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Old 02-18-2004, 03:39 AM   #1 (permalink)
Location: belgium
"With a little help from my friends" ???

Heya girls,

I got this PM a few days ago; maybe you girls can shine your brilliant lights on this one for me?

Hi Lisa.
Read your thread in the Ladies Lounge. (Yes, I'm also one of the guys who go tere every so often) And I found your thread rather interesting. I was wondering if you or the fellow female board members could possibly give me some advice:

I am in a monogamous relationship with a girl, and calling our sex life "Healthy" would be an understatement. We use condoms, but I would prefer a backup, since the last thing both of us need at this point in our lives is an unwanted pregnancy.

She has had a bad experiece before with the pill, and when I brought this subject up, she bluntly stated that she wont go on the pill or for injections. I've tried telling her that she should perhaps try a different brand (and consult with her gynae), but the matter is apprently closed. But I have experienced a pregnancy scare once, so I'm still pretty paranoid and every month I'm waiting anxiously for her to get her period. Plus, every time we have sex, my mind wanders to this subject, and I would rather be free to enjoy having sex with her more fully.

How do I make her understand this? How do I convince her to try it again? And if I cant, which of the other contraceptive methods should I suggest she try?

Thanks for your help.
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Help this guy out of need!
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Old 02-18-2004, 04:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
Wide varities of birth control methods are on the market. I'd suggest the patch to her as an alternative to the pill.

He should sit her down and discuss her feelings on the matter along with his. He should tell her his fears on the issue of not wanting a pregnancy right now. What exactly is preventing her from using the pill? Is she scared of becoming pregnant? Is she trying to become pregnant and not being honest about it?
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Old 02-18-2004, 06:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
Location: Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Well u can never be 100% protected no matter if she is on the pill - but i agree with him condoms are most definitely not enough.

I agree with you ladyadmin on discussing it with her but it seems from his message that he may have already done this at lengths.

I do think her reluctance is odd and perhaps there may be alterior motives although i have had heard of some friends having very bad reactions to the pill and trying different pills does take quite some time if u continually don't get the right ones.

Perhaps discussing with her what her feelings would be and what she would expect to happen in the event that she got pregnant - this may help uncover any possible reasons for her reluctance. That is if she is willing to discuss it.
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Old 02-18-2004, 06:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Louisville, KY
OK, her refusal sort of sends up a warning light...I agree with Blee, there might be an alterior motive at work.

It seems like the couple has discussed this at pretty great legnth...maybe they should have a little talk with her doctor. She or he could probably help the girl find an option that is best for *her*.
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Old 02-18-2004, 06:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Lebell's arms
Don't be too quick to judge. I have had terrible experiences with the pill and will not go back on it! (Any brand turned me into a raving bitch.) Currently I'm using the patch and that seems much better. Before the patch came out, I used condoms and foam. A diaphragm is another option or an iud. Don't give up -- keep talking. There are a lot of options out there. He (you) may want to visit your local Planned Parenthood together. That is what Lebell and I did -- even at our age. We found them to be an excellent resource who are use to talking about just such matters.
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Old 02-18-2004, 06:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: ...more here than there...
^ excellent advise sexymama

all i can add to it is, as another alternative method, is a cervical cap.
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Old 02-18-2004, 08:36 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Wales, UK
Maybe it doesn't agree with her at all. Its not fair to make her take it if she does not want to.

Why don't you try the coil, the cap or the male pill (is it out yet?). Anyway goodluck
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Old 02-18-2004, 09:21 AM   #8 (permalink)
Location: The capital of the free world??
Talk to her about it some more. Discuss other methods you can use, and reasure her that when the male pill comes out, you will take it.
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Old 02-18-2004, 12:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
Location: ...We have a problem.
New pills are so low-dose most women don't experience side effects and some even keep you from breaking out! I think the patch is a good alternative, especially if you're worried you won't remember to take a pill everyday. I would encourage her to speak to her physician. But again, you can't make her take it if she doesn't want to and if you don't want her to get pregnant, the only way to be sure she won't is if you stop having sex. No way would I rely upon just a condom. That's not an option if you love her, however if you're worrying more about sex than enjoying it, there's not a lot of "lovemaking" going on anyway.
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Old 02-23-2004, 01:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Old 02-24-2004, 04:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Location: at home
Okay, if she's refusing any form of birth control on her end, and you're worried about a pregnancy, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER!! That may be the only way it gets across that you're really uncomfortable with your current situation. I know it means that you'll have to go without sex, but so will she, and if it's important to her, she'll come around. Don't mean to be harsh, but if you aren't comfortable with the current arrangement, then you shouldn't be having sex.
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Old 02-25-2004, 06:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
so many men...so little time.
Location: Bellingham
I agree silly girl...there are surely two sides to this and if the pill is causing havoc, I see her concern...but they are playing russian roulette with the condoms alone. So one or the other has to take a more drastic mesure, and it's obviously him that is going to have to make the next move. The consequences are unknown, but what are the choices? an unwanted preg or....
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Old 02-25-2004, 03:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
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You both should take a trip to Planned Parenthood. You can learn a lot there. They have lots of options! and theyre very willing to help, nice people ive heard
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Old 03-01-2004, 05:00 PM   #14 (permalink)
Location: Glenview, IL
I have to agree with a lot of what most people are saying. My gynecologist was apprehensive about giving me a prescription for the pill because my blood pressure is "borderline" (i.e. higher than it should be for someone my age) and I have a history of migraines. However, I persisted, so they gave me a month-by-month prescription so that I'd have to go in every month to make sure my blood pressure wasn't getting higher.

Regardless, synthetic hormones can cause health problems such as blood clotting and if she doesn't want to use hormones, you should not try to push the issue. If using condoms only frightens you, I would suggest contraceptive foam, diaphragm or other barrier method, or perhaps you could abstain from sex (even with condom) during her most fertile times. That's a little risky because womens' cycles aren't clockwork (as many surprise parents will tell you ).

I hope to find out what happens with this when you guys decide on an option that's right for you.
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Old 03-10-2004, 04:42 PM   #15 (permalink)
Location: We Have Just Lost Cabin Pressure
ask if she'd consider wearing a female condom or a diaphram or you can also use a spermicidal cream even though I think the pill would be more effective.
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Old 03-16-2004, 09:23 AM   #16 (permalink)
Location: belgium
Hi girls,
the guy who asked for our advice wishes to thank all of you for helping him and his girlfriend;

Here's an update:

Hi Lisa.

I saw a few members asked for an update on me and my SO's birth control. I appreciate all the comments and suggestions made, so an update is required, I think.

Basically, after lots of discussion, I finally got her to agree to go see her gynae. Her appointment is only in May though. I can understand her not wanting to go see a "new" gynae.

In the interim, I've decided to use a combination of methods, including condoms, spermicide, withdrawal and the famous "rhythym" method. The last is damn hard to apply. I've discovered I have less self-control than I thought when it comes to abstaining from sex with her. Its just too damn good.

We've had one scare. I think thats what finally got her to see her gynae. the nausea the morning-after pill gave her is not something she wants to go through again, I think. So I'm just hoping that it will be less with the pill. Otherwise I can see her tossing it already....

thanks to all the ladies for your help.
We're all crossing our fingers for you and your girl!
Good luck
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