Am I Dead?
 

This is a poll that is really hard to answer. Sometimes I think that you are all ghosts living in a quantum state known as subdeath.

I am using scatomancy to discover the truth. The truth is Murky. And that! -Is why I created this thread... I am consulting the spirit world.

Wat'd'ya'dink?

this is exactly the reason I nominated you for king of the universe......

No, you aren't dead. You are just a solipsist.

Good evening,

I recommend carpomancy
http://community.iexplore.com/photos...otos/carp6.jpg
They are surprisingly excellent conversationalists.

All I know is that one of us is dead.

Wash your hands when you’re done scatomancing.

Some mornings its just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.

I hear murmers but I'm still not clear on the concept.

Does anyone have any brains?

http://www.variagate.com/livd117.jpg

Brains!!!!

sorry, none here.......

your brain on drugs:


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ainondrugs.jpg

wow man..........look at all the pretty colours.

That looks like "my baseball on drugs."

/Dock Ellis

If we're all really ghosts in a state of sub-death, there's nothing to worry about. OR IS THERE?
E. coli fight with each other all the time, so I hope you're using rubber gloves in your research!
(I like the pretty colors, too, up!)

SubDead, I hear your whispers and am uncertain about their meaning.

I have a new tool at my disposal. Many of you may be familiar with the psychic cup sold at walmart.

My new tool is a much better predictor:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ncersPotty.gif

Well, they share letters in common.

I call it "The Oracle"

So if I'm going to visit the Oracle -you know what I'm talking about.

The nature of SubDeath has been revealed to me.

Subdeath is the Root. Here is an image of your bloom:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6.../tombstone.jpg

We go through this existence,
Like Roots for the Bloom,
Our death is our substance,
Our flower our Tomb.

I have a similar picture with my name on the tombstone. It is a thing of prophecy.

I visited the oracle today.

Forcast is rain.

The younger son tells me I need not be so amazed.
The forecast here's for snow.

man.....am i ever glad you showed up again Astro.........great post:thumbsup:

.....even if you are dead.

Does anyone want a reading? I am giving readings.

Are you getting them out of the poop or the toilet or the oracle?

OurCrazyModern? I find your subdeath musings -confusing. I am assuming that your answer is that you want a reading... Very well.

Your existence is composed of many little things followed by two very big things.

Since the clean-up comes after, the two big things must be the hearse and the garbage-truck. Name three of the many little things, and this should be easy.

The little things are somewhat loosely defined.

Shall I go on?

If you would, please, understanding one! Being sub-dead, and with all the local oracles buried in the snow makes it very hard to see.

Very well, the little things in your existence are smelly and your reading has clogged up the Oracle.

I must use the magic wand to go further.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...d/plunger2.gif

Very well, if you must. Wait, isn't that what they call the strange male elephant heat? Fearful, now, of this state of sub-death I exist in, I submit: Very well, if you need to. (I thought the oracle gave the answers.)

Thanks to your reading the oracle was backed up. Maybe that means you will have a very long existance but it also could mean that you frequently create blockages.

I was afraid of that. Composed mostly of water I had no idea, since the oracle is made of (virtual)-granite. Oh...the tool! Porcelain!
the quality of mercy is not strained, uber-dead.

try as you may Astro.........you'll never get a read on me man.

Since oracles have no plumbing, confusion reigned. Granite, porcelain, a hole in the ground with strainers? What dost thou above sub-death want with us anyway?

You are soft and mushy with bits of corn here and there.

Maybe your oracle has no plumbing. Mine has plumbing and roto-rooter when things don't go down.

Confusion reigning, this quantum unit mistook that which wasn't freely given.
If the oracle's unclogged, the little things?
(Why does this remind me of after-hours at camp?)

OCM, The little things are brown and squishy.

And here I thought they might end up identified by you! I'm disappointed.

Your not the first to be disappointed by the readings of the toilet. Elvis's wife Pressilla was often disappointed.

There are certain moments when your heart stops beating. Each of these moments is a "near death" experience. Many of them are quite pleasurable -like an orgasm (called a "little death" or petite mort by the French).

A more common death like occurance happens when we are moving our bowels. It's one of the reason that Elvis died the way he did. His heart stopped beating mid bowel movement and never started again. Some say that his final grunt was somewhat musical...

Nevertheless, I had a near death experience when I was on the toilet. I was pushing hard and the loaf must have been the size of a softball or a baby's head. It was halfway out when I became aware of a distant light beyond my bathroom ceiling. I made the mistake of focusing on that for a moment and I fell forward. My head hit my bathtub and I remember that I my awareness was still on the light. I looked down and I saw my body beneath me.

So I floated there for a moment or so and I heard a voice.

"What about the others..." I thought about my wife and my baby girl. I thought about my friends, my fellow tfpers and all the little ones that depend on me. -No, I wouldn't flush this life just yet. Bam, just like that I was back in my body. I had quite a bloody fecal mess to clean up.

If true, that was huge.

Everything I say here is absolutely true.

You are my daughter.

I had a feeling I was forgetting something...

"Astrocloud's words ring true!" --Giant Hamburger

Yes, and Phil is your uncle...

I have more bad news

I can't think of anything more fearful yet fulfilling.

What further will you share?

more bad news, oh gliding one? not in my oracle...

all is goodness in light in this part of the hemisphere, and it shall stay that way, if on the somewhat cool side for today...

OurCrazyModern?,

Your Aunt Phil and I have been talkiing and well, we think it's time that you started your own thread. There's nothing bad about it -lots of people start their own thread every day. If you needed some support with your thread - Well aunt phil said that he'd help out. He'd even quote a song or two just for you and put it in your thread. Perhaps even I will come and talk about politics and stuff... You know the stuff that everyone wants to hear from this dead guy.

In the meanwhile I leave you with this.... what is a DrComputer?

I started one once, but it must have been too "loosely defined"! It's kind of funny how things work out...
Although I'd enjoy exploring this further!

I don't know what a DrComputer is - I'll have to go consult (my Oracle?)

More bad news. Giant Hamburger is REAL!!!! (I've seen it in the oracle)

Were his shoes there, too?

GH's shoes are way too fucking cool........

There you go again, treating every thread as if...:thumbsup:
Now, then, which of us is dead? I find myself forgetting and I think that's not a good sign.

This thing that you think you are living is just an illusion. You are already dead and looking back on something that has already happened. If you think you can make changes that are happening in the present -you are just reliving something that you felt in the past.

It's all over with. Sorry to be the harbinger of bad news. Subdead.

An extravagant illusion, if that's what it is. I thought the weather was unusually warm over the weekend and broke a record here today. Does this mean I'm going to hell? (Please flush it and draw a new reading!)

:rolleyes: Oh gawd...

I search the swirling waters of my scrying pools. I see it... I SEE IT....

You like flied chinese lice. In fact that will be the death of you. One day while eating flied chinese lice -one of the little buggers will stick to the back of your throat. Someone very close to you, or perhaps the TV -will say something funny and you will fall into maniacal laughter. That is when one tiny piece of flied chinese lice will move into your lungs.

BEWARE FLIED CHINESE LICE!

http://www.wokme.com/images/recipes/fried_rice.gif

Gawd informs me that I must withdraw now.

Or cough up a bit of lice.

Who's next?

BRING.

IT.

ON.

BUDDY.

I flush the oracle once for luck. I sit down and concentrate... CONCENTRATE...

The murky waters are swirling I see your DESTINY....


I see you by the computer. Perhaps you are composing a song, perhaps you are choking the chicken... NEVERTHELESS, you are startled when you hear a voice in the other room. You move to cover yourself and find that your legs are entangled in your PANTYHOSE. You stumble and fall -hitting your head on an egg shaped container...

Fly

BEWARE PANTY HOSE!

http://www.sleeknchic.com/jpegs9/680n_pantyhose.jpg

fly, you'll never live the pantyhose down...


ok astro.
i'm next.
do me.

Hell, bundy, your av looks like it's riding an it at over 200 mph.

yes, well, if by riding it, you mean DANCING!!!

I am DANCING at least 265mph.

and you should DANCE too...

or they will eat you...
http://compbio.uchsc.edu/Hunter_lab/...3/p6070218.jpg

see... this man DANCES for his life...
http://compbio.uchsc.edu/Hunter_lab/...3/p6070279.jpg


now, whats my fortune Astrocakes?

Oh bundy you are a special case... A SPECIAL CASE INDEED.

I pressed hard for an hour and the results were strangely geometric. Looking below, I stirred the murky waters with my athamé... Ooooh, I SEE YOUR FUTURE.


You will live a very long time. You survive both zombie uprisings without a scratch. In fact due to modern embalming techniques -only a few funeral workers really caught the virus unleashed by John "W" Howard (Howard Jr.)...

In 2037 you will have special NANOBOTS injected into you. This tech will LIVE IN YOUR VEINS and keep you alive with it. This will keep you alive a lot longer than normal. You will live so long that your BRAIN WILL RUN OUT OF MEMORY. You will forget who and what you really are -it is in this state that you make a FATAL MISTAKE -you decide to upgrade the SOFTWARE that runs your nanobots. When you upgrade to MICROSOFT TURBO FIRMWARE XXIII. The nanobots GO CRAZY and attack your gustatory system.


BUNDY BEWARE MICROSOFT!!!!


http://adage.com/images/bin/image/photo/gates012807.jpg

dammit!
i knew that anti-aging cream i was rubbing into my bits would end up hurting me at some point.

warning noted.
switching to mac (actually did that about 3 or so years ago)

cheers astrokaki.

Note that without your gustatory system - you have no _?

who is this flake?






















:D

which one?

the fuckin' story teller one.

they're all full of s _ _ t(ories...)

(except for all of us)

hehehe.....nice one phil.



wadda ya' think of that Astroglide?

You don't like my stories? I have news for you - you are not alive.

Who's Next?

You the fortuneteller? :lol:

I await your predictions. :D

i didn't say that...........i called you a flake.:eek:


the stories are good...........:thumbsup:

what does an astroflake look like?

Jetstream, I winced when your future became clear to me. I looked into the oracle and saw that the logs were crossed. There was a bit of blood in the water like the cloud that forms when sharks attack... BUT THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WILL DIE -no, you will go long after the attack.

You find a blue softdrink. You are not an addict now but you will become addicted. Soon you must have 6 or 7 bottles a day. You love this BLUE DRINK. Soon you seek for a way to make it yourself. You get a job at the factory... it is called GARGAMEL INDUSTRIES.

While working at the factory you discover a closed green door. Only the senior VP Azrael is seen going in and out of it. One day while moving a vat of BLUE GOO around -you over Azrael's shoulder as he opens the combination lock. You memorize THE COMBINATION.

You have long suspected that there were real life OOMPA-LOOMPAS living in the factory -creating the GREATEST SOFTDRINK IN THE WORLD. When Azrael is gone and the factory is quiet you sneak into the factory and find out what is BEHIND THE GREEN DOOR.

When you open the door you find a CONCENTRATION CAMP of little blue men. They must be there to provide juice for the soda. You are shocked to find that the living ones are loading little blue corpses into a GIANT JUICE MILL.

They are half starved and when they see you THEY STRIKE! You get gnawed to death...

So Jetstream BEWARE BLUE MEN!

http://www.haddonfield.k12.nj.us/hmh...sh/shiva.2.jpg

there is no blue food.

http://www.sallys-place.com/food/sin...s/blue_M&M.jpg

http://curiouslee.typepad.com/weblog...nd_bluebie.jpg

I would never have believed you had I not been wandering around, greeting the new TFPers.

I now have a reason to be afraid, for the blue men have infiltrated my once-perfect sanctuary.

HERE, SEE FOR YOURSELVES!!! --> http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=115101

:paranoid:

There is more than just a group of blue men. They have a whole village. Their leader is called Papa.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, the smurfs!!! (Actually, I loved that show as a kid. Especially the cat)

This thread frightens me.

Sillygirl, that blue liquor that you like is made from smurfs.

"blue smurf" liquor in the front.

"blue smurf" poker in the rear.

damn, why didn't i think of that...

Smurfblood -drink of champions.

Next?

you're dead, buddy...

so, am I dead too?

And Astro, do you mean it's made from squished smurfs, or that smurfs produce it?

UNCLE PHIL -I HAVE SEEN YOUR DEMONS. Before I visited the oracle -I HAD TO CREATE A MAGICAL CIRCLE AROUND IT. On each piece of oracle paper - a magical glyph was smeared on it. They were carefully placed in a circle around the oracle. Once the circle of PROTECTION is in place -I look into the swirling MURK.

Uncle Phil, YOU GOT A FAST CAR, SOMEONE GIVES YOU A PLAN TO GET IT OUT OF HERE, YOU SEE YOUR BODY'S TOO OLD FOR WORKING -YOUR BODY'S TOO YOUNG TO LOOK LIKE YOURS. So you meet up with Tracy Chapman and you drive so fast you felt like you was drunk. And you had a feeling that you belonged, And you had a feeling -you could be someone, be someone, be someone. Soon afterwords you will die.


... I know what you're thinking (THE ORACLE GRANTS ME THAT) and you are wrong. This is not a warning about fast cars.

UNCLE PHIL -BEWARE SQUARE MUSIC.

http://www.internationalpolka.com/images/Welk.jpg

DADDY!!!

SG, you are sub-dead. Smurfs make it and are it. -Enjoy!

Mmmmmm *toasts a glass of smurfy goodness*

There was no goodness in the smurfs, as hard as they tried.

It wasn't you who threw up on my tombstone, was it?

Your Astrocloudness, please check the oracle.

good times right freakin' here man.

Lawrence is the shit............:thumbsup:




oh and...........Astro....you're dead

OCM I've never puked on anything other than in a toilet :)

Does puke work for readings also, Astro?

YES, the logs are crossed in the shape of an upside-down cross. YOU WILL COME BACK AS A VETALA. Oh yes, Cows are sacred to you. Someone, perhaps Halx will drive a steak through your heart.


OURCRAZYMODERN? BEWARE STEAK!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...f_cuts.svg.png

Damn! & I just got back from eating a very fine steak!

Where art thou, Astrocloud?

I saw your oracle in a dream.

The rust might come off with the correct magic.

he's dead ring...........but i sure miss that bastard

No.
I won't have it.

Who wants to help me formulate a re-animation potion?

a re-astromation potion........hell yeah,i'm in

We need supplies.
Perhaps we could depend on the largesse of GH.

I'd like to take a peek inside his pantry.