenting.

From clavus' vasectomy story.
Oh my God, i just starting rolling on the floor laughing after reading that, and my roommate looked at me like i was crazy. Greatest thing i've ever read.
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Words of Wisdom:

If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.
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Old 05-19-2004, 09:52 AM   #34 (permalink)
With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much
 
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Location: left side of my couch, East Texas
Quote:
Originally posted by air45
you never understand that air45 is not bones! this was never the true.
air45 is the best quoteable member we have, imho.
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Old 05-19-2004, 05:36 PM   #35 (permalink)
I am Winter Born
 
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Location: Alexandria, VA
Despite my involvement in the creation of this quote, I still laugh every time I see it:

Quote:
Originally posted by WarWagon
Heh, I never thought I'd hear someone refer to "cheese grater strapped to your crotch", as "well put."
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Old 05-19-2004, 07:10 PM   #36 (permalink)
bAck iN aCtiOn!
 
Location: in my imagination
i jumped in at the tail end of a tfp chat discussion. heres what i got:

Phaenx: I rubbed it raw with a soapy washcloth and now it hurts.

ngdawg: don't do that
Phaenx: I got excited.

ngdawg: rubbing your nose makes you excited?? you're an easy date

wrkime: you should see what happens when he gets really excited
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>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~
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Old 05-19-2004, 07:46 PM   #37 (permalink)
Idolator
 
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Location: Vol Country
Yes, I fully realize that this is shameless plugging, but you all should check out my very own thread in Tilted Nonsense:Bullshit Thread


I created that thread forever ago, but I must say that after reviewing it, it is really really funny stuff, and some VERY good quotes on there.

You shant regret this.

At least I hope not.
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Old 05-25-2004, 09:11 PM   #38 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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Location: CT
Quote:
Originally posted by onetime2
That cinches it. Since I have not heard that Ralph Nader fell off a bike I have to vote for him. No bike accident = genius. Yep that's the way to go.
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Old 05-26-2004, 04:51 AM   #39 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: NJ
Quote:
Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
Hey I made the list. YAY!
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Old 06-01-2004, 12:51 AM   #40 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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Super Moderator
Location: CT
Quote:
Originally posted by yakimushi
My girlfriend poked me in the eye with her nipple once. Hurt like hell and killed the mood completely.
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