JohnnyCorpse

http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~eclectic/toys/jive.html

Muahahahahaha!

Slims

Dis shit be mi-raculous.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

cheezhead

pretty funny! thanks. I just sent 2 emails to friends using it.

sub zero

shwaahahaha thanks for the link

*forwarding as you read this*

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Did you Google it yet?

Join the TFP Typing team!!

Sun Tzu

This is extremely funny and educational I have wanted to learn this type of diction for quite some time, but I really dont know anyone that speaks fluent jive. Im glad you were kind enough to share this fun and enlightening address with the rest of us. Thank you very much.

Dis be 'estreme-like funny an' educashunal I have wanted t' learn dis type o' dicshun 4 quite some kinda' time, but I tru-ly dont know anyone dat jives fluent jive. Im glad yo' ass wuz kind 'nuff t' share dis fun an' enlightenin' address wit' da damn rest o' us. Thank yo' ass real damn much.



Nice to meet you

Supa' fine t' meet yo' ass


Will you marry me?

Will yo ass be marryin me?

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To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.- Stephen Hawking

MikeyChalupa

Introducshun t' da damn Tilted Forum Project, by Halx.


Drop all 'espectashuns dat yo' ass once had about dis site. Whateva' yo' homies
have told yo' ass o' whateva' yo' ass might have 'espuh'ienced in da past has
changed. Da T-F-fuckin'-P aint whut yo' ass think it be anymo'.

Da Tilted Forum Project be some community message bo'd. We be homies,
relashuns, lova's, rivals, an' entertaina's; all wit' respect 4 aich otha'. Our
memba's be all bonded togetha' by one common trait an' dat be our humanity. T'
join us be t'adopt our premise an' uphold our values. I gots'ta lay them out 4
yo' ass right now.

Da T-F-fuckin'-P be ultimate-like run by da community itself. Every bit o'
hardware an' every byte o' bandwidt' dat goes into makin' whut many o' us call
crib on da internet has been supported by donashuns by our generous memba's.
Dis be our fust value; we be all responsible 4 dis community.

Respect be our next value. While yo' neighbor on T-F-fuckin'-P may hold
different views an' opinions dan yo' ass, it be possible in every way t' hold
some discussion wit' him o' ha' without degradin' them 4 deir puh'sonal way o'
thinkin'. Dis value be enforced by our dedicated staff o' moderators an'
administrators who have da damn tools necessary t' make shit propa' an'
respectful 4 all.

Evolushun. Growt', acceptance, adaptashun. No community be puh'fect, but we kin
shaw as hell try t' be. Ignorance be da damn bane o' all shit progressive an'
it aint gonna be tolerated. Quesshuns gots'ta be axed. Lessons gots'ta be
learned. Be yo' own sucka' in da house an' seek da paths yo' ass be interested
in t' betta' yourself as some intellectual sucka'. Grands o' adults interactin'
mains some whole wealt' o' 'espuh'ience an' knowledge be in da house an'
available 4 yo' ass t' confide in.

Yo' homies visit in da house, yo' ass plum aint got met them yet. Ova' da damn
past yaih' I've been so's plaised t' be some part o' dis growin' community.
Neva' b4 have I seen such some upbeat, positive mass o' sucka's welcome an'
accept fresh memba's into deir group without so's much as some quesshun. We do
not have cliques, nor elites. Word to yo' mama. Post counts do not determine
yo' importance in da forums, only yo' attitude determines yo' placement within
da community.

Participashun be necessary t' some jailbait, growin' community. I hate
t'esploit da damn term "mandatory," as it indicates dair be some minimum o'
participashun, howeva' da damn material posted on da T-F-fuckin'-P kin be
compellin' an' draw sucka's away from interacshun. Homie don't play dat. We
caint allow dat, an' therefo' yo' ass gots'ta be aware dat if yo' ass duzn't
participate, yo' membership will be terminated. Every page yo' ass click on be
some drain on bandwidt' an' some drain on da serva's processors. Wit' 'nuff
sucka's clickin' every second without some single word t' say t' da damn rest
o' da damn populashun, it would seem likes some huge waste o' resources -
donated braid waaay down da drain. It be called 'leechin' an' da damn
T-F-fuckin'-P duz not appreciate it an' will remove all non-contributors.

Mah premise, as da site's main administrata', be t' create some place where
sucka's kin be sucka's online. It be not rock t' give yo' opinion on some post.
Whut snatchs some tiny-ass bit mo' courage be t' put yo' heart into yo' post
an' share wit' da damn rest o' da damn viewa's how unique yo' ass be. Art,
scratchin', photography, 'espression - all be welcomed. Da T-F-fuckin'-P be
some clain rest stop on da real damn dirty internet highway. Opinions an'
counta'-'espression will come wit' it, though in some respectful manna'.

T' sum it down,

Respect yo' fellows.
Participate wit' them.
Learn wit' them.
Share wit' them. Amen!
Raip da rewards. Slap mah 'fro!


-Halx
T-F-fuckin'-P Owna' an' Thinka' Administrata'

cchris

T-F-fuckin'-P

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There's a fine line between participation and mockery

kalisto_911

Some PROCLAMATION
Wherais on da 22nd day o' Septemba', Some. Step off, Pharoah.D. 1862, some
proclamashun wuz issued by da President o' da damn United States, containin',
among otha' shit, da followin', t' wit, dig dis:

"Dat on da 1st day o' January, Some.D. Word to yo' mama. 1863, all sucka's
held as slaves within no State o' designated part o' some State da damn
sucka's whereof shall den be in rebellion against da damn United States shall
be den, thenceforward, an' fo'va' free; an' da damn 'esecutive
federal o' da damn United States, includin' da damn military an' naval
authority thereof, will recognize an' maintain da freedom o' such sucka's an'
will do no act o' acts t' repress such sucka's, o' no o' them, in no efforts
they may make 4 deir actual freedom.

"Dat da damn 'esecutive will on da 1st day o' January afo'said, by
proclamashun, designate da damn States an' parts o' States, if no, in which da
damn sucka's thereof, respective-like, shall den be in rebellion against da
damn United States; an' da damn fact dat no State o' da damn sucka's thereof
shall on dat day be in badass fait'
represented in da Congress o' da damn United States by memba's
chosen thereto at elecshuns wherein some majority o' da damn qualified vota's
o' such States shall have participated shall, in da
absence o' cock diesel countervailin' testimony, be deemed conclusive evidence
dat such State an' da damn sucka's thereof aint den
in rebellion against da damn United States."

Now, therefo', I, Abraham Lincoln, President o' da damn United States, by
virtue o' da damn powa' in me vested as Commanda'-In-Chief o' da damn Army an'
Navy o' da damn United States in time o' actual armed rebellion against da
damn authority an' federal o' da damn United States, an' as some fit an'
necessary wah' maisure 4 supressin' said
rebellion, do, on dis 1st day o' January, Some.D. 1863, an' in
accordance wit' mah purpose so's t' do, public-like proclaimed 4 da full
puh'iod o' one C days from da fust day above menshuned,
orda' an' designate as da States an' parts o' States wherein da
sucka's thereof, respective-like, be dis day in rebellion against da damn
United States da followin', t' wit, dig dis:

Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana (down low, 'escept da damn parishes o' St.
Bernard, Palquemines, Jefferson, St. John, St. Charles, St. James, Ascension,
Assumpshun, Terrebone, Lafourche, St. Word to yo' mama. Mary, St. Martin, an'
Orlains, includin' da damn hood o' Fresh Orlains), Mississippi, Alabama,
Florida, Georgia, Sout' Carolina, Nort' Carolina, an' Virginia (down low,
'escept da damn forty-eight counties designated as West Virginia, an' also da
counties o' Berkeley, Accomac, Morthhampton, Elizabet' Hood, York, Princess
Anne, an' Norfolk, includin' da damn hoods o' Norfolk an' Portsmout'), an'
which 'escepted parts be 4 da present left
precise-like as if dis proclamashun wuz not issued.

An' by virtue o' da damn powa' an' 4 da purpose afo'said, I do orda' an'
declare dat all sucka's held as slaves within said
designated States an' parts o' States be, an' henceforward shall be, free; an'
dat da damn 'esecutive Federal o' da damn United States, includin' da damn
military an' naval authorities thereof, will
recognize an' maintain da freedom o' said sucka's.

An' I hereby enjoin upon da sucka's so's declared t' be free t'abstain from
all violence, unless in necessary self-defence; an' I recommend t' them dat,
in all case when allowed, they labor
faithful-like 4 raisonable wages.

An' I furtha' declare an' make known dat such sucka's o'
suitable condishun will be received into da armed service o' da damn United
States t' garrison forts, posishuns, stashuns, an' otha' places, an' t' dude
vessels o' all sorts in said service.

An' upon dis act, sincere-like recon'd t' be some act o' justice, warranted
by da Constitushun upon military necessity, I invoke da damn considerate
judgment o' mankind an' da damn gracious favor o' Almighty da Lord. Yo' mama.

__________________
I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with. [Plato]

cchris

Da (down low, Catholic) Dime Commandments




I be da damn Lord thy da Lord. Thou shalt not have strange da damn Lords b4 me.

Thou shalt not snatch da damn name o' da damn Lord thy da Lord in vain

Rememba' thou keep da Sabbat' Day.

Honor thy Daddy-O an' thy Mama

Thou shalt not ice. Right on!

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Thou shalt not bite.

Thou shalt not baih' false witness against thy neighbor.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's woman.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's badasss.

__________________
There's a fine line between participation and mockery

Zapper

HAHA this is awesome

bobw

Jeff

Dis be whack. Now dis tiny-ass pale boy kin rap in ebonics all he wants.

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For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
--Charles Bukowski

lemming

dis be da damn dieselest shit i have eva' seen

Murpher

Yo' ass suck, John. Git on A-I-fuckin'-M some kinda' time, I wanna discuss some
kinda' crap wit' yo' ass.

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I have been told that the variable "X" is going to give it to you.

TIO

T' be, o' not t' be, dig dis: dat be da damn quesshun, dig dis:
Whetha' 'tis nobla' in da mind t' suffa'
Da slings an' arrows o' outrageous fortune,
O' t' snatch arms against some sai o' troubles,
An' by opposin' fat-lady them? T' die, dig dis: t' shut-eye;
No mo'; an' by some shut-eye t' say we fat-lady
Da heart-ache an' da damn grand natural shox
Dat flesh be heir t', 'tis some consummashun
Devout-like t' be wish'd. T' die, t' shut-eye;
T' shut-eye, dig dis: puh'chance t' draim, dig dis: ay, dair be da damn rub; 4
in dat shut-eye o' deat' whut draims may come
When we have shuffled off dis mortal coil,
Gots'ta give us pause, dig dis: dair be da damn respect
Dat makes calamity o' so's long life;
4 who would baih' da damn whips an' scorns o' time,
Da oppressor's wrong, da proud dude's contume-like,
Da pangs o' despised love, da law's delay,
Da insolence o' office an' da damn spurns
Dat patient merit o' da damn unworthy snatchs,
When he himself might wassups quietus make
Wit' some bare bodkin? who would fardels baih',
T' grunt an' sweat unda' some weary life,
But dat da damn draid o' sump'n afta' deat',
Da undiscova'd country from whose bourn
No travella' returns, puzzles da will
An' makes us ratha' baih' dose-dair ills we have
Dan fly t'otha's dat we know not o'?
Thus conscience duz make cowards o' us all;
An' thus da native hue o' resolushun
Be sicklied o'a' wit' da damn pale cast o' thought,
An' enterprises o' great pit' an' moment
Wit' dis regard deir currents turn awry,
An' lose da damn name o' acshun.--Soft yo' ass now!
Da fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all mah sins rememba'd.

Luvvit, Johnny!

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Strewth

Midlandmadman

Thats pretty funny!

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Its good to be back.

Peetster

I recon' I gots'ta meet down wit' Buffy an' Chad at da damn counrty club 4 some
kinda' tennis an' coctails.

rockogre

Say, dis be quite intriguein'. Possibly I will sound likes I be wit' it if I 'esploit dis on some regulah' basis.

__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom