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Old 01-29-2008, 07:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
Bar Tab......

OK, go down the list, and tally up the "fine" for each act that you have done in your life. (Do not count multiple acts, for example, $238.50 for peeing in the pool 954 times) The total when you're done is your Bar Tab.

Mine came out to $285.50. The pisser is that now everyone knows I peed in the pool.....

What's yours?


Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Did acid -- $5
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Lied to your mate --$5
Went streaking -- $5
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Been arrested -- $5
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Smoked pot -- $10
Been jumped -- $10
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
Stole something -- $10
Hit on some one of the opposite sex while at work--$15
Spent time in jail -- $15
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work--$15
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Drive drunk -- $20
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Beat up someone -- $20
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Given money to stripper -- $25
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
Got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Had a threesome -- $50
Had anal sex -- $80
Had sex for money -- $100
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Old 01-29-2008, 07:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
My tab is $535.50 not including tip.

I tip bartenders better than average, so with my tip that would be $669.00

I only regret that so far I didn't incur more fines, but there is still plenty of time.
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Old 01-29-2008, 07:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
$475.00....w/out tip.


but i'm Canadian and we don't tip very well....
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Old 01-29-2008, 08:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Pretty wussy tab here, only $145. And I was a bit generous with selections. Do nude beaches count as skinny-dipping? And what does "been jumped" mean?
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Old 01-29-2008, 09:21 AM   #5 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlemon
Pretty wussy tab here, only $145. And I was a bit generous with selections. Do nude beaches count as skinny-dipping? And what does "been jumped" mean?
Not sure what rules the OP has on this, but a nude beach counts in my book ...though technically if you didn't go in the water it wasn't "dipping" just the "skinny" part.

"Jumped" is like when you are assaulted, usually, but not necessarily, by more than one attacker. If you don't know this term, I suspect perhaps you grew up in a more rural area since I always thought it's a common urban/inner city term.
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Old 01-29-2008, 09:46 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Location: ❤
jumping is what I do when a big spider lands on me...

uh..oh the list....

those damn creditors..I might have to move again...
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Old 01-29-2008, 10:13 AM   #7 (permalink)
Master Thief. Master Criminal. Masturbator.
 
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Location: Windiwana
$615.50

woah. i need to stop living this way.
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Old 01-29-2008, 10:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
Forming
 
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Location: ....a state of pure inebriation.
$1040.50.

Yes, I'm a deviant.
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Old 01-29-2008, 11:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
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470.50 not nearly as high as I would like it to be lmao!
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Old 01-29-2008, 12:01 PM   #10 (permalink)
Devoted
 
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Location: New England
Quote:
Originally Posted by BadNick
"Jumped" is like when you are assaulted, usually, but not necessarily, by more than one attacker. If you don't know this term, I suspect perhaps you grew up in a more rural area since I always thought it's a common urban/inner city term.
OK, I thought it was more of a sexual thing, as in "jumping his bones".

I'm down to $135, then.
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Old 01-29-2008, 12:16 PM   #11 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlemon
OK, I thought it was more of a sexual thing, as in "jumping his bones".

I'm down to $135, then.
Hey, maybe Push-Pull should clear that up since he may have meant something other than what I said. Like "peed in pool" made me wonder if it was a swimming pool or something like this

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Old 01-29-2008, 01:42 PM   #12 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: here&there
not including tip
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Last edited by lktknow; 03-21-2009 at 11:10 PM..
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Old 01-29-2008, 07:33 PM   #13 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
I think the fines are out of whack.

only $10 for cheating on your significant other but $80 for anal sex?
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Old 01-29-2008, 07:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
That's a quick 90 bucks if you can work them for the same offense.

It might interest me ...and you?... to see how many of those fines you had incurred with one continuous experience.
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Old 01-29-2008, 09:31 PM   #15 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
Jumped means being unexpectedly attacked in a non-sexual manner.

And RedLemon, I'd count the nude beach as streaking in broad daylight.

BTW, I just cut and pasted it, so I can not take credit.
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Old 01-30-2008, 04:46 AM   #16 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
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Location: Yonder
Using a fairly generous definition of sex (ie. not the Bill Clinton definition), my tab comes to [strikethru]$1625.50[/strikethru]. (Man, AWFUL math. I meant to say $550.50!)

That's right. I peed in the pool. What're you going to do about it?

Although... why is pot $10 while acid is only $5? That seems backwards to me.

Last edited by ratbastid; 01-30-2008 at 01:04 PM..
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Old 01-30-2008, 05:32 AM   #17 (permalink)
Eponymous
 
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Location: Central Central Florida
$895.50 So I had some fun.
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:30 AM   #18 (permalink)
Devoted
 
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Donor
Location: New England
Quote:
Originally Posted by Push-Pull
And RedLemon, I'd count the nude beach as streaking in broad daylight.
I wouldn't - streaking has an expectation of shocked onlookers.
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Old 01-30-2008, 12:13 PM   #19 (permalink)
Upright
 
Mine was OK - $285.50
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:02 PM   #20 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
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Location: Yonder
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redlemon
I wouldn't - streaking has an expectation of shocked onlookers.
How about being nude on a basically vacant non-nude beach? I presume that if there had been onlookers, they'd have been very mildly shocked. Does that count?
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:06 PM   #21 (permalink)
through charlatans phone
 
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Location: Northcoast
fuckin calculator just blew up......
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:24 PM   #22 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
How about being nude on a basically vacant non-nude beach? I presume that if there had been onlookers, they'd have been very mildly shocked. Does that count?
You didn't also refinance in that sub-prime lender market did you? Your "violations" seem to be "sub prime" to me

...though I bet the sarcasm of a ratbastid is hiding in there someplace.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:24 PM   #23 (permalink)
Devoted
 
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Donor
Location: New England
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
How about being nude on a basically vacant non-nude beach? I presume that if there had been onlookers, they'd have been very mildly shocked. Does that count?
I dunno... I think the French side of Saint Marten is pretty relaxed about that sort of thing.

When I think streaking, I think of sporting events or public speeches and things like that.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:29 PM   #24 (permalink)
Living in a Warmer Insanity
 
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Super Moderator
Location: Yucatan, Mexico
585.50. But the day isn't over yet.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:45 PM   #25 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
After going over that list again, I really have to add $175 to my fines ...some of those things I chose to forget now came back to me. I'm feeling more cleansed already.
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Old 02-04-2008, 08:01 AM   #26 (permalink)
Minion of Joss
 
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Location: The Windy City
$620.50

But to be fair, a lot of that was a long time ago. I had a somewhat riotous youth...

Man, good thing only one violation of each was counted-- if we counted for each and every one, I would've been in five or six digits just on weed and masturbation...
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Old 02-04-2008, 07:53 PM   #27 (permalink)
Deliberately unfocused
 
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Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby
$535.50 (without comment)
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Old 02-04-2008, 07:58 PM   #28 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Quote:
Originally Posted by paddyjoe
fuckin calculator just blew up......


yeah......cuz it's as old as your sorry ass........





kiss me joe..........
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Old 02-05-2008, 04:48 AM   #29 (permalink)
through charlatans phone
 
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Location: Northcoast
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fly
kiss me joe..........
Ok baby...

now how many points would this be worth?!?


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Old 02-05-2008, 08:02 AM   #30 (permalink)
Riding the Ocean Spray
 
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Location: S.E. PA in U Sofa
^ awww, that's so sweet. I think you deserve an extra $100 on your tab for that. Thanks for sharing.
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