Boyfriend and I broke up - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

StormBerlin · 01-03-2005, 01:27 AM

So the boyfriend of three and a half years and I just broke up. He's going out of town for a few days, so it will be easier to get my shit together. He's so pissed right now, I feel bad for him. I never wanted to hurt him, but I knew I wanted to leave. I just don't feel the same way anymore. It's nobodies fault. Just some words of encouragement would be nice

I'm going to move into my own apartment (no roomies, just me and my cat) and go to school and work and make it all on my own. Aren't you guys proud?

isis · 01-03-2005, 02:50 AM

I'm glad that you're doing this for yourself. Being happy is number one. He'll understand it in the end - it had to be done, right?

Congrats on doing what you felt was right, and good luck in your new apartment

StormBerlin · 01-03-2005, 03:12 AM

Thanks isis. I appreciate the support.

maleficent · 01-03-2005, 03:31 AM

Extremely proud of you...

Too many people stay in relationships that don't give them happiness or fulfillment because it's easier than being out on their own. Better the devil that you know than the devil you don't know.

Good for you for having the courage to break out on your own, and rather than stay in a relationship that is not working.

You both will be happier in the long run.

snowy · 01-03-2005, 09:15 AM

I am also very proud of you. I have to agree with what Mal said. So many people stick around because it's comfortable despite the fact it's gone sour; it's admirable you've stepped out on your own.

I wish you the best of luck in the coming weeks, Storm, and you should know that the ladies of the Ladies Lounge are always here for you.

StormBerlin · 01-03-2005, 09:22 AM

Thanks so much girls. I'm going to need a lot of encouragement for the next little while. It's been needed to be done for a while. For about the past year it's been a total routine, and that's not fair to either one of us.

SiN · 01-03-2005, 10:11 AM

proud of you. takes a bit of strength and courage, not everyone has that.
standing alone can feel really good.

I send luck and good thoughts in your direction, and of course we're here for you.

lurkette · 01-03-2005, 10:31 AM

Good for you for knowing that you deserve more, and going after it!

ShaniFaye · 01-03-2005, 02:40 PM

good luck to you!!! Kudos for knowing what you want...or dont want....and doing something about it.

Habit is hard to break, good or bad..just know we are here for ya!!!

pinkie · 01-03-2005, 04:36 PM

I commend you. You'll be great.

sapphire · 01-03-2005, 04:51 PM

I'm proud of you too. I went through a similar situation and at first its hard but it gets much better. I'm glad that you know what you want and are doing something about it, you'll be happier that way. Plus you've always got us

Sweetpea · 01-03-2005, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StormBerlin

He's so pissed right now, I feel bad for him. I never wanted to hurt him, but I knew I wanted to leave.
I just don't feel the same way anymore. It's nobodies fault. Just some words of encouragement would be nice

I'm going to move into my own apartment (no roomies, just me and my cat) and go to school and work and make it all on my own. Aren't you guys proud?

He will recover . . . if you weren't going to be happy being with him, you could never have made him totally happy either, he'll get that someday in retrospect.

You are totally correct. Breakups aren't either person's fault, usually, it's just because one person has outgrown the other. You might have fit together perfectly for a time . . . but it sounds like you are ready to move on and continue growing in your own personal life experience.

I applaud your bravery . . . it's never easy, but you've got to be True to Yourself . . . Good luck! Sending happy thoughts your way . . . !!!

sweetpea

jRuntlets · 01-03-2005, 09:59 PM

Good luck in your new apartment, cats are easier to care for than men anyhow.

It was a good decision even though it was one for yourself, although he may not understand you did him a favor by breaking out on your own. At some point it would have been obvious it wasn't working for you which would have made things messy. It's always nice to have some time by yourself. Espically when you've spent so long with someone else.

StormBerlin · 01-03-2005, 10:05 PM

Thanks everyone. It just got so ugly all over again. He's so mad and he keeps asking why. I don't know how to put it to him so he understands.

Redgirl · 01-03-2005, 10:57 PM

That's too bad that he doesn't understand, Storm. That sure makes it a lot harder when he feels blindsided by the whole situation. I guess you hid your feelings well or he wouldn't be so confused by your actions.

Maybe he needs to calm down for a few days before you talk again? He might be more receptive after he's had time to think about it for himself. I hope things work out for you, sweetie.

aphroditeskiss1 · 01-04-2005, 02:29 PM

Good for you for knowing that it wasn't what you wanted and having the courage to break out of it. The security of a relationship shouldn't be why you stay in it. I'm proud of you. Good luck with everything. We're here for ya!!

lazygirl · 01-04-2005, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StormBerlin

For about the past year it's been a total routine, and that's not fair to either one of us.

Hmmmmm wait til you be with someone for 20 years!

That said, sometimes I fantasize about my our apartment.
good luck

lazygirl · 01-04-2005, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StormBerlin

For about the past year it's been a total routine, and that's not fair to either one of us.

Hmmmmm wait til you be with someone for 20 years!

That said, sometimes I fantasize about my own apartment.
good luck

StormBerlin · 01-04-2005, 09:24 PM

So I'm staying the next two nights with my friend Christina and then when he's in Vegas I'll stay in my apartment again and get everything all packed. I'm going to go to a rental finder place tomorrow morning and I'm not leaving untill I get an apartment. Then I will move.... I finally had to get bitchy to get my points across but it finally sunk in I guess.

bad jane · 01-05-2005, 05:57 PM

congrats and best of luck to you!

break-ups always suck but after you've been together more than a year or two it gets even worse. by that time, even if you aren't planning marriage everyone around you expects it.

you've mentioned how he's handling it...but how are you doing? i know after my divorce (which is a little different, but the general idea is the same) it was rough for me. even though i wanted to leave, i'd find myself missing him and thinking how maybe it could have worked if...(fill in any one of hundreds of things here). even now i find it difficult to look at old pics of us and not think about what could have been. i know it was what was best for me, but that didn't make ending a relationship that was once my whole world hurt any less.

StormBerlin · 01-06-2005, 03:47 PM

So I found a place and moving day is set for this Saturday (the 8th). Its a cute one bedroom apartment downtown with hardwood floors and radiators

it's a super old building. I can't wait. I am ok (thanks for everyone's concern) and he's ok too. He's in Vegas right now and I'll be out before he gets home. more of an update when i have more time

maleficent · 01-06-2005, 03:49 PM

Congrats on finding a place so quickly -- sounds like a nice one too -- I'd kill for hardwood floors

Happy Housewarming to you...

Sweetpea · 01-06-2005, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StormBerlin

So I found a place and moving day is set for this Saturday (the 8th). Its a cute one bedroom apartment downtown with hardwood floors and radiators

it's a super old building. I can't wait. I am ok (thanks for everyone's concern) and he's ok too. He's in Vegas right now and I'll be out before he gets home. more of an update when i have more time

that is certainly wonderful . . . sounds like this was an excellent choice for you, everything seems to be falling into place!

btw, NICE ass . . .

SparklingDot · 01-07-2005, 11:21 PM

Good luck! You know where to find us.

SiN · 01-09-2005, 05:29 AM

congrats on the apartment, i'm really happy for you.

good luck with everything, and keep us posted

raeanna74 · 01-09-2005, 07:00 AM

Good Luck Storm. Glad you are finding your way through this. Good that you got a kitty buddy to snuggle you when you get lonesome. And of course we'll be here watching for your updates. Hang in there.

StormBerlin · 01-10-2005, 08:59 AM

Thanks again for all your support guys. I really appreciate everything. I am especially lucky to have friends that are so supportive. I heard a saying once, "you know who your real friends are when it's time to move all of your shit." And if that's the case then I have a lot of wonderful friends. It's been two nights in the apartment and I feel really good about it. My parents are coming up on thursday to bring my bed and stuff, along with some nice pots and pans I got for christmas. Have any of you lived in an old apartment complex that still uses floor radiators for heating? They're SO LOUD! But I can get used to it. It sounds like a bunch of guys doing construction inside my walls

And my kitty is kinda freaking out because sometimes it vibrates the floor, but she'll get over it. The cable people are coming on thursday to hook up my TV and interent, so that's when I'll be able to keep you guys more informed. right now it's strictly an at-work basis so I have to be careful not to get caught

Anyway, more later. Thanks again for all the support

amonkie · 01-10-2005, 11:17 AM

Glad you were able to get yourself out so quickly - it'll make both your healing less bittersweet. *Hugs* and like everybody else, LOVE your hardwood floors!

maleficent · 01-10-2005, 11:36 AM

I can't sleep without the radiator noise, I've gotten so used to it over the years... In the winter months, put a bowl of water on the radiator, it will keep static down and keeps the air nice and moisturized. A small carpet near the radiators might help alleviate the noise too/

I'm so glad you are enjoying it... YAY YOU!!

Sage · 01-13-2005, 07:15 AM

i think it's absloutely fantastic that you did what was right for you!

i was in a very unhealthy relationship and we broke it off two years ago, it was very hard for me cause it was his idea, but the next day (after the night we broke it off- we were living together) i was driving to see a friend about finding another apartment and this huge feeling of "i'm doing the right thing" came over me. it was hell for a while, my emotions were totallly raw from having been in a crappy relationship and i was doubting myself totally, but knowing that the very next day after the break up i felt like i was doing the right thing helped! so if you feel you're doing the right thing, you are, even if your emotions get all wacky.

YAY!! FOR STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF AND REALIZING YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!

best wishes

StormBerlin · 01-13-2005, 09:35 AM

Well, i finally feel liberated. I have my own cell phone number now and my internet just barely got hooked up. I'll be able to spend more time with you ladies now

My parents are coming up today with the rest of my crap and hopefully this place will finally feel like home.

Hash_Browns · 01-19-2005, 10:52 AM

that's awesome news! Home is where the Heart is, so it might take some time to get it all together, but it will be home soon enough I am sure

Congrats again!

sillygirl · 01-19-2005, 12:09 PM

Updates? How are things going?

StormBerlin · 01-19-2005, 01:36 PM

Things are going really well, I finally slept in my new bed last night after having it for a few days. Big empty beds are intimidating, so I had a hard time for a while. My cat keeps me really good company and I find that I am a much neater person when I have my own space. Where I used to live, it was always a mess because I didn't really have the motivation to clean. more later.

*Nikki* · 01-19-2005, 02:15 PM

I love my little apartment. It is all mine and it is decorated just how I WANT IT. There are no men's underwear laying on the floor (well most of the time

) and I don't come home to any surprise messes.

There is really something to be said for being a lady living alone. I think it is actually quite nice. Once you get used to sleeping alone in the bed you will find you prefer it that way. There is no one hogging it and you sleep so peaceful!!

sillygirl · 01-19-2005, 11:50 PM

I'm also much cleaner when the man's not around. It gets old cleaning up after other people all the time.

01-03-2005, 01:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Boyfriend and I broke up So the boyfriend of three and a half years and I just broke up. He's going out of town for a few days, so it will be easier to get my shit together. He's so pissed right now, I feel bad for him. I never wanted to hurt him, but I knew I wanted to leave. I just don't feel the same way anymore. It's nobodies fault. Just some words of encouragement would be nice I'm going to move into my own apartment (no roomies, just me and my cat) and go to school and work and make it all on my own. Aren't you guys proud? __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-03-2005, 03:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Thanks isis. I appreciate the support. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-03-2005, 03:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Extremely proud of you... Too many people stay in relationships that don't give them happiness or fulfillment because it's easier than being out on their own. Better the devil that you know than the devil you don't know. Good for you for having the courage to break out on your own, and rather than stay in a relationship that is not working. You both will be happier in the long run. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-03-2005, 09:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I am also very proud of you. I have to agree with what Mal said. So many people stick around because it's comfortable despite the fact it's gone sour; it's admirable you've stepped out on your own. I wish you the best of luck in the coming weeks, Storm, and you should know that the ladies of the Ladies Lounge are always here for you. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

01-03-2005, 09:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Thanks so much girls. I'm going to need a lot of encouragement for the next little while. It's been needed to be done for a while. For about the past year it's been a total routine, and that's not fair to either one of us. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-03-2005, 02:50 AM	#2 (permalink)
isis Insane Location: In the Woods.	I'm glad that you're doing this for yourself. Being happy is number one. He'll understand it in the end - it had to be done, right? Congrats on doing what you felt was right, and good luck in your new apartment

01-03-2005, 10:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	proud of you. takes a bit of strength and courage, not everyone has that. standing alone can feel really good. I send luck and good thoughts in your direction, and of course we're here for you. __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

01-03-2005, 10:31 AM	#8 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Good for you for knowing that you deserve more, and going after it! __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

01-03-2005, 02:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	good luck to you!!! Kudos for knowing what you want...or dont want....and doing something about it. Habit is hard to break, good or bad..just know we are here for ya!!! __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

01-03-2005, 04:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
pinkie Helplessly hoping Location: Above the stars	I commend you. You'll be great.

01-03-2005, 04:51 PM	#11 (permalink)
sapphire Tilted	I'm proud of you too. I went through a similar situation and at first its hard but it gets much better. I'm glad that you know what you want and are doing something about it, you'll be happier that way. Plus you've always got us

01-03-2005, 09:59 PM	#13 (permalink)
jRuntlets Crazy	Good luck in your new apartment, cats are easier to care for than men anyhow. It was a good decision even though it was one for yourself, although he may not understand you did him a favor by breaking out on your own. At some point it would have been obvious it wasn't working for you which would have made things messy. It's always nice to have some time by yourself. Espically when you've spent so long with someone else. __________________ Horses come and go, but some leave permanent hoof prints on your life.

01-03-2005, 10:05 PM	#14 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Thanks everyone. It just got so ugly all over again. He's so mad and he keeps asking why. I don't know how to put it to him so he understands. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-03-2005, 10:57 PM	#15 (permalink)
Redgirl Addict Location: Native America	That's too bad that he doesn't understand, Storm. That sure makes it a lot harder when he feels blindsided by the whole situation. I guess you hid your feelings well or he wouldn't be so confused by your actions. Maybe he needs to calm down for a few days before you talk again? He might be more receptive after he's had time to think about it for himself. I hope things work out for you, sweetie. __________________ Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

01-04-2005, 02:29 PM	#16 (permalink)
aphroditeskiss1 Insane Location: Albuquerque, NM	Good for you for knowing that it wasn't what you wanted and having the courage to break out of it. The security of a relationship shouldn't be why you stay in it. I'm proud of you. Good luck with everything. We're here for ya!! __________________ "You always said destiny would blow me away. But nothing's gonna blow me away"- Something Coporate " I do not pop pills! I take them and I eat them..." - Foamy's friend

01-04-2005, 09:24 PM	#19 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	So I'm staying the next two nights with my friend Christina and then when he's in Vegas I'll stay in my apartment again and get everything all packed. I'm going to go to a rental finder place tomorrow morning and I'm not leaving untill I get an apartment. Then I will move.... I finally had to get bitchy to get my points across but it finally sunk in I guess. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-05-2005, 05:57 PM	#20 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	congrats and best of luck to you! break-ups always suck but after you've been together more than a year or two it gets even worse. by that time, even if you aren't planning marriage everyone around you expects it. you've mentioned how he's handling it...but how are you doing? i know after my divorce (which is a little different, but the general idea is the same) it was rough for me. even though i wanted to leave, i'd find myself missing him and thinking how maybe it could have worked if...(fill in any one of hundreds of things here). even now i find it difficult to look at old pics of us and not think about what could have been. i know it was what was best for me, but that didn't make ending a relationship that was once my whole world hurt any less.

01-06-2005, 03:47 PM	#21 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	So I found a place and moving day is set for this Saturday (the 8th). Its a cute one bedroom apartment downtown with hardwood floors and radiators it's a super old building. I can't wait. I am ok (thanks for everyone's concern) and he's ok too. He's in Vegas right now and I'll be out before he gets home. more of an update when i have more time __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-06-2005, 03:49 PM	#22 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Congrats on finding a place so quickly -- sounds like a nice one too -- I'd kill for hardwood floors Happy Housewarming to you... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-07-2005, 11:21 PM	#24 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	Good luck! You know where to find us. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

01-09-2005, 05:29 AM	#25 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	congrats on the apartment, i'm really happy for you. good luck with everything, and keep us posted __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

01-09-2005, 07:00 AM	#26 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Good Luck Storm. Glad you are finding your way through this. Good that you got a kitty buddy to snuggle you when you get lonesome. And of course we'll be here watching for your updates. Hang in there. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

01-10-2005, 08:59 AM	#27 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Thanks again for all your support guys. I really appreciate everything. I am especially lucky to have friends that are so supportive. I heard a saying once, "you know who your real friends are when it's time to move all of your shit." And if that's the case then I have a lot of wonderful friends. It's been two nights in the apartment and I feel really good about it. My parents are coming up on thursday to bring my bed and stuff, along with some nice pots and pans I got for christmas. Have any of you lived in an old apartment complex that still uses floor radiators for heating? They're SO LOUD! But I can get used to it. It sounds like a bunch of guys doing construction inside my walls And my kitty is kinda freaking out because sometimes it vibrates the floor, but she'll get over it. The cable people are coming on thursday to hook up my TV and interent, so that's when I'll be able to keep you guys more informed. right now it's strictly an at-work basis so I have to be careful not to get caught Anyway, more later. Thanks again for all the support __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-10-2005, 11:17 AM	#28 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	Glad you were able to get yourself out so quickly - it'll make both your healing less bittersweet. Hugs and like everybody else, LOVE your hardwood floors! __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

01-10-2005, 11:36 AM	#29 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	I can't sleep without the radiator noise, I've gotten so used to it over the years... In the winter months, put a bowl of water on the radiator, it will keep static down and keeps the air nice and moisturized. A small carpet near the radiators might help alleviate the noise too/ I'm so glad you are enjoying it... YAY YOU!! __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

01-13-2005, 07:15 AM	#30 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	i think it's absloutely fantastic that you did what was right for you! i was in a very unhealthy relationship and we broke it off two years ago, it was very hard for me cause it was his idea, but the next day (after the night we broke it off- we were living together) i was driving to see a friend about finding another apartment and this huge feeling of "i'm doing the right thing" came over me. it was hell for a while, my emotions were totallly raw from having been in a crappy relationship and i was doubting myself totally, but knowing that the very next day after the break up i felt like i was doing the right thing helped! so if you feel you're doing the right thing, you are, even if your emotions get all wacky. YAY!! FOR STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF AND REALIZING YOU DESERVE THE BEST!! best wishes

01-13-2005, 09:35 AM	#31 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Well, i finally feel liberated. I have my own cell phone number now and my internet just barely got hooked up. I'll be able to spend more time with you ladies now My parents are coming up today with the rest of my crap and hopefully this place will finally feel like home. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-19-2005, 10:52 AM	#32 (permalink)
Hash_Browns Psycho Location: Right behind you...BOO!	that's awesome news! Home is where the Heart is, so it might take some time to get it all together, but it will be home soon enough I am sure Congrats again! __________________ Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!

01-19-2005, 12:09 PM	#33 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Updates? How are things going? __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

01-19-2005, 01:36 PM	#34 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	Things are going really well, I finally slept in my new bed last night after having it for a few days. Big empty beds are intimidating, so I had a hard time for a while. My cat keeps me really good company and I find that I am a much neater person when I have my own space. Where I used to live, it was always a mess because I didn't really have the motivation to clean. more later. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

01-19-2005, 02:15 PM	#35 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	I love my little apartment. It is all mine and it is decorated just how I WANT IT. There are no men's underwear laying on the floor (well most of the time ) and I don't come home to any surprise messes. There is really something to be said for being a lady living alone. I think it is actually quite nice. Once you get used to sleeping alone in the bed you will find you prefer it that way. There is no one hogging it and you sleep so peaceful!!

01-19-2005, 11:50 PM	#36 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	I'm also much cleaner when the man's not around. It gets old cleaning up after other people all the time. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...