Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > Tilted Fun Zone


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-22-2003, 10:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
Liquid Diamonds
 
Plummie's Avatar
 
Location: Lexington, KY
Post a stupid joke.

I heard this one today. Pretty bad.. but I chuckled.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

One is white, plastic and dangerous to little boys, the other is a plastic bag.
__________________
Kim
Plummie is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 12:02 AM   #2 (permalink)
Insane
 
myMHz's Avatar
 
Location: Arizona
Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.
__________________
"The radio business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.

There's also a negative side."
myMHz is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 12:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
Upright
 
What does a blonde and a squirrel have in common?

They both like nuts.
allmajty is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 02:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
Minion of the scaléd ones
 
Tophat665's Avatar
 
Location: Northeast Jesusland
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick
------------------
Two submarines were sitting in a tree knitting. A pig flew by with a twig in its mouth.
A little later, the subs were still knitting in their tree when a pig flew by with a twig in it's mouth.
Later still, the submarines are still sitting, still knitting, when a pig flies by with a twig in it's mouth.
One of the submarines turns to the other and says, "Must be building a nest."
__________________
Light a man a fire, and he will be warm while it burns.
Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Tophat665 is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 02:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: New Orleans
Two sausages in a frying pan: one turns to the other and says "Damn, its hot in here"
The other says "Oh my god! Its a talking sausage".
__________________
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." -- Tolstoy
krazykemist is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 05:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
seeker
 
Location: home
Q) What do you call a lesbian eskimoe?



A) A Klondyke!
__________________
All ideas in this communication are sole property of the voices in my head. (C) 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
"The Voices" (TM). All rights reserved.
alpha phi is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 07:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
vermin's Avatar
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
Q: What's brown and sticky?





A: A stick.
__________________
If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.
vermin is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 07:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
Winner
 
Q:Why did the bear run around his bed?

A:He wanted to catch up on his sleep.
maximusveritas is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 07:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
vermin's Avatar
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
How do you treat a sore pig?

Apply some oinkment.

If he doesn't get better in three days, call the hambulance.
__________________
If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.
vermin is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 08:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
Liquid Diamonds
 
Plummie's Avatar
 
Location: Lexington, KY
ROFL! These are top-notch, guys. I have another stupid one.

Why do seagulls fly by the sea?

Because if they flew by the bay, they'd be 'bagels'.

har har harf!!
__________________
Kim
Plummie is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 08:04 AM   #11 (permalink)
green
 
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?

A bird that talks your ear off.


(I apologize for the stupidity)
__________________
Your arms are broken!
KWSN is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 08:19 AM   #12 (permalink)
Giggity Giggity!!
 
GuttersnipeXL's Avatar
 
Location: N'York
What is red and orange, and looks good on hippies?

FIRE
__________________
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. HST
GuttersnipeXL is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 08:20 AM   #13 (permalink)
Liquid Diamonds
 
Plummie's Avatar
 
Location: Lexington, KY
No apologies! Stupidity is the reason for this thread!
__________________
Kim
Plummie is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 09:16 AM   #14 (permalink)
another passenger
 
cdwonderful's Avatar
 
Location: Youngstown, Ohio
what do you do when you find Springfield, IL?
call Baltimore, MD


stupid enough?
__________________
Never try to teach a pig to whistle
it wastes your time,
and annoys the pig.....
cdwonderful is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 09:49 AM   #15 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
rockogre's Avatar
 
Location: SW Oklahoma
How do elephants hide in cherry trees?



They wear red stocking hats.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom
rockogre is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 10:51 AM   #16 (permalink)
Pro Libertate
 
Location: City Gecko
2 men walk into a bar.

You'd have thought after the first one did it the second would've learned.

/Groan
__________________
[color=bright blue]W[/color]e Stick To Glass

"If three of us travel together, I shall find two teachers."
Confucious

Mad_Gecko is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 11:41 AM   #17 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
rockogre's Avatar
 
Location: SW Oklahoma
How do elephants sneak across a pool table?



They wear green sneakers.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom
rockogre is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 11:46 AM   #18 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Math and Alcohol don't mix, so...

PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 12:53 PM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: The 7th Level..
Quote:
Originally posted by krazykemist
Two sausages in a frying pan: one turns to the other and says "Damn, its hot in here"
The other says "Oh my god! Its a talking sausage".
LOL!! As stupid as that one was, it had me laughing my ass off.

Here's a dirty one..


The horse fell in the mud.

*initiate groan.exe*
__________________
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Somenosuke is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 01:04 PM   #20 (permalink)
Hiding Out
 
Quote:
Originally posted by GuttersnipeXL
What is red and orange, and looks good on hippies?

FIRE

Hey im a sort of hippie!


*shakes fist angrily*


Edit : Here's my joke, What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho Cheese!


Just awful...
__________________
Say yes to the 'Tilted Roleplaying' Forum

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1932&highlight=petition
TerresqueÜ is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 01:21 PM   #21 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Beach House on the Moon
What do you call a dog with no legs?



It doesn't matter, it can't come anyway.


I laugh every time I hear it.
__________________
The battle against abject stupidity cannot be fought with reason.

I am Head inquisitor in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does... Join the Revolution!
John_Gault is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 01:23 PM   #22 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Beach House on the Moon
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a largesign in the window that read, "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
__________________
The battle against abject stupidity cannot be fought with reason.

I am Head inquisitor in qpid's liberation army so we can take over the world before Microsoft does... Join the Revolution!
John_Gault is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 04:16 PM   #23 (permalink)
Crazy
 
an old couple keep forgetting things, and frustrated, they go to a doctor. the doctor tells them that they are just getting old and there is nothing he can do. he does advise them, however, to keep a pad and pencil handy with which to make notes.

the pad and pencil seems to help them. then one day while watching television, the husband announces that he is going into the kitchen to get something to eat. the wife asks him if he can get something for her, too.

"sure," he says.

"well," she replies, "i'd like some ice cream. but that's one extra thing for you to remember. you'd better write it down."

"i can remember ice cream!" he protests.

"But i want fresh strawberries on it, too. that's two extra things for you to remember. will you please write it down?"

he sighs, "but i'm just going straight to the kitchen. i won't forget!"

"okay," she says, "if you insist. but i want whipped cream on the top. that's three extra things for you to remember. should i write it down for you?"

"no," he replies, "i'll be able to remember three simple things."

after thirty minutes or so, and some banging pots and pans, the husband finally emerges from the kitchen and brings his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

"see?" she cries. "i told you to write it down-- you forgot my toast!"
__________________
Aw' little girl, there ain't no time
To wash yer stinky hand
Go 'head 'n' roll over
I'm goin' in you again
In you again
In you again
In you again...

--Frank appa
I Have Been In Yo
dankitti is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 04:26 PM   #24 (permalink)
green
 
Two horses walk into a bar. The second one should have seen it coming.


/load -rs C:\Jokes\Stupid\reactions\groan.arg
__________________
Your arms are broken!
KWSN is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 05:18 PM   #25 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
So a mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist are out hunting
together. They spy a deer(*) in the woods.

The physicist calculates the velocity of the deer and the effect of
gravity on the bullet, aims his rifle and fires. Alas, he misses; the
bullet passes three feet behind the deer. The deer bolts some yards,
but comes to a halt, still within sight of the trio.

"Shame you missed," comments the engineer, "but of course with an
ordinary gun, one would expect that." He then levels his special
deer-hunting gun, which he rigged together from an ordinary rifle, a
sextant, a compass, a barometer, and a bunch of flashing lights which
don't do anything but impress onlookers, and fires. Alas, his bullet
passes three feet in front of the deer, who by this time wises up and
vanishes for good.

"Well," says the physicist, "your contraption didn't get it either."

"What do you mean?" pipes up the mathematician. "Between the two of
you, that was a perfect shot!"
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 05:46 PM   #26 (permalink)
Junkie
 
sapiens's Avatar
 
Location: Some place windy
One day, a chicken and an egg decide to have sex. They hop into bed and make wild passionate love. Afterwards, the chicken gets out of bed, lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and says, "Well, I'm glad that question is finally answered.'"
sapiens is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 05:51 PM   #27 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Detroit
2 atoms walk into a bar. One says "I think I lost an electron" the other said "are you sure", he said "Yeah I'm positive"
__________________
My army will take over the world join us or be destroyed. I am the Emperor Supreme
Join the Revolution!

Necrophilia - The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one
qpid is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 05:58 PM   #28 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Ottawa, ON, Canada
A woman is standing on a corner, when a man with a frog on his head walks up to her.

The woman looks at the man, and says,"My God! Where did you get that hideous thing?"

The frog turns to the woman and says, "I don't know. It started growing out of my ass last week, and it hasn't stopped since."
__________________
"A witty saying proves nothing"
- Voltaire
Quadraton is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 06:31 PM   #29 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: strong island
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.
mullet hunter is offline  
Old 04-23-2003, 09:13 PM   #30 (permalink)
Buffering.........
 
merkerguitars's Avatar
 
Location: Wisconsin...
Why did the chicken cross the road?


Cause he wanted to have sex with the pidgeon.
__________________
Donate now! Ask me How!

Please use the search function it is your friend.

Look at my mustang please feel free to comment!

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=26985
merkerguitars is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 04:25 AM   #31 (permalink)
seeker
 
Location: home
Why don't birds wear underwear?




Because, their pecker is on their head!!!!
__________________
All ideas in this communication are sole property of the voices in my head. (C) 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
"The Voices" (TM). All rights reserved.
alpha phi is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 04:41 AM   #32 (permalink)
Transfer Agent
 
troit's Avatar
 
Location: NYC
Why did the kid put ice cubes in his father's bed?

He wanted a cold pop!
__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...
troit is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 04:42 AM   #33 (permalink)
Transfer Agent
 
troit's Avatar
 
Location: NYC
Why did the snowman have a big smile on his face?

He heard the snow blower was coming through...

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow balls...
__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...
troit is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 06:40 AM   #34 (permalink)
seeker
 
Location: home
What do you get if you cross a rhinoserous with an elephant??




EleifIknow!!!!
__________________
All ideas in this communication are sole property of the voices in my head. (C) 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
"The Voices" (TM). All rights reserved.
alpha phi is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 08:24 AM   #35 (permalink)
Liquid Diamonds
 
Plummie's Avatar
 
Location: Lexington, KY
Quote:
Originally posted by qpid
2 atoms walk into a bar. One says "I think I lost an electron" the other said "are you sure", he said "Yeah I'm positive"
Dude that is great!

I'm telling that one to all my fellow chemistry friends.
__________________
Kim
Plummie is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 08:58 AM   #36 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Columbia Falls, MT
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?

Pick it
__________________
Hey guys -- I finally got a semen sample after pumping on my wiener for 2 whole days
Junchbailey is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 09:08 AM   #37 (permalink)
not your typical god-fearing junkie
 
Location: State of Confusion
Good to say when someone butts into your conversation:

"This is a taco-burrito converation: Nachos"
__________________
the light that burns twice as bright
burns half as long

and you have burned so very, very brightly
YzermanS19 is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 09:08 AM   #38 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Chicago
A set of jumper cables walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at them suspiciously and says, "Alright, I'll get you a drink, but if you try to start anything, you'll be thrown out."
__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses
JumpinJesus is offline  
Old 04-24-2003, 11:44 AM   #39 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
Q: What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
A: One hundred sows-and-bucks

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other ... er, um ...
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
uncle phil is offline  
Old 04-26-2003, 01:18 PM   #40 (permalink)
Conspiracy Realist
 
Sun Tzu's Avatar
 
Location: The Event Horizon
Kind of like the ones on popsicle sticks?

What came first the chicken or the egg?

The rooster
__________________
To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.- Stephen Hawking
Sun Tzu is offline  
 

Tags
joke, post, stupid

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:53 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360