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Old 11-08-2007, 05:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
Eloquent insults.....

OK, this thread is born from the need to obtain a more eh, "civilized" way of saying "douche bag". A guy from work just loves the word, and frankly, while it does flow easily off the tongue, I believe that there is a much more eloquent way of saying the same thing and sound polite at the same time. (You gotta love it when you insult someone and they really don't know if you just flamed or praised them....)

Anyhow, no sense in only including the phrase douche bag, so let's just make it open for all comers.....
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Old 11-08-2007, 06:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Great thread, Push-pull. i'm a sucker when it comes ot insulting and cannot ofr my life find any other word that the insulting truth (lol), so any ideas would really come in handy.
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Just call him a troglodyte
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
part of the problem
 
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"inane drone" works well, or "cognitively simple"
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
Casual... Real Casual
 
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infantesimile pismire, you are
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Old 11-09-2007, 01:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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A thin, meek and gentle fellow was entering a shop at the very same moment a large aggressive bully was making his exit. The doorway was much too narrow for the both of them so the bully says, “I NEVER give way to an idiot!” The little guy immediately steps aside to let him pass and then looks up and says, “Oh! But I ALWAYS DO!”
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Old 11-09-2007, 10:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
 
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sophmoric works,

some will just think it's an undergrad.
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Old 11-09-2007, 06:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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call him a fecal remnant
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
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Whatever comes off the top of your head should work as a response to "douche bag", if you feel the need to respond with anything other than a quick fist to the head.
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Old 11-10-2007, 03:27 AM   #10 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
Uhhh, the guy doesn't aim "douche bag" at me, but he is rather fond of using it often. Which is strange because the guy is actually very well rounded and intelligent. I just wanted to offer him an alternative.
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Old 11-10-2007, 06:37 AM   #11 (permalink)
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"It's your kind wot cause unrest."

"When your IQ hits 50, sell. You will profit"

"Waste of perfectly good Oxygen"

"Anal Wart"

The problem with replacing douchebag in someone's vocabulary is that it has a certain euphony to it. Iambic insults just seem to work better "GODdamn STUpid FUCking WASTE of JISum" (And in pentameter at that.)
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Old 11-10-2007, 08:03 AM   #12 (permalink)
 
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Wave hello and say " Hi! colonic"
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Old 11-10-2007, 03:36 PM   #13 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
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Old 11-10-2007, 06:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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its not very eloquent, but I've found that shitbag is a nice change of pace from douchebag.
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Old 11-11-2007, 02:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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my Love for you is like diarrhea; I can't hold it in...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
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Old 11-11-2007, 03:28 PM   #16 (permalink)
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His Circle of Willis is choked with fecaliths.
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Old 11-11-2007, 10:33 PM   #17 (permalink)
Upright
 
Perhaps try suggesting a subtle change. For instance, I've noticed several people saying "douche nozzle" recently, but maybe you'd not find it any less annoying.
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Old 11-11-2007, 11:13 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Old 11-12-2007, 03:30 AM   #19 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 11-12-2007, 04:10 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Oh....and Peniswipe
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Last edited by tecoyah; 11-12-2007 at 04:12 AM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 11-12-2007, 10:43 AM   #21 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
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Use racial epithets, but make sure they're always the wrong ones.
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Old 11-12-2007, 12:56 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by uncle phil
Is there a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them...

more of a bad pickup line than an insult, wouldn't you say?
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Old 11-12-2007, 01:26 PM   #23 (permalink)
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You need to keep in mind that when you are stooping to their level you need to use words they understand. The following, when said sacrastically, hits home rather well:

Just call then a "Mental Giant".
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Old 11-12-2007, 04:37 PM   #24 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sion
more of a bad pickup line than an insult, wouldn't you say?
i probably would...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 11-12-2007, 06:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Somebody forgot to pay their brain bill again. (Sing-song-y)
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Old 11-12-2007, 08:32 PM   #26 (permalink)
Upright
 
Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face
Ass Hat
Douche Nozzle
Festering zit on my ass
Fuck Tard
Cock face


I interchange them on a regular basis
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:39 AM   #27 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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I do like Fucktard
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Old 11-13-2007, 05:09 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tecoyah
"I'm terribly sorry, but I completely forgot I requested your Opinion"
I love it
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Old 11-13-2007, 05:14 AM   #29 (permalink)
still, wondering.
 
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I WOULD never say that to YOU.
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Old 11-13-2007, 05:26 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezzabelle
Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face
I'm partial to "Toe Rag".
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:22 AM   #31 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
or, if he has a day during which he uses the term excessively, you could say "What is it with you and this incessant douchebaggery today?"
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Old 11-13-2007, 12:11 PM   #32 (permalink)
 
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"yeah.. he's a real,(or she) Water Sport.
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Old 11-16-2007, 08:05 PM   #33 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
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Compound insults are fun and all, but sometimes you have to be more straight forward with them. Next time he calls you a douchebag, tell him to go fornicate himself.
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Old 11-16-2007, 08:12 PM   #34 (permalink)
Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance.
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezzabelle
Good alternatives to Douche bag are:

Fuck face
Ass Hat
Douche Nozzle
Festering zit on my ass
Fuck Tard
Cock face


I interchange them on a regular basis
For more polite company, I always liked my daughter's favorite.

"Loserhead".
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Old 11-17-2007, 02:54 AM   #35 (permalink)
Banned
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct
Compound insults are fun and all, but sometimes you have to be more straight forward with them. Next time he calls you a douchebag, tell him to go fornicate himself.
...... or to sit on himself.
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:11 AM   #36 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
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Location: Northeast Jesusland
Schweenbag is a good one. It doesn't actually mean anything, but it sounds filthy.
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:41 AM   #37 (permalink)
 
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Iv'e called people 'Corizo'
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Old 11-17-2007, 02:05 PM   #38 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
best I've ever come up with is this:

That's not the most unintelligent thing I've ever heard, but it does have ambition.
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Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:41 PM   #39 (permalink)
Tilted
 
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Lepton
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Old 11-17-2007, 11:21 PM   #40 (permalink)
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translates to "Cry more newb"
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