Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - the best Usenet thread I ever read

from: alt.tv.sopranos

...there are three stalls, all of which are unoccupied when I walked in, so I
take the big one on the end. Naturally, I had the door to the shitter closed,
but if it had been open, you can see three urinals lined up... each one
directly in front of each shitter. Got a mental picture of that? Good.
Onward we go.

So I'm in there pumping out a growler as I read the USA Today's sports section.
I hear someone pull up to the pissery which is directly in front of my stall.
I hear him loudly humming some annoying little diddy to himself, but I don't
think anything of it. After twenty or so seconds, I still don't hear any whizz
coming out of this guy, but I can see his feet... I know he's still right in
front of the urinal. To make matters worse, his humming is getting louder and
more irritating, so I do the old "crinkle the newspaper to let dude know that
he has company" so that maybe he'll get the hint and shut the fuck up.

The humming mercifully ceases, and he gets down to bidneth. I hear SPURTS of
piss, as if someone was using a squirt gun every five or six seconds or so.
This guy is squeezing out piss in two second intervals... I dunno if he has
prostate issues, or what. But I'm suddenly feeling slightly empathetic, as I
had a penis stricture back in '95 which caused me to endure a piss pattern much
like I was hearing out of this gent. (Two days of antibiotics cleared me right
up, BTW... I didn't want to leave everyone hanging). Anyway, I was just about
done in my stall but I stayed there until he was done so as to not embarrass
him... he knows I've been hearing his urinary struggles, ya know? Better to
let him finish up first, I think to myself, even though I didn't know if I
should have packed a lunch. I mean, this fucker could have been standing there
pissing until Friday for all I knew.

So how does my gentlemanly patience get rewarded??? As he's continuing in his
"QUEST FOR PISS", he let's out an incredibly loud and uninterrupted six second
fart. A SIX SECOND UNBROKEN FART... swear to God! Even in the shithouse, it
was pretty disgusting. And I caught wind of it about twenty seconds later.
I'm sitting on a shitter which I have not yet flushed, and this guy's gas is
*overpowering* my dump! It was a positively nasty fart. Pure evil.

I then go out into the gym to try and ascertain who the author of this fart
might be, but I did not see the shoes in question. He must have been on his
way out.

It's a sad day, really. I would have liked to meet this guy to give him a
hearty handshake.

--------------------------

Theres a fellow at my job who STAYS in the shitter. I usually hit the head
about 3 times a day and this cat is always in there. It does not matter what
time or what day; that bastard is always in there dropping a deuce. Personally,
I tend not to drop logs in public restrooms. I'm not shy; I just don't want
some nimrod trying to talk to me whilst I'm shatting.

___________________

I work with a guy who goes to the shitter every day and has a shit
nap. Yup......he sits on the shitter and has a 45 min to an hour shit nap.
you can hear him snoring some times.

-------------------------------

I remember once in college I went to use the bathroom to check on a contact
lens that had been bothering me. One of my professors was using the shitter
stall (I already knew this because I saw him walk in the bathroom about a
minute before I went in myself). Anyway, I know he's in the stall, not
thinking anything of it. All of the sudden I hear this from behind the
stall..."Bye-bye, Hiroshima..."