Dying inside - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Angel · 05-31-2003, 12:07 PM

Okay Ladies...
I am dying inside here...literally.
I am trying to let go of someone that I love with every fiber of my being. And I feel like my world is caving in on me. Suffocating me.

We have not been together for a while now but we have remained very close. He is my best friend and he understands me completely and all is unconditional between us. Complete honesty, complete trust. Never judging, always accepting. Sharing our poems, sharing life.

We have shared tears and laughter and walked a steady path of friendship from the word go. One always there to catch the other when they fall. Always giving each other the breeze under our wings when we need the help to lift us off the ground. Never a mean word spoken.

Such a beautiful gift was placed before us with such bad timing. No faults, no blame, just life. I can’t stand the thought of disconnecting myself from him, of not having that contact, the friendship that means so very much to me. I don’t want to lose my best friend. But I don’t know how to separate my love from the friendship. How do I do that? I mean the two go hand in hand in my world where he resides. I am so confused.

While I have come to realize that I need to let go, all I really want to do is reach back, touch his face, stroke his cheek with the back of my hand, look into his eyes, tell him I love him and hold him. Keep him deep within my soul.

I don’t know my point for posting this.
Perhaps I simply needed to release…

Minx · 05-31-2003, 01:50 PM

Release is good Angel and we are here for you. I feel your pain as it is similar to my own. Vent away at us...cry...bitch....you have shoulders here to support you when you are down. We all need to speak from our hearts at times and this is our place to do so. I can tell you that my heart aches every single moment for a love I will never have - my best friend as well so I know where you are coming from. It hurts, heart and soul. But, if it helps...you have friends here who care for you. I wish you well and I hope your heart heals soon. *hug
For Angel...
A true friend will see the first tear, wipe away the second, and stop the third.

Angel · 05-31-2003, 02:23 PM

Thanks Minx.
One breath at a time....

Minx · 05-31-2003, 04:08 PM

That's all you can do girlfriend. We are with you when you need us, remember that.

*Nikki* · 05-31-2003, 10:33 PM

I had no idea you were going through this....please contact me!!!

G0dd3ss · 05-31-2003, 10:36 PM

(((((hugs)))))

I have been able to successfully substitue the love I have for a person that I was very close to for a long time and turn it into a kind of friendship I never knew existed.

It took a lot of time, introspect and acceptance. I know that you will be able to work through it and eventually be able to *honestly* hold this person close to your heart, without the hurt and longing. A relationship that can't work for whatever reason, but *feels* like it should be able to, IMO is the worst feeling. Trying and trying and failing everytime.

Good luck in your situation.

sierra2774 · 06-01-2003, 08:03 AM

Angel, you have many Friends on here and I know you do not know me well, but I can understand the pain you are feeling and if there is anything I could say or do to make it better, I will.

You never know how life will lead you and where you will end up. But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and if it is meant to be, it will be.

I hope everything works out for you and try to keep the Faith.

Angel · 06-02-2003, 05:29 PM

Thank you ladies for your kind words and the support.
It helps to have people reach out.

And it wouldn't be very kind of me if I didn't thank a couple of gentlemen who read this and reached out in their own way.

Another fine example of how this "family" keeps their own.

05-31-2003, 12:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	Dying inside Okay Ladies... I am dying inside here...literally. I am trying to let go of someone that I love with every fiber of my being. And I feel like my world is caving in on me. Suffocating me. We have not been together for a while now but we have remained very close. He is my best friend and he understands me completely and all is unconditional between us. Complete honesty, complete trust. Never judging, always accepting. Sharing our poems, sharing life. We have shared tears and laughter and walked a steady path of friendship from the word go. One always there to catch the other when they fall. Always giving each other the breeze under our wings when we need the help to lift us off the ground. Never a mean word spoken. Such a beautiful gift was placed before us with such bad timing. No faults, no blame, just life. I can’t stand the thought of disconnecting myself from him, of not having that contact, the friendship that means so very much to me. I don’t want to lose my best friend. But I don’t know how to separate my love from the friendship. How do I do that? I mean the two go hand in hand in my world where he resides. I am so confused. While I have come to realize that I need to let go, all I really want to do is reach back, touch his face, stroke his cheek with the back of my hand, look into his eyes, tell him I love him and hold him. Keep him deep within my soul. I don’t know my point for posting this. Perhaps I simply needed to release… __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

05-31-2003, 01:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Release is good Angel and we are here for you. I feel your pain as it is similar to my own. Vent away at us...cry...bitch....you have shoulders here to support you when you are down. We all need to speak from our hearts at times and this is our place to do so. I can tell you that my heart aches every single moment for a love I will never have - my best friend as well so I know where you are coming from. It hurts, heart and soul. But, if it helps...you have friends here who care for you. I wish you well and I hope your heart heals soon. *hug For Angel... A true friend will see the first tear, wipe away the second, and stop the third. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

05-31-2003, 02:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	Thanks Minx. One breath at a time.... __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

05-31-2003, 04:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	That's all you can do girlfriend. We are with you when you need us, remember that. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

05-31-2003, 10:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
G0dd3ss Crazy Location: O-H-I-O	(((((hugs))))) I have been able to successfully substitue the love I have for a person that I was very close to for a long time and turn it into a kind of friendship I never knew existed. It took a lot of time, introspect and acceptance. I know that you will be able to work through it and eventually be able to honestly hold this person close to your heart, without the hurt and longing. A relationship that can't work for whatever reason, but feels like it should be able to, IMO is the worst feeling. Trying and trying and failing everytime. Good luck in your situation. __________________ It's best not to be too moral...you cheat yourself out of too much life. - Maude, Harold and Maude.

05-31-2003, 10:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	I had no idea you were going through this....please contact me!!!

06-01-2003, 08:03 AM	#7 (permalink)
sierra2774 Addict Location: Northeast Ohio	Angel, you have many Friends on here and I know you do not know me well, but I can understand the pain you are feeling and if there is anything I could say or do to make it better, I will. You never know how life will lead you and where you will end up. But I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and if it is meant to be, it will be. I hope everything works out for you and try to keep the Faith. __________________ "Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

06-02-2003, 05:29 PM	#8 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	Thank you ladies for your kind words and the support. It helps to have people reach out. And it wouldn't be very kind of me if I didn't thank a couple of gentlemen who read this and reached out in their own way. Another fine example of how this "family" keeps their own. __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus