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Old 09-24-2003, 03:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
you know you're too drunk to drive when...

.....you have to use the vehicles lighter instead of the zippo.


now i want you all to know that this is in nonsense for a reason.....it's for fun.

i do not think drinking and driving is what people should be doing.

have a good time...but get home safe.

CHEERS
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Old 09-24-2003, 03:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
Go faster!
 
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Location: Wisconsin
Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud!
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Old 09-24-2003, 03:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Quote:
Originally posted by DEI37
Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud!
dude...relax....


it's just for fun...make somethin' up...


it is in nonsense.
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Old 09-24-2003, 03:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
Had to leave this awesome space
 
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Basically, you're too drunk to drive ever.

You're too drunk to drive when you light the wrong end of your smoke. When you can't find your girlfriend, sack or whatever else it is you brought with you to the party.

You're too drunk to drive when you've already pissed your pants...but only if someone notices.

And finally, you're too drunk to drive when you've already been driving for 10 minutes and your friend tells you to "start the car and lets go."
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Old 09-24-2003, 04:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
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Super Moderator
Location: upstate
if you start seeing double, pull over...(my wife told me this, very adamantly...)

i know this is a nonsense thread, but drunk driving is really not a joke...continue...
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-----------------------------------------
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Last edited by uncle phil; 09-24-2003 at 04:06 PM..
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Old 09-24-2003, 04:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: Following the light...
You're too drunk to drive when you order your first drink.
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Old 09-24-2003, 04:33 PM   #7 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
you're too drunk to drive when you get in on the passenger side when you are supposed to be driving.
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Old 09-24-2003, 05:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
is KING!
 
bparker805's Avatar
 
Location: On the path to Valhalla.
... after you have sang "I Did It My Way" at a Kareoke bar. That or successully hit on the most ragged woman in the bar and are taking her home. Remember, friends don't let drunk friends sleep with ugly bar flys.
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Old 09-24-2003, 05:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road.


and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many.

carry on.it's all in fun.
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Old 09-24-2003, 06:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
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Location: Tucson, AZ
Quote:
Originally posted by DEI37
Fuck that. You're too drunk to drive when you've ordered the first Bud!
Quote:
Originally posted by NiceGuy
You're too drunk to drive when you order your first drink.
Ordering drinks doesn't make you too drunk to drive. Consuming alcohol makes you too drunk to drive.

...And you know you're too drunk to drive when you can't keep ahold of the steering wheel 'cuz it's too slippery with vomit.
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Old 09-24-2003, 06:56 PM   #11 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
you know you´re too drunk to drive when you know you have to speed up to over 60 so that none of your own spew hits the side of the car when you drive home. and you end up forgetting to unwind the window.
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Old 09-24-2003, 07:10 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Location: Lancaster
Quote:
Originally posted by flyman
.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road.


and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many.

Flymannnn, you started this thread for that Punchline!?

haha- what funny is that I was thinking exactly that!

carry on.it's all in fun.
Quote:
Originally posted by flyman
.....when you ask your buddy in the passenger seat to close one of his eyes so you both can focus on the road.


and thanx all...i realize that one drink is too many.

carry on.it's all in fun.
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Old 09-24-2003, 07:19 PM   #13 (permalink)
disconnected
 
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Location: ignoreland
...everyone in the room is playing monkey-in-the-middle with your keys, and you are the monkey.
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Old 09-24-2003, 09:04 PM   #14 (permalink)
Loser
 
Location: the bathroom
...you have poop in your hair.
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Old 09-24-2003, 10:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
You know you were really drunk the night before when your friends call you in the morning and tell you that your Vomit-Encrusted Adventure to the Convenience Store will be aired on Australias Funniest Home Video show the next sunday night.
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Old 09-24-2003, 11:14 PM   #16 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Florida
...when you think "Why in the hell do they keep putting two identical street signs right next to each oher?......oh."

I've only been that drunk as a passenger. Designated drivers are your friends.
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Old 09-24-2003, 11:37 PM   #17 (permalink)
Crazy
 
when i can drive a stick better than my automatic after 5 years of not driving stick. LOL
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Old 09-25-2003, 03:37 AM   #18 (permalink)
Redwing fan extraordinaire
 
Location: Michigan
Now this is a real life story ( I'm not proud of this) But, we would park in one spot. Then walk to all the bars. Once we were done for the night we would all race back to the car. The first one back was the designated driver. The last person back was too drunk to drive. On a few occasions not everyone made it back to the car. (Damn how stupid were we??) Oh, and I am also sorry its not funny !



......... you know your too drunk to drive when the grub your eating at Dennys at 3:15 AM tastes FUCKING GREAT!!!!!
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Old 09-25-2003, 03:41 AM   #19 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
you know you´re too drunk to drive, when you´ve been to the hospital twice in 24 hours to have your stomach pumped.
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Old 09-25-2003, 04:51 AM   #20 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
.......when you go through a road block and puke on the cops shiney black shoes.
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Old 09-25-2003, 05:48 AM   #21 (permalink)
Devoted
 
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Donor
Location: New England
There was a commedian talking about drunk driving with his old VW Bug. "It was handling really poorly, so I pulled over and popped the hood, and sure enough, someone had stolen the engine! Fortunately, there was a spare in the trunk, so I removed that..."
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Old 09-25-2003, 06:32 AM   #22 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
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Location: SW Oklahoma
You are to drive to drunk when you can't operate your kucking feyring and you can't seem to memember what that lable "PRNDL" means on your dashboard.

You've driven like forever only to realize that you are in the BACK seat.

You slowly realize that your vehicle looks eriely like the inside of a dumpster, and it smells that way too, and that noise you hear is laughter.

You are seeing only headlights and no taillights.
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Old 09-25-2003, 10:48 AM   #23 (permalink)
Addict
 
YOur too drunk when you can lay on the ground without hanging on
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Old 09-25-2003, 11:48 AM   #24 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
...when you're tooling down the interstate at 85, get passed by a 1975 ford pinto, and shift into "R," thinking it means "Racing Gear..."
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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Last edited by uncle phil; 09-27-2003 at 04:07 AM..
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Old 09-25-2003, 06:00 PM   #25 (permalink)
Fledgling Dead Head
 
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Location: Clarkson U.
PHIL!!! That was the best one yet!
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Old 09-25-2003, 11:48 PM   #26 (permalink)
is you wicked?
 
Location: I live in a giant bucket.
...when you can't seem to start your car with the bottle opener on your keychain.


I'm really not very clever.
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Old 09-25-2003, 11:53 PM   #27 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
...when you have drive with the door open, so that you can look down and see how close the median strip is.
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Old 09-26-2003, 12:03 AM   #28 (permalink)
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
 
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Location: right here of course
Quote:
Originally posted by Lunchbox7
YOur too drunk when you can lay on the ground without hanging on
that is a classic from Dean Martin
I'll try one
.....when you think that picking a fight with "Tiny", who stands 6'9" and weigh 280 lbs, is a good idea. And the fight is started over a female that was barely a two when you walked in but looks like a 9 now.
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Old 09-26-2003, 01:05 AM   #29 (permalink)
Shackle Me Not
 
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Location: Newcastle - England.
You know you're too drunk to drive when you think you're sober enough to drive.
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Old 09-26-2003, 06:59 AM   #30 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: LA and Orange Counties
you know you're too drunk to drive when...

...you have to hold onto the lawn as tight as you can to keep from falling off the Earth.

...you hug the toilet and dictate your last will and testament to your friends because, "I'm not going to make it, guys!"

...your jedi powers aren't working to pull your keys from the table on the other side of the room.
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Last edited by Solitude; 09-26-2003 at 07:07 AM..
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Old 09-26-2003, 03:38 PM   #31 (permalink)
disconnected
 
anleja's Avatar
 
Location: ignoreland
...you think this joke is funny:

A horse walks into a bar. He says "I'll have a beer."
The bartender gives him a beer and says "why the long face?"

hah.
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Old 09-26-2003, 06:30 PM   #32 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Quote:
Originally posted by anleja
...you think this joke is funny:

A horse walks into a bar. He says "I'll have a beer."
The bartender gives him a beer and says "why the long face?"

hah.
so sad.......but got a chuckle.


......i'n sorry ocifer but i honly had a cuple o beeerzzzzz
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Old 09-26-2003, 06:31 PM   #33 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
or.....

....you say...."home honey i'm high"


then she belts you and sends you to the couch.
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Old 09-26-2003, 09:22 PM   #34 (permalink)
Indifferent to anti-matter
 
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Location: Tucson, AZ
...you watch a re-run of Three's Company on Nick at Nite and wonder why they ever cancelled that gem.
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Old 09-26-2003, 09:46 PM   #35 (permalink)
.
 
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Location: Tokyo
...when your reply to the female police officer is, ¨i haven´t had a cunt all night drinkstable¨...

(sorry that one was a bit crude)
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Old 09-27-2003, 01:20 AM   #36 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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Location: Rotterdam
When you step into the car and you can't find the steering wheel, becouse in fact you are sitting in the back.
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Old 09-27-2003, 04:10 AM   #37 (permalink)
comfortably numb...
 
uncle phil's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: upstate
"but ossifer, i only had one beer...about 23 times..."
__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.
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Old 09-27-2003, 05:25 AM   #38 (permalink)
Crazy
 
you is to drunk to drive when you walk up to the open driver-side window, pull out the old johnson, do yer stuff, and then pull the door handle to flush
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Old 09-27-2003, 04:03 PM   #39 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Rock Ridge
When you think you can out run the police in your 78 GMC pickup. True story
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