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Old 06-24-2003, 01:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Significant Others Looking at naked pics

Okay I have a few questions. I was wondering about a few things. Does it bother you when your husband or bf looks at naked pictures of other women? I am not talking about like a magazine. I am talking about for instance the titty board and other sites. If it does bother you why? Does it make you feel insecure about yourself? What does your partner say about this? If it doesn't bother you explain why?Thanks so much.
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Old 06-24-2003, 01:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Nope - I can't say that it's ever bothered me. I look at piccies and I'd feel pretty cramped if an SO wanted me to stop I don't think I've ever been with anyone (at least in any relationship that's lasted) who hasn't looked at pictures....
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Old 06-24-2003, 02:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I dunno, everytime my SO points out an actress or somebody he thinks is beautiful,they really are beautiful.The only trouble is,they are pretty much always dark hair,dark eyed types,nothing like me.What does that say to you? To me it says he settled,that I'm like better than nothing or something.The feeling makes me want to just fade away.

If guys like a certain physical type why don't they stay single till they find her? Why do they hook up with us when all it ends up doing is making us feel miserable and second rate?

Last edited by uptown; 06-24-2003 at 02:48 PM..
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Old 06-24-2003, 03:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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uptown: he's pointing out women who are PHSYICALLY beautiful. That isn't, or shouldn't, be the reason that he is with YOU. there's something special about you that says "she's worth spending time with. Worth talking to, and worth caring for." I'm having this argument somewhere else on the board right now... so here's the readers digest version: BEAUTY DOESN'T MATTER. that's it. who cares what you look like? If I can like and dislike people over the internet, and care about people I've never seen, then what do I care what they look like? And why should you care if you don't look like the dusky model your boyfriend points out as beautiful. he wouldn't be pointing them out if he didn't think you wanted to share that with him.

If him pointing out other women makes you feel second rate, maybe you need to discuss that with him? Maybe he doesn't realize how that makes you feel. Men aren't mind-readers, no matter HOW hard we think at them. if we dont' say "hey, you are making me feel like dirt, now stop it!" then they won't get it.

as for pics, my boyfriend is hte ultimate porn-filter. he wanders the titty board, and sends me the most choice spreads we share them together. Neither of us look ANYTHING like the men and women in the pictures, but it doesn't matter. i love him because he's smart, funny, and a quick thinker, not because he's Fabio. :P and the same can be said of him, although he definitely makes it clear he appreciates my... hmm, physical attributes, as well.
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Old 06-24-2003, 04:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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cheerios I couldn't have said it better!

Amethyst- It doesn't bother me when Alpha phi looks at porn..It used to but he got me involved in his search and now I could care less..Now I join him..
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Old 06-24-2003, 05:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Atropos: that kitty is GREAT!

ok, here's the question: why do you join in?

I do for 2 reasons:
1. I enjoy the pictures. they're frequently of lovely ladies and I'm a fan of things that are aesthetically pleasing, as well as being attracted to some of the lovely women.

2. I enjoy discussing something i have in common with my boyfriend. I like having that insight into what he likes. I enjoy seeing him think of me when he finds something particularly good, and makes the effort to share.

also, Atropos: what changed? Why's it okay now? (leading questions, hoping to find something that'll help the ladies above who haven't yet reached a compromise with their sig others concerning porn)
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Old 06-24-2003, 05:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Okay this is the situation. I have asked my husband over the years to quit looking at the pics on the internet. I really don't know why it bothers me so much because we watch porn together and he is magazines and I don't care about those but I hate it when he looks at them on the internet. We have had several fights about this so he knows how strongly I feel about it. I was gone last week and when I came home I got on tfp (I just joined two weeks ago) and while i was looking around I found were you can search on a user's name and see what they have posted on and all of his but 5 where on the titty board and others. I was really angry and most of the comments where that's a beautiful girl and like someone else said i look nothing like any of those girls he was looking at so what does that make me? Like someone else said i feel second rate. I don't know why he settled with me if he wants someone who looks like that. And then there was this one post of this woman's tits and her husband posted it and my husband wrote you are a very lucky man and i asked him what does he think he is. I don't know maybe I am being a baby about it and i should just give up and let him do what he wants I don't know?
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Old 06-24-2003, 05:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Amethyst: there's NO reason to feel second rate. The pictures of women on the titty board here are just that, pictures. they're air-brushed, edited to make them look the way they do. Your not looking like them doesn't mean a thing, other than the fact that you're human, and not an image on a page.

Replying on the titty board is a way of saying "thanks for putting the effort into sharing these pics with me." it does NOT mean that the poster thinks that woman is the most beautiful woman in the world, nor does it mean that he would chose to have a real-world relationship with her.

He most likely doesn't SETTLE for you, at all. he chose you, out of all the women in the world, because there was something he liked. I don't know what it was, but I bet if you asked him, he'd tell you. AND, I bet it has nothing at all to do with your looks.

You're not being a baby, at all, you just need to step back and think about it logically, instead of feeling second-rate. He looks at porn, because it's pretty. he loves YOU, because you're special. see the difference?
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Old 06-24-2003, 07:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I've never been hung up about porn, ever...so it would never bother me to find my bf looking at porn or whatnot because in the end well...they're just pictures...he cant touch those girls, they're not physically real...just pictures on a screen.

I think maybe a way to handle this is if you checked out porn yourself. I mean, I guess girls dont TYPICALLY look at porn...I do...and it's no big deal, I don't look at it to jill off or anything, it's just, as guys would find it...very pretty...plus it's a good way to find nice hairstyle...seriously.

And after a while, you'll realise most girls who are in pictures...can you imagine what they do in reality? Probably failing students, or have dead end jobs or really really uneducated...and if anything that makes me better about myself j/k...but still if you browse through it...it'll make you more confident about yourself towards your bf cuz you'll either start enjoying it yourself and you guys can share a common interest...or you'll hate it but know exactly what's bothering you about this whole thing.

On the other hand...if you are so upset about it you're husband should make some effort to explain, or feel sorry...or stop for a while...till things get sorted out...this may be one of those things where you have to talk to him very rationally while you're not upset...like a very civil conversation...he'll be more likely to comply with you that way...instead of sneaking around the problem.
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Old 06-24-2003, 09:23 PM   #10 (permalink)
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All I can say is thank goodness for internet porn.

My fiance and I each look for things to show each other what we like, what turns us on. Before him and his help I was very vanilla and thought of myself as a innocent lil thing.

I have discovered so many new things I would have never even thought about before. It's wonderful.
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Old 06-25-2003, 02:40 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Why do some of you keep saying, "He isn't with you for your looks"? Isn't that an insult towards the persons looks? I would certainly hope one of the reasons my b/f pursued me was because he found me attractive! (I don't have to hope though, I know he did.) Most women want to feel that men are attracted to them, this is certainly true of me. Your husband/SO is with you because he finds you attractive in some way or another, beleive me, you have to be somewhat attracted to the person you choose to share your life with whether you admit it or not.
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Old 06-25-2003, 03:07 AM   #12 (permalink)
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As for the subject matter:
I get upset when my b/f looks at naked pictures of other girls. I have told him and I know he will never stop. I don't expect him to ever stop. He would still do it simply for the fact of making it known that I can't "control" him. He did stop making comments about other girls though. I told him it was making me feel inadequate. I am hoping he stopped because it was hurting my feelings as opposed to stopping because he didn't want to hear me bitch and cry about it.
I didn't realize in the beginning that it was actually jealousy because I knew I wasn't jealous of the girls because they are just stupid attention whores. I also feel that I have a damn good body. Mainly, I'm just jealous of where his sexual attention is aimed. When it's at some fluezy on his computer screen and not me, I'm jealous.
I'm jealous because I am the only woman that should be turning him on. I know he will be attracted to other women, as I will be attracted to other men (and women as well) BUT getting turned on is something to save for your SO.
One time when talking about girls gone wild he said, "I get horny looking at them and then I come to you." I had to explain to him why this was something that I was less than happy about. I may be wrong but I'm guessing he thought I should be flattered by that statement. Maybe I should feel lucky that he decides to come to me after all these other girls turn him on? I expect that my SO will be getting turned on by me and only me.
My b/f has explained many times, "It's physiological, men like looking at naked women, it's natural, etc." I stopped asking because I gave up at ever getting a legitimate answer. Apparently hes saying men revert to animals when it comes to stuff like this. Well this is farse. Some of them justify their urge sleep around with a part of them still feels like it has to fornicate with as many women as possible to ensure their genes get to the next generation. Funny how so many of them don't want children though . . . It's BS, a lame excuse.
"Honey, I couldn't help staring at the hot chick that walked by while I was supposed to be listening to you, it's the apelike caveman inside of me"
If we actually couldn't control the inhibitions that society represses (but most men claim they can't control) we'd all be running around naked and shitting wherever and whenever it was necessary. As ridiculous as it sounds you'll learn in any psych class that it's true.
Now that I know that my guy likes endowed blonde women, as a 36B brunette, of course I feel inadequate to him!! As attractive and we both think I am, he still thinks something else is better. Am I supposed to feel ok with this? It's hard to accept the fact that someone settled for the way you look. He might not, I don't know, but if he feels like he can't do any better, he still wants to. Even if he thinks I'm hot, theres always hotter. I find this hard to swallow at times even though I am still very confident about how I look.
The main reason I don't like him looking at porn and naked chicks though is because I get jealous when he focuses his sexual attention on anything but me. I don't think it's acceptable. He chose me and I'm the one who gets that attention.
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Old 06-25-2003, 05:12 AM   #13 (permalink)
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If a guy ever told me that he had to go look at other women in order to get aroused to have sex with me,I think I'd cry for days.

As it is,whenall the women a guy points out to you as beautiful look totally unlike you,it seems to me like he's sending you a pretty clear message,he's telling you what he finds beautiful and desirable... and baby,you aren't it.

Btw,I try not to comment with anything but"yes she's beautiful"
and I try not to notice those ackward moments when we're out together and convo stops because he's eyeballing some babe
and I'd never dream of invading his privacy by attempting to censor his reading material in any way.What does happen though is that I get the most powerful urge to withdraw,I look at the beautiful women he points out and then I go look in the mirror at myself,my shame and digust at my reflection makes me want to cover and hide my body from him and to bascially just withdraw,I'm so far from what he considers beautiful,it's pretty clear he just settled

Last edited by uptown; 06-25-2003 at 05:20 AM..
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Old 06-25-2003, 06:07 AM   #14 (permalink)
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We look at porn together, or he looks on his own and comes snuggling in with me after, aroused. I have no problem with this most of the time. If he's been up til 2 am, then I'm grumpy, but that's the rare exception not the norm.

We both search out fair skinned, attractive redheads in our nekkid women viewings. I'm neither fair skinned (pale from lack of sun does not count) nor am I a redhead. Does his fascination with them bother me? No, because I share it. I find them gorgeous creatures and if I could play with one I'd be grinning from ear to ear as I imagine a cat with a saucer of cream would be.

He enjoys many different types of women, some I don't find attractive, and I enjoy many different types of women, some he doesn't find attractive. Just because he enjoys looking at them, does not mean he wants to be with that person though, and just because I enjoy looking at women, does not mean I would leave my husband to do so.

Quote:
Quoting Theresa:
....because I knew I wasn't jealous of the girls because they are just stupid attention whores.
Does this go for the girls who post in exhibition too? Because they choose to share their bodies (or faces or whatever, just using bodies for space reasons :-P), or have agreed to their S/O sharing their bodies on an internet board? I really hope that isn't how you feel, but we all have the right to our opinions.


Quote:
Quoting Theresa:
Mainly, I'm just jealous of where his sexual attention is aimed. When it's at some fluezy on his computer screen and not me, I'm jealous.
I'm jealous because I am the only woman that should be turning him on. I know he will be attracted to other women, as I will be attracted to other men (and women as well) BUT getting turned on is something to save for your SO.
You've never been turned on by porn? Or do you not share the interest? Hell, I've been turned on reading a cheesy romance novel. I do not agree that only my S/O has or should have the ability to arouse me. I get aroused listening to a song by a new artist a friend had me check out, her voice sends little shivers of excitement through me, and I want to jump my husband after listening to her. Her song is not about sex in any way shape or form, but her voice is pure sex, in my mind at any rate. I think my life would be pretty boring if nothing turned me on besides my husband. That would cut out naughty thoughts of wearing no panties under short skirts just because, naughty thoughts of what the vibration of that gorgeous motorcycle could do to my bits if I could ride it, naughty thoughts of every nature that don't relate specifically to my husband. Blah!

Not trying to jump down your throat here Theresa, just what you said I don't agree with and it makes more sense to quote and answer than to talk without a reference point.

Quote:
Quoting uptown:
If a guy ever told me that he had to go look at other women in order to get aroused to have sex with me,I think I'd cry for days.
I hope it'd be after you gave him a solid knee to the groin for being an ass, and I think all of us would cry too, assuming it was our S/O and not some jerkoff on the street or in a bar we don't know, as some guys are just jerks and say mean things to get a rise out of people (some girls too).
However, does -your- S/O do this?
If he doesn't, and I assume he doesn't, otherwise I doubt he'd still be your S/O, he obviously finds you attractive. Why do we feel that we have to be his perfect girl? Is he your perfect guy? Mine isn't, he is not my perfect image of a guy. But I love him more than I can express. Looks are not the be all end all damnit! I am not saying that I'm not physically attracted to him, because I very much am, but he's not the type I drool over in a magazine, and I sure as hell didn't settle for him. He's the one I want, and those pictures in that magazine are just eyecandy.


Amethyst, why does it being on the internet bother you? If you watch porn together, and look through magazines together, you share the interest, right? Or are you just doing it because he wants you to?
I would be bothered if it weren't an internet board, if it were through irc or some other chat program where he's talking to a specific person and getting her pictures and telling her that she's a beautiful woman. That would bother me, that's personal. The titty board is not personal, it's random. Those same pictures could be in a magazine someplace, they're just on the internet instead of on paper, and people post their thanks because otherwise the person who posted gets told by lack of responses that their work in searching out the stuff, organizing it and then posting it on the boards is worthless, nobody appreciates it.
As for him saying to a husband that he was a very lucky man, why does that exclude him from that "lucky man" club? I think all of the couples on the exhibition boards are very lucky, they have each other and they have a community where they can share themselves anyway they choose.
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Old 06-25-2003, 04:35 PM   #15 (permalink)
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It all boils down to priorities.

If porn becomes more importent then the real thing, then you have a problem.

I will never care that my SO looks at porn, as long as I come first.

Hell I look at it a lot myself.......but I would rather have the real thing anyday.
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Old 06-25-2003, 04:39 PM   #16 (permalink)
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exactly what Nikki said

And considering that my SO and I met here...
And are both mods here...
We both know where our priorities are.
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Old 06-25-2003, 05:49 PM   #17 (permalink)
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It doesn't bother me at all, if he wants to look at other pictures. I like to look too....Plus you can find out different things that each other would like to do that way.
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Old 06-25-2003, 06:06 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I wouldn't mind if it was pictures of couples but the pics that he is looking at are just of girls by themselves.
We talked a little about it today since I have calmed down. What made me the most angry is that I had asked him previously not to do this and he continued. When I asked him he lied to me. And then he lied about deleting the history which made me even more angry.
I guess the differnce between him looking at the pics and us watching a porn and looking at a magazine is just that it is us. And it bothers me that he is doing this behind my back. And also is he thinking about them when we are having sex? Does he look at those pics then wake me up? I would kill him but I don't know and I am sure he would never own up to it if that was true.
I don't want to be his mother and tell him he can't do this so I guess I am just going to suck it up and let him do it.
Thanks for all the advice.
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Old 06-25-2003, 06:13 PM   #19 (permalink)
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My tits are too small ,I need to do a hundred sit up's a day and in spite of the fact that I walk everywhere,I need to do leg presses cause my legs aren't good,and I'm also too pasty white..but tanning salons aren't ok. and he finds me so attractice that he vowed to try to make love to me once a day.

and he gets mad at my lack of self-confidence
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Old 06-25-2003, 07:09 PM   #20 (permalink)
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The whole part vof thois that kills me is that guys get mad at us for lacking "self-confidence" behind this stuff.It's not enough if we just shut up and withdraw It's like if we don't act all happy and approvinbg that we're evil bitches or something.

Don't we have the right to any sort of feelings in this area? Why can't simply trying to quietly accept and live with this stuff be enough? Also,after an evening of them eyeballing other women why aqre we suppposed to act all happy and excited at a chance to be on their jocks? I mean,who really wants to be with a guy while he's lying there wishing he was with other women?

As fo
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Old 06-25-2003, 08:59 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Ya know... this is a really good subject. With my SO being a moderator it's kinda odd. I can't say it completely bothers me, I look at 'em too.

I do bother him about it though... because I don't look at them as much as he does. But a lot of this is my own insecurities with myself and my body.

So all in all, Yes it does bother me a bit. But I trust him, and I love him. We have an awesome realtionship and I'm happy.
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Old 06-26-2003, 12:07 AM   #22 (permalink)
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He says that he doesn't and I believe him .. I think it would bother me, I would feel that I'm not good enough for him, even if he told me I am, and that he needs someone better to look at to fuel his sex drive, insecurity...
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Old 06-26-2003, 01:44 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Uptown -
I couldn't agree more with you about what you had to say about having an opinion about this and acting all happy. I think it's easier for people to defend looking at the porn and pictures because it's so widely accepted now. I'm attracted to women too but I can't help that something doesn't feel right and that I have a different opinion. I don't like how we are automatically "wrong" about stuff like this with out b/fs (Am I right? Have others experienced this or is it just me?) Part of me wishes I didn't feel this way, I would have peace of mind much easier!!

I was questioning my b/f about why he looks at porn and pictures and he said something to the extent of "Why does it bother you so much, it's not like I'm thinking about them when we're have sex." The thing is the thought of him thinking about the girls while he was with me never once crossed my mind, let alone had I ever accused him of such a thing. This makes me wonder why it was even in his head if I never mentioned it!! Hopefully a past g/f brought it up so he assumed I thought it too. That is the only reason I can come up with that justifies why he would think of such an awful thing and then defend himself about that. The only reason other than him actually thinking about the women while hes with me. . . I suppose he should know that if he was thinking about them I would have to break up with him because sex is too intimate for something like that. I'm not gong to bring it up again though, it's a waste of time he just gets pissed.

Xapphire -
I am turned on by porn but not very much and it doesn't interest me. If someone puts it on I won't walk out of the room though just because I don't want to seem like a bitch. Especially in a room full of guys it's a waste of breath to say "porn is stupid".
Some of the guys in porn I've seen have no idea what they are doing too because they don't have to worry about pleasing a girl, they just have to make it look good for the camera. This could be misleading to guys.
I don't like the idea of porn at all. Watching other people is weird to me. I suppose I'm conservative when it comes to this stuff. I think the fact that the people making porn don't even love each other devalues sex. I kinda get turned on by porn but not even half as much as I do with my b/f. To me it's like indulging in something that your mind tells you isn't right, like cheating or robbing a bank or something. Thats my opinion and I know it's probably different thats why I'm sharing it. I really don't expect anyone to agree with it.

Watching a video of me and him would be so much sexier and so much more of a turn on than two other random hot people could ever be. It's porn, but it's us, and it's intimate.
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Old 06-26-2003, 02:47 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Re: Significant Others Looking at naked pics

Quote:
Originally posted by Amethyst
Does it bother you when your husband or bf looks at naked pictures of other women?
No, I am not bothered.

Quote:
If it doesn't bother you, explain why?
Because I am the one that was a bit of a porn hound. I read of the Titty Board at Fark...followed the link here...noticed & checked out Off the Wayside...and got hung up on it for a couple of weeks.
Why? Probably mostly curiosity- what were men looking at? - and a very specific genre turned me on.

But I haven't been back but a time or two in weeks. I got bored with the same fake tits and poses. All that really interests me besides the type of porn I mentioned, is something that may not be my *thing,* but is done in an artistic/creative way. And there's not too much of that to be found.
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Old 06-26-2003, 11:28 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Personally, I am not bothered by it.
And the fact is that I have 50 times more porn on my hard drive than my husband does. (He loves to make his friends jealous by telling them this. *boggle*)

However, if you are bothered by it, you have every right to feel that way. You have a right to your feelings. And you can ask your man to stop.. but chances are very slim that he will no matter how much he promises. Most guys seem to think it's better/easier to just say they won't look at it and then sneak around behind their SO's back.

I've talked to several guys about this and I always tell them the same thing. They should first try and be understanding about what it is that makes their girl feel so strongly about this. Is she insecure? Then he needs to reassure her. Does she feel he gives the porn more attention than her? Then he needs to remedy it. It's important to understand and empathize with her. But whatever he does, he should NEVER promise to stop unless he truly feels he has the resolve to never look at it again. To promise without the balls to back it up is only going to end up hurting the relationship more than actually looking at the porn itself. Instead, he should try to get her to understand that his interest in pornography is not a reflection on her or their relationship.
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Old 07-01-2003, 11:29 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I didn't read the big capital "no men please" notice up top the forum. or the on on the index page... or the one in the "read this if you're new" in newbies...

Last edited by cheerios; 07-01-2003 at 12:49 PM..
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Old 07-02-2003, 01:11 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Pictures are pictures.. It's nothing but a piece of paper. Besides, I know he's not with me for my physical beauty. It's when he starts to form an emotional bond with an actual person that I feel insecure.
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Old 07-03-2003, 04:51 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Pornographic women online v. Real women offline

What I say comes from a slightly skewed point of view since I think women can be just as much fun as men... and kind of like Double D, I'm almost a porn hound.
I agree with what Xapphire says and my post probably reiterates her points.

(Sort of disclaimer: It's almost 6 am here, so if my editing sucks, it's because I'm loopy. I tried not to invalidate feelings or imply other feelings on this board are wrong.)

1) Letting yourself feel second rate to fake women that don't exist. The airbrushed, fine tuned women you see in photos aren't real. They aren't all pornstars 24-7. At some point, they have to act "normal" like everyone else and go shopping for food, take shits, sleep, etc. IMO, the point behind pinup photos is that they are idealistic women that are for men to fantasize about. These women would never exist in this world. Once you hose off all that makeup, they look like you and I. And in my experience, strippers at least, are just as varied in personality as any group of women. They come in size bitch and size soft and cuddly... not all are attention whores. For the photos that aren't pinups, but amateur, the women often do it because a) it's fun and they enjoy it, b) they're proud of their bodies, or c) they are exhibitionists (none of which is something to be ashamed of, but to be respected due to the amount of self-confidence that involves).
If you really think about it, it's kind of silly. If your man is really looking for a woman as pictured in pinup/softcore porn, then he will never be happy or satisfied and it will show. I believe most men acknowledge these women aren't real. I agree with em1014, you should be more worried (but not paranoid) about emotional bonds with *real* women.

2)
Quote:
"Why do some of you keep saying, 'He isn't with you for your looks'? Isn't that an insult towards the persons looks?"
Beauty isn't the only trait that determines attraction. Sure, it's nice to be liked for your looks, but that's not all that matters. Substance matters more, I think. You can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if you're a selfish, emotionally sadistic, vampiric, cunt only shallow people will date you for more than.. a day. Beauty is only part of the picture. If you're personality is beautiful, that might be all that it takes. Also, it's unfair to assume that if you're physically ugly by conventional means that no one would be attracted to you. (It seems to be implied in your post.) Consider this: http://www.disabledsex.org

3)
Quote:
"'I get horny looking at them and then I come to you.'"
I would be complimented by this. Why? Because in a roundabout/inarticulate way, he is telling you when he becomes aroused, he thinks of *you* and comes to *you,* not those women to whom you feel second-rate. When men view porn, they're not always fantasizing about being with the women at which they are looking. Perhaps you should ask him what he thinks about... Sometimes they look at porn beforehand to help uh, "prime" themselves. Some men are really insecure about having a limp dick. It would have been a different situation if he said, I can't have sex with you unless I look at porn first.
Quote:
"Mainly, I'm just jealous of where his sexual attention is aimed."
He told you when he gets aroused looking at porn he ends up thinking of you, so why are you jealous?

4) Problem?
Quote:
"I have asked my husband over the years to quit looking at the pics on the internet."
Solution?
Quote:
"Watching a video of me and him would be so much sexier and so much more of a turn on than two other random hot people could ever be. It's porn, but it's us, and it's intimate."
You're bothered by him looking at photos on the internet of other women. You've asked him to stop looking completely (which I think is completely unfair and uncompromising) and he hasn't followed through. Perhaps you should try to strike a deal with him (if you trust him): Make porn between the two of you if he'll stop looking at internet porn. A lot of couples find this many times more arousing than porn of other people. Maybe you'll learn to appreciate it more and he will most likely appreciate the hell out of it.
Another suggestion is to ask if he will share his porn surfing experience with you. If you're included, maybe you'll feel less hurt or bothered. You might learn to enjoy it. You might even learn something interesting and new. Maybe learn more about each other! Sharing this experience improves communication and enhances bonds in my experience.
(ranty) I don't see how you can expect to take porn away from him without giving some sort of substitute or make some sort of compromise so that he doesn't feel like he's getting the short end of the stick... *and* expect him to follow through. Denying porn is like an equivalent to telling your boyfriend not to masturbate or denying him sex. Again, this is just IMO. You know he likes it, yet you take it away.
Let's say you're 5 years old. I take away all of your toys and expect you to be just as happy as before. You're lonely and you find out your neighbor has some spare toys you could have. You have toys to play with again, yay. I find out and I punish you for it. Is that fair?
(assumption city) For the majority of men porn isn't a serious thing. It seems like some women make this a much bigger, serious issue than it really needs to be. Do you look at model magazines? Why isn't your boyfriend jealous and hurt by your actions? You're probably looking at other women, comparing yourself to her. Isn't that the same thing he's doing? And you've probably been looking at magazines for a good portion of your life.(/assumption)(/ranty)
Sorry. Couldn't help it.

5) As for going behind the back. I think that's just dirty. But you have to ask yourself, why is he doing it? Maybe he needs some leeway and more compromise. Or, it could indicate a negative trait about his personality. It depends on the situation and the people, really.

6) As for interrupting conversations due to gawking at other women, that's just rude. It seems different to me from spotting out a hot woman, pausing to share/enjoy the experience, and then continuing on with life. One is rude and exclusive, the other is fun and inclusive. Using the whole caveman response is bullshit to a point. We do have basic human needs (survival, breeding, etc.), but we do also have control over these needs. (another stupid hypothetical example If your SO was stranded on an island for a week and his only option was to wait until the rescue helicopter landed before he can he, do you think he would wait 20 minutes and control his hunger or would he go on a murderous cannablistic rampage? I doubt it would be the latter. Even in extreme situations we can exercise control over very primal needs.

Sort of a summation...
Ask yourself, would you rather him look at porn behind your back of unreal women online, or have him look to meet potential new girlfriend material from online or elsewhere behind your back?
If I were dating someone who was uncompromising with other things that she had strong feelings about (which in the process invalidates my feelings by disapproving them), I would probably develop wandering eyes at the very least.


My apologies for rambling nonstop. I'm done now. Finally.
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Last edited by motdakasha; 07-03-2003 at 04:54 AM..
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Old 07-03-2003, 04:36 PM   #29 (permalink)
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It doesn't bother me.
We usually look together! lol!

In fact I have bought over half his nudie posters!

I guess it doesn't bother me as I know he's just looking, but it's me he loves. And also I like to look as much as him, if not more!
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Old 07-04-2003, 05:41 PM   #30 (permalink)
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anti fishstick's Avatar
 
Location: oregon
nope, doesn't bother me. my current bf doesn't even like porn much and it's quite possible that i look at it/get turned on by it moreso than he does :-D he'd rather see a movie with a cute girl in it, fully clothed. i appreciate this, but it still wouldn't bother me if he was into porn. i think it's a healthy part of human sexuality and i do it so why can't he? i actually want us to see a porn together.. that i've already rented. it could be educational! :-D
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Old 07-07-2003, 03:42 PM   #31 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Seattle
Quote:
Originally posted by Theresa
One time when talking about girls gone wild he said, "I get horny looking at them and then I come to you." I had to explain to him why this was something that I was less than happy about. I may be wrong but I'm guessing he thought I should be flattered by that statement. Maybe I should feel lucky that he decides to come to me after all these other girls turn him on?
my bf said that to me, too, only about some hot girls that his best friend brought over to his place. i think he also thought i should be flattered by it... either that or i should be happy that i'm getting sex or something. funny, because i really don't think he'd be happy if i said i was around a bunch of cute sexy drunk <b>guys</b> and so i wanted to fuck him. really.
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Old 07-07-2003, 03:45 PM   #32 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Seattle
but yeah, to answer the question-
him looking at porn doesn't bother me at all, we look at it together. him checking out other girls doesn't really, either, unless he knows the girl and starts obsessing about lots of stuff other than sexual attraction. that's when i feel inadequate. and in the above mentioned situation.
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Old 07-08-2003, 04:09 PM   #33 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Ohio
It does not bother me. The way I look at it is like this:

The person is with me for me. They are looking at the pics for fantasy. In the long run it benefits me because the person is climbing in my bed not some internet porn girl's bed. I look at pics as well does that mean I am going to run out and cheat NO does it mean I love or desire my man less NO.
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Old 07-08-2003, 08:45 PM   #34 (permalink)
Insane
 
This is just something that hasn't ever really bothered me, and Im not sure why. My hubby looks at stuff on the net, and suscibes to playboy and Ive had people ask me why I LET him do it, and I say it doesn't bother me and they seemed shocked and feel I should stop him but its not like he's gonna cheat on me with Playboys July centerfold so why should I let it bother me. Sometimes I will see something he's looking at and I will say something like she's so pretty or I wish I looked like that and my hubby tells me how beautiful I am (even though I disagree) but that shows me that he wants to be with me and i KNOW he only wants to be with ME! So if he feels like looking at the stuff I don't really care.
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Old 07-08-2003, 11:06 PM   #35 (permalink)
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this use to really really bother me... but then I realized all the fun I was missing out on.. and now I watch it with them and all is well
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:27 AM   #36 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Florida
it doesn't bother me that my husband looks at porn. as a matter of fact, i look at it with him sometimes. he gets a kick out of the humorous comments i may make now and then.

the way i look at it, it's only natural that he looks at other women whether it's on the computer or someone at the beach. Sometimes, i even point out a good looking woman to him and vice versa. I am bi and I enjoy looking with him. It's something
that we share.

we are both very comfortable with our relationship and trust one another. i know who he's going home with and sleeping with so why should it bother me? I look at other men and he's knows it. It's all part of nature. Accept it for what it is. God made a womans' body beautiful and it's only natural that men will look.
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:42 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Amethyst
Does he look at those pics then wake me up? I would kill him but I don't know and I am sure he would never own up to it if that was true.
I love looking at porn myself. And yes, I admidt that if I got excited enough I would go wake him up and have sex.

But then I got some cool toys and would just pleasure myself.

Uh, I also left him as I was no longer in love, we drifted apart.
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Old 07-13-2003, 06:49 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Location: Lebell's arms
His looking at porn bothers me no more than me reading a "love" novel bothers him. They are simply a ways to a mean. Truth be known, I don't have the most wonderful body in the world; but my bf is with me! It is me, including who I am in bed, that he loves -- not my body. The woman and/or men on the net are just pictures. Who could love a picture?

That said, if/when I walk in on bf looking at porn, I simply put my lovely tits between him and the computer screen. The porn is of no interest now! Either that, or join him. I don't particularly get off on porn; but I like the artistic pictures. Why not enjoy with him because in the long run it is me he is thinking about!

It may be that his looking bothers you because of our societies extreme views which cause us, as woman, to question or own self image and value. Being confident in your lovers commitment to you and in your own esteem, helps tremedously, so do talk about it!
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Old 07-13-2003, 11:50 AM   #39 (permalink)
Insane
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sexymama
His looking at porn bothers me no more than me reading a "love" novel bothers him. They are simply a ways to a mean. Truth be known, I don't have the most wonderful body in the world; but my bf is with me! It is me, including who I am in bed, that he loves -- not my body. The woman and/or men on the net are just pictures. Who could love a picture?

That said, if/when I walk in on bf looking at porn, I simply put my lovely tits between him and the computer screen. The porn is of no interest now! Either that, or join him. I don't particularly get off on porn; but I like the artistic pictures. Why not enjoy with him because in the long run it is me he is thinking about!

It may be that his looking bothers you because of our societies extreme views which cause us, as woman, to question or own self image and value. Being confident in your lovers commitment to you and in your own esteem, helps tremedously, so do talk about it!

The only thing I have confidence in is the fact that if/when he score's one of those hotties,he'd dump me so fast my head would spin.Face it ladies,they look and drool because those women are what they realy want.The rest of us are just convient holes that they settled for.Screwing us is better than beating off and will get them thru till the next hotttie comes along.
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Old 07-13-2003, 01:38 PM   #40 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Chicagoland
Quote:
Originally posted by uptown
The only thing I have confidence in is the fact that if/when he score's one of those hotties,he'd dump me so fast my head would spin.Face it ladies,they look and drool because those women are what they realy want.The rest of us are just convient holes that they settled for.Screwing us is better than beating off and will get them thru till the next hotttie comes along.
Wow, sounds like you've been burned a time or two. Hope that someone soon comes along that will treat you like a woman, rather than a *hole.*
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