Push-Pull

OK, go down the list, and tally up the "fine" for each act that you have done in your life. (Do not count multiple acts, for example, $238.50 for peeing in the pool 954 times) The total when you're done is your Bar Tab.

Mine came out to $285.50. The pisser is that now everyone knows I peed in the pool.....

What's yours?


Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Did acid -- $5
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Lied to your mate --$5
Went streaking -- $5
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Been arrested -- $5
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Smoked pot -- $10
Been jumped -- $10
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know --$10
Stole something -- $10
Hit on some one of the opposite sex while at work--$15
Spent time in jail -- $15
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work--$15
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Drive drunk -- $20
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Beat up someone -- $20
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$20
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Given money to stripper -- $25
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $40
Got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Had a threesome -- $50
Had anal sex -- $80
Had sex for money -- $100

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

BadNick

My tab is $535.50 not including tip.

I tip bartenders better than average, so with my tip that would be $669.00

I only regret that so far I didn't incur more fines, but there is still plenty of time.

Fly

$475.00....w/out tip.


but i'm Canadian and we don't tip very well....

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

Redlemon

Pretty wussy tab here, only $145. And I was a bit generous with selections. Do nude beaches count as skinny-dipping? And what does "been jumped" mean?

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

BadNick

Not sure what rules the OP has on this, but a nude beach counts in my book ...though technically if you didn't go in the water it wasn't "dipping" just the "skinny" part.

"Jumped" is like when you are assaulted, usually, but not necessarily, by more than one attacker. If you don't know this term, I suspect perhaps you grew up in a more rural area since I always thought it's a common urban/inner city term.

ring

jumping is what I do when a big spider lands on me...

uh..oh the list....

those damn creditors..I might have to move again...

SSJTWIZTA

$615.50

woah. i need to stop living this way.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Punk.of.Ages

$1040.50.

Yes, I'm a deviant.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

savmesom11

470.50 not nearly as high as I would like it to be lmao!

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

Redlemon

OK, I thought it was more of a sexual thing, as in "jumping his bones".

I'm down to $135, then.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

BadNick

Hey, maybe Push-Pull should clear that up since he may have meant something other than what I said. Like "peed in pool" made me wonder if it was a swimming pool or something like this

lktknow

not including tip

__________________
Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. ~

Sion

I think the fines are out of whack.

only $10 for cheating on your significant other but $80 for anal sex?

__________________
He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

BadNick

That's a quick 90 bucks if you can work them for the same offense.

It might interest me ...and you?... to see how many of those fines you had incurred with one continuous experience.

Push-Pull

Jumped means being unexpectedly attacked in a non-sexual manner.

And RedLemon, I'd count the nude beach as streaking in broad daylight.

BTW, I just cut and pasted it, so I can not take credit.

__________________
"No laws, no matter how rigidly enforced, can protect a person from their own stupidity." -Me-

"Some people are like Slinkies..... They are not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs." -Unknown-

DAMMIT! -Jack Bauer-

ratbastid

Using a fairly generous definition of sex (ie. not the Bill Clinton definition), my tab comes to [strikethru]$1625.50[/strikethru]. (Man, AWFUL math. I meant to say $550.50!)

That's right. I peed in the pool. What're you going to do about it?

Although... why is pot $10 while acid is only $5? That seems backwards to me.

jewels

$895.50 So I had some fun.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Redlemon

I wouldn't - streaking has an expectation of shocked onlookers.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

AngelaSI

Mine was OK - $285.50

ratbastid

How about being nude on a basically vacant non-nude beach? I presume that if there had been onlookers, they'd have been very mildly shocked. Does that count?

paddyjoe

fuckin calculator just blew up......

BadNick

You didn't also refinance in that sub-prime lender market did you? Your "violations" seem to be "sub prime" to me

...though I bet the sarcasm of a ratbastid is hiding in there someplace.

Redlemon

I dunno... I think the French side of Saint Marten is pretty relaxed about that sort of thing.

When I think streaking, I think of sporting events or public speeches and things like that.

__________________
I can't read your signature. Sorry.

Tully Mars

585.50. But the day isn't over yet.

__________________
I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

BadNick

After going over that list again, I really have to add $175 to my fines ...some of those things I chose to forget now came back to me. I'm feeling more cleansed already.

levite

$620.50

But to be fair, a lot of that was a long time ago. I had a somewhat riotous youth...

Man, good thing only one violation of each was counted-- if we counted for each and every one, I would've been in five or six digits just on weed and masturbation...

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

grumpyolddude

$535.50 (without comment)

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

Fly

yeah......cuz it's as old as your sorry ass........





kiss me joe..........

__________________
BASTARD

SterlingStudios

paddyjoe

Ok baby...

now how many points would this be worth?!?

BadNick

^ awww, that's so sweet. I think you deserve an extra $100 on your tab for that. Thanks for sharing.