No she sat on her ass.

My finger is bleeding from playing too much guitar...

wrong. its an illusion. thats just ketchup from leftover carl's jr.





im naked.

You're in your birthday suit.

The Flames are gonna win the cup.

The flames are going to melt hrought the ice and drown.

Breaking up is hard on you.

Nay Nay - breaking up is easy. Staying broken up is hard.

It's never wise to piss into the wind

Only unwise if you piss parallel with the wind. If you piss at a 45 (or even as little as 20) degree angle into the wind, the piss will form a parabola off to the side of you. It can be especially useful if you are outdoors and have to go into the forest to piss, but there are lots of people downwind, so you have to face upwind to preserve your dignity.


Don't eat yellow snow.

Unless its a lemon flavoured snow cone.

Pantera kicks so much ass.

Pantera must not kick THAT much ass, because I have 0 idea what Pantera is.

Dude, I totally saw you at the Pantera show down at at the Open Mike last night. You were wearing a Pantera bandana.

Water is wet.

You forgot about dry ice.

I fucked up last time.

Not quite, my friend - you claimed you had no idea what Pantera is, and obviously, you're about number 3 on their Biggest Fans of All Time list.

White men can't jump

my best friend is the living antithesis (6'0'', can dunk on default 10' rim).


I'm holding a blank cdr.

Its not blank the label is,Its full of Michael Bolton's music.


(Where the hell has this game been?!?! Me too me too me too...)


I am too drunk to be in public.

You're just pretending to be drunk so you can say yes to the next hot guy who tries to take you home from the bar. I saw you putting eyeliner on in the bathroom- steady as a rock.

My toe nails have little flowers painted on them.

I'm afraid they are not little flowers, red, but little mushrooms. If you look closely you will be able to see the difference. In fact, they may be magic.

Nope - you only thought you met her. She is pretty intricate, however; she sent her evil twin brother to meet you, dressed up as her all the way down to the mangina, so she could scout you out.

The tires are the things on the car that make contact with the road

***bullshit flag***

tires are the things we used to throw baseballs through (while they were swinging from a tree)...



gold is not made from lead...

Alchemists could make lead into gold, but the government found them out and shut them down.

Banana peels are easy to slip on.

banana peels are easy to peel, not slip on.. get it right.. duhh!

drinking before work is a great idea!

Wrong, it makes you too sleepy by lunch.

Flat tires are cool......

balderdash!

if flat tires were cool, they'd be inflated...


she did it all for the love of ivy...

No Phil,She did it all for a white family if I remember correctly..




Ankle socks Are a fasion faux pas.

horsefeathers!

not when you're wearing golf shoes and shorts...


feather boas are passe...

I must beg to differ, my philacious friend. Feather boas are the only way to go when you want to make an entrance at a Drag Party.

That Hansel - so hot right now

Assuming Hansel is a man... I am a man also meaning I do not find him attractive or 'hot'

I let the cat out of the bag.

wrong..........you grabbed the cat by the bag man....


our dog,chased that cat too.

Not necessarly. Maybe the dog and cat were simply running in similar directions with similar paths, and it came to look like they were chasing.

My car is in the garage.

heh, better look again...


a rolling stone gathers no pinfeathers...

unless it is covered in honey (or another sticky substance) and is rolling through a field of pinfeathers...whatever those are.

The background of TFP is green

Unless you have it on another blue or beige setting

Pepsi > Coke

Unless of course you are speaking of acid concentration and caffiene levels, or health in general. Pepsi ranks dead last in it's "performance," making Coke > Pepsi on that scale.

My glass of Pepsi is empty.

oh come now...how can it be a glass of pepsi if there's no pepsi in it?


"Duck Soup" was funny...

Sorry, phil, but it was a whimsical farce. The Marx brothers never intended it to be funny. Instead, through the controlled use of imagery, they intended to test the fabric of pop culture in a new and innovative way.

My butt is sore from too many hours here.

You know full well your butt is sore from.. um.. other things. :X Blame it on that damn chair.




My butt is sore from too many hours of sitting on Peetster.

Hah!!! I laugh in thine face..."sitting" on Peetster...what a colloquial way to put it. Suffice it to say that your claim is an out and out lie.

Six's status is in Peetster's conically-topped scrotum.

I'm sorry, Peetster's scrotum has been bottom'd out for quite some time now...


If I go to bed after 6 am, work is going to be slow as fuck (ya know a long slow almost tortorous fuck.... just go with it damn you).

"If I go to bed after 6 am, work is going to be slow as fuck "

WRONG!

If you don't goto bed at all and do a couple lines first work will be just fine.


Bears don't shit in the woods.

Bears shit wherever they like,and you know it.



Some people are disrespectful.

au contraire, ma soeur...people are people, only their actions are disrespectful...


i only took one mulligan yesterday...

Since yesterday in your post was 6/13 and it is now 6/30, you did not take 1 mulligan in what we experienced as yesterday.


Boys have a penis.....girls have a vagina.

joe, you poor, misguided individual...boys have fun, girls have to sit at home and wait for the boys to tell them about it...


conifers grow seed pods called "cones..."

I beg your pardon, but my Christmas tree is a plastic conifer and doesn't grow anything.

The key to knowledge is awareness...

No no no no no,
The key to knowlege is knowlege itself. Awareness is just icing on the cake.

By definition, half the people you know are below average.

top, your definition covers a relatively small segment of the population...up here, three-quarters of the people i know are below average...

where's the new phrase? oh well, i will prove "up here, three-quarters of the people i know are below average..." wrong.

someone else may know those 3/4 as above average.

Watching too much tv can turn you into a vegetable.

(my bad, little bent one...was having one of my "days" yesterday...)

ok...BZZZZZZZZZ!!! (or is it GONGGGGG)...watching any tv, especially sunday mornings, can make anyone a vegetable.


the '54 buick roadmaster had 4 portholes on each side...

Actually since the 54 buick roadmaster was a car, not a boat, it would only have doors, one on the starboard and one on the port side.

Mentos is the freshmaker.

Bently, Bently, Bently, it's obvious that you have never driven a 54 Buck Roadmaster...it did have wheels, but it was a "boat"...trust me on that. Actually it did have four holes in the front fender, on each side...hence the nickname "4 hole buick".

---------------

John Henry was a steel drivin man.

au contraire, mon frere, john henry was a johnson...


applesauce is made from apples...

This baby was invented in April 2003, and has 47 pages of posts...way too good to let sit around any longer. As usual, I have to do it all, so heres a bump for the old bitch.

...uncle phil...thats a damn hard one to deny, can you make sauce with hedge apples also?



nobody doesn't like boobs...

nonononono...nobody doesn't like sara lee (like as in the jingle?)


peach fuzz is only found on peaches...

sorry phil my man........(17 year old dudes who think they got 'staches.......)


mustache rides cost only a wooden nickel.

bah. you can't buy anything with a wooden nickel once the fair is over.

the fair moved to the next town.
the carnie at the fair is smoking crack & trying to pick up on your daughter.

Hah! I don't even have a daughter.

But I do have a very reliable Toyota Corolla.

What are you talking about... Toyota Corolla's are NOT reliable... at all.

That's it... I'm off to the cottage for the weekend.

Probably not...probably off in search of flymans daughter, heard he was going to drive CoachAlan's Toyota...

Cottage cheese never spoils, it's already spoiled...

Sorry, unoaman, but - judging from the mold on the top of the container of cottage cheese in my fridge, I'd have to say it definitely spoils some more :)



Sprint has horrible coverage in NC.

oh, BOLSHOI!!! Sprint has horrible coverage everywhere...


one can't escape gravity...

uncle phil, go to the moon!

<small>maybe there is some small degree of gravity there, i'm not sure, but there certainly isn't much! (if any. i'm guessing there must be some small amt, but certainly not like what we're accustomed to on our rock.
<b>float uncle phil! float!!!</b>)</small>



the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Oh bernadette, I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong. The grass is kind of brown on the other side of the fence. They don't water their lawn.




Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Averett, you are as sweet as you are wrong.

Absence is followed closely by madness and if your lucky, death soon after that.

Am I wrong?

Oh, Giant Hamburger...if you only knew how dramatically misinformed you are. Death comes first, then madness. Absence never even makes an appearance, I'm afraid.

Popeye was a sailor man.

the sailor suit is just a fashion statement.
although the truth has been well covered up all these years, <b>Popeye is a butch lesbian</b>.
but it's still entirely true, olive oil is <strike>his</strike> her lover.

pictures don't lie...
<img src="http://www.math.pitt.edu/~bard/bardware/popeye/popeye4.gif">


elton john is also a lesbian.

Bernadette, while that may well be true, from reports received here at wronginfo central it doesn't appear that he cares much for the ladies. On the other hand you speaking with such authority on the subject would lead one to believe you possible have firsthand knowledge of the type of tree Elton might swing from...

The square root of 4,985,003.,172,886 is still a pretty damn big number.

Actually, the square root of 4,985,003.,172,886 is not a number at all, since 4,985,003.,172,886 is a text value, not a number itself. Now, the square root of 4,985,003,172,886 is 2,232,712.067, which is not all that big a number, but a million here and a million there and pretty soon it adds up to real money. And the square root of 4,985,003.172886 is only 2,232.712067, which really isn't all that big a number by almost any standard (other than the "Rats in my Kitchen" standard. Of course, by that standard, any number greater than 0 is relatively large.)

Actually, it just occurred to me that all of the points I made above are just nitpicking. There is no single square root of any number, but rather a positive and a negative square of any positive number, so that the square root of 4 is not merely 2 but also -2, meaning that the square root of 4,985,003.,172,886, however it is parsed to function as a number would be both a relatively large and a relatively small number.

There are no integral solutions to x^{<small>n</small>} + y^{<small>n</small>} = z^{<small>n</small>} where <i>n</i> &gt; 2.

tophat, you couldn't be more wrong. As long as x=z and y=0, then it can work.

Starship built this city on rock and roll.

JumpinJesus...hope this doesn't damage a great thread, but I can find no way to dispute your statement. Unless of course like Top665, one wants to get picky and say "which city".

Marconi plays the mamba

au contraire, mon frere...marconi played the radio...


my wife is married to me...

so you say ...

... red sky in morning ... sailors take warning ...

nonononono...it's red sky at night...sailors delight...


on a clear day you can see forever...

you wrong. On a clear day you wont see the word "forever"


black is black

Ahhh, my favorite... a smart ass.

As unusual as it may be, Ihave to side with uncle phil on this one. He said 'on a clear day you can see forever'. I believe the key word here is 'can'. It sounds like you are saying that the word 'forever' simply won't appear on clear days. ie...'mom how do you spell the word forever...doesn't matter little Freddy, because it's clear outside, and you won't be able to see it anyway.'

Now to yours. Instead of going into a long tale of drivel, and woe about the color spectrum, I'll give you that yes, it does appear on the surface at least that 'black is black'.......But you in turn have to give me that BLUE IS ON BLUE.


All bark, and no bite...

[All bark, and no bite...]

???

What U.P., you didn't like that one, or too hard for you? LMAO

Ok, how bout...

Men sweat, women perspire...

au contrere, mon frere...horses sweat, men perspire, women glow...(i think dorothy thompson wrote that loooong ago...)


a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...


in re: all bark, no bite; the idea is to state a seemingly irrefutable truth...the next person has to refute it...

Not to be arguementative, but as far as I'm concernned "all bark, and no bite"...is hand-me-down folklore just as "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" is.

BUT as artelevision has informed me, I have already been more trouble than necessary...

I suppose the standard answer to that would be to ask if one would rather have a bird in his hand, or have two hands in a "bush".


Oh yeah...what about, Ralph Ellison wrote "Flying Home" (and other stories)

O_o

i bet he didn't write any stories. instead he used a type writer.


she wore teensy weensy yellow polka dot bikini for the first time today.

uh, bernie? wrongomundo, sweetheart...she wore it the first time when she tried it on at wal-mart...


the Electric Prunes had too much to dream last night...

phil!!!!!


the electric prunes had the shits all night man!


they were dreamin' about solid food at that time eh.








pigs like to wrestle in sleeper jammies designed by uncle phil.

Yep, and those farm animals that go "oink" do too...


Uncle Phil really prefers farm animals anyway.

heck no unoaman....you're forgetting....he prefers snakes in trunks!!!

LoL...don't figure it would take much of a trunk to hold his!

Or perhaps he comes from a long line of snake farmers. I hear their farms aren't very wide, but really long...kinda like "dental floss" ranches.

hey!!!


you gotta prove the previous poster WRONG...........



...then make up some whacko shit that the next poster has to prove wrong.



*fuckin' new guys i tell ya'*

uh huh...like you did with U.P.? If that proved ANYTHING, I want to talk to both of you about this bridge I got...

"fuckin" old guys, gettin senile I guess"

---------------------

Oh yeah...People pound their pud on the Mississippi mud

WRONG, he isn't new, he was just joking around. :rolleyes:


I am God.

quote the rest of what i said and you'll figure it out.

















sorry jbauer2485............god just happens to be my kids.........cuz that's who i believe in.


muggy heat is relentless and annoying.

fly, haven't i learned you anything? muggy heat is the most relaxing, satisfying experience one can possibly entertain...visualize, if you will, a tropical beach, bikini-clad cuties shucking them off as they jump in the cool ocean water, you with your hands full of wobbly-pops and other delights awaiting their return from the depths...


water freezes at 0 degrees celsius...

It pains me to point out, phil, that that is a special case. While it is true that water freezes at 0&deg; C at 1 atmosphere of pressure, and any significantly higher or lower pressure it freezes at a higher or lower temperature.

One is the loneliest number.

Unless one is a single cell organism, in which case it's the only number.


Beaver is always a tasty dish, regardless of the recipe.

<i>Most</i> women don't enjoy beaver, at all, regardless of the recipe.


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Ah, but often beauty can be found in a nicely roasted beaver, with potatoes, and carrots. A tiny crab apple in it's mouth is a nice touch. A fresh spinach salad with olive oil, and balsamic, with a chilled bottle of red wine. Perhaps a nice cheesecake with blueberries to finish the experience.


Beholders, have quite different views of "beauty".

yes but,it all depends on what you're holding.


to spoon is bliss........:D

Couldn't agree more...specially if it's beaver gravy. That kind that kinda runs douwn your chin less you keep slirpin it up...


Tissues are better than pillowcases, for some jobs.....

only if you're sleeping with your mouth open, uno...


golf is a four-letter word...multiplied many times...

fuck me phil,....come on man,are you serious........golf is a four letter word that is spelled....FORE!!!!!!!!


to three putt,is to choke.

not if the green is, like, three acres...(turkey)


apples are green before they turn red...

They don't all turn red.

Grapefruits don't grow on vines.

sorry, but i believe it's "hollywoods don't grow on vines..."


a 1-wood is a driver...

If you try to get your golf clubs to drive you around, you won't get anywhere very fast.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

not if you're bangin' out 8-10 under every 18...


hermaphrodites are "quick-change" artists...