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Old 07-15-2003, 08:59 AM   #1 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
The Battle of Useless things!!

Okay here are the rules, you get one attack per post, you use your attack to launch an utterly useless item at the previous poster. For example.


Poster1 - *holds up a shield made of broken bandaids*

Poster2 - *throws a broken condom like a grendade and runs like hell*


Got it? Good?

And remember, the more useless your item, the more destructive it really is!

Soooo *holds up Bill Gates as a shield*
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Old 07-15-2003, 09:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: outer reaches of space
throws : money @ bill gates

holds up : scratched ABBA record as a shield
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rub it and see.
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Old 07-15-2003, 09:19 AM   #3 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
*The Gates is un-affected by money because it is actually very usefull*


*grabs a copy of Napster and chucks it as the ABBA record*
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
lonely rolling star
 
sadistikdreams's Avatar
 
Location: Seattle.
*throws tickle me elmo(SCARY!) from behind*

*holds up 80's cell phone to block*
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"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
"
-Lin Yutang

hearts, by d.a.
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: SWLA
*aus blocks the flying Elmo with his luck (truly useless)*
*pummels the competition with former members of YES*
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
*Hasslehof lands near me, i place down The Gates next to Hasselhoff and they begin to go at it*

Hasslehof- I'm gunna ring your neck skinny.

*The Gates starts talking about the features of Windows 95, Hasslehof's head explodes*
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Texas
*Throws a hotwheels car with no wheels.

*Holds up a battleship board missing all pegs to defend.
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Remember it took three of you to kill me.
A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:23 AM   #8 (permalink)
Redwing fan extraordinaire
 
Location: Michigan
I throw a broken shoelace at pellaz.......


And hold up a soggy napkin to defend from.........
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Its good to be back.
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
Junkie
 
cchris's Avatar
 
Location: Sydney
*Throws "Cindy" from the brady bunch at Midlandmadman


*Holds up banana peel as defence
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Old 07-15-2003, 10:38 AM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Montreal
I counter with an overcooked wet noodle attack!!

I choose as my defence a burnt-out fridge light bulb.
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Old 07-15-2003, 11:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
Ah ha!! No burnt-out bulb can escape the wrath of....

a vcr that only plays BETA! (Oh damn...I'm dating myself here )

holds up an eight track player in hopes of some feeble defence....
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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!
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Old 07-15-2003, 11:43 AM   #12 (permalink)
Stick it in your five hole!
 
Nikilidstrom's Avatar
 
Location: Michigan, USA
*launches a flurry of double edged Enron Stock Certificates

*holds up the Busted Betamax Player Shield for defense
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Old 07-15-2003, 11:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
Stick it in your five hole!
 
Nikilidstrom's Avatar
 
Location: Michigan, USA
curses minx, you have stolen my totally useless shield and turned it into a devastating weapon................thats dash cunning of you!
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Old 07-15-2003, 11:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
Throws a gramaphone at niki

I will defend myself using only a HARPSICHORD without strings, keys or legs!!!
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Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 11:54 AM   #15 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
sorry Nik...beat you to it!
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:07 PM   #16 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
/me holds up minx's unattractive traits...

so yea, I hold up NOTHING

and I throw even less!!!
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:34 PM   #17 (permalink)
Modern Man
 
Location: West Michigan
*Holds up 90-day evaluation copy of Windows 3.11

*Throws Sega CD game system with copy of "Sewer Shark"
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Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:36 PM   #18 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*Holds up a commodore 64*

*throws windowsME*
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:39 PM   #19 (permalink)
Stick it in your five hole!
 
Nikilidstrom's Avatar
 
Location: Michigan, USA
*after pulling my head out of the gramaphone horn, I go back to my bag of uselessness and pull out the ever deadly Broken Box Fan with the Smoking, Non-Spinning, Blades of Fury!

*and to counter further gramaphone attacks, I place a Large Cooking Pot on my head, which in my house, is useful only for burning water.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:41 PM   #20 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*throws your garden variety dull chidren's scissors*

*holds up a papermache replica of Saddam*
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:41 PM   #21 (permalink)
green
 
*charges into the fray wearing a suit of armor made entirely of Bob Vila*

*fires empty bottles of lotion randomly into the crowd*
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Your arms are broken!
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:44 PM   #22 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*dons his thinking cap and enters the fray*

*throws a marketing plan put together by Baghdad Bob*
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:47 PM   #23 (permalink)
Modern Man
 
Location: West Michigan
*blocks with a dull three-whole punch

*counters with Spinning Muffled Windchime of Silent Death
__________________
Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold.
-Son House, Death Letter Blues
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:48 PM   #24 (permalink)
Intently Rocking
 
Troublebot's Avatar
 
Location: Davey's
I chuck several Barry Manilow records at all on the battlefield.

Then take cover under a copy of "Thinner Thighs in 30 Days."
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Wind: [whistling] I hate you.
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:50 PM   #25 (permalink)
Computer Nerd
 
d4in's Avatar
 
Location: Bishop, TX
throws wet noodles at the masses

blocks with a shield of soggy moldy bread
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:52 PM   #26 (permalink)
Modern Man
 
Location: West Michigan
*I smash through thinner thighs in 30 days with a LaserDisc of the movie License to Drive starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

* I dive behind a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Mark Fhurman.
__________________
Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold.
-Son House, Death Letter Blues
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:54 PM   #27 (permalink)
Stick it in your five hole!
 
Nikilidstrom's Avatar
 
Location: Michigan, USA
*hands Troublebot Abdominator Belt of Protection (and Rock Hard Abs), and Thigh Master Boomerangs to complete the theme
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Old 07-15-2003, 12:57 PM   #28 (permalink)
Stick it in your five hole!
 
Nikilidstrom's Avatar
 
Location: Michigan, USA
*renders License To Drive Laserdisc inert with even more worthless Betamax of Dream A Little Dream, also starring the Cocaine Coreys!
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Old 07-15-2003, 01:00 PM   #29 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*dons his paystub from three years ago*

*throws Casper the Friendly Ghost at everyone*
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Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 01:00 PM   #30 (permalink)
is you wicked?
 
Location: I live in a giant bucket.
*Attacks all with the Y2K bug
*Hides behind a 3 1/2" floppy disk.
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Old 07-15-2003, 01:02 PM   #31 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*defends himself with a toyota matrix*

*throws a blown out tire*
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 01:05 PM   #32 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*defends himself with a eunuch*

*throws a one-armed man in a wheelchair* circles anyone?
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 01:11 PM   #33 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
*ducks circling one-armed wheelchair man and holds up beaten-up, scratched record album (yes...album....not disc) of "Grease"

*in retaliation throws a pea-less referee's whistle into the crowd*

(oh ps....thanks for the compliment rat! You're the best!
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Old 07-15-2003, 01:13 PM   #34 (permalink)
rat
smiling doesn't hurt anymore :)
 
rat's Avatar
 
Location: College Station, TX
*watches the whistle smash through his hastily-held-up jump-rope with one end*

*throws hitler's retirement plan*
__________________
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
To say that I was naked, when I broke in would be a lie. I put on safety glasses.
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Old 07-15-2003, 05:06 PM   #35 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
*Gates takes a direct hit from the Nazi retirement plan*

Grrr my best shield, you'll pay for that rat!

*grabs a bowl of rotted banana peels*

Feel my wrath!!!!

*chucks peels at rat*
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Old 07-15-2003, 05:28 PM   #36 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
vermin's Avatar
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
Peels miss one rat, hit another.

Holds up panty shield in case someone throws panties.

Pitches purple pouch of putrid peaches (another allitteration assault)
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Last edited by vermin; 07-15-2003 at 05:30 PM..
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Old 07-15-2003, 05:37 PM   #37 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
Fly's Avatar
 
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
after peaches deflect from my spider-man comic book......

i hurl four broken drumsticks at you....
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BASTARD

SterlingStudios
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Old 07-15-2003, 05:42 PM   #38 (permalink)
Loose Cunt
 
Meridae'n's Avatar
 
Location: North Bondi RSL
which are no match for my inflatable dartboard.

I quickly spin and pelt you with 7 used manilla folders...
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What's easier to believe: that a guy was born without sex in the manner of several Greek demigods and grew up to be able to transmute liquids and alter his body density yet couldn't escape government execution, or that three freemasons in a vehicle made with aluminum foil in an era before digital technology escaped our atmosphere, landing on the moon, broadcasted from there, and then flew back without burning up?
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Old 07-15-2003, 05:42 PM   #39 (permalink)
Fluxing wildly...
 
MrFlux's Avatar
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
i deflect the manila folders with a used tissue

i hurl some beads off a broken bracelet...
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flux (n.)
Medicine. The discharge of large quantities of fluid material from the body, especially the discharge of watery feces from the intestines.
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Old 07-15-2003, 05:49 PM   #40 (permalink)
Deliberately unfocused
 
grumpyolddude's Avatar
 
Location: Amazon.com and CDBaby
I block you beads with Grant Hills ankle,

Counter attack with a Shaquille O'Neal free throw.
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