Tophat665

They Might Be Giants
Rhythm Section Want Ad

In the world we call our own there's lots of room to roam,
plenty of time to turn mistakes into rhyme.
There's a place for those who love there poetry.
It's right across form the sign that says pros only.
So if you did a band with a chick singer,
say you wanna hear a wall of trombones,
or if you're into Menudo or MDC we'll salute you the way that we know.

For every one with dollar signs in his eyes there must be hundreds
who look at you as if you're some kind of
Rhythm Section Want-Ad
No others need apply to the
Rhythm Section Want-Ad
I'll tell you why.

Hat's off to the new age hair styles made of bones.
Hats off to the use of hats
as megaphones. Speak softly. Drive a Sherman tank.
Laugh hard. It's a long way to the bank.

Do you sing like Olyve Oyl on purpose?
You guys must be into the Eurythmics.

For every one with dollar signs in his eyes there must be hundreds
who look at you as if you're some kind of
Rhythm Section Want-Ad
No others need apply to the
Rhythm Section Want-Ad
I'll tell you why.

(Instrumental break)

Hat's off to the new age hair styles made of bones.
Hats off to the use of hats
as megaphones. Speak softly. Drive a Sherman tank.
Laugh hard. It's a long way to the bank.

Do you sing like Olyve Oyl on purpose?
You guys must be into the Eurythmics.

For every one with dollar signs in his eyes there must be hundreds
who look at you as if you're some kind of
Rhythm Section Want-Ad
No others need apply to the
Rhythm Section Want-Ad
and here's the reason why.
Why.
Why....

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tophat665

Stormtroopers of Death
The ballad of Jimi Hendrix

Dum dah, Dum dah, Dum dah
He's Dead.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tophat665

They Might Be Giants
We Want a Rock

Where was i? I forgot
The point that I was making
I said if I was smart that I would
Save up for a piece of string
And a rock to wind the string around

Everybody wants a rock
To wind a piece of string around
Everybody wants a rock
To wind a piece of string around

Throw the crib door wide
Let the people crawl inside
Someone in this town
Is trying to burn the playhouse down
They want to stop the ones who want
A rock to wind a string around
But everybody wants a rock
To wind a piece of string around

Throw the crib door wide
Let the people crawl inside
Someone in this town
Is trying to burn the playhouse down
They want to stop the ones who want
A rock to wind a string around
But everybody wants a rock
To wind a piece of string around

If I were a carpenter i’d
Hammer on my piglet, i’d
Collect the seven dollars and i’d
Buy a big prosthetic forehead
And wear it on my real head

Everybody wants prosthetic
Foreheads on their real heads
Everybody wants prosthetic
Foreheads on their real heads

Throw the crib door wide
Let the people crawl inside
Someone in this town
Is trying to burn the playhouse down
They want to stop the ones who want
Prosthetic foreheads on their heads
But everybody wants prosthetic
Foreheads on their real heads

Throw the crib door wide
Let the people crawl inside
Someone in this town
Is trying to burn the foreheads down
They want to stop the ones who want
A rock to wind a string around
But everybody wants a rock
To wind a piece of string around

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tophat665

King Missile
Jesus Was Way Cool

Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool

If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool

He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool

He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool

No wonder there are so many Christians

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

uncle phil

Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Me?
Bloodhound Gang


Why is everybody always pickin' on me?

The morn'
The morn'
The morn'
The morn' that I was born my old man beat up the doctor
He clocked the doctor cause the doctor said I looked like Chewbacca
The doctor said "sir you're misled sir which infers you mistook me
I did not mean your lovely wife was shackin' up with a Wookie
What I mean is Wolverine is less hairy than your son
He's looks like Chewie and a Hong Kong Phooey all in one
To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu lookin'
I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cookin'"

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?


Why's everybody always pickin' on me?
Always pickin' and rippin' apart poor ol' Jimmy Pop Ali
I got a schnoz like the 'Cos' but there's a lot more wrong with you
So back me up Bill

So what if I brush my teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese
Or wear a fish net shirt by Chams with my Sergio Valenti jeans
And my mirror never lies but it always verifies
I got more cheese and pepperoni than a homemade pizza pie
You compare me to a Monchichi but I don't understand
Why I'm scorned like I'm deformed

And yeah I took my mom to the prom but hey she asked me first
But at least this time I didn't find my date in the back of a hearse
About as popular with the girls as Englebert Humperdinck
And that might be 'cause everybody calls me Shrinky Dink
I know I'm known as Polaroid I'm not a total retard
It's cause I'm done in sixty seconds and you'll still want it enlarged

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?


Like that episode where Gilligan gets sick of being teased
And he breaks into the Professor's lab and makes some LSD
Peaks freaks and eats the Skipper's brains then beats Ginger with coconuts
As Mr. Howell and Lovey burn alive inside of their grass hut
Oh he'll kill again that Gilligan they should have let him be
And like a postal clerk I'll go berserk if you don't stop teasing me
See the trick is only pick on those that can't do you no harm
Like the drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm
The drummer from Def Leppard's only got one arm

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

But why's everybody always pickin' on me?

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

Hard to be Humble
Mac Davis


Back of few months ago I was headlining
at a great big night club
and they put me up at what they call the Star Suite:
Now here I am headlining
at one of the biggest night clubs
in the country and I wake up
at eight o'clock in the morning
in this Star suite all by myself.

Aah that's what I said "Aah".
But I did what I've always done to cheer myself up

I picked up my guitar

I sat down and wrote me a little song.
Now this is how it feels to be alone
at the top of the hill and trying to figure out why

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day
to know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.
O Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I used to have a girlfriend
but I guess she just could'n't complete
with all of these lovestarved women
who keep clamouring at my feet.
Well I probably find me another
but I guess they're all in awe of me

who cares I never get lonesome
cause I treasure my own company.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day
to know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.
O Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.

I guess you can say I'm a loner

a cowboy outlaw tough and proud
Well
I could have lots of friends if I wanted
but then I wouldn't stand out from the drowd

some folks say that I'm "egotistical
well I don't even know what that means
I guess it has something to do with the
way that I fill out my skintight blue jeans.

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror

'cos I get better looking each day
to know me is to love me

I must be a hell of a man.
O Lord it's hard to be humble
we are doing the best that we can.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Batman976

In heaven there is no beer,
That's why we drink it here.
And when we're gone from here,
Our friends will be drinking all the beer.

__________________
The following statement is true.
The preceding statement was false.

uncle phil

ALIMONEY
Bobby Bare

Alimoney, alimoney
I work till my fingers are bloody and boney
Me, oh my, oh, goodness sake,
I'm payin' for my mistake

She calls it alimoney, alimoney
Yeah, you single men may think it's funny
Till one of these days, you're gonna wait
And find you're payin' for your mistake

I walk around ragged like a low down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
It's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it

Alimoney, alimoney
I thought I bought steak, and it was all baloney
My heart and back are both about to break
From payin' for my mistake, yeah

Yeah, I walk around ragged like a low down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
Why, it's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it

Alimoney, alimoney
Thought I bought steak, and it was just baloney
And every penny that I make
Goes to payin' for my mistake
Oh yeah, payin' for my mistake
Every Wednesday
Yeah, aw come on, baby, y'know it's your mistake too, yeah
They took all the furniture and everything, come on
Why, maybe we could sorta pitch in and work it out, y'know
I mean I could get a third job, if that's what you want, I mean
What about sellin' my blood, y'know ...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

LOOKIN' FOR PUSSY
Dr. Hook

[You gotta start each day some.]
[Lookin for pussy
Lookin for pussy
Lookin for pussy
Lookin for pussy]
I just gotta see her and tell her I need her.
Hurtin without her
Dreamin about her
Wonderin' what she's gonna do
And who she's doin it to.

[Lookin' for pussy
Lookin' for pussy
Lookin' for pussy
We're looking for pussy]

Tell her my story
Say that I'm sorry
Just gotta find her
Say I'm behind her
In anything... right or wrong
She'll just take me along.


[Looking for pussy]
Take me along...
[Lookin' for pussy]
C'mon take me along...
[Lookin' for pussy]
C'mon take me along...
[Lookin' for pussy]
I gotta get my pussy!
[Lookin' for pussy]

I gotta go upstairs and get me shooooes... [fade]

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

THUMBSUCKER
Dr. Hook

I met her on a corner in Duluth
(That's the truth.)
She was tryin' to fix her shoe in a telephone booth
(Her name was Ruth.)
She said she was just waiting for a bus
But I hid my thumb cause I knew just what she was,
And I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb.
It'll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb.
It'll make you crawl and climb the wall
Leave you without no thumb at all.
So I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb.
I'll tell you what them thumbsuckers like to do.
They suck your thumb till it's wrinkled like a prune
They'll say you've got the sweetest thumb of all
But then they suck the thumb of the guy livin' down the hall
That's why I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb
(etc. . . etc. . . until finally giving in.)

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

grumpyolddude

ONE HIPPOPATAMI
Allan Sherman

One hippopotami cannot get on a bus,
Because one hippopotami is two hippopotamus.
And if you have two goose, that makes one geese.
A pair of mouse is mice. A pair of moose is meese.
A paranoia is a bunch of mental blocks.
And when Ben Casey meets Kildare, that's called a paradox.
When two minks fall in love with all their heart and soul,
You'll find the plural of two minks is one mink stole.

Singulars and plurals are so different, bless my soul
Has it ever occured to you that the plural of "half" is "whole"?

A bunch of tooth is teeth. A group of foot is feet.
And two canaries make a pair-- they call it a parakeet.
A paramecium is not a pair.
A parallelogram is just a crazy square.
Nobody knows just what a paraphernalia is.
And what is half a pair of scissors, but a single sciz?
With someone you adore, if you should find romance,
You'll pant, and pant once more, and that's a pair of pants!

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

Tophat665

Dirty Love
by Frank Zappa

Give me
Your dirty love
Like you might surrender to some dragon in your dreams
Give me
Your dirty love
Like a pink donation to the dragon in your dreams

I don't need your sweet devotion
I don't want your cheap emotion
Whip me up some dragon lotion For your dirty love
Your dirty love

Give me
Your dirty love
Like some tacky little pamphlet in your daddy's bottom drawer
Give me
Your dirty love
I don't believe you never seen his book before

I don't need no consolation
I don't want your reservations
I only got one destination and that's your dirty love
Your dirty love

Give me (uh huh)
Your dirty love
Just like your mama make her fuzzy poodle do
(Oh, Frenchie . . . )
Give me
Your dirty love
The way your mama make that nasty poodle chew

I'll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little-bo-peep diploma
I'll just put you in a coma with some dirty love
Some dirty love
That dirty love
That dirty love

THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Snap it!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Not a speck of cereal!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Nothing but the best for my puppy!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Come on!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Come on, Frenchie) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little paws sticking up!)
THE POODLE BITES! (Little curly hairs!) THE POODLE CHEWS IT! (Little curly hairs!)
---------------------

<b>Phil</b>! Kickass thread. Excellent call on the Southern Culture on the Skids (I'll pull up some Horton Heat later). Once got pulled over by not one but two cop cars while listening to "Too Much Pork for Just One Fork". Never figured you for a Bloodhound Gang kinda guy, though. Live and learn, I guess. Excellent stuff. Mope and Magna Cum Nada are especially excellent.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tophat665

Watusi Rodeo - Reverend Horton Heat

Come along with me to the Congo land
Got a zebra by the tail and a python in my hand
Once my home was a Texas plain
But now I swing a lasso on an alien terrain
Hottentotts and pygmies nowhere to go
Everybody's heading to the Watusi rodeo

Cowboys are puttin' up a big fence around
The sacred elephant burial ground
Native women stompin' up a flurry in the mud
Everybody's lookin' for some cowboy blood
Guess they didn't like the hats we made 'em wear
Didn't look good on the native hair
Don't they know that its all for show
All for show at the Watusi rodeo

Monkeys in the trees just thumbin' their nose
At the bull riders ridin' on rhinos
Warriors standing with their spears in their hands
Wondering what's next from the crazy white man
The natives are restless underneath Stetsons
What are these cowboys doing in the Congo
They look like cows but they're water buffalo
Everybody's headed for the Watusi rodeo
Ohh, they look like cows but they're water buffalo
ropin' and a ridin' at the Watusi rodeo

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tophat665

THE CHURCH
Corky & the Juice Pigs

I belong to the church of the well-endowed man
My member's big as a grizzly bear's head
My pants can't hide the bulge God gave to me

I'm proud of the width and the length of my part
You should see me break the young girls' hearts
I always draw a crowd when I take a pee

Well I don't mean to brag but my main piece drags
And when I got to bed the mattress sags
It's hard to doze when you're long as a firehose
Oh lemmee tell ya...

We belong to the church of the well-endowed man
If you measured us in feet we'd be over ten
Thank you Lord for making us well-endowed men

Thank you Lord for making us well-endowed men.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Tophat665

PANDAS
Corky & the Juice Pigs

White and black, the friendly bears of China
White and black, they rarely reproduce
What shall be done about these Chinese bears?
What shall be done about these friendly bears?

Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Yay!

Why should we save them?
What good do they do?
Have you ever seen a panda,
Do something good for you?
They can't wear t-shirts,
They can't bounce basketballs
They can't walk tightropes,
Over Niagra Falls

Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Die, they must die
The pandas must die

You fat bastards

All endangered species
Leave endangered feces
If you knew how bad they smelled
You would gladly take their pelt
If we kill them all
We can have more parking lots
We can have small couches
Made of little ocelots

Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Die, they must die
The pandas must die.

__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

uncle phil

ALL ABOUT YOU
Dr. Hook

In the Granville Greyhound station in the lightly drizzlin' rain
Sittin' on my suitcase, goin' quietly insane
All about you, girl,
All about you.
All about you and the no feelin'
Double-dealin' things that you do.
Every man in Granville
Says he knows you well.
Burn your ears if you could hear
The stories that they tell
All about you. . .
They say you're picked up every Thursday
In a rich man's limousine.
And some cat in San Quentin
Keeps on havin' nasty dreams
All about you. . .
Now the summer sun may burn my back
And these tears may dim my sight.
But before I die, there's a dirty book I'm gonna write
All about you, girl
All about you.
All about you and the no feelin'
Double-dealin' things that you do.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

KWSN

System of a Down - Chic'n'Stu

This ballgame?s in the refrigerator,
The door is closed,
The lights are out,
And the butter?s getting hard.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

Well advertising?s got you on the run,
Need therapy, therapy advertising causes,
Well advertising?s got you on the run,
Need therapy, therapy advertising causes,
Well advertising?s got you on the run,
Advertising?s got you on the run,
Advertising?s got you on the run,
Advertising?s got you on the run,
Advertising?s got you on the run,
Advertising?s got you on the run,
Advertising?s got you on the run.

What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy,
What a splendid pie,
Pizza-pizza pie,
Every minute, every second,
Buy, buy, buy, buy, buy.

Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives,
Pepperoni and green peppers
Mushrooms, olive, chives.

Need therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need,
Therapy, therapy,
Advertising causes need.

__________________
Your arms are broken!

KWSN

Ogden Edsl - Dead Puppies

Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun

They don't come, when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren't much fun

My puppy died late last fall
He's still rotting in the hall
Dead puppies aren't much fun
No, no, no

Mom says puppy's days are through
She's going to throw him in the stew
Dead puppies aren't much fun

Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun
Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun

Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun

__________________
Your arms are broken!

KWSN

G. Love and Special Sauce - Milk and Cereal

Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal
milk and cereal
Cereal and milk

Milk and Cereal
Cereal, Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Cereal and Milk, Cereal and Milk...

I dont want my Wheaties
Give 'em to the needy
Feelin kinda greedy
I keep em for myself (X9)

No Grapenuts for grandma
(grandma eats a bran muffin)
Mom likes Special K
You cant pinch an inch (X7)
They're magically delicious
Keep your hands off my Lucky charms
(pink hearts, yellow moons,blue diamonds, green clovers)
A is for Apple J is for Jack
You step on a crack
Youll break your moama's back
Rice Krispies
Blue Berries
Ooh Boo Berry

Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Milk and Cereal
Cereal and Milk
Milk and Cereal

Milk and Stereo
Stereo Stereo
Milk and Cereal
Cereal and Milk
(Cheerio-eo-eo)

In the morning
At your table
Milk and Cereal
Snap Crackle Pop (X7)

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs (X8)
Trix are for kids! (X11)

In the morning
At your table
(Milk and Cereal)

No Grapenuts for Grandma
Grandma eats a Bran Muffin

__________________
Your arms are broken!

uncle phil

PENICILLIN PENNY
Dr. Hook

Penicillin Penny,
She's the queen of the Sunset Strip.
If she ever gives you any
Then you better see your doctor real quick.
From the backseat of Cadillac cars
To the floor of mens room bars,
She's Penicillin Penny
And her future's written in the stars.

She's Penicillin Penny
And ever since the day she came,
They say she's had so many
She gives them all numbers, not names.
I always called her hon',
But she calls me one-thousand-and-one,
And Penicillin Penny
Starts to boogie when the day is done.

She's Penicillin Penny,
If you ever see her passing through
Better run into your house
Or she stops and lays a little on you.
If you ever let her in your door
It takes 20,000,000 units or more to cure
The love that Penicillin Penny lays on you...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

THIRTEEN TONS OF ICE CREAM
Joe Sun

A ninety mile run
In the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration.

Well, I was loaded and locked
At the Tampa docks.
Miami was my destination.
With some coffee and an upper
I'll be home in time for supper
According to my calculation.
But those ice cream bars
In my 'frigeration car
Were too great a temptation.
So I pulled on over to the side of the road
And had me an ice cream celebration .

Then just outside of the Everglades
I got a strange sensation .
What was drippin' down my nose
Soakin' my clothes
Weren't no perspiration ?
'Cuz I must've forgot
And left the hatch unlocked.
Now I came to the realization
I got thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration .
'Cuz a ninety-mile run in the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration .

There was pralines and cream droppin' into my lap,
And that's a source of irritation.
And that Chunky-Monkey fillin' up the cab.
That can disturb a fellah's concentration.
That Cherry Jubilee
Right up to my knees
Can make a truckin' man's ruination
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration.

When I pull into Tampa you can damn well bet
There'll be a big investigation,
And under cross examination,
I'll deny all of the allegations.
Then me and the boss we're gonna have
One of them real short conversations.
Then he's gonna be advisin' me
To find a brand new occupation.
A ninety-mile run in the Florida sun
Can be a sticky situation
With thirteen tons of ice cream bars
And no refrigeration .

Well, I'm gonna tell him where he can STICK
His whole screwed-up organization
Then I'm gonna head right on down to the Union Hall
And apply for arbitration.
Then get me some fancy legal representation
And sue the whole God damn truckin' corporation
And win a BIG cash compensation
And then take a seven-month vacation
At some tropical location
With some uh... female stimulation
And do a little copulation
Out in the vegetation
And get a little inebriation goin'
Ohhh . . what a sweet sensation!
Lemme see now . . what flavor should I have . . .
Hmm-Hmmm . . . they're all running together
I believe this is a whole new kinda ice cream
Heee-hee-heee

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Nefir

ADDING UP NUMBERS
Kompressor

twelve plus nine is twenty one
adding up numbers is very fun
seven plus eight equal fifteen
adding up numbers is very uplifting

adding up numbers
adding up numbers

nine plus zero is equal to nine
even adding nothing is adding just fine
twelve plus ten is twenty two
carrying the one is easy to do

twelve plus nine is twenty one
adding up numbers is very fun
seven plus eight equal fifteen
adding up numbers is very uplifting

adding up numbers
adding up numbers

two plus five is equal to seven
add four more and you get eleven
five and three are equal to eight
adding up numbers makes you feel great

twelve plus nine is twenty one
adding up numbers is very fun
seven plus eight equal fifteen
adding up numbers is very uplifting

adding up numbers
adding up numbers

adding up numbers
KOMPRESSOR adding up numbers
adding up numbers
KOMPRESSOR adding up number

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
Kompressor

Brush your teeth before you go to bed
Or you will wake up without a teeth in head
Brush your teeth before you go to school
Or all of your friends will say you smell like stool
Brush your teeth, and brush them well
Or you will get denture and old person smell
Brush your teeth each and every day
You should brush your teeth or they will rot away

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
ALWAYS BRUSH YOUR TEETH

When you eat vegetable or meat
Always important to brush your teeth
Even when using industrial beat
KOMPRESSOR know important of brushing teeth
Brush up top and underneath
And brush your tongue when you brush your teeth
You can eat schnitzel or you can eat sweets
It doesn't matter if you brush your teeth

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BRUSH YOUR TEETH
YOU SHOULD BRUSH YOUR TEETH

BRUSH YOUR TEETH
ALWAYS BRUSH YOUR TEETH

__________________
You do not use a Macintosh, instead you use a Tandy
Kompressor break your glowstick, Kompressor eat your candy
Kompressor open jaws, Kompressor release ants
Kompressor watch you scream, Because Kompressor does not dance

uncle phil

Fatty McGee
Adam Sandler

[Talking quietly]
[M1:] 'Ms. Murphy is such a pain, man.'
[M2:] 'We just had a test a week ago.
Now we gotta take another one tommorrow. This sucks!'
[M1:] 'And it counts for 80 percent of our grade.'
[M2:] 'Well we better study our butts off.'
[M1:] 'Well we came to the right place, the ever so quiet library.'
[M2:] 'Ok, enough talking, let's study!'
[M1:] 'All right.'
[Turning pages]

[Heavy steps]
[M2:] 'Uh oh'
[M1:] 'Oh no! Fatty McGee is coming.
We'll never get any studying done with him in the library.'
[Heavy steps continue]
[M2:] 'Oh god, he's taking the stairs!
That means he's going to be way out of breath!'

[Fatty whining, try to catch breath]
[M1:] 'Oh no, he's going to sit with us.'
[Fatty: Annoying whining voice] 'Hey fellas, studying for the big test'
[M1:] 'Uh, yes Fatty, we were.'
[Fatty: Still trying to catch breath] 'Great! I'll join ya.'
[Fatty pulls out chair and falls into it, still whining horribly]
[M2:] 'Hey Fatty, why don't you go to the bathroom 'till you catch your breath'
[Fatty:] 'No, no, I'm catching it!'
[Fatty continuing to whine and snort]
[M1:] 'Ok, ok Fatty, but try to keep the wheezing level down, we're trying to concentrate.'
[Fatty: Continuing to wheeze and whine louder] 'Sure, no problem.'
[M1:] 'Oh man.'
[Fatty: Still snorting and whining loudly]
'This test counts for eighty percent of our grade, you know.'
[Whining continues even louder]
[M1:] 'Yes Fatty, we know, we just said that.'
[Wheezing continues a little softer]
[M2:] 'Fatty! Please keep it down!'

[Fatty makes snoring/whining sounds]

[M2:] 'Is he sleeping!'
[M1:] 'No, it's his deviated sceptum.
Seriously Fatty, keep the breathing down.'
[Snoring stops, more weird noise starts]
[M2:] 'Ahh geez Fatty, what's wrong with you!'
[Fatty: Pausing, snorting] 'I'm trying.'
[Whining continues]
[M1:] 'Fatty, you know what's going to happen!
Stop breathing so heavy! Please we gotta study!'
[Whining gets higher and higher until it's continuous]
[M2:] 'Oh no, that one's going to do it!'

[Fire alarm sounding, fire trucks honking their horns, sirens reeling]
[M2:] 'Fatty, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again!'
[Fatty: Continuing his LOUD annoying whine] 'I'm sorry!'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Fire! Man the building!'
[M1:] 'Sorry Fireman Ray, it's not the fire alarm.'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Fatty McGee, is that you again!'
[Fatty: Stillin whining annoyingly] 'Yes.' [Snort] 'Sorry.' [Snort]
[Fireman Ray:] 'Didn't we tell you not to take the stairs anymore!'
[Fatty: Whiney voice] 'But I like the stairs!'
[Fireman Ray: annoyed] 'Why!'
[Fatty: Still whining horribly] 'They're fun!'
[Fireman Ray:] 'Oh Fatty McGee, you're the fattest!'
[Everyone laughing at stupid joke]
[Raspberry]

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

DRUNK AND CRAZY
Bobby Bare

Hello, everybody. I have come to say
I didn't come to stay. I just come to play.
So lock all the doors and open up the wine.
Tell all the pretty ladies to get in line.

'Cause I'm drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.
Way across the room I see a fancy fox.
I got the key to open up her lock.
I slide across the floor like a greasy eel.
I say, "Baby, tell me how do you feel?"

She says, "Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll."

I was just about to put the cake in the oven.
Look over my shoulder... there's her big ol' husband.
He was turnin' blue. He was seein' red.
He knocked me down, slapped me 'round
And stomped on my head.

'Cause he was drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.

They got me to the hospital in the nick of time.
I had a fractured skull and a busted spine.
When in come the doctor... he could hardly stand.
He had a bottle in his pocket and a scalpel in his hand.
And he was drunk and crazy, no no doctor...

Drunk and crazy...
Drunk and crazy.
Gonna let the good times roll.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

Zittly Van Zittles
Adam Sandler

Well, I had myself a girlfrield
For almost two whole years
We had no secrets
We had no fears
There was nothing we wouldn't do
When we were in the sack
She'd even pop the zit on my back

But one night I was out cheating
After I drank a few
She caught me red handed
And said we're through
Now she's got a new boyfriend
It nearly gave me a heart attack

'Cuz who's gonna pop this zit on my back?
Well I got a pimple and I don't know why
It keeps growing in the same place
I can't reach it with my left or right hand
I wish it was on my face
It's four days old
And it hurts so bad
But it's ready for a squeeze
Won't somebody pop it for me please?
I'll give you ten dollars

If you're a girl in this lonely world
And you're looking for a guy
I'll never cheat again, I promise
That's no lie
There's only one thing I ask of you
Could we name our first child Zak?
Oh, one more thing
Please pop this zit on my back

I'm dying here!
A pimple ay-hee
A pop-a-doodly-doo
Squirt heedly-hoo

Well I'm sitting alone by the phone
And no one seems to call
I try to scrape my zit off on the kitchen wall
Well that don't work, so I look around
And find a big shiny thumb-tack
Put it on the floor, lay down
Pop the zit on my back

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

grumpyolddude

Here's a love song I wrote @ 30 years ago:

A Piece of the Pie

Your home cooking makes me sick,
and your grammar ain't so slick.
Me, I can't sing a lick,
but we'll get by.

'Cause there's something that you do
that makes me want to muddle through.
My little mind totally blew
when I tasted your pie.

So, you just keep on doing what you do.
I'll find us something, just so we'll get by.
Your pancakes taste like cardboard,
and your coffee tastes like glue,
but I'm happy with just a little piece of the pie!

We'll eat out so your food won't gag me,
and if you promise not to nag me,
I'll drive careful so we don't get hurt
and hurry back home for a little dessert.

We'll live happy building dreams in the sky.
I'll have my fill of your sweet little pie.
We'll stay together watching our love grow
as long as you ain't serving no pie to go!

And I'll just keep on doing what I do.
You'll think of something, just so we'll get by.
You pancakes are like cardboard, honey
and your coffee tastes like glue,
But I'm happy with just a little piece of your pie!

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

uncle phil

I'VE NEVER SEEN A STRAIGHT BANANA
Waite


You may have seen some funny things in your time
But there's one thing you've not seen, I'd like to bet.
Would you like to know just what you have been missing?
I'll tell you in the chorus but not yet.
Now I've got you puzzled, so I'll tell you what I mean.
The thing that's in my mind, I must confess, I haven't seen.

I have never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana.
I guess I must admit
That I have searched quite a bit.
They're even curved when they are served in my banana split.
I have seen them by the car-load on the Delaware & Lacawana
But have you ever?
No, I've never
I've never seen a straight banana.

I recall when I was in Alaska
I saw the sun at twelve-o'clock at night.
I've seen the waterfalls at old Niagara
I can vouch it is a most impressive sight.
But I'd like to see one certain thing
But if it's not to be,
I'd like to meet somebody else
Who saw what I can't see.

I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana.
Although the things I hate,
Hundreds I have ate.
But I've never yet seen one banana that was straight.
I have traveled far to find one.
I've been to Chili and Havana.
But I've never, never, never, never seen a straight banana.

I've never, never, never, I have never seen a straight banana.
Once I chanced to see
A real life murder mystery
The jury found the prisoner guilty in the first degree.
All at once we heard the prisoner
Holler out, "This is the truth, your honor,
I've never, never never, never
Never, never, never, never
I've never seen a straight banana.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

Fuckin' Up
Neil Young


Mindless drifter on the road
Carry such an easy load
It's how you look,
and how you feel
You must have
a heart of steel.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

I can see you on a hill
Comatose but walking still
Curves beneath
your flowing gown
Only I could
bring you down.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

Dogs that lick
and dogs that bite
Hounds that howl
through the night
Broken leashes
are all over the floor
Keys left hanging
in a swinging door.

Why do I keep fuckin' up?

Keep fuckin' up!

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

SHE KEEPS IT UP ALL THE TIME


I've got a wife, poor me
Me and her can't agree
She's crazy 'bout children, you see
And that's the reason I'm gonna let my good Mama be.
I told her long ago
I wouldn't stand for that no mo'
But when I look in to her eyes
I know right then and there she's telling me some bad lies.
Cause, when she had the first child, I knowed that she was true
Then she got twins, that made me kind of blue
The gal located triplets I said, "Mama, that will do"
But she keeps it up, keeps it up, dog gone it.
She's got seventeen and still wants mo'
Round our house looks just like Ringling Brothers show
I plead on my soul, she's loosin her pop-eyed min'
Cause she keeps it up, keeps it up all the time!

She got so many kids she gave me the blues
If they don't cry for biscuits
They cries for shoes.
I plead on my soul, she's loosin her pop-eyed min'
Cause she keeps it up, keeps it up, all the time.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

The Teddy Bear's Picnic
Gilhooley Mahoney and his Leprechaun Marching Band

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Chorus:
Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go out in the woods today,
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

TO CHORUS

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play

Beneath the trees, where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic

TO CHORUS

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Weird Al Yankovic

Oh, Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster.
He doesn’t bite and he doesn’t squeal, he just runs around on his hamster wheel.
Harvey, Harvey, Harvey the wonder hamster. Hey, Harvey!

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam
The Vaselines

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam,
Cause sunbeams are not made like me,
And don't expect me to cry,
For all the reasons you had to die,
Don't ever ask your love of me.

Don't expect me to lie,
Don't expect me to cry,
Don't expect me to die for thee.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

The Monkees Theme
The Monkees

Here we come walking down the street.
We get the funniest looks from everyone we meet
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.

We go where we want to, do what we like to do.
We don't have time to get restless. There's always something new.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play.
We're the young generation and we've got something to say.

Anytime or anywhere, just look over your shoulder, guess who'll be standing there.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees and people say we monkey around.
But we're too busy singing to put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play.
We're the young generation and we've got something to say.
Hey, hey, we're the Monkees, hey, hey, we're the Monkees, hey, hey, we're the Monkees.

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

Cab Driver
The Mills Brothers

Cab driver drive me by memorys place
I just wanna chance to see her face
I hope we`ll meet her any place
cab driver drive me by memorys place

Cab driver once more 'round the block
never mind the ticket or the clock
I only wish we could have any talk
cab driver once more 'round the block

Cab driver once more down the spring
Persolyston place we used to be
that`s where I laid my future for her feet
cab driver once more down the spring

Cab driver wait here by the door
I just want to hold her in my arms once more
and then maybe it`s just like it was before
cab driver wait here by the door

Cab driver you'd better take me home
I guess I was meant to be alone
I hope God sends me a lover of my own
cab driver you'd better take me home

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

The Geek

The Scotsman - Mike Cross

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

uncle phil

Silly Love
10cc

Hey toots, you put the life into living
You brought a sigh into sight
Ah hon, you make my legs turn to water
You bring the stars out at night
But they ain't half so bright
As your eyes

Gee whiz, you take the beauty out of beautiful
You play the strings of my heart
Oh babe, you take the wonder out of wonderful
Oh my, oh my, and my, if you were mine
The rain would turn to sweet sweet wine

Well he's been up all night
Breakin' his head in two to write
A little sonnet for his chickadee
But between you and me
I think its sssssssssssilly. Silly

Ooh treas, you got a smile like a Rembrandt
Aha, you got the style of a queen
Oh dear, you are the petal of a rosebud
Next to you all the others could be weeds
You're the only one my garden needs

Ooh, you know the art of conversation
Must be dying
Ooh, when a romance depends on
Cliches and toupees and threepes

We're up to here with moonin' and junin'
If you want to sound sincere -
Don't rely on Crosby's croonin' -
Take a little time
Make up your own rhyme
Don't rely on mine
'Cos it's sssssssssilly - silly - silly - silly

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

uncle phil

ok, fly, here's one old thread i dug up...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

mixedmedia

Political Science - Randy Newman

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paris
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Chamaeleontidae

Lyrics to Fish Heads by Barnes and Barnes


Fish Heads
**********

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

In the morning
Laughing, happy
Fish Heads
In the evening
Floating in the soup

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Ask a Fish head
Anything you want to
They won't answer
They can't talk

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

I took a Fish head
Out to see a movie
Didn't have to pay
To get it in

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm
They can't play baseball
They don't wear sweaters
They're not good dancers
They don't play drums

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Rolly polly Fish heads
Are never seen drinking
Cappacino in Italian restaurants
With Oriental women...Yeah

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm...
(Yummm)

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm

Fish heads, Fish heads
Rolly polly Fish heads
Fish heads, Fish heads
Eat them up, Yummm
YEAH!!!!!!!!!

by Barnes and Barnes
From the album:

Voohbaha!

Her Majesty
Lennon/McCartney


Her majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she doesn't have a lot to say
Her majesty's a pretty nice girl
but she changes from day to day
I wanna tell her that I love her a lot
but I gotta get a belly full of wine
Her majesty's a pretty nice girl
someday I'm gonna make her mine
Oh, yeah, some day I'm gonna make her mine

__________________
"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
Robin Williams.

mixedmedia

You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly - Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty

You're the reason I'm a-ridin' around on recapped tires.

And you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on wires.

And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't ev'rythin'
and money ain't ev'rythin'
But I love you just the same.

You're the reason I've changed to beer from soda pop.

And you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop.

You're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't ev'rythin'
and money ain't ev'rythin'
But I love you just the same.

I guess that we won't ever have
Everything we need
Cause when we get "ahead"
It's got another mouth to feed...

And that's the reason that my good looks and my figure is gone.

And that's the reason that I ain't got no hair to comb.

And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Ah, but looks ain't ev'rythin'
and money ain't ev'rythin'
But I love you just the same...

(Fading Out)
Conway, why in the devil don't you go and shave and put on a clean pair of pants?

But Loretta, look at yourself. Now I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair and go put on a little makeup and get out of that housecoat before supper.

Ha, well let me tell you something, Conway, considerin' everything that I went through today, I look like a movie star.

Eh-he-yeah, Ruth Buzzie.

Thank yee.

Besides that, all our kids took after your part of the family, anyway...

Oh they did, huh? What abouts the ones that's bald?

*Laughs* Well I guess you could say they take after me...*laughs*

*Laughs*


The Pill - Loretta Lynn

You wined me and dined me
When I was your girl
Promised if I'd be your wife
You'd show me the world
But all I've seen of this old world
Is a bed and a doctor bill
I'm tearin' down your brooder house
'Cause now I've got the pill

All these years I've stayed at home
While you had all your fun
And every year that's gone by
Another baby's come
There's a gonna be some changes made
Right here on nursery hill
You've set this chicken your last time
'Cause now I've got the pill

This old maternity dress I've got
Is goin' in the garbage
The clothes I'm wearin' from now on
Won't take up so much yardage
...
Miniskirts, hot pants and a few little fancy frills
Yeah I'm makin' up for all those years
Since I've got the pill

I'm tired of all your crowin'
How you and your hens play
While holdin' a couple in my arms
Another's on the way
This chicken's done tore up her nest
And I'm ready to make a deal
And ya can't afford to turn it down
'Cause you know I've got the pill

This incubator is overused
Because you've kept it filled
The feelin' good comes easy now
Since I've got the pill
It's gettin' dark it's roostin' time
Tonight's too good to be real
Oh but daddy don't you worry none
'Cause mama's got the pill
Oh daddy don't you worry none
'Cause mama's got the pill

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce