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Old 05-22-2004, 08:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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fear

Okay ladies, I need your help here...

At this stage in my life, I am terrified about getting pregnant. While I do want kids some day, I have so much I want to do before then.
I've been on the pill for about 4 years now, due to medical reasons, but that doesnt even stop my paranoia about this. My boyfriend and I have started to have sex a few times, but each time I made him stop because of this fear...

So my problem is this... how do I get past this mental block, to be able to enjoy this with my boyfriend?
 
Old 05-22-2004, 08:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Use a backup method, like spermicide. Although spermicide isn't as strong as the pill, it should ease your mind a little to know that there is a backup.
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Old 05-22-2004, 09:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Definitly use back up ie.) a condom, foam, sponge ect...... the combination of the pill and another contraceptive makes for VERY strong birth control.
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Old 05-22-2004, 10:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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The pill is something like 99percent effective when used correctly. You don't want to get pregnant? Follow the instructions for the pill to the letter.

Maybe you should reconsider your reasons for having sex. If you are that terrified, maybe it's your subconscious telling you you just aren't ready.

If you really beleive you are, trust that the pill will do it's job, as long as you are using it correctly, and talk to your boyfriend about using condoms, and/or pulling out.
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Old 05-22-2004, 12:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You can always use condoms if that'll make you feel better..there is no way you'd get pregnant doing that! I've been on the pill for 3 years now and at first I insisted a condom always be used or the withdrawl method. But now I'm not really worried about it. I take the pill everyday just like I'm suppose to and I've had no problems without using a back up method.

I have a friend who weighs like 170 and for the pill to be at the top of its effectiveness you are suppose to weigh 156ish or less I believe. They never used condoms. Just relied on the pill and sometimes she'd take it like 12hrs late. She has never been pregnant.
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Old 05-22-2004, 10:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I've been on the pill for 11 years and never used anything as a back up. I've never gotten pregnant, but I'm very good at remembering to take it.

I have a good friend that just had an accidental 3rd child ( the first 2 were planned) while on the pill. She swears to me she took it 100% correctly, and had been on it for 4 years, when she suddenly got pregnant again.

Here's another one: I know a guy who used condoms and his wife was on the pill and she STILL got pregnant.

So what am I trying to say? Only abstinence is 100% successful but most of us (myself included) wouldn't even consider giving up our sex lives! It's just a risk you have to take if you want to have sex. Just know that your odds are REALLY low if you use the pill correctly and should be even lower if you also use condoms.

Even though there's a small chance you could still get pregnant, what would worrying about it solve? It's just about the choice- horny enough to risk it? If so, then why worry? You're doing everything possible to prevent conception. And wouldn't it suck more if you had sex, worried the whole time, didn't enjoy it, and got pregnant anyway? I'd be pissed that I didn't even enjoy it but still had to pay the price!

Look up some statistics, maybe the miniscule percentages will make you relax.
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Old 05-23-2004, 01:50 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Extra protection will stop you worrying, and you can't get pregnant if you have taken your pill every single day
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Old 05-24-2004, 01:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I agree with everybody here above me,... you needn't worry tht much really...

If you'll take the pill correctly and consequently, it should be protective enough. I've taken the pill now for over a year and haven't gotten any problems yet. I do freak out sometimes too, you know... nothing is a 100%, except abstinence, but that is not worth it for me really

Maybe you should talk to your doctor about your worryings, and he/she might help you further.

Good lucks to ya!
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Old 05-24-2004, 08:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Use both a spermicide condom and take the pill and you are super protected.

And have you ever thought that maybe you are just not ready for sex? Have you ever been taught that sex is wrong or evil? That could be doing it. It took me awhile to get past this thing that always made me cry during sex. It was most likely because of my past, but after encouragement, it stopped. Just ask for your boyfriend's help and comfort, and keep trying. Communication REALLY helps. Talk about your fear with him. And always remember- sex is not a bad thing.

The pill is 99% effective. Add a spermicide condom which is 86% to 98% effective (the 86% is if your guy doesn't put it on absolutely correct), and you're pretty dang protected. ALSO, you may want to later invest in a 10 year IUD which is really effective.
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Old 05-29-2004, 04:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by maleficent
Maybe you should reconsider your reasons for having sex. If you are that terrified, maybe it's your subconscious telling you you just aren't ready.

That is a very very very!!! good statement!!!!

Really really consider that!
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Old 05-30-2004, 08:25 AM   #11 (permalink)
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my boyfriend is really scared like that and so we always use a condom along with the pill just to be safe.
i also think that maleficent had a good point, but i don't know you well enough to know what your reasons are for being so scared.
i'd like to hear where you're at after reading all this.
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Old 05-30-2004, 06:07 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I guess I should cough up a bit more info at this point, eh?

maleficent, I really thought over what you said, and what I came up with is this: I love my boyfriend very much, and this is something that I feel I am ready to share with him. I started this thread because I think that my fear is irrational. I know that with the pill and a condom, we'd be very protected, and chances of pregnancy are very slim. I *know* this, but the fear is still there, and thats what I can't figure out....

For right now, I'm going with the theory that, if I'm not sure about ANYTHING, then I shouldn't be doing this... But I still feel that I'm being irrational and don't know how to get over it...

Thanks so much for all your advice. It's really helpful. And thanks for listening to me rant
 
Old 05-30-2004, 06:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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It's not irrational and don't beat yourself up over thinking that it is. For your first time, it's good that you are thinking about it, too many women don't and the consequences aren't what you hoped for.

Do some more reading, check out some sites like http://www.plannedparenthood.com/ and even Ivillage for first time sex. If it helps you, go visit a planned parenthood clinic and talk to someone there. It's one of the reasons why they are there.;

I'm sure your boyfriend is understanding as well, which is great, talk to him of your concerns and research it together, more education couldn't hurt.

Your first time should be special and there shouldn't be fear or doubts involved. Trust your instincts, they're rarely wrong. and I'm sure the ladies here will do whatever they can to help you out (I know I'm pretty good at listening)
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Old 06-03-2004, 09:43 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Let her see a video of a delivery,or my childcare bills, She will know full well that her fear is HARDLY irrational.
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