Be careful what you wish for...
 

Here's how it goes.

Person 1 makes a wish:

"I wish that I had a 10 inch penis"

Person 2 makes it a bad wish:

"but you retain your pencil-like girth"

and the Person 2 makes his wish and we start again..

so my wish..

I wish that I could have nailed that model I was eyeing last night...

but you use actual nails and a framing hammer to do so.

I wish I were taller...

...but then your head wouldn't be in the right spot.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...c/talllady.jpg


I wish I was rich.

But then everyone would just call you Dick. Best to stick with your current name.


I wish I had a unlimited amounts of cash.

Congrats. You can have Cash 24/7.

http://img.tesco.com/pi/entertainmen...741_CD_L_F.jpg


I wish I lived in the Playboy Mansion.

Then Hef finally decides to swear off chicks and you are his, 24/7.

I wish I was the bear in Bear Cub's avatar.

But he has no cock, so what would you do anyway?

I wish I had bigger boobs.

But then you'd have to hang out with Jazz, Fly and Paddy Joe *all* the time.

I wish I could draw and paint better.

No problem; you can now masterfully draws dicks with simple clean strokes and intense precision.


The wish-granting entity: my sworn enemy. Give me the power to alter time.

Congrats, you have the power to fast forward or rewind to all of the worst moments in your life.


I wish I was a super-stud.

And now you're a thoroughbred horse, ready for breeding!


* * * *


I wish I could eat gourmet cooking for every meal.

Escargot is gourmet. So are spider eggs.

I wish I had a maid.

...so she could clean you out real good

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...ches_enema.jpg

I wish I had a motorcycle.

It's yours!

http://www.tinmantintoys.com/images/...own%20left.JPG


I wish I was an NFL linebacker.

Congratulations, Keith Newman.

I wish I was having supper at the Dorchester Hotel in London, England tonight, with a free selection from the menu, someone else paying the bill, and wonderful company.

It was a wonderful free dinner, but you paid for quite some time as you discovered you were a victim of ptomaine poisoning on your way home.

I wish I had a job that paid me what I was worth and treated me with respect.

Your rise to the top of the financial sector has been unprecedented. And I'm sure you can get time off for good behaviour. Just try not to get shanked in the showers.

I wish that the upcoming Star Trek movie will kick ass and totally revitalize the series.

The new Star Trek movie does kick ass, and so do the next five of them. Eventually a cult is formed around the series, and people treat Captain Kirk like a God. Eventually it is banned after millions of people die after they banded together to build homemade versions of the U.S.S. Enterprise out of old Soviet rockets and accidentally fly into the United Nations HQ.

I wish I could live and be 18 years old forever.

...and forever live someplace where the drinking age is 21.

I wish I had the lucky lotto Powerball winning ticket.

but because you buy lotto tickets every day, you start to forget to check your tickets from time to time... 2 years later when packing for a move, you find an expired winning power ball ticket.

I wish I could have found a way to make a decent living as a full time musician.

Welcome to your new job as a song writer for The Wiggles.

I wish that I could still fit into my old Air Force uniform.

You there, in the uniform, get on the bus. We're going to Afghanistan!

I wish I had the ability to run a decent country club and the opportunity to do so.

You are given a chance and succeed while also helping the country club nurse, Nurse Sanders, seduce Captain Joseph MacKenzie, but it turns out she just wanted to give both of you enemas when she's not being Halx's maid.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...club_nurse.jpg


I wish the Phillies win the World Series this year.

The Phillies won!! Sorry, it's time to wake up.

I wish someone would mow my lawn for me.

Your neighbour used Agent Orange and your skin tone is now Umpa Lumpa coloured

**********

I wish it would stop raining

Welcome to the world's newest desert!

*******************

I wish for world peace.

Peace with or without pepperoni?...you can have it your way:

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...eaceapizza.jpg


I wish McD's won't go bankrupt since I'll need to work there til I die when my 401K is worthless.

That can be arranged sir... I believe that your booking in the euthenasia booth is tomorrow evening at 6pm.

I wish I wasn't so busy at work.

Congrats! You've been promoted to door man at the fire exit!

I wish I owned a PS3.

Work drops off, suddenly so do profits, and BOOM! Welcome to the unemployment line (or queue for you, I guess).

I wish I could smoke pot and NOT lose all of my energy, willpower, ambition, etc.....


The only games that you can afford are G rated.

I wish I could smoke pot and NOT lose all of my energy, willpower, ambition, etc.....

Congrats, you made some delicious sausage to boot!

http://www.kitchenproject.com/BBQ/Fl...SmokinPots.jpg


I wish I won the lottery.

You did, but so did 10 000 other people.

I wish for some rain.

Acid rain it is! Welcome to Canada during the Reagan era.

I wish the Miami Dolphins had a great defence.

They do, but unfortunately the opposing team has a better offense!


I wish I was sailing!

On an Optimist in the eye of a storm.

I wish my bull gave me less bull (stubborn @#$%)

Congrats he no longer gives bull but milk, you are a cow richer.

****

I wish my kid would sleep through the night

Congrats, your child is Rip Van Winkle.

I wish I was fluent in six languages.

pooof!!! now you are and land a job as a tour guide at Six Flags Amusement Park.


I wish it was always a sunny Springtime.

You inherit shares in a sunblock company!

I wish I was marginally richer

And then inflation kicks in and you are marginalized!

I wish I was a better writer.

Congratulations! You win the Pulitzer prize for Fiction, followed by 5 surgeries for carpal tunnel syndrome.


I wish I owned a boat.

As was your last will and testament, upon final corporeal request, here is thoust boat; may your flickering invisible spirit enjoy it eternally.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2107/...97f5a2e0_m.jpg


I ask you to fulfill my current desire to destroy and rebuild my existence, thank you kindly.

Goodbye Jetee, hello Roy Cohn!

I wish I were friends with Alicia Goranson.

Dear John....errrr I mean Poppinjay,
It's not you, it's me...but can we still be friends? I'm having such a great time with my latest friend, Harley Kaplan. Keep this pic of us in your wallet. Luv ya. A.G.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...iagoranson.jpg


I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner.

Poof. I did enjoy you with some sauerkraut and mustard.

I wish I could ride a horse into the sunset.

You can, but you have a strange obsession with windmills. The windmills generally win.

I wish I had a million dollars. I'd buy you a K car.

BareNaked Ladies sue for infringement. You are back to where you are.

I wish I had a real green coat.

But not a real green coat, that's cruel!

I wish I had a bare, naked lady.

After quickly dropping your Grandma to the floor, you go soak yourself in bleach.

I wish wishes COULD come true.

All wishes are now taxed.

I wish I could have my very own spaceship!

You do - but the ship is not "space worthy".


I wish someone wants to fix my car's slow leak for me.

Too slow? Here, let me speed that leak up for you...

I wish I was at the Phillies World Champions parade today instead of here in work.

You went to the Parade but had no time on the books and lost your job.

I wish I could fly.

Bombs away, baby!...we're one parachute short but flap your arms as fast as you can.

I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger.

Granted. Now you are a know-it-all, very uncool twerp everybody hates.


I wish the bullocks wants to stop jumping fences.

Oops, look like my wish killed the game, let me make a new wish.


I wish for a tie in the presidential election!

Here it is Nov.5th and the bullocks are still jumping fences and going crazy because now we have two presidents.

I wish the "news" would stop with all the useless b.s. and just wait until actual election results are in.

My wish was granted. The "news" now also includes useful b.s.


I wish it never ended.

right, and infinity beckons...


does it make any difference who i are
if i wish upon a star?

...Perhaps if you are
a Dinosaur
(hehe, sorry, I think I inadvertently called you old)


I wish I had a Milky Way™.

my elephantine memory will remember that... :)

Here, I found one for you, Jet...but where the hell you gonna keep this thing?

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...280x1024-1.jpg

I wish for the swish of the dish called Trish.

After being swished by Trish the Dish, you've been in a coma for several weeks now. I hope you come out soon.

I wish Luna the kitty would stop meowing outside my bedroom door and waking me up in the wee hours of the morning. And please don't tell me she's dead 'cause at this moment I wouldn't care. :angry:

poof, Luna no longer meows but silently sh*ts in front of your door. Good morning on entering the Hall (luna smiles as you wipe the sh*t from your feet)

I wish the end of term meetings are over and done with

Your wish is my command....you will never see an end of term again...they will just go on forever.

I wish it was snowing heavily outside.

It's the best ski season in years!

Don't worry though. I'm sure you'll have enough food to last until you can dig your way out of the house. It'll be tricky with only a spatula to do it, but still...

I wish I had a secret admirer.

You do, and they remain so.

I wish for continued good health.

Granted, too bad about the wealth and happiness.


I wish I understood teenagers.

Your wish is granted. Start studying: for the next five years you are on a deserted island with a dozen teenagers.

I wish it was possible to travel a lot faster than the speed of light.

Granted, but the G forces squashed you totally flat.


I wish for a house trained dog (Damnit!)

Your wish is granted. House trains your dog and now it pisses on you every chance it gets and chuckles all the way to the dog house.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...4qL_SS500_.jpg

I wish I was a highly paid athlete.

Granted, but the steroids kill you in a years time


I wish for constant electric supply

Shame about the constant flooding.

I wish work was more fun.

Your new job title is Vice President of Fun ...and you'd better perform or next job cut will be you.


I wish I had a creamy vanilla ice cream with chopped roasted almonds in it.

One of those "diet, lactose free jobs" that taste like straw.


I wish for an quiet evening just to watch the stars.....

You are transported to the Hubble Space Telescope orbiting Earth and assigned to ride along with it forever...take a wrench so you can fix it.

I wish I was a great carpenter.

You are, but there is no wood due to the green house effect.


I wish I could play the cello

...but sadly it is a plastic cello since we have no more wood.

I wish I was having angel hair pasta with lemon shrimp for lunch today.

Who you calling "shrimp"? BIFF!! POW!! CRACK!!

I wish I owned a snowblower.

Well Tony Montana shows up to be your snowblower, along with a dozen of his heavily armed best friends.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2.../Scareface.jpg

I wish I had a nice Cuban cigar to puff on.

Congratulations on your new job-for-life as the puncing bag for the Cuban boxing team!


I wish that Victoria's Secret would hire me.

...well you're in luck. I happen to be a Victoria's Secret Official Model Selection Manager. So I just PM'd you my cell number, please send me a clear picture of yourself and your address and I'll be over shortly. Do you have any of our underwear to model? I'll bring some of those, too. Please don't read any further below...just do it. wait...why is there "guy" in your screen name?





I wish I was a Victoria's Secret model selection manager.

Yes, but you see they opened this division for male underwear.



I wish I had a goose down duvet.

Hands Dixy a lumpy blood-stained duvet filled with a writhing mass of downy baby geese.

I wish for INSTANT DEATH!

First, please deposit your $200 into the "pay here" slot, then smile and grab the wire. Your full cooperation is appreciated. Thank you.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...Death_Sign.jpg


I wish people would stop bogarting the joint.

Frankly, my dear, they don't give a damn.


MORE rain please!

Perhaps you should stop playing in the rain by now...

http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...1bf5fca6ba.jpg


I'd like a new sweater.

Here's your new sweater, Jet. Dr. BadNick told her to eat more ice cubes to aleviate her hot flashes, but it didn't help.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...ot_flashes.jpg

I wish I had a lot more children.

As if you could finish a whole one.

I wish to know everything that can be known.

But you went insane with horror at the depravity of humanity.


I wish strawberries actually tasted sweet.

They do. Those things you thought were strawberries are toxic.

I wish there really was a Santa Claus.

There really was a Santa Claus. He got stuck in a chimmney in Bittberg in 1708, just before they lit a fire, and he Asphixiated while trying to deliver sugarplums. On the plus size, the sugary plums glazed and marinated him nicely, leaving him sweet, piquant, smokey, and delicious.

I wish I were at all times attended by no fewer than three young, tall, beautiful, busty, and throroughly sexually uninhibited women of diverse character and race, all of whom want nothing better than a word from me to have sex with me or each other.

If you had asked for 1, I may have been able to help, but there is NO way that 2 exist in the whole world, let alone 3!

Jees! Dreamer


I wish the TFP was bigger.



.

all those desirable traits but you didn't mention "teeth"...you don't mind if they have teeth, do you?

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...9ace4bd5d2.jpghttp://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...sc/vampire.jpg
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2.../Vampire10.gif


edit: oops, another dollar short and a day late.........




Here you go, Zook. Take a closer look.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...fyingGlass.jpg


I wish I could remember my last new year's resolutions.

You asked for a better memory, right?



I wish for peace on earth..... ha



.

Did you say piece of Bertha?...you got her, mate.

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...at-woman-2.jpg


I wish I was going to the Land of Oz.

You are always welcome, but, sorry, you're not of suitable character.


I wish Badnick wasn't dislexic.


.
hehehe

.

Ahhh, we truly are mates then since "DYSLEXIA" includes spelling: Dyslexia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Dyslexia is a learning disability that manifests primarily as a difficulty with written language, particularly with reading and spelling."



I wish I could be an artist.

You are now a wonderful artist. This means you will starve and only get recognition well after your death.


I wish I could study again.

You can and do, but you achieve a high score of D-




I wish I had 2 more wishes....


.