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Old 07-11-2003, 09:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: Vol Country
The Totally Random Bullshit Thread.

At certain times throughout the course of human history, it becomes necessary to make a thread for Totally Random Bullshit.

This is one of those times.

Works like this, I write some Totally Random Bullshit, then you write some Totally Random Bullshit. It doesn't have to be related to my TRB or anything. It can be anything at all, there are no limits, but try to make it mildly funny. I start.






The grass grows.
The earth spins.
The time passes.
Yet all the while, the noble yak lies in wait.






Side note: I got a feeling Bones may excel at this, if it doesn't die off.
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
Deliberately unfocused
 
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Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby
There's a ring around the moon
Like the one you put through my nose
You changed me to a beggar
disguised in prince's clothes
Did our parting upset you?
I don't know, it never shows
But look just once at what its doing to me.
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Iraq doesn't have weapons of mass destruction; we just had a bad itch to start smashing things, so why not pick on one of the weakest countries in the world?

Everyone is fucking ignorant, especially me. Einstein was full of bullshit.

I want to get drunk off my ass at least once, and have a tape recorder going so I can listen to everything I said, then type it out, edit it, and publish it.

More to come later... maybe, if apathy doesn't consume me once more
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Last edited by Stiltzkin; 05-31-2004 at 02:30 PM..
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: The Event Horizon
There is a certain climax in life, at which, notwithstanding all our freedom, and however much we may have denied all directing reason and goodness in the beautiful chaos of existence, we are once more in great danger of intellectual bondage, and have to face our hardest test. For now the thought of a personal providence first presents itself before us with its most persuasive force, and has the best of I advocates, apparentness, in its favor, now when it is obvious that all and everything that happens to us always turns out for the best. The life of every day and of every hour seems to be anxious for nothing else but always to prove this proposition I anew, let it be what it will, bad or good weather, the loss of a friend, a sickness, a calumny, the non-receipt of a letter, the spraining of one's! foot, a glance into a shop-window, a counter-argument, the opening of a book, a dream, a deception-it shows itself immediately, or very soon afterwards, as something "not permitted to be absent,"-it is full of profound significance and utility precisely for?sS! Is there a more dangerous temptation to rid ourselves of the belief in the Gods of Epicurus, those careless, unknown Gods, and believe in some anxious and mean Divinity, who knows person ally every little hair on our heads, and feels no disgust in rendering the most wretched services? Well-I mean in spite of all this! we want to leave the Gods alone (and the serviceable genii likewise), and wish to content ourselves with the assumption that our own practical and theoretical skillfulness in explaining and suitably arranging events has now reached its highest point. We do not want either to think too highly of this dexterity of our wisdom, when the wonderful harmony which results from playing on our instrument sometimes surprises us I too much: a harmony which sounds too well for us to dare to ascribe it to ourselves. In fact, now and then there is one who plays with us-beloved Chance: he leads our hand occasionally, and even the all-wisest Providence could not devise any finer music than that of which our foolish hand is then capable.
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Old 07-11-2003, 09:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Tennessee
I think that if Rod Stewart had a prosthetic leg, then he would rule the world.
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Old 07-11-2003, 10:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Take this yes, no, always go where there is much more to be said about all that there is and isn't. How can I know where the sun will go, if no one will tell me where I need to go? How soon is the now that is mostly forever, but never to be here and yet always gone tomorrow. Doe the rivers flow across the mountain only to find on the other side that there is more or less of what there was already not on the other side? How can the sky be so vast and huge when it is already what it is and isn't, yet is up so high and now knows as well as the Earth, all that it is.

I read somewhere that if you do a lot of "free writing"-- writing nonstop and just letting the shit flow, even if it doesn't make sense, it'll make you a better writer. *shrugs* Who knows.
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Old 07-11-2003, 10:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
Lost
 
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Location: Florida
I think that chickens should run for president. Like a flock of turkeys, 5-10 of them. They could easily gang rape Bush and tear his limbs off like in southpark you know. And like turkeys are cool.
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Old 07-12-2003, 12:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
I know what I like and I like a lot of it.
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Old 07-12-2003, 12:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
I and I
 
Location: Stillwater, OK
There is no food that barbecue sauce can't make better.

Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm." - Bob Dylan

The moon is the most beautiful when it's almost full but not quite.

Never get suckered into installing ceiling fans.
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Old 07-12-2003, 02:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
Veteran
 
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Location: Uppsala, Sweden
Japanese tampon dudes are the greatest beings the world has ever seen.
<--- Just look at it.
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Old 07-12-2003, 02:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
Conspiracy Realist
 
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Location: The Event Horizon
I went up stiff stalk
and looked out gimmie gill

I saw mother whaley backer diggin up fum fackers
I called out Tom Whacker
to chase mother whaley backer
out of fillie fum facker.
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Old 07-12-2003, 03:23 AM   #12 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Super Moderator
Location: upstate
...marching to the tune played by gilhooley mahoney and his leprechaun marching band as the teddy bears went to their picnic in sleeper jammies...
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- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
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Old 07-12-2003, 03:55 AM   #13 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
.....so the bitch says..."i don't wanna put that in my mouth."

then,some other chick says.....

ooops sorry.....wrong fuckin' thread again
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Old 07-12-2003, 05:36 AM   #14 (permalink)
Justified
 
Location: West Lafayette, IN
..."i'll put that in my mouth"

so I say, "Bitch please. You must have a mental disease."

So the first bitch says, "No! Me! God dammit"

So I say, "Fuck you, cunts. Share!"
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Old 07-12-2003, 06:11 AM   #15 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
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Location: Tucson, AZ
Barking dogs have something to say.

Toenails are evolution's way of saying we should cut our socks off.

Lysol kill athlete's foot, but stings.

Shakespeare was a hack. Just because HE wrote like that, doesn't mean people back then understood it anymore than people do now.

Cheese is salty. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Nipples

There comes a time in every man's life when he must stand up to the voices of negativity and scream "No, I will not kill 'em all!".

Pesticides don't work on annoying neighbors.
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Old 07-12-2003, 09:55 AM   #16 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: London, CorBlimeyLand
Nothing's perfect so there's nothing to say FUCK YOU to.

I speak therefore I yap.

Hello, now. Bye now!

Ohayo Gozaimasu. Now fuck off.

Eh?
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Old 07-12-2003, 09:56 AM   #17 (permalink)
green
 


founded by:



Bonito Mussolini
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Old 07-12-2003, 12:21 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Old 07-12-2003, 10:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
Idolator
 
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Location: Vol Country
Quote:
Originally posted by maglc_man
I think that if Rod Stewart had a prosthetic leg, then he would rule the world.
That's fucking hilarious.

In the backwoods of South Dakota there lives an old Indian man by the name of Tim. He lives in his shack with his goldfish, Biscuit. He patiently toils his earth and enjoys his daily ration of gruel. This, my friends, is the stuff dreams are made of.
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Old 07-12-2003, 10:28 PM   #20 (permalink)
lonely rolling star
 
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Location: Seattle.
I am god. You will all live until you're 26, and if your 27, i will defecate you. Er...

decapitate.
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The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
"
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hearts, by d.a.
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Old 07-12-2003, 10:39 PM   #21 (permalink)
Insane
 
i'm hungry
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Old 07-12-2003, 10:52 PM   #22 (permalink)
Upright
 
You know, I always wondered...when you shut the refridgerator door, does the light really go off? Sure, when you press the button, it goes off, but who's to say it stays that way when the door is shut? Through the powers of a video camera, I have discovered the answer...

...The light goes off.
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Old 07-12-2003, 11:21 PM   #23 (permalink)
The Northern Ward
 
Location: Columbus, Ohio
<img src="http://mediaservice.photoisland.com/auction/Jul/20037122276441852902802.jpg">

If only Dr. Cacaphodel had known that years before:

<img src="http://mediaservice.photoisland.com/auction/Jul/20037122174698785037836.jpg">
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Old 07-13-2003, 12:57 PM   #24 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Super Moderator
Location: upstate
...as we watch the setting moon over paradigm...
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
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Old 07-13-2003, 01:25 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Location: Columbus, Ohio
A squirrell crosses the road. He is hit by a car. The moral of the story is to eat your vegetables.
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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy
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Old 07-13-2003, 02:31 PM   #26 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.


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Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...
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Old 07-13-2003, 03:01 PM   #27 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Groningen, Netherlands
When you burp, try to pronounce 'Gorbatschov'.
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Old 07-13-2003, 07:02 PM   #28 (permalink)
Upright
 
A cat will land feet-first. A piece of bread will land peanut-butter side-first. A cat with peanut-buttered bread strapped onto its back will float in a state of quantum indecision.
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Old 07-13-2003, 07:17 PM   #29 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
yup....




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Old 07-13-2003, 08:07 PM   #30 (permalink)
Loose Cunt
 
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Location: North Bondi RSL
There is no such place as Nantucket...
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Old 07-13-2003, 10:13 PM   #31 (permalink)
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-------------------------------------------
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Last edited by Stiltzkin; 05-31-2004 at 02:31 PM..
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Old 07-13-2003, 11:19 PM   #32 (permalink)
Upright
 
So I went to the dentist one day...long story short, P. Diddy's my uncle.
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Old 07-13-2003, 11:56 PM   #33 (permalink)
Idolator
 
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Location: Vol Country
".....and what happens when that one armed freak is fingering you and his arm gets tired?Huh?!?!?! Its not like he has many options!!!!! I can do that for you girl!!! I CAN SWITCH IT UP!!!!!!"
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Old 07-14-2003, 09:55 AM   #34 (permalink)
Upright
 
I once read about how someone beleived that your wang was made of pure cartilage. I laughed, and thought to myself "If that's true, I'll never be scared when I watch Jaws again, since he's just a giant wang with teeth and a fin."
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Old 07-14-2003, 11:57 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Location: Vol Country
Quote:
Originally posted by Bones
watching old people fall down on an icy sidewalk also makes me laugh
if you live in an area where sidewalks don't get icy, just club them with something blunt like a motherfucking chair leg.

thats pretty awesome.

In my ongoing studies on the subject, I have discovered that 9 times out of 10, the manatee doesn't even realize there's a problem.
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Old 07-14-2003, 12:12 PM   #36 (permalink)
Upright
 
It would appear that industrilized anal lube would be cheaper than the individual tubes, however...the waterballoon still falls the same.

Thank You
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Old 07-14-2003, 12:45 PM   #37 (permalink)
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ascasnmg cxcz z76 2czxkz8,zzferxgvtyjy vhjtvt3cr45t46thrt
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Old 07-14-2003, 12:46 PM   #38 (permalink)
Upright
 
"Kick up the bass up and I bun up the place up...make I pick up the pace up and make them wine up them waist up
We them want fi erase up but we style them embrace up...but them can't stop the music so great up weh we create up
Me say year onto year me haffi a tell them straight up...man a no punk man a no fool...definate we a sent no bait up
Unu fi listen to the lyrics 'pon de riddem weh we state up...if you love how we sound let me see you hand them wave up"
--Sean Paul

A Monopoly dollar to the person who makes sense out of what he said.
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Old 07-14-2003, 03:05 PM   #39 (permalink)
not your typical god-fearing junkie
 
Location: State of Confusion
so i sit here waiting for my computer to lock up with my aviator glasses on my head and then i realize i have no need for punctuation anymore no need for capital letters and certainly no sense of where one sentence ends and another begins i shall try to keep this as long as possible when i say that life is simpler this way no need to rehearse and cohearse what comes from my fingers is what i feel so in this is comfort same thing would happen in a world without rules simpler at first but then everything breaks down no organization no coherancy i suppose its best that we do have punctuation and spelling and i think ive done rather well spelling here now fact is though that if you read this straight through youd have a lot of trouble understanding really what was going on well probably best that way this whole thing is really turning into a bad grammar test that really wont end you know the sort put the comma in the right place capitalize your proper nouns and all that other hooplah frankly i dont see where grammar gets us all a bunch of little scribbles and marks that really just complicate things but then again i guess that is what language is a bunch of little scribbles and odd marks that are recognized by our brain as letters and words sometimes i wish i could make up letters that werent on my keyboard for instance Æ is a damn cool letter but you dont see us using that do you now and to get to it is harder than hell you have to hold down alt and type zero one nine eight thats certainly more difficult than just typing one key and you damn well know that if ancient greeks were alive theyd be really pissed they didnt have that letter whatever the hell it is but theyd certainly be angry they couldnt spell things like Ægypt and whatnot actually i think i fucked up because that letter i believe is actually capitalized and there is a lower case version of it but really i dont want to try to find it right now anyway if anyone actually reads this whole thing theyll probably be amazed at how complex everything is in my head but thats mostley due to the blunt force trama thats been going on up in hizzere
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Old 07-14-2003, 09:28 PM   #40 (permalink)
Zeroed In
 
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Location: CA
You ready for this.......Strawberry waffles!
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