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Old 06-08-2003, 09:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
Sultana ruined my evil persona
 
Krycheck's Avatar
 
Location: Los Angeles
The Big Fat Lies Thread

Post any lies you can think of. I'll start.

Hal is hung like a Tic Tac
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His pants are tight...but his morals are loose!!
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Old 06-08-2003, 09:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
Still searching...
 
madsenj37's Avatar
 
Location: NorCal For Life
Krycheck sounds smart.
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"Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe."
-- Albert Einstein
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Old 06-08-2003, 11:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
vermin's Avatar
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
The Tlarup Bird of South America makes little parachutes out of leaves for it's babies before they learn to fly.
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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.
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Old 06-08-2003, 11:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Xiomar's Avatar
 
Location: Bay Area, California
Im a freakin' hottie
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Old 06-09-2003, 12:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
myMHz's Avatar
 
Location: Arizona
The Government is honest.
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"The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.

There's also a negative side."
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Old 06-09-2003, 03:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
i'll respect you in the morning...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 06-09-2003, 04:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
*Nikki*'s Avatar
 
Location: Charleston, SC
Bill Gates is broke.
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Old 06-09-2003, 04:20 AM   #8 (permalink)
through charlatans phone
 
paddyjoe's Avatar
 
Location: Northcoast
Brad phoned *Nikki* last night.
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Old 06-09-2003, 05:12 AM   #9 (permalink)
green
 
KWSN is one bad, breakdancin' mofo.
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Your arms are broken!
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Old 06-09-2003, 05:37 AM   #10 (permalink)
Fear the bunny
 
Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing
I haven't masturbated in years.
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Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.
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Old 06-09-2003, 06:16 AM   #11 (permalink)
Psycho
 
cheese's Avatar
 
Location: In your bath tub with all your other rubber toys
IRC Chat i fun
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Old 06-09-2003, 07:09 AM   #12 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Stiltzkin's Avatar
 
I have sex every day.
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The most important thing in this world is love.
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Old 06-09-2003, 07:13 AM   #13 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
Here's two classics for you....

Cheque's in the mail
and
Of course I won't cum in your mouth!
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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!
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Old 06-09-2003, 08:39 AM   #14 (permalink)
Loser
 
The woman pictured in my avatar is me.
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Old 06-09-2003, 08:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
rockogre's Avatar
 
Location: SW Oklahoma
Of course I love you baby, it's not about the sex.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:31 AM   #16 (permalink)
Intently Rocking
 
Troublebot's Avatar
 
Location: Davey's
I'm interested in everything you say.

I'm not staring at your tits.
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Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend.
Wind: [whistling] I hate you.
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Old 06-09-2003, 12:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
Non-smokers die everyday
 
Location: Montreal
I'm not going to ogle at 18 y-o HS girls when in Japan.
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A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
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Old 06-09-2003, 12:53 PM   #18 (permalink)
spurt king
 
Location: Out of my mind
I'm hoping Bob Biter doesn't bring back picks from his trip in japan and download them for all to see.

I'm also very thrilled with my job... and it shows
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No signature at this time.
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Old 06-09-2003, 12:55 PM   #19 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
this is the best invention since sliced bread...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 06-09-2003, 01:10 PM   #20 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Stiltzkin's Avatar
 
God is in His Heaven, all is right with the World.
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The most important thing in this world is love.
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Old 06-09-2003, 01:24 PM   #21 (permalink)
Gastrolithuanian
 
Giant Hamburger's Avatar
 
Location: low-velocity Earth orbit
Dear Friends,

GREETINGs!
I presume this post will not be a surprise to you. Through the courtesy of this business
opportunity, I am Giant Hamburger, and surviving offspring of the late General
Doublemeat Hamburger of Nabimbia,who died in 2001 due to unsuspected volcano.
May his souls rest in peace! My father was our nation’s Minister of Delicious Food. To his mournful family he left in unclaimed contractuals proceeds totaling $ A VERY LARGE NUMBER
from a livestock deal with the Finance Minister of Monrovia. Due to war currently in the first country I mentioned, it is not safely put my family investment here. Our ultra super expensive
properties have been closed down, and the money is in discreet keepings of various parastatals. That's right, parrastatals.
Your Business and name of honesty were given in confidence by the Tilted Forim Project (ForeignTrade Division). Information regarding the viability of your Business concern gingered me into soliciting for you. Mother Burger seriously advised me to move these funds into overseas account—all we require is a willing foreign partner. Your nether areas of specialisation will not be a hinderance to the successful actualising of this transaction. Upon transfer of this beneficiary sum into the Bank Account in your Country, you will retain 43 percent of the total sum, and 7.5 percent will be set aside to take care of such incidental expenses. Also, 23 percent will be plunged deeply into your Business concern for purposes of high-profile investment. The rest shall be used to settle my family’s advanced stage of relocation to YET ANOTHER COUNTRY
for asylum. For your information, my aggrieved mother burger has the blessing of this Business modality. It is pertinent to state here that our transaction is based on faith, and for the safety the burger family, I appeal that you keep this with Top Secret.

I have abundant flavor, and your immediate response will be appreciated and all remittance
concerning this excellent transaction swung into action. Also we request your private and office phone number to open communication with you. Please, note that there are troubles or dangers involved.
Yours famously,
Giant Hamburger
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Old 06-09-2003, 03:52 PM   #22 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Center Ice
The Redwings are awesome
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The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat
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Old 06-09-2003, 03:52 PM   #23 (permalink)
Loose Cunt
 
Meridae'n's Avatar
 
Location: North Bondi RSL
I wouldn't even know what pornography is
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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?
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Old 06-09-2003, 06:36 PM   #24 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Stiltzkin's Avatar
 
Every day is a happy day for me.
__________________
The most important thing in this world is love.
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Old 06-09-2003, 08:27 PM   #25 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Dallas TX
I love my job
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Old 06-09-2003, 09:04 PM   #26 (permalink)
And we'll all float on ok...
 
Jeff's Avatar
 
Location: Iowa City
Giant Hamburger's post was not odd.
I wouldn't bone Britney Spears if presented with the opportunity.
__________________
For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
--Charles Bukowski
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:16 PM   #27 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: The 7th Level..
I don't have issues.
__________________
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:20 PM   #28 (permalink)
BFG Builder
 
Location: University of Maryland
I have a 12" pianist.
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If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.
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Old 06-09-2003, 10:20 PM   #29 (permalink)
Loose Cunt
 
Meridae'n's Avatar
 
Location: North Bondi RSL
Savage Garden are Australia's greatest export
__________________
What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?
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Old 06-10-2003, 03:18 AM   #30 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
whatever it is, i didn't do it...and i'll never do it again...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 06-10-2003, 04:54 AM   #31 (permalink)
Non-smokers die everyday
 
Location: Montreal
I do not fantisize about nailing our receptionist or any of our nubile, dressed-down marketing chicks.
__________________
A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
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Old 06-10-2003, 04:59 AM   #32 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Montreal
I don't want a job at Bob Biter's place of work.
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Old 06-10-2003, 06:24 AM   #33 (permalink)
Redwing fan extraordinaire
 
Location: Michigan
I LOVE CHEESE!!!!!!!
__________________
Its good to be back.
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Old 06-10-2003, 06:25 AM   #34 (permalink)
Redwing fan extraordinaire
 
Location: Michigan
oh and I dont suck at basketball!!!!!
__________________
Its good to be back.
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Old 06-10-2003, 06:54 AM   #35 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
rockogre's Avatar
 
Location: SW Oklahoma
I was nowhere near aisle five.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom
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Old 06-10-2003, 06:57 AM   #36 (permalink)
Non-smokers die everyday
 
Location: Montreal
I use olive oil solely for cooking purposes.
__________________
A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
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Old 06-10-2003, 07:33 AM   #37 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
I find my Job deeply fulfilling.

When I walk into my house, I scrape the pyramids off my boots.

I play frisbee with Yog-Sothoth and dice with Chthulhu. I always win.

My pet shuggoth is a bit off color this morning; guess I shouldn't have beaten him so badly when he ate the Mormons.

I have more talent in my smallest finger than any of you have in your entire bodies.

My real name is Aloysious, but all my buddies call me Lord and Master.

I only come here for the discussion forums.

I believe that George W. Bush is the finest president this country has ever had, and that he acts purely in the national interest, for he is a good man, a moral man, a man of character, and a supra-genius.

Tom Green is a laugh riot.

Nixon got a raw deal.

Damnit! Just tripped over my dick again.

OK, that's more than enough.
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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Old 06-10-2003, 08:52 AM   #38 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: London, CorBlimeyLand
I'm a 'Four-Legged-Two-Dicked-Mega-Mecha-Harpie' from the Nether Dimensions, of the subtropical species.
__________________
?
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Old 06-10-2003, 01:43 PM   #39 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
some other dude did it...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 06-10-2003, 02:35 PM   #40 (permalink)
Once upon a time...
 
I invented the internet.

No, wait, that was Al gore.
__________________
--
Man Alone
=======
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
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