Sultana

I've been talking a lot with a friend who is very big on setting goals, and not wasting time in activities that don't further her goals. She says that this kind of attitude should be somewhat applied even in the dating arena (of course she would, that's how she lives her life).

Faced with the prospect of dating again (haven't dated since I was 19), and recognizing that I do want to someday have a serious relationship (I think), I figure it wouldn't hurt to make a list of the qualities I want in an SO. I'd love to see yours as well.

I'd like to request that in order to make this list highly pertinent, we leave out things that are essentially generally accepted, like good hygenie and doesn't torture kittens. Those are no-brainers. Make this specific to you and what you want out of life.

Also, try to make it positive-oriented; not "Not Possessive". "Not Possessive" does not describe the specifics of what you actually want.

OK, here goes for me:

1) Great sense of humor
2) Social
3) Open-minded, while still preserving his own viewpoint
4) Completed with their formal education (I am NOT putting another guy through college. Sorry.)
5) Self-supporting, financially
6) Self-supporting, emotionally (doesn't *need* me to make him happy.)
7) Sexually adventurous and physically capable (I will NEVER again settle in this dept. No way, no how.)
8) Great conversationalist
9) Not religious
10) Has good manners (opens the door for me and other ladies, is timely, etc.)

Bonus Round: Good dresser, and no kids. These aren't necessarily dealbreakers, but things I highly prefer. Oh, and he should be OK with cats.

Alright, I can see I actually have a lot more than 10 for my list, but that's good enough for now. Let's see what's important to you guys!

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

noodle

I'll bite....

In NO particular order... just stream of consciousness.

1. Respectful. Of differing opinions, independence, desires, needs and my drive to be alone sometimes.
2. Intelligent. Interested in a lot of things, open to new ideas, knowledgeable.
3. Able to communicate. Everything from what to do for dinner through "Hey, this is bothering me..."
4. Humorous. You just gotta be able to laugh with and at me. And make me laugh.
5. Ambitious. Not accepting of just exisiting, but wanting more.
6. Non-macho/non-misogynistic. I hate the "Lesser Gender", "Weaker Sex" shit.
7. Supportive and accepting of non-suffocating levels of support from others.
8. Financially stable. Having me around is an asset, not a requirement for your finanicial success.
9. Loyal. Don't cheat. If you don't want to be with me, go. If you want to be with someone else, go. Don't cheat. Just go.
10. Someone who wants me and my presence. Not needs me for his very existance.

I love my independence. I crave it. I require other people to crave their independence, too. It freaks my SO out when I don't mind if he stays with his guy friends after a night of hanging out drinking, playing video games, etc. As long as he's not driving, I'm fine. I don't NEED him 24/7. Finding a man that respects that and appreciates it makes me happy.

__________________

Sultana

I hereby absorb this into my original list.


I think I'm a-gunna need this one too.

Good job!

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

noodle

Yeah, I forgot the "doesn't want kids" and the "not religious" ones.

__________________

Midnight

1. Is not hung up on looks. Looks can and DO change.
2. Is willing to meet me halfway financially. I don't expect to not work while he does - he shouldn't either
3. Looking is not cheating. Talking /flirting is not cheating. But if someone else, of either gender, has had their lips/mouth/parts/etc. in contact with parts of your person that I consider MINE, don't come home. No explanation necessary, just don't come home. I'll do the same.
4. Someone who understands and agrees that we are not OPPOSED to more children, but it is nothing we are going to intentionally do. IE: If I get pregnant, it is not the end of the world, and something to find happiness in, but its NOT something either of us want to intentionally do.
5. I can deal with the occasional social drink or beer after work, (them) but I DONT drink. period. Myst be able to cope with the fact that I think more than one package of bottles of beer is too many in our refrigerator unless a party is imminent. Smoking is fine. Drugs other than ones prescribed TO YOU by a doctor are out of the question.
6. Must understand that no one has to be right. It is perfectly fine to have opposing viewpoints on things, just so long as its not the same person doing the compromising all the time.
7. Must not be pushy about religion. I have my own ideas on it, and will not push them on you, I expect the same in return.
8. Must never, ever send me to the auto parts store. I will not send you to buy tampons or other such personal girlie things, you will not send me to buy *insert part for car here*. I do not speak car.
9. Must be able to deal with me driving sometimes. I HATE other people driving me places. I can cope with you driving sometimes, but I drove professionally (limousine) for more than 4 years. I CAN and WILL drive sometimes.
10. Must have a libido and sexual creativity level at least equal to mine.

LiBan

1. Communicate clearly. I can infer some things, but I am not a mind reader. You have to tell me what you are thinking, why you did that and what has upset you.
2. Have a sense of humor. I crave laughter. If I'm not laughing with you on a regular basis the relationship is not going to work.
3. Be supportive. There is a difference between being supportive and trying to fix things for me. I do not want you to solve my problems. If I ask for advice, then tell me what you think I need to do. If I do not ask you, then just offer encouragement.
4. Respect my friends. Understand that the people I call friend have earned that. Understand that I will drop what I am doing to help a friend, just as they understand that I will drop what I am doing if you need me.
5. Be willing to try new things. Short of what is illegal or just plain stupid, I make an effort to try anything twice. Be willing to try it once.
6. Cook. I mean more than Hamburger Helper. I do not expect you to be gourmet, but be able to put together a meal which is good and balanced.
7. Be a gentleman. It makes me feel special to have you open the door for me. It is polite to offer to carry the heavy thing for me.
8. Neither of us is correct 100% of the time. I will apologize when I'm wrong. Do the same.
9. I am the only significant other that you have. I will not compete with alcohol, drugs, another person or anything else. I respect hobbies, work and the need to be alone, but I will not compete for your attention and affection.
10. Want me. I am not the kind of person who believes in settling when it comes to love. You should want to be with me and want to work with me on the relationship.

Hyacinthe

Not necessarily in order of importance and I stole a few from others


1) A sense of responsibility.If you decide to spend all your money for the month on a car, audio equipment, computer parts do not expect me to pay for your rent, electrical bills, debts. You made the mistake of doing that not me, unless we're living together and it was a joint decision.

2) Respect my friends. Understand that the people I call friend have earned that. Understand that I will drop what I am doing to help a friend, just as they understand that I will drop what I am doing if you need me.


3)Be supportive. There is a difference between being supportive and trying to fix things for me. I do not want you to solve my problems. If I ask for advice, then tell me what you think I need to do. If I do not ask you, then just offer encouragement.

(I know I stole those ones from LiBan but I could not have put them better)

4) Adventurous both in bed and out. I love to try new things from sexual positions to food to ways to spend the weekend. I want someone that I can share these experiences with. Especially since I want to travel after I finish uni / college.

5) Agree to disagree. Sometimes there's just no right answer to an argument, at these times I'm not going to cave into your opinion. As I've stated in other threads I hate being shouted at and trying to bully me just gets my back up and makes me more stubborn. So I need someone that can just agree to disagree and accept that my views are not going to magically change.

6) Good communication. I can't read minds and no I don't know what I did to piss you off, nor do I believe in the "you should know why I am upset" theory. If I knew I would not be asking. So I want a partner that can be honest about things like that and hold a decent conversation with me.

7) Shared household chores. You've been at work and had a hard day? Well guess what so have I. I don't object to doing stuff around the house I even quite liking cooking and ironing. This does not mean I am going to spend my days off constantly doing housework while you sit on the back couch with a beer.

8) Humour. I have a quirky sense of humour and I know it, I want someone that can appreciate the same things.

9) Ambition. This isn't just about work or money for me, I want someone that is willing to put in a bit of extra time or money to get what they want from life.


10) Someone who wants me and my presence. Not needs me for his very existance.

I love my independence. I crave it. I require other people to crave their independence, too. It freaks my SO out when I don't mind if he stays with his guy friends after a night of hanging out drinking, playing video games, etc. As long as he's not driving, I'm fine. I don't NEED him 24/7. Finding a man that respects that and appreciates it makes me happy.

(stealing one from fredweena as well cause it's sure as heck true)

__________________
"I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiles even when her heart is broken... and the one that could brighten up your day even if she couldnt brighten her own"

"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

maleficent

In no particular order

1. MAKES ME LAUGH (this sone is non negotiable)
2. Not needy or clingy
3. Gets me and my sense of humor
4. Well mannered
5. Can be a 12 year old boy, and a 42 year old man at the same time.
6. Hates to shop as much as I do
7. Likes me as well as Loves me - inspite of or even because of my quirks and shortcomings.
8. Appreciates that I am not perfect and don't want to be.
9. Will call me on my bullshit, not in a deaming way though.
10. Makes me laugh (worthy of repeating)

__________________

mixedmedia

1. Doesn't wince at a black and/or subversive sense of humor and ideally has one himself.
2. Doesn't question his very existence because I choose to lay in bed with a book all day on a Sunday.
3. Doesn't turn away from reality when it gets ugly or uncomfortable, rather delves into it and tries to understand.
4. Defines himself by how he thinks rather than what he does.
5. Sex all night, baby (and a decidedly adventurous spirit in the bedroom ).
6. Not embarrassed by public displays of affection.
7. Loves art, books, music, films and can talk about them with thoughtfulness and insight.
8. Not overly attentive to his looks, but knows when his pants are too short and a hideous shirt when he sees one (ie, simple but good taste in clothing).
9. Makes a living.
10. A compulsion towards kindness first.

I realize that I ask for a lot, but I'm tired of pretending these things aren't important to me. It's certainly not necessary that any one person exhibit all of these qualities - I don't know if I even could come up with ten qualities that someone had to have to hold my interest. Some of these are more negotiable than others.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Laugh-O-Matic

1. Wit. I'm a sucker for it.
2. James Bond appeal. *Drool*
3. He must be financially secure (if I go looking for something long-term) Don't call me a gold-digger, it's just being practical.
4. Has a good dress sense, not the type to wear neon shirts and yellow pants.
5. Loves sports. MUST love football (soccer)
6. Won't pick on the fact that I'm vegetarian. It doesn't have anything to do with animals.
7. Can shoulder responsibility well.
8. Cheers me up when I'm down in the dumps.
9. Won't cheat on me.
10. Pretty much got my perfect man, but, as a bonus, I'd love it if he could sing in Italian.

__________________
How you bore me, Florrie,
With those eyes of vacant blue;
You'll be very sorry, Florrie
If I marry you.
Though I'm easy-goin', Florrie,
This I swear is true,
I'll throw you down a quarry, Florrie,
If I marry you. - Saki.

ColonelSpecial

Oh man! Some of these are so good. I might have to borrow a couple.

1. Intelligence. I am a reader and herder of random knowledge so I need my man to keep up.
2. Humor. Smart, dry, witty, humor that makes me laugh.
3. Creative. Not necessarily art or music but something as a creative outlet.
4. Socially Adapt. Able to go into a group of people and at the very least make small talk.
5. Independent. I love and crave my independence and need him not only to understand it but to have his own independent spirit.
6. Spiritual. Not religious but has an understanding of his own spirit whether this includes a deity or not.
7. Sure of himself. Similar to above, knows that I still love him even though I might want to go to dinner alone.
8. Committed. Not going to cheat on me. Look but don't touch rule works for me.
9. Communicator. About bills, about his day, about sex, about whatever but he has to be able to use his words.
10. Cook and Wash up. Doing his laundry because I am doing my own is one thing but having him not do his own because he expects me to? Not so much.

Pretty much have that now. But my list hasn't really changed that much from before.

__________________
"Mommy, the presidents are squishing me!"

"Using the pull out method of contraceptive is like saying I won't use a seat belt, I'll just jump out of the car before it hits that tree."

Sara

surferlove007

LOL about the torturing kittens...this past weekend James nearly Fried up Red who is now known as Bacon. He hopped up onto the counter into the hot frying pan with bacon grease in it...

1. Loves Cats and Animals in general (I'm a huge cat lover)
2. Goober Sense of Humor
3. Perfect Teeth
4. Financially Aware and Prepared
5. Gives good back rubs
6. Acts like a teenager but can be an adult when necessary
7. Grabs my boobs and butt at in-opportune times, just to make me react
8. Laughs at stupid things
9. Eats whats left on my plate
10. Loves me with a passion that is unmatched with an intensity that is overwhelming
***11.*** Fries the kitties in the frying pan before breakfast

(his name is James! )

creepysusie

In no real particular order at all....

1. Loyalty - I am 100% intolerant of cheating like many of you ladies
2. Loving and Caring - What is a relationship without love?
3. Financially Responsible (notice how I am not saying 'stable'; to me stability comes with the responsibility)
4. Intellectual and Smart- I cannot stand stupid people, regardless of how good looking they may be. He could be an Adonis with an amazing penis, but he's useless if he's stupid and doesn't know how to use it.
5. An <b>Appropriate</b> sense of humour and funny - I don't mind if he makes childish sex jokes, but I don't want him to make prostitute jokes in front of my grandmother. This also refers to attribute number 4
6. Respects me as a person - Though it should be said that respect is earned, not given.
7. Certain level of openmindedness on certain subjects - This is a real catch-22, I don't expect him to be estatic for everything I stand for (especially in the realm of politics), but I need a certain degree of sanity. Plus open-minded in the bedroom. That goes without saying
8. Character - MUST HAVE CHARACTER!!!! To quote 'the wolf' in <i>Pulp Fiction</i> "Just because you <i>are</i> a character, doesn't mean you <i>have</i> character"
9. Good Conversationalist/Company - I want to be able to carry a descent conversation with him, but also have moments where we can both be in a comfortable silence.
10. Clean - I mean in terms of narcotics. I do no use drugs, nor do I smoke. I need him to be the same. If I am going to raise a family with this man, the last thing I want to do is have my son chastisizing me that I should let him smoke pot because "dad does it too". For me, smoking pot is a sign of childishness.

I think that there is some give in all of our lists. I mean, I would love to add "likes to work out" or "displays of affection", but these are all arbitrary and they change as time passes. A couple of years ago, I would have added "shares same political views" but now I'm with a guy who is extremely conservative, whereas I am very liberal. It only made things more interesting and it keeps things fresh between us (Think Dharma and Greg).

If we force the person we are with to absorb the 10 attributes that are important to us, I think it is only fair for us ladies to do the same.

I don't know what is going to change a year or 5 years from now so this is definately not set in stone.

Psychologist

Oh how we all love making lists.

Especially ones that have all our wants on it. Aye, the human is quite the dreamer, eh?

Well, here's mine:

1. He has to be able to engage me intellectually in conversations. The first thing I notice about a guy is the way he speaks and the choice of words he uses. I instantly get attracted to good diction and sentence structuring. Call me weird. I would never date or consider someone who can't speak proper English. I enjoy the company of intellectuals- discussion about life and philosophy to me is like the coveted chocolate bar to a kid. I enjoy logical arguments. I enjoy debates. I enjoy seeking knowledge. I would, therefore, enjoy a man who can provide me with the luxury of being able to converse about philosophy, psychology, literature, politics or biology- and not bore me out while at it as well.

2. Spectacles. I have no idea why, but spectacles are a must. Must be the birds-of-a-feather syndrome I guess. I just find it SO sexy

3. I might be called colored here, but I'd prefer someone who is fair. I'm Asian, see, but I would make an exception for the tall, handsome but dark (skinned) gentleman. He has to exude this air of genteelness though.

4. Those superficial characteristics aside, next up is the gentleman attitude. Opening doors, carrying my bags, opening the car door ~ OH, HOW I DREAM. *slaps self for drooling*

5. He has to be humble. That's because I think I'm someone who needs to learn humility. What better way than to learn it from a significant other? xD

6. He has to be devoted to his religion (MY religion, that is) I'm not exactly a good example, and I need a guiding hand...

7. A GREAT sense of humor. This usually accompanies an outgoing personality. I don't take too well to hermits or shy people; and I have a lot of trouble with pessimists. They're just too emo! I hate it when I have to be the one to nurse a man's ego. If anything, I always crush their egos :O

8. Financially stable. Goes without saying.

9. Not TOO old, unless he looks hot when he's old. :/ (I'm only 19 for god's sake)

10. Last but not least... he cannot be smarter than me

[/egoist]

hunnychile

Everyone's list has been quite good and spot on...

Only one important item is missing from these lists and that's the one special quality which is: my guy has to cause "butterflies in my belly"

A true test of perfect in my book.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

creepysusie

I totally respect people and their devotion to religion. I find that to be absolutely great when that engery is focused positively into the promotion of mankind.

But I am still a little confused about religion and relationships.

I am not super religious, but being buddhist, I only place my religion with my culture, not necessarily something I solely believe in. I am not trying to dismantle your requirement in a man, but I was wondering if you could explain why there is a need for like religions together. I have had maybe one or two friends that have expressed this requirement and I do not quite understand it.

It's just that to me, love and trust are separate from religion. Is it ABSOLUTELY necessary or is it just a preference?

Maybe it's because as a buddhist, by culture, and I am in a relationship with a man who has been raised agnostic/christian, I don't really understand the real necessity (as in alike faiths) for it.

mandy

he must always be able to make you smile/laugh.

he must carry a good conversation.

he must always be able to give you the butterflies in your tummy feeling even when you're angry at him and even after everything you've been through.

he must be able to make the whole world disappear when he puts he's arms around you.

he must not let you win at pool cos once you do win and it's on your own and he realises it he must have a smile on his face that says "well done baby"

he must be patient, so that when he sends you an sms saying he'll be at your house in the next half hour and he gets there and you're sleeping, he'll climb into bed with you and wait for you to wake up.

he must be kind, gentle and caring.

and most of all, he must love you with every fibre of his being "until there are no more fibres left"

sorry ladies, he's already taken

__________________
The Imagination equips us to see a reality we have yet to create

Clare

In no particular order:

1. understanding
2. non judgemental
3. funny
4. likes it when i make an idiot out of myself (laughing with me not at me of course)
5. always tells me whats on his mind, even if i might not want to hear it
6. loves me completely
7. never compares me to his ex's (unless of course he's telling my i'm better)
8. romantic
9. quirky and gets my random thoughts
10. charming ....i love a sweet talker with good intentions

Zezilia

You've pretty much covered the ground here, but here are some more:

1. is himself and follows his own star
2. is independent and doesn't need me but wants me
3. likes my company
4. laughs with me and is there for me in times of tears
5. doesn't concentrate on the negatives but is positive and optimistic
6. stays true
7. respects life
8. loves animals
9. has a zest for life and a sense of adventure
10. is eager to explore life and love and to grow

__________________
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
- Helen Keller

yellowchef

like most of you, I'm just repeating.. but for good measure here is my list.. and not in any specific order

1. Intelligent/educated/well rounded - I can talk about stupid things, in fact I like it! I have the NEED to feed my brain and he must have it too. I also don't live inside a box, I've seen more than my hometown. Act like you have at least read about another place.

2. MUST be open minded - From a-z my parents raised me to keep an open mind about everything. Things we find weird may be normal to another person. As long as it's not illegal and doesn't involve the inappropriate use of children..to each their own.

3. Sense of humor - I love to laugh. I also speak sarcasm. I also like stupid humor for some reason.(this is not the only humor I like but most women do not) If you can't make me laugh.. or laugh with me, we will have problems.

4. Financial stability - I know I'm in a deep pile of debt but I don't expect him to fix it. I expect the same from my man. Yes I live at home but I have also lived on my own. I could move out again if I wanted to. I also want someone who can share the tab on going out. I don't expect my man to pay all the time, in fact, I like paying sometimes. It makes me feel good.

5. Communication - I'm not a psychic or a mind reader. If I was, I'd have won the lottery moons ago. I also am not afraid to nicely tell you if something is bothering me. I expect the same.

6. Sex drive/zest for life - I think these two belong together because I've noticed people who "hate their life" have no sex drive. I've realized my life sucks sometimes but I also know things will work out so I've learned not to dwell on it. It sucks being all mopey and I have a better day(and better sex) when I'm happy.

7. Understanding/compassionate - I know "women love assholes" but I don't. I've dated many and in the end I hate being belittled. You're right, I don't speak car but I am willing to learn. You don't know how to cook but I don't rag on you for it. Also it is not wise to tell me 4 months into our exclusive relationship that I am fat. You chose to date me, I was the same size then as I am now. Were you expecting me to suddenly shed my layer of protective fat once winter was gone? I don't rag on you that since you enjoy my cooking so much you've gained a few pounds and now have to go and do mandatory PT 2x a day so you can meet the req's for your SSgt test. Also it's not always about right and wrong, I have opinions as do you. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. (we are not the Buddy Bears)

8. Manners(maybe this falls into well rounded buuut..) - I don't think its sexy for a man to smack, burp or guzzle beer when we're out trying to have a sit down dinner or when I've taken the time to cook you a meal. Excuse me, please and thank you are part of the English language for a reason. Burping and farting are funny but there is a time and a place.

9. Independence - For a long time I thought I wanted someone I could do EVERYTHING with. Then I got a boyfriend that did that. I decided if I wanted a puppy dog, I'd adopt a freaking puppy. It's ok that we have different interest. I don't need to see you every second of every day. Though my current boyfriend could do a little better at saying HI on a daily basis. No I'm not complaining, he just doesn't always remember I worry that he might be dead in a black hole if he forgets to call me back or respond to a text message once a day. I also have my own friends as I'm sure you have yours. Sometimes I want to do things with just them.

10. Loyalty / Honesty - I don't mind that he has female friends because I have male friends. Looking is not cheating. I have no shame in pointing out a hot woman to him. However his lips to her lips, tab A in slot B or any other form of cheating is an immediate "GAME OVER". I may not like you dumping me but I have been cheated on and I have learned a few things. There are things that I can't change in this world and I have to accept them. I can't force someone else to like/love me. I'm going to cry, I'm going to hate you, I'm probably going to beg you to stay. In the end we both know that if you would rather see someone else it's better that you tell me before you cheat. I'll do the same for you. If you cheat on me, I promise on my grandfathers grave that I have no problem destroying your ego and anything meaningful to you. I am not a vengeful person but cheating is like an ultimate sin. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

and sorry I made it possessive, I just have to always over analyze

__________________
the voices in your head are not real--but they still have some really great ideas.

always remeber you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. But..you CAN choose the insane asylum where you have them all put away!

LadySin

I will play follow the leader here... Here is my list, and I think Ill go in order.

1. Kids - I have two very beautiful children from my past, and they come first in my life. I am not looking for someone to be a "daddy", but they have to accept that I have children and cannot have anymore. I also don't want a man with any, two is enough for me. They also have to accept that I need to talk to my ex sometimes, and not get jealous or suspicious about it.

2. Mentally stable - Yes, no more crazies for me. *cheer* If you have a background of mental institutions, hit the bricks. Me and my children, deserve better. I agree with most of you ladies when I say, no clingers. I should be able to go in another room without him by my side asking me what I am doing. I have kids for that

3. Criminal Background Clear! - Traffic ticket, eh, ok. Everyone gets a speeding ticket or something of the like at some point, no biggie. Felonies... No. Jail time... No. Prison time.... No. No criminals for me! Been there done that, got the TShirt that exclaimed "I'm with Stupid" with an arrow pointing to myself...

4. Financially stable - I absolutely refuse to take on another child. And a man without a job, is a child to me. This one not only refers to his job, this also refers to his home. He needs to have acquired a place of his own. Apartment or house, does not matter. But I will never date another man, who at the end of the night, wants me to sneak around so I don't wake his mother.

5. Intelligent - At least have a half of a brain! Just half maybe? Come on... please? I want to be able to hold conversations that are more than "Hey, that was good pizza.". I love music, movies, cooking, etc. But I also love wrestling (yeah I know), video games (daydreams about the XBox in the living room), and computers. I love to talk, so show me you have something good to say.

6. Sense of humor - I love to laugh, he should too, and he should like to make me laugh. I love it when men do silly things. Gags and the like are fun. Just know when the right time and place are.

7. Maturity Level - Ok, so I am 23. Doesn't mean I act it. I also do not date men around my age. I require a minimum of 5 years older (early 30's actually is perfect for me). But please, know when to have some fun. Chasing each other around the house, tickle fights, and wrestling around the floor (or bed) is a lot of fun. Just because we are adults, doesn't mean we cannot have fun.

8. Sex Life - He has to be able to keep up with me. This is my biggest complaint about men, most of them (I say most because my current boyfriend seems to have no problem with this) cannot keep up with my sex drive. And I want a man who likes to explore different styles (I mean geez ladies we know there is more to sex than missionary right?! haha) and likes to try new things. Understands my reasoning when I explain to him that I'm not bringing others into the relationship. Does not turn up a nose to public displays of affection. And he has to make me feel wanted.

9. Family Ties - He has to have good relations with his family, and understand I have good relations with mine. I talk to my family somewhat often, and I like to see them when I can. My parents are very odd. I don't expect everyone to love them, but at least try to get along with them.

10. Friends - Almost the same as family for me. I have a few really close friends. Accept that they are my friends. They are more important than any man that comes into my life. So, don't get irritated when they call at weird hours of the night, post weird comments on a site I am on, or drop me random emails or letters. We also have weird ways of showing affection and are very vulgar towards each other, it's normal, and we don't mean half of what we call each other.


So there is my list... Enjoy!

Eowyn_Vala

1) Is his own person. Doesn't need me 24/7. Can respect that I like to have my time too. Has friends he likes to hang out with.

2) Has a great sense of humor. Has to be able to make me laugh. Has to understand that even if I'm not laughing on the outside, I'm laughing on the inside.

3) Motivated - Has to be motivated to do things with his life. He doesn't have to know what he wants to do, just that he wants to do something, and pursue options, not just dreaming.

4) Has his own opinions, doesn't try to enforce them on me. Respects that I have my own opinions and beliefs. Accepts me for who I am, including my religion. He doesn't have to share it.

5) Communication - has to be able to communicate with me. I don't like hearing "I don't know" when I ask him questions like what to do for dinner, what's wrong, ect. He needs to be able to share with me and talk. I'm a talker - I'll let you know all about my day, so please listen. Don't pretend to listen or read a book and only hear part of it. I will want your undivided attention at times. I'll give you mine.

6) Romantic - I don't expect flowers every week or even every month, but just for fun every now and then is great. Little things, holding the door, carrying the heavy stuff, planning dinner, taking a walk at sunset, just being spontaneous.

7) Brightens my day. Just hearing his voice or getting an email makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I want to be so excited to see him that I can't wait for work to end.
Loves me as much as I love him, without restrictions.

8) No cheating. I respect and love him, I expect the same. Looking isn't cheating. Body parts coming in contact with someone else's regardless of whose is cheating. I won't tolerate it.

9) Wants me with a passion like the fire of a thousand suns. Sex drive to match mine, openmindedness in the bedroom, please.

10) Kind, gentle, caring, patient, loves books, knowledge, doing new things, classy dresser, doesn't do illegal drugs, is open to children.

Okay, so the last one has more than one. I tried to squeeze a few more in. Obviously people change, I will too, any single one of these isn't a deal breaker but he needs to have most of them.

__________________
Cain: I know what you're doing. I've lead troops into battle before.
DG: And, how am I doing?
Cain: Well, there's less *hugging* when I do it

Shaindra

OK, I'll take a stab at this. In rough order, but the priority can shift depending on the day. ;-)

1. Honorable. This means you can trust him in all matters that matter to do the right thing. Honors his commitments. High level of personal responsibility.
2. Health-minded. This is not muscle-bound gym rat with 6-pack abs. This is someone that respects that the human machine needs good fuel and regular maintenance.
3. Intellectually Curious. This is different than intelligence, although inherent intelligence certainly helps this attribute.
4. Finds Humor in Life. Sense of humor is more that he can make me laugh. This is more about the ability to laugh with me at how ludicrous life can be.
5. Sexy. This one is whatever anyone makes of it.
6. Optimistic. Not cheery all the time, but just the basic belief that life is good if we let it be.
7. Thinks I'm Smart and Sexy. It seems like an obvious thing, but you'd be amazed how much of an impact this one makes.
8. Solvent. Sort of related to honorable, but mostly this one is just the usual "I don't want to have to support him".
9. Communicator. Doesn't always mean sitting and baring your soul all the time, but it does mean speaking up when something is going wrong, using all forms of communication to show feelings, and hearing the other person.
10. Fun. This is someone I want to take a 12 hour drive with, because he's fun and I enjoy his company. Even a trip to a grocery store can as amusing as a full-out date with the right person.

Lindy

Some great lists here. I don't know about ten. When it comes to lists, I usually end up with too many or not enough.

This is what is important to me now, at age 31. I know that my list would be different if I wrote it at age 20 or 25.

1) If you want me to look twice at you, you have to be, first of all, get this, non-negotiable, chiseled into concrete--AN ADULT. I’ve known men who were adult at age twenty, others with no chance at age fifty.
2) Intelligent and inquiring.
3) Emotionally stable and socially competent. Don't tell me you love me on the first date.
4) Financially responsible.
5) Spiritually engaged and tolerant. Don’t diss my faith, and I won’t diss your lack of same. I’m surprised at the disdainful intolerance of some atheists.
6) Emotionally supportive and unafraid of commitment.
7) Yes, all those chick things that guys don't want to talk about.
8) Peter Pan? Go away!
9) The jealous, the possessive, the druggy, the practicing alcoholic need not apply. (Sorry, Sultana, I know you wanted positives. I just have to keep some of these “deal breakers” in mind. I’ve let infatuation blind me to them before.)
10) Little stuff that is important to me now, that maybe wasn’t when I was twenty-one: You should be able to do your own laundry, pick up after yourself, balance your checkbook, clean your catbox, and cook. Take a shower every day. Still living at home at twenty-one is OK, at thirty-one it's not. I might end up being your friend, girlfriend, wife, significant other, maybe even an occasional fuckbuddy, but I will not be your maid or your Mom.

What I look for now, is someone who might turn out to be a good partner. You do not need to be drop dead gorgeous, (or even handsome) a neat freak, buff, rich, or have a big dick. You don't need to be an Einstein, but if you have some interests besides trucks, NASCAR, football, beer, the NBA, and my tits, that would be nice.
Lindy

I’m also attaching this ABSOLUTELY ON TOPIC joke.

Men are so much easier to please...

The New Husband Store

A new store that sells husbands opened a couple of years ago in
New York City. A store where a woman may go to choose a husband.
A sign at the entrance tells how the store operates:

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
quality of the men increases as the shopper ascends each flight of stairs.
There is a description of the men on the door of each floor.

There is, however, a catch: Once you enter a floor, you must choose a man from that particular floor. You may not go up a floor, or back down a floor.
You must choose a husband or leave the building!

So, a woman goes to The New Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
"Good," she thinks, but knows she can do better, and heads up the stairs.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
"All right!" she thinks, but doesn't think that is enough, and walks up to the next floor.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and
help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!, these men are ALMOST up to my standards."

So, she heads up the stairs to the fifth floor where the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
with the housework, love to shop, are intelligent, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so, so, tempted to enter the door, but instead goes to the sixth floor
where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are the 8,354,627th woman to visit this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that some women are impossible to please. Please exit right, and thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.



At the same time, The New Wives Store opened across the street.

The first floor sign says:
All the women on this floor are good looking, and love sex.

The second floor sign says:
All the women on this floor are good looking, love sex, and have large breasts.

The third floor sign reads:
All the women on this floor are good looking, love sex, have large breasts, and have just won a million dollar lottery.

Thus far, the fourth through sixth floors have never been visited.

genuinegirly

ghoastgirl1 - Ooo Arches. Pretty place.

1) Loves me.
2) Laughs at life.
3) Offers stability.
4) Acknowledges our independence and individuality.
5) Is physically fit: enjoys a solid workout, including hiking & other outdoor sports.
6) Attractive - be it personality, face or build (preferably all three), something has to keep me interested.
7) A friend before lover.
8) Good with my sister's children.
9) Has some inkling toward personal spirituality
10) Is willing to follow me to the end of the earth and back, as I am for him.

Here he is!

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

ring

It would be nice if he had Christopher Walken's voice.

Loves to give endless back-scratches.

will get up early to let the dog out...

write the holiday and birthday cards..

fold my laundry, and YES be funny too,

love to snuggle me in my flannels.

I will mail this list to Santa A.K.A Kris Kringle..etc, forthwith.