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Old 07-31-2003, 04:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Three Hundred Proofs of Godís Existence

Stolen blatently from FARK.

<a href="http://www.godlessgeeks.com/LINKS/GodProof.htm">Three Hundred Proofs of Godís Existence</a>
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Old 07-31-2003, 05:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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*inhale, exhale*

WHOOOOEEEE!!
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Old 07-31-2003, 06:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I dont get it...
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Old 07-31-2003, 06:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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The time it must have taken to create that makes me sad.
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Old 07-31-2003, 07:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Please tell me that this is a joke...

ARGUMENT FROM SONGS
(1) The song "America the Beautiful" has the line "God shed his grace on thee."
(2) Therefore, God exists.

That's just plain stupid.
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Old 07-31-2003, 07:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
don't ignore this-->
 
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ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.

sounds like a wind-up, since a necessary stipulation for all these arguments is that god must first exist, thus disproving all of them
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Old 07-31-2003, 07:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Location: Seattle.
Hmmmm!

Im gonna record me reciting the list.

In my Lewis Black voice.
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Old 07-31-2003, 08:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: Pennsylvania
MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

Complete bull. I'm atheist and I have more morals than some of my religious friends.
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Old 07-31-2003, 09:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Well posted, nulltype, for this is, afterall, utter nonsense.
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Old 07-31-2003, 10:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Location: Atlanta, GA
That is fucking hilarious. Its clearly a joke so no need to get all worried about it. Some great bits on there.

I like this one:
ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS
(1) Quantum physics uses an uncertainty principle.
(2) There is room for God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Its just so absurd, its great! It's making fun of religious people and we all know just how funny that makes it.
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Old 07-31-2003, 11:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Rudy the Evil Pink Hamster is the only true god..... if you worship him you get a nice wheel to run in and clean cedar chips in your cage when you die.

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Old 07-31-2003, 11:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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That hurts my eyes.
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Old 08-01-2003, 12:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Nice find, nulltype!
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Old 08-01-2003, 05:32 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Location: USS George Washington
Quote:
Originally posted by Ashton
Rudy the Evil Pink Hamster is the only true god..... if you worship him you get a nice wheel to run in and clean cedar chips in your cage when you die.

Wonder if he's at all related to the purple polar bear?

-Mikey
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Old 08-01-2003, 05:39 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm pretty sure that most of those arguments are fallible. There is no logic to most of them.
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:03 AM   #16 (permalink)
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If you look closely at the url, you might notice something.

I think this one is my favorite:
ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
(1) There is no such thing as a square circle.
(2) God is not a square circle.
(3) Therefore, God exists



ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNICATION FROM GOD
(1) I had this incredible experience that could only be explained by a communication from God.
(2) Atheist says, "couldn't there be a natural explanation?"
(3) No, I'm telling you there is no way this could be explained naturally.
(4) Atheist suggests alternate explanations q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y and z.
(5) No, none of those can explain it.
(6) Because they can't!
(7) Atheist is not convinced.
(8) How dare you deny my very special experience!
(9) Atheist tries to explain that s/he's only questioning the theist's interpretation of that experience, and not the claim that something special was experienced.
(10) You just don't want to believe that what I experienced is from God, because you are a closed-minded, dogmatic materialist!
(11) And also, you are a big meanie and I'm not talking to you anymore!
(12) Therefore, God exists.

I love this page, Rudy would approve.
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:10 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Location: Artic Tundra
ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS
(1) As game theory clearly shows, the irreducibly complex nature of the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum level and renders God logically necessary.
(2) Therefore, God exists

Well... That certianly has changed MY Views on the subject
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:32 AM   #18 (permalink)
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How can ANYONE read even some of these arguements and think they're supposed to be taken seriously? Here are some of my favorites:

ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS
(1) In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd exsits in a way tat's so sure thatno athesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts dwmonsrtate waht we canaSSUme fo rGod exisnce,,then how wwe can refute anya rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn wel'l expose scinetific evidnece thatGod eeexists then we'll cnolcude. yOU will fnid an acurate&up6to6date bibliography no teh page 43 of tihs essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a mroe confortable raeding.
(2) [Atheist doesn't bother to read it]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY
(1) Many atheists will not be convinced by an argument with "Therefore, God exists" as its conclusion.
(2) Consequently, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FAITH IN THE OBVIOUS
(1) You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?
(2) See! Atheists have faith too!
(3) Just like I have faith in Jesus.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:36 AM   #19 (permalink)
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This is obviously a joke, and a pretty good one too, although these people have way too much time on their hands!

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Ray Charles is blind.
(4) Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
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Old 08-01-2003, 01:30 PM   #20 (permalink)
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My Good god! Thank you so much! This is the greatest link I have ever come across! This is so wonderfully hilarious.

The fact that some people actually took these arguments for real says a hell of a lot in my opinion!

Plus, if you want to see some of these "proofs" in action, take a swing by the Philosophy Section!
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Old 08-01-2003, 01:35 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
hmmmm.....nothin' lit a fire under my ass.....

to me,it's still my kids that are my god.

......and they're not always right either.....
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Old 08-01-2003, 07:48 PM   #22 (permalink)
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ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (2?)
(1) The Bible says the Bible is true.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) The Bible says God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exist.

That list is awsome.
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Old 08-01-2003, 08:55 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Location: Artic Tundra
ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
(1) This pizza tastes funny.
(2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
(3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
(4) It must be a miracle!
(5) Therefore, God exists.
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:16 PM   #24 (permalink)
green
 
Yeah, now I see that I wasn't reading close enough before...

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM I
(1) I enjoy beating children.
(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
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Old 08-01-2003, 11:19 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Location: US
Yes yes, everyone look at the web address, hilarious. Regardless of your religion, you can find these hilarious (i'm not really keen on oversensitive people that take everything as a personal attack on them and their religion, but... to each their own, just don't bug me =D)

Some of my favs

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

[A little research reveals that there is a product called Maranthra Nut Butters! bahaha]

DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

OH GOD, there's too many hilarious ones here, so i'll post one more and laugh privately to myself!

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Truly, that is the perfect arguement. Impossible to refute! BAHAHAHA!
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Old 08-02-2003, 12:25 AM   #26 (permalink)
Crazy
 
The sheer quantity of the proofs is impressive.

The first few are meant to sound sort of believable in a non-logical sort of way, I suspect, so that at least a few people will be fooled.

The similarity to so many of the arguments used by real people makes it more funny.
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Old 08-02-2003, 01:22 AM   #27 (permalink)
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the bible was ritten by drug doing sheperds that coulden get layed and so the bible was then turned into amazing joint paper best smoke of my life
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