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Old 01-30-2005, 10:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Men and Porn

I was speaking to my classmate a few weeks ago, and she was telling me that her boyfriend watches porn, not all the time, but I guess whenever he has the urge and she isn't around and from the way she sounded, I noticed that she wasn't too happy with it. He made a comment that wasn't too nice, he said "It's hard to adjust to something that I am used to, meaning her vagina, especially since the women on the internet are perfect, how does one settle for regular when they have been exposed to better ones?"

It made her feel that hers isn't good enough. I don't really care whether my boyfriend watches porn or not, it's perfectly natural to explore that side, men will be men, but making such a comment, especially to someone whom you are practically almost married to isn't humane, atleast I don't think so.

How do you ladies feel about your men watching porn, or more or less, other women in porn?
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Old 01-30-2005, 10:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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My lover and I watch porn together. It's something we both enjoy. As for the women in porn, I check them out myself.

Obviously the guy hasn't seen that many real life vaginas. That's one of the beautiful things about women--every one is slightly different. Besides, most of the genitals in print porn are airbrushed. Look at the genitals in pornographic films and you'll get more of a "real" picture of female genitals, but even then they can be doctored. Actually, last term in my Women and Sexuality class we had a lengthy discussion about the rise of plastic surgery for female genitalia. It's quite disturbing that women think they need to have genitalia that mimic the airbrushed Playboy spreads. Seems to me he either needs a smack upside the head or a serious reality check...and she should seriously consider whether or not this guy is the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
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Old 01-30-2005, 10:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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The key to a relationship that works is honesty and communication, and porn was something that hurt a relationship I was in because I was lied to about it. If it had been openly discussed, I might have felt different about it.
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Old 01-30-2005, 10:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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That comment made by that guy was HORRIBLE to have made to your classmate. . . very rude. He must be very dumb or just dumbly honest to have said such a thing to her . . . There is beauty in every woman, everyone is different, even every porn star is different, not all of them are perfect either . . .

however:
hmmmm . . . porn is a push button issue for many couples . . . It's all up to the individual couple . . . Some people make it into a big issue, some people don't talk about it and just HIDE it from their SOs' (which i think is awful!) . . . some people watch it together . . . it's a very individual thing . . .

I for one, watch porn by myself, we watch it together, he watches it rarely by himself, but prefers to watch it together from the mutual turn on . . . We've done this fairly often in the 3 years we've been married . . . sometimes watching it alot, sometimes not for weeks . . . just when we feel we're in the mood . . . I personally have no problem with watching porn, I used to be insecure about it, but then it was such a turn on . . . my insecurities fell to the wayside . . . There are alot of fears that woman have about watching porn and enjoying porn in their sex lives . . .
Watching attractive people have sex on a TV is just about sexual exploration: Let me clear up some misnomers about watching porn:

It doesn't mean your SO thinks the porn star is hotter
It doesn't mean your SO needs porn to get turned on
It doesn't mean you aren't pleasing him(or her) in bed
It doesn't mean you are in ANY way inadequate

All watching porn is that fact that it's sometimes exciting to see people making love in lots of different positions and places . . . (and trust me, you learn alot and gets alot of new ideas) For us and for me, watching porn has been a positive and enjoyable thing . . .

I think that people need to be honest with their SO's, some woman think that men looking at porn/nude pics is disrespectful, some woman don't care . . . Some woman forbid their SO's to look at porn, causing the guy to hide the fact that they do . . . it can be an issue if not spoken about openly and with candor.
So, i guess my advice would be . . . however you feel about porn, talk about it openly with your SO . . . let your feelings be known on the subject, either way you feel . . .

Peace, sweetpea
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Old 01-31-2005, 06:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Insensitivity and unrealistic expectations are an individual personality trait and have nothing to do with watching porn, IMHO. He could be just as well be hung up on a former girlfriend's vagina, or expect his girlfriend to look like most of the stars in movies and television. Just because he's using porn as his yardstick doesn't make the porn in any way responsible for his being a prick.

I have no trouble with ratbastid watching porn. I know he thinks I'm beautiful, and I'm the one he's fucking at the end of the day
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Old 01-31-2005, 06:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I think porn is only a problem when it interfears with real life. Meaning--Your SO would rather watch porn then be with you.
I dated a guy like this. He was obsessed with Porn and would masturbate to it everyday. Then by the time I came around he had already satisfied himself and had no desire to be with a real woman sexually. Men like this are out there.

What that guy said is completely insensitive and mean. How would he like to have his cock size compared with say John Holmes or numerous others?? No one likes comparisons like that because no one can live up to expectations like that. It is just stupid. We are all individuals and we all have our own unique parts that are nothing like anyone elses.

I myself enjoy watching porn and I probably do it more often then my Fiance does. It is just entertainment though. I would rather have the real thing anyday
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Old 01-31-2005, 09:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Martel and I suscribe to a porn in the mail service, and have evjoyed it immensely so far. i think a lot of the attitude towards porn in relationships has to do with the relationship itself, and not the porn. in my last serious relationship (before Martel came along riding on his white horse) porn WAS an issue because i was being compared to all the "perfect" women in porn and in FHM/Maxim/Stuff. it was the source of huge battles where he felt i was trying to "change" him and i felt he wasn't wanting to be with "me" at all but just with some mental image in his head while he was screwing. i think the first sign there was intimacy issues might have been his total and complete love of blow job porn to the exclusion of all else.

but i digress..

porn is good, i think it's definitely a turn on when you're in the right mood. i agree with what everyone else here has said, that it needs to be talked about and dealt with openly.

and your classmate's boyfriend deserves a swift kick in the nuts!
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Old 01-31-2005, 10:01 AM   #8 (permalink)
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well, in regards to the line he said, he must have forgot that the real thing is always better, and when he goes without it, he'll remember. if he doesnt, he can enjoy the fake stuff. to be compared to porn is wholly rude and when it comes down to it, if he got compared, he'd be pissed. its rude. bad form.

as for porn in general, its not real. no one should be compared to it. i have concluded some long time ago that porn stars arent real. porn is very helpful when that person is unavailable or not in the mood, it is there for supplemental reasons. if it gets in the way, talk about it. i know i woudlnt tolerate it affecting a relationship of mine.


best of luck, and tell her she will always be better than anything she sees on tv cuz SHE IS REAL! whada concept =)
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Old 01-31-2005, 10:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironmaiden7o7
*snip*

"It's hard to adjust to something that I am used to, meaning her vagina, especially since the women on the internet are perfect, how does one settle for regular when they have been exposed to better ones?"

*snip*
Who does that guy think he is? Your poor friend, I feel her pain, I was once in a relationship with a guy who was a complete asshole. One night he had the balls to ask me if he could take his life-size cardboard cut-out of Heidi Klum, cut a hole for the vagina, and put it over me while we had sex so he could "have something better to look at." I told him only if he put a paper bag over his head so that I had something better to look at and then I walked out.

While I may not know the details of your friend's situation, if he said that to her, she should seriously consider getting out now. Every woman deserves a man who lifts her up and makes her feel special, not an asshole who degrades her so.
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Old 01-31-2005, 10:30 AM   #10 (permalink)
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That guys problem isn't porn. It's respect. If a guy can't respect you enough to appreciate the "real thing" then he doesn't deserve you.

Hubby looks at porn. We've watched videos together and looked at pics. At first I was a little hurt by it. I'll never forget what hubby said about it to me when I asked him why he looked at it and if he liked the other women more. The jist of it was that he enjoyed the pics but nothing can beat the real thing and he loves me as well as enjoys me sexually. He knows that the professional pics are all fixed up and not even accurate pictures. No matter what he viewed he was coming to me for his fulfillment.
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Old 01-31-2005, 10:44 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes
I was once in a relationship with a guy who was a complete asshole. One night he had the balls to ask me if he could take his life-size cardboard cut-out of Heidi Klum, cut a hole for the vagina, and put it over me while we had sex so he could "have something better to look at." I told him only if he put a paper bag over his head so that I had something better to look at and then I walked out.
Oh my... What a pathetic dickhead.

Last edited by pinkie; 01-31-2005 at 10:48 AM..
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Old 01-31-2005, 11:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Damn what an immature ass that guy must be...insensitive, rude, disrespectful.

Porn is great when it's out in the open and doesn't offend anyone. For me I enjoy watching porn occasionally, but I find that most porn is a disappointment. I'm no expert though, I guess I haven't searched for what I "like" exactly. But I'd like something that has a less macho point of view like most porn, that caters for what women might like to watch.
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Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
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We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
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Old 01-31-2005, 07:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Location: Charlotte, NC
Quote:
Originally Posted by little_tippler
*snip*
But I'd like something that has a less macho point of view like most porn, that caters for what women might like to watch.
Have you heard about Red Light Interactive? It is an adult-film company owned by women and offers "porn for women." They put out the City of Flesh series which I have heard is very good and more "sensual hardcore" rather than just "hardcore."
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Old 01-31-2005, 08:30 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Most of the guys I have been with have enjoyed porn and I have watched it with them. For the most part it hasn't bothered me, but then again I haven't had to deal with insults of the type described here.

What exactly is a "better one" in porn, anyway? You can't touch, taste or enjoy it in any real sense - if he's one of those guys who'd rather stay in fantasy-land than the real world then that's where he'll end up - sitting in a dark room by himself staring at a screen jacking off. And that's where he should be, for insulting someone who he supposedly cares about (I assume) like that.

It usually doesn't bother me when my boyfriend looks at women in porn because I know he's aware that not only are they not actually real, but if he were to try and interact with them as people he'd likely be disappointed. That's because I'm with a guy who cares about a women's personality and who she is, not just how she looks. Every once in a while when I'm feeling particularly insecure, however, it does bother me a bit. I usually get over it after some rational contemplation and judicious tongue-biting.

The bottom line is, porn can fit into a healthy relationship where each partner feels respected and wanted. Just about any man will look at porn, it's how they relate that with the woman they are involved with that counts. If it's used as a substitute or means to insult somebody, then it's not the porn that has to go, it's the offending party.
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Old 01-31-2005, 09:59 PM   #15 (permalink)
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The moment he prefers porn over me - or the moment we have kids - it is outta my house.
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Old 02-03-2005, 08:04 PM   #16 (permalink)
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My hubby always denied watching porn lol. Im not as blonde as he thinks I am. I will tell you that if he ever made a comment like that to me that would be the end of it.
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Old 02-03-2005, 08:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironmaiden7o7
He made a comment that wasn't too nice, he said "It's hard to adjust to something that I am used to, meaning her vagina, especially since the women on the internet are perfect, how does one settle for regular when they have been exposed to better ones?"
Better ones? Better ones? How could that have possibly seemed like a good thing to say to your girlfriend? How ignorant and bigoted can you get...
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Old 02-03-2005, 10:49 PM   #18 (permalink)
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If I was that poor girl I would've kicked him out that night! My ex and I used to watch porn together too, and loved it! It was when he would try to hide it from me that we'd fight about it. But yea...I am hoping somewhere along the "telephone line" that guy's quote got miscontrued because that is so unacceptable.
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Old 02-04-2005, 05:49 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes
Have you heard about Red Light Interactive? It is an adult-film company owned by women and offers "porn for women." They put out the City of Flesh series which I have heard is very good and more "sensual hardcore" rather than just "hardcore."
thanks for the heads up! I'll have a look
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


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Old 02-05-2005, 06:59 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raeanna74
That guys problem isn't porn. It's respect. If a guy can't respect you enough to appreciate the "real thing" then he doesn't deserve you.
My man absolutely knows that I'm totally unique & my vagina is totally unique and that porn is airbrushed/PhotoShopped. He's said, NO woman feels, smells or moves like I do (yaaah!) & for that he is truly thankful & wild about me. He prefers me in the flesh. I love porn - but I never expect my man to look like the guys in porn, I mean, c'mon, they all (guys & women) wear body makeup & most of the photographers are better at improving looks for porn actors with lighting & Photoshop software (magic & SO easy to use). This should be a red flag raised to help you stop & think if this is the "kind of man who deserves" a sweet lady like you. There are so many butt heads out there who do NOT treat women well. Be strong. Speak Up and find a good guy, who will think that being with you - in the flesh is fantastic and beyond compare!! Good luck darlin'.......
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Last edited by hunnychile; 02-05-2005 at 07:05 PM..
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Old 02-05-2005, 08:24 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I sure hope your classmate had the sense to leave this tool. His comments were immature, stupid and hurtful. He must have no experience at all with real women (or anyone for that matter). It's hard to believe someone could be such an insensitive, poorly adjusted, anti-social loser! Same for your Prince Charming, Green Eyes! What rocks do these guys crawl out from under?
Porn has very little to do with their problems.
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Old 02-05-2005, 08:40 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manuel Hong
*snip*
Same for your Prince Charming, Green Eyes! What rocks do these guys crawl out from under?
Porn has very little to do with their problems.
Actually, he never was a Prince Charming, he was always a toad.

But seriously, I hope she does leave that man or at least set him very, very straight. It was hard to leave the toad because I didn't know if I could find anyone else. After I woke up and smelled the damned coffee, I did leave him and am now with someone whom I adore and better yet... he adores me, too!
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Old 02-05-2005, 09:27 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyes
Have you heard about Red Light Interactive? It is an adult-film company owned by women and offers "porn for women." They put out the City of Flesh series which I have heard is very good and more "sensual hardcore" rather than just "hardcore."
Wow, thanks for the tip Greeneyes . . . it's fun to explore new kinds of porn!
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Old 02-06-2005, 02:15 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Hah!

Great responses by everyone, and thanks for the link.

Your friend needs to grow some ovaries (real fast). The perfect response to the following would have been made in the sweetest voice I could muster.

Quote:
It's hard to adjust to something that I am used to, meaning her vagina, especially since the women on the internet are perfect, how does one settle for regular when they have been exposed to better ones?"
"I know exactly what you mean, darling. I have the same problem adjusting to you as you're so much smaller than the porn kings I've seen on video, and experienced first-hand. But, I realize that not everyone is perfect, and that real life does not always emulate what we see on film, so I've compromised and settled for you. But, it's all good, baby. After all, we're just regular folks."

And when he returned home the following day, he'd find his belongings, including his tapes of the perfect vaginas, on the curb.
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Old 02-06-2005, 03:43 PM   #25 (permalink)
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I did that to my ex when we broke up. I neatly packed all of porn videos (tons) and magazines (even more) in a box.

Since he didn't have the real thing anymore I knew he would get lonely
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