Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > Ladies Lounge


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-01-2003, 05:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
thinking of an affair?

Has anyone of you married girls out there feel a closeness with someone else that you thought that you could easily have an affair? Just curious. What would you do?
Pandabear is offline  
Old 08-01-2003, 05:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
*Nikki*'s Avatar
 
Location: Charleston, SC
Remind myself what it would feel like if someone fucked around on me.

That swift kick in the ass would put a stop to that way of thinking.
*Nikki* is offline  
Old 08-01-2003, 05:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
Turn off your TV.
 
Location: ... .- -. ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. .. ... -.-. --- --..-- -.-. .-
I'm not married, but I wouldn't advise having an affair if you care for the one whom you've married. At least, not without his consent first.
__________________
"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc
collide is offline  
Old 08-01-2003, 06:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
My future is coming on
 
lurkette's Avatar
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
Of course I've felt attraction for and closeness to other people, but like Nikki just the thought of what it would do to my husband, and to my own self-respect, puts an end to that thought before it really has a chance to form. As far as I know we've always been faithful to each other and that's a track record I'm eager to keep. Once you cross that boundary, even if you do manage to stay together, there's no going back to the way things were before.
__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France
lurkette is offline  
Old 08-01-2003, 06:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
Upright
 
I am not saying you are going to have an affair. What I am saying is that you have the feelings of it...
Pandabear is offline  
Old 08-01-2003, 07:00 PM   #6 (permalink)
Upright
 
And then there are those where the attraction is lost to the person that you are with and you try so hard to make it work out. But there is someone else that seems they would better fit the need. I have so many friends that go through this...it's crazy. More people go through it than what actually should be.
Just wondering.
Pandabear is offline  
Old 08-02-2003, 03:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Jersey
First, if the attraction is lost between you two, then "both" of you have to work on it. Second, no matter how good the attraction feels, the grass is not always greener on the other side. And here's a question to think about.....how do you know this "lost attraction" won't happen again with someone else. Relationships are hard work everyday--but it's worth it.
yoshi is offline  
Old 08-06-2003, 09:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: Somewhere near Hubby
Quote:
Originally posted by Pandabear
And then there are those where the attraction is lost to the person that you are with and you try so hard to make it work out. But there is someone else that seems they would better fit the need. I have so many friends that go through this...it's crazy. More people go through it than what actually should be.
Just wondering.
If the attraction is lost, try talking to him about it. In fact, ask him if *he* has ever considered having an affair.

Yes, you are taking a big risk, but, if you don't do something, the situation will get worse and you might lose the marriage.

Even if you break up, it's better to talk about it and fight it out than to let it deteriorate and get nasty.
angela146 is offline  
Old 08-06-2003, 06:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Seattle
yeah, i've felt an incredibly scary amount of closeness and attraction to people that aren't my boyfriend ... including around a week and a half ago when i went on my regular vacation and ran into my ex that i hadn't seen since the year before. i never acted on it, though, and i practically kicked my own ass just for having the thoughts.
__________________
"I could be the walrus ... I'd still have to bum rides off people." -Ferris Bueller.
darksparkles is offline  
Old 08-07-2003, 02:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
 
raeanna74's Avatar
 
Location: Upper Michigan
I have felt that closeness. In some cases you can just be grateful for that closeness and companionship. Sometimes it can be a stopgap or sounding board to help you work on your marriage or current relationship.

If you would ever consider a real affair here's a site where you can find a lot of input from those who have been or are in affairs and how it has affected their lives. They will give you guidlines on how to set bounderies or warnings and reasons for not embarking on that kind of relationship. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair

Whatever you do the fact that you have considered an affair is usually a sign that something is missing from your marriage. Think long and hard about what that is and see if you can't change things. On the other hand if you aren't married and the other person is I would suggest trying to find that closeness with someone else. They will never be able to give you what you need in a relationship if they are currently attached.

Good Luck
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
raeanna74 is offline  
Old 08-28-2003, 07:28 PM   #11 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: if you want to know, you'll ask
Been there, have the t-shirt. I always said I never would because I would be a wuss and tell on myself and then I would be worried about him leaving.

Well. That was the first 10 years. Then our marriage just went to pot. Neither of us asked the other what was going on. I did mention that it would be nice to be communicating. But we didn't get far. I could have pushed it further, but I didn't want to.

There was a message on the answering machine about flight arrangements. It was his friend. I asked what it was about and he said nothing. Now, mind you, we go on seperate vacations quite a bit.

5 days later, he tells me he is going to Vegas for a car race. Upon some grilling I found out this was planned a month ago, but he just go the okay from work. He was leaving the next day! I explained to him that he could have let me know earlier, especially when I asked him what the msg was about on the flight arrangements.

After 15 minutes of him saying, but I just got the approval from work, it finally dawned on him (that it dawned on him or to finally give up) and he said that he should have said something sooner.

I was SOOO pissed. Later that night I sent an encrypted msg to my ex boyfriend (the one before the guy I married). The next morning I woke up and thought 'OH SHIT! I SENT IT!'

Anyway... hubby left at 3 p.m. and I was in the ex's arms by 8 pm. I felt strange being with someone else after 16 years, but that was about it. A week later I realized that life was just not worth it to keep living with someone that you did not love or communicate with and I left. I"ll be officially divorced in 2 weeks. I personally, cannot wait!
__________________
Baileys
Baileys is offline  
Old 08-28-2003, 07:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: if you want to know, you'll ask
Oh.. in other words... don't do it unless you are ready to leave.
__________________
Baileys
Baileys is offline  
Old 08-30-2003, 09:52 AM   #13 (permalink)
Upright
 
When I was married the first time, I would sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else, then he did it to me. There is nothing like that pain when it happens to you. I have too much respect for who I am with now that I would never want him to hurt that way.
mindy is offline  
Old 11-12-2004, 02:47 AM   #14 (permalink)
Upright
 
this is old stuff, but yet so NOT old to me......

YIKES

I'm married. And committed to it 100%. I wouldn't EVER cheat.

Anyone who does I hope is caught, beat, raped up the ass,
pissed on and left for dead..... Its WRONG. It violates and utterly disrespects everything a marriage vow is.
Grumbling*Girl is offline  
Old 11-12-2004, 02:48 AM   #15 (permalink)
Upright
 
......and BTW sorry if that sounds too harsh.....
....... just expressing an opinion.....
Grumbling*Girl is offline  
Old 11-12-2004, 05:12 AM   #16 (permalink)
"I'm sorry. What was the question?"
 
Daoust's Avatar
 
Location: Paradise Regained
i have balls and stepped over the line - i should learn to read the rules first - go ahead ladies... throw knives
__________________
I have faith in a few things - divinity and grace
But even when I'm on my knees I know the devil preys

Last edited by Hanxter; 11-12-2004 at 07:00 AM..
Daoust is offline  
Old 11-12-2004, 05:43 AM   #17 (permalink)
Leaning against the -Sun-
 
little_tippler's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: on the other side
For me, I would never cheat. Even if the urge was strong and present, I would be upfront and let the other person know that it was over, and only then act on it. Sometimes it's just a crush, or a sign that something is wrong in your current relationship, an escpae, a no-strings tied thing. Personally I have never felt the kind of closeness with someone else that would even remotely bring me to consider cheating on the person I am with at the time. I have been cheated on and I think there is no excuse for it. Even so, at the time I was weak and didn't break it off. Things deteriorated rapidly from there, and now I see that to cheat or be cheated on is the worst betrayal...trust is broken, and the wound never fully heals. I would never do it.
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


Fernando Pessoa, 1918
little_tippler is offline  
Old 11-13-2004, 11:02 AM   #18 (permalink)
My own person -- his by choice
 
Location: Lebell's arms
Pandabear, there is a big difference between cheating and looking -- even fantasizing. If you are tempted to cheat, you need (imho) to seek counseling and/or talk about it with your SO. And wiat to be out of the relationship before getting involved with another! Make a clean break (not a break overshadowed by "the other man.") If you are just looking, have fun! (Let's face it, men have looked and fantasized for years -- why can't we!?)
__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.
sexymama is offline  
Old 11-13-2004, 11:13 AM   #19 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul:::
Guest
 
Pandabear, please read my posts in the following thread and really take it to heart:

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=72339
 
Old 11-13-2004, 11:54 AM   #20 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
Averett's Avatar
 
Location: I'm workin' on it
Just to point out, Pandabear was last active on 8-4-03... But this is still good advice for anyone
__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
Averett is offline  
Old 11-14-2004, 12:08 AM   #21 (permalink)
Happy as a hippo
 
StormBerlin's Avatar
 
Location: Southern California
I admit sometimes I wonder if I would get a thrill of having an affair on the man I consider my husband, but I don't think I could ever do it. I don't like casual sex and don't respect people that think it's ok to totally forfeit the commitment they made. Someone mentioned earlier something about "only with his permission" or something? Does that constitute as cheating then? I don't think I'm self confident enough to let my man have sex with another woman, even if I could sleep with another man. I would just feel weird about it.
__________________
"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane
StormBerlin is offline  
 

Tags
affair, thinking

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:43 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360