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Old 07-18-2003, 09:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
I'm a f**kin know-it-all

I am one of those people who knows a little something (or a lotta something) about just about everything.

go on, test me. name a subject and I'll tell you something about it off the top of my head.
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Old 07-18-2003, 09:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
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These might be a little more specific than just naming a subject. Not exactly sure what type of things you want asked to you. So, off the top of my noggin, here you go, wise one:

English -
What does the phrase "funnier than a barrel of monkeys" come from? Are barrels of monkeys actually funny?

Economics, Ethics -
What factors lead executives to corporate scandels such as Enron and Worldcom? How can we ensure future generations will not repeat their mistakes?
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Old 07-18-2003, 09:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Tell me something about forging knife blades from ball bearings. (That's what I'm doing today.)
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Old 07-18-2003, 09:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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tell me why this isn't in the Nonesense board.
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Old 07-18-2003, 09:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hail Muse of Knowledge!

From the top of my head to yours...

Why didn't Ezra Pound complete his translation of The Seafarer from Old English?
-GH
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Old 07-18-2003, 12:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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where did the phrase "your turn in the barrel" come from?
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Old 07-18-2003, 12:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Is it okay to beat off while eating a hot dog?


Can you tell me how to re-jet the carb on a 1980 Vespa P200?
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Old 07-18-2003, 03:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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tell me something about the einstein-bose conglomerate.
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Old 07-18-2003, 04:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Those of you who think you know everything are incredibly annoying to those of us that actually do.
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Old 07-18-2003, 04:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by gov135
What does the phrase "funnier than a barrel of monkeys" come from? Are barrels of monkeys actually funny?
I thought it was "funner than a barrel full of monkeys"?
or maybe he can explain the difference.

Math -
What doesn d/dx mean? And where would you use it?

Sex -
How do you make a woman continuously cum for 5 minutes straight?
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Old 07-18-2003, 05:01 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Speaking of monkeys...... tell us what "It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" refers to
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Tell me why there are no answers yet.
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Old 07-18-2003, 06:21 PM   #13 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
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Tell me why you think you can just put up random threads like this and expect people to ask questions?
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Old 07-18-2003, 11:50 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
well damn, you guys/gals are TOUGH. but I'll have a go at all of them.

"English -
What does the phrase "funnier than a barrel of monkeys" come from? Are barrels of monkeys actually funny?"

think about it, I mean, really imagine in your head a barrel full of monkeys, all squirming and squealing at each other. isnt that funny? are you smiling yet? I know I am. oh, and there was a toy back in the 50s(?) that was a bunch of plastic monkeys in a plastic barrel. that might be where the phrase comes from.

"Economics, Ethics -
What factors lead executives to corporate scandels such as Enron and Worldcom? How can we ensure future generations will not repeat their mistakes?"

first question: greed and arrogance. second question: nothing. greed and arrogance will always exist.

"Tell me something about forging knife blades from ball bearings."

well first, the ball bearings would need to be melted down into a near liquid state. this requires LOTS of heat. something in the neighborhood of 2500 deg F (or more, depending on the quality of the steel from which the bearings are made). however, this process can be made simpler by using (very) high amperage electrical current as opposed to conventional heat sources like propane gas torches or similar fire devices.

"tell me why this isn't in the Nonesense board."

it could very easily fit there as well as here. it fits here because I am a member and in this thread I am playing around.

"Why didn't Ezra Pound complete his translation of The Seafarer from Old English?"

ugh, Ezra Pound. booooooring stuff. the answer is that he died from self-induced boredom before finishing.

"where did the phrase "your turn in the barrel" come from?"

from that old joke about the guy and his first day at the nudist colony.

"Is it okay to beat off while eating a hot dog?


Can you tell me how to re-jet the carb on a 1980 Vespa P200?"

first question: yes
second question: yes I can. remove the carb from the Vespa. disassemble. remove the jet. replace the jet with a new one that better fits your carburation needs. reassemble carb and replace on moped.


"tell me something about the einstein-bose conglomerate."

Albert Einstein was the genius physicist who created the Theory of Relativity. His equation E=MC^2 is world reknowned and is perhaps the most important thought of the 20th century. A little known fact is that he was also a VERY serious audiophile. His theory was later applied by his son, Aldus Einstein, in secret work done in conjunction with Pioneer Electronics, to create some of the most fantastic audio recievers ever made.

Bose makes some of the best audio speakers you can buy.

Together, the Einstein-Bose conglomerate creates mid-bogglingly expensive home audio systems that can literally melt the time-space continuum. Of course, only Bill Gates can actually afford one of these systems. And he wont buy it because it runs on a Linux platform.

"Those of you who think you know everything are incredibly annoying to those of us that actually do."

Im glad to see that some of you still find humor in that old line. I thought it was pretty funny when I wrote it. I remember that day well. I was 4 and some smartass 6 year old was trying to show me how to calculate Pi to the 40,000th decimal. Of course, he made the classic mistake of forgetting to carry the 2 at decimal 28,364. Thats when I said that to him. I wish I had copyrighted it there and then. I'd be as rich as Trump by now.


"I thought it was "funner than a barrel full of monkeys"?
or maybe he can explain the difference.

Math -
What doesn d/dx mean? And where would you use it?

Sex -
How do you make a woman continuously cum for 5 minutes straight?"

first question: a barrel full of monkeys is both fun AND funny. isnt that obvious?

second question: d/dx can be simplified to 1/x. you would use that in a mathematics course, like calculus.

third question: simple, dont stop.


"Speaking of monkeys...... tell us what "It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" refers to"

canon balls on old warships.



"Tell me why there are no answers yet."

I was at work.


"Tell me why you think you can just put up random threads like this and expect people to ask questions?"

for the same reason you think you can do so.
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Old 07-18-2003, 11:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
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holy fuck. i was NOT expecting that!!!
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Old 07-19-2003, 01:25 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I have a friend who's also a know-it-all... and he really does know a lot of junk. Here's another one for ya, if you're still up to it:

What is Leeloo's full name from The Fifth Element?

Oh and... your response to what "d/dx" is wasn't very adequate. "d/dx" is the same thing as f', which both denote derivative.
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Last edited by Stiltzkin; 07-19-2003 at 01:29 AM..
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Old 07-19-2003, 04:30 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I hope your Einstein-Bose is a joke, it sounds like it, but I'm not sure

How about enlightening us about the origins of the computer-mouse?
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Old 07-19-2003, 04:37 AM   #18 (permalink)
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I like where this is going.

There is a medium sized pond near my house. It is fed by rainwater only. It teems with fish from minnows to bluegills to large mouth bass. How did they get there?

(No, it wasn't stocked)
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Old 07-19-2003, 04:37 AM   #19 (permalink)
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also, how come the sky is blue?

And the sea for that matter?

Can you tell me what happens when a plane passes the sound-barrier? I know it makes a bang, but why?

Or why an ambulance's siren changes pitch when it passes you?

How come when you put a little pingpong ball in a stream of air(like from a vacuum set to blow), it floats there in place, instead of floating off to the side and dropping down?

Why does a tiny piece of paper in a glass of water always drift to the side of the glass?

What's with iron bending perfectly, but when you bend it back and forth, it breaks?

Why do we call it an encyclopedia?

Which is hotter, molten sugar, or molten salt? And why?


I'm out for now
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:04 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
"holy fuck. i was NOT expecting that!!!"

- I knew that.

"What is Leeloo's full name from The Fifth Element?

Oh and... your response to what "d/dx" is wasn't very adequate. "d/dx" is the same thing as f', which both denote derivative."

-first question: dunno, been a LONG time since I saw that movie. good flick though.
second question: I thought so, but wasnt sure, which is why I gave the smartass answer. I havent done any kind of higher math in about 15 yrs.

"I hope your Einstein-Bose is a joke, it sounds like it, but I'm not sure

How about enlightening us about the origins of the computer-mouse?"

-first question: hmmm, yer not sure? I guess I'll have to work on my humor.
second question: computer mice were invented by some lazy nerd who was too lazy to remember all the commands necessary to work an OS from a command line.

"I like where this is going.

There is a medium sized pond near my house. It is fed by rainwater only. It teems with fish from minnows to bluegills to large mouth bass. How did they get there?

(No, it wasn't stocked)"

-Actually, yes it was stocked, just not by you. There is a little known branch of the Fish and Game commission whose job it is to see that all ponds throughout the country that are large enough to support piscine life are stocked surreptitiously in the middle of the night. I did some checking with them (my cousin's mother's brother's daughter's nieghbor's best friend from grade school works for them) and in your case, the pond was stocked via the newest method: high altitude low speed dehydrated injection. basically, this entails firing several dozen "pills" of compressed dried fish eggs from a near space orbit. upoon hitting the water, the "pills" dissolve and viola! soon you have a nicely stocked pond.

"also, how come the sky is blue?" - of all the colors in the visible spectrum, those at the blue end have the shortest wavelength (or is it frequency. no, im pretty sure it's wavelength.) as such, as the light from the sun passes through the atmosphere, the blue gets "stuck" in the stratosphere due to its short wavelength. hence, blue sky. besides, who'd want to see a green sky, yuck.

"And the sea for that matter?" - the sea really isnt blue, it just reflects the color of the sky.

"Can you tell me what happens when a plane passes the sound-barrier? I know it makes a bang, but why?" - sonic boom occurs because sound has a relatively low speed (approximately 750mph, depending on variable atmospheric conditions). now, when a plane exceeds that speed, the sounds it is generating create a kind of feedback loop that keeps building until an explosion is created. if a person was standing in exactly the right spot (ie the epicenter of the sonic explosion) he would be blown to bits by the force of the blast. note: this is also how Sonic the Hedgehog came to be. He was too close to a sonic boom and experienced a mutation as a result of absorbing the energy of one of these explosions.

"Or why an ambulance's siren changes pitch when it passes you?" - doppler effect

"How come when you put a little pingpong ball in a stream of air(like from a vacuum set to blow), it floats there in place, instead of floating off to the side and dropping down?" - because in most cases, the ball is small enough to "fit inside" the column of air. try the same thing with a volley ball and see what happens.

"Why does a tiny piece of paper in a glass of water always drift to the side of the glass?" - molecular motion gets it moving and surface tension pulls it against the glass wall once it drifts close enough

"What's with iron bending perfectly, but when you bend it back and forth, it breaks?" - actually, the premise here is flawed. unless heated, iron does not bend perfectly. however the cracks that are created arent usually large enough to see until you bend it enough times to create lots of them. in any case, the molecular structure of any solid is how it holds its shape. bending iron without first heating it causes the molecular bonds to be stretched or even broken, depending on how far the piece is bent. if you heat it first, though, the bonds will come loose to a degree that you can bend it without damage. then as it cools, those bonds reform.

"Why do we call it an encyclopedia?" - coz thesaurus was already taken.

"Which is hotter, molten sugar, or molten salt? And why?" - you mean at their respective melting points, right? and the answer is sugar, because it is a much more complex molecule than salt.
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:08 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sion
[B-Actually, yes it was stocked, just not by you. There is a little known branch of the Fish and Game commission whose job it is to see that all ponds throughout the country that are large enough to support piscine life are stocked surreptitiously in the middle of the night. I did some checking with them (my cousin's mother's brother's daughter's nieghbor's best friend from grade school works for them) and in your case, the pond was stocked via the newest method: high altitude low speed dehydrated injection. basically, this entails firing several dozen "pills" of compressed dried fish eggs from a near space orbit. upoon hitting the water, the "pills" dissolve and viola! soon you have a nicely stocked pond.[/B]
Pretty close. If you assume that waterfoul are working for the Fish and Game Commission, and the packages you described were bird excriment containing non-digestable fish roe, I'd say you nailed it.
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:15 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Peetster
Pretty close. If you assume that waterfoul are working for the Fish and Game Commission, and the packages you described were bird excriment containing non-digestable fish roe, I'd say you nailed it.
Yeah, that's close enough...isn't it?
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:30 AM   #23 (permalink)
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nice answers, but unfortunately you went wrong with one completely. It's not because a molecule is more complex that it's gonna take longer. It's actually salt that's got a higher temperature due to the type of molecule.

But most answers surprised me with their accuracy, especially the pond.
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:42 AM   #24 (permalink)
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This really belongs in Nonsense.

d/dx == 1/x?? spare me.

No, the water isn't blue because of the sky. Pure water really is blue. It just takes quite a bit of it before you can see that.

Is the sky blue because it's a reflection of the water, then?
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:58 AM   #25 (permalink)
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denim: now you're getting it, finally
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Old 07-19-2003, 02:36 PM   #26 (permalink)
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how do women work? their minds that is
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Old 07-19-2003, 02:49 PM   #27 (permalink)
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"how do women work? their minds that is"

It would take a mind with more specialized brain power than Deep Blue to figure that one out...
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Old 07-19-2003, 06:26 PM   #28 (permalink)
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I make the mistake. I was supposed to say Bose-Einstein condensation. And your guess is more interesting than the real answer.

And now, come up with the perfect murder, please.
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Old 07-19-2003, 10:35 PM   #29 (permalink)
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how much wood could a wood shuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
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Old 07-20-2003, 04:29 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Stiltzkin
"how do women work? their minds that is"

It would take a mind with more specialized brain power than Deep Blue to figure that one out...
and as long as you think that, they will always be "impossible"


Anyways, Sion. whats the average rate of creation of stars per year?
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Old 07-20-2003, 12:14 PM   #31 (permalink)
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So who's on first?
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Old 07-20-2003, 02:15 PM   #32 (permalink)
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ya the d/dx thing was crap but i liked your other answers, if you dont know the answer you can really come up with some funny stuff to bs your way through it.

i like math so i will ask you how do you convert equations from cylindrical coordinates to spherical coordinates?

and a chemistry question. Explain the Haber-Bosch process.

and Who is the greatest band ever?
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Old 07-20-2003, 03:37 PM   #33 (permalink)
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where are th oldest remains of a city ever found? which city was it?
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Old 07-20-2003, 10:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
"how do women work? their minds that is"

in about 69% of all cases, poorly, if at all. in the other 31%, at about 400% that of 10 average men combined.


"what is the movie that defines the 20th century

tell me an outdated joke about the challenger explosion

isnt snoop a fucking pimp?"

#1: I'll assume you mean the 20th C in America. and the answer is no one movie can define the entire century. but I'll assign one for each quarter that I think are most important or representative:

1900-1925: Sunset Boulevard
1926-1950: Citizen Kane
1951-1975: The GodFather
1976-2000: Pulp Fiction

#2: How do they know that the Challenger astronauts had dandruff? Coz they found their head and shoulders.

#3: no, snoop is a beagle with delusions of granduer


"And now, come up with the perfect murder, please."

Times Square, NYC, on December 31st. stand on a rooftop or balcony at least 10 stories above the crowd. drop an icicle that weighs at least 15 lbs. leave via a back entrance. never tell a soul.


"how much wood could a wood shuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

214 lbs per day, on average. an especially buff woodchuck can chuck up to 300 lbs per day.


"whats the average rate of creation of stars per year?"

does this include supermodels and athletes? if yes, then the answer is 48. if not, then 32.


"So who's on first?"

Yes.


"i like math so i will ask you how do you convert equations from cylindrical coordinates to spherical coordinates?

and a chemistry question. Explain the Haber-Bosch process.

and Who is the greatest band ever?"

#1: multiply by Pi.

#2: this is a trick question. NO ONE can explain the Haber-Bosch process, not even Haber or Bosch themselves.

#3: no, The Who are in the top 15, but the top spot is occupied, as it has been since 1971, by Led Zeppelin.



"where are th oldest remains of a city ever found? which city was it?"

the city (well, village really, by todays standards) of Say-wot-ten-ayo (I'm not sure of the spelling, so I spelled it like sounds. Its probably spelled Tsejuatenejo.) I'll give bonus points to anyone who can tell me where it is located and who discovered it.
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Old 07-21-2003, 11:14 AM   #35 (permalink)
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What are the three main types of nuclear reactors and what is the safest one in use ?
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Old 07-21-2003, 12:15 PM   #36 (permalink)
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what does the c.c. stand for in a c.c. machine
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Old 07-21-2003, 08:47 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
"What are the three main types of nuclear reactors and what is the safest one in use ?"

fuckifIknow.

"what does the c.c. stand for in a c.c. machine"

condition code. unless, of course, you are talking about a CNC milling machine, in which case CNC stands for Computer Numeric Control.
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Old 07-21-2003, 08:53 PM   #38 (permalink)
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In the book Catch 22, by Joseph Heller, the main character, Yossarian, is said to have sex about once every month with a certain character's wife. Who is the character whose wife he bangs, and who is the wife's friend who Yossarian is only allowed to have sex with once?

Hint: When the wife tells the husband that they're having a baby, he replies, "I haven't the time. Can't you see there's a parade going on?"
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Old 07-21-2003, 09:28 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Location: Seattle.
Alright, know-it-all...

What kind of makeup does Marilyn Manson wear?
What's Kurt Cobain's favourite(or most used) type of eyeliner?
What's Davey Havok's real name?
Why is Bones off the hizzle fo' shizzle?
Explain why love is vital to the human life?
What is my real name? (thats an easy one)
When did I create my avatar?
What is the standard size of a pixel at 72DPI in millimetres?
Who was the actor that plays The Architect in "The Matrix: Reloaded"?
Did everyone from Zion really die?
How does audio get onto a blank cassette tape?
What does 10 mean in binary?
Hmmmmm... *thinks*
Who does the female voice in Marilyn Manson's song, "Para-Noir"?
What part of The UK does Ozzy Osbourne come from?
What drugs was Jack Osbourne taking before he went to Rehab?
Can you figure out my phone number from these digits?
"062-908-2300"
Have you given up yet?

just wait for another post...
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Old 07-22-2003, 10:47 PM   #40 (permalink)
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i'll give you the Led Zepplin part, they are in my top 5. The Who, not even close to anywhere on the list. You missed the most obvious, Nirvana. but the other two, nice try but...no.
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