Tachion

THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX

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ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED

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ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
Shoes flew off...............35
Expression didn't change....1/2
Orchestra swelled.............6
Birds sang
Large birds..................7
Small birds..................3
Earth moved..................30

PULLING OUT:
After orgasm................1/2
A few moments before orgasm.500

PENIS ENVY:
For woman.....................3
For men......................72

GUILT:
Despite no formal training,
orgasm comes easily..........53
You're enjoying sex,despite the
fact that other people are
starving......................2
Sex on your lunch hour........3
Putting it on expense account..
20
AGGRAVATION:
Partner keeps showing plants..5
Partner insists on cuddling the
dog during foreplay..........14

Partner visiting bathroom for
7th time.....................10
Partner taking phone calls....7
Partner making phone calls...40

GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse..........60
By your spouse..............100
Trying to explain............55
Trying to remain calm.......100
Leaping out of bed...........75
Getting dressed in one
motion......................500
Thanking partner quickly......2

REMOVING CLOTHES:
With partner's consent.....12
Without partner's consent.187

UNHOOKING BRA:
Using two calm hands........7
Using one trembling hand...36


Lifting partner............15
Dragging partner on floor..16
Using skateboard............3

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
For normal healthy man....2.5
Losing erection............14
Searching for it..........115

PUTTING ON CONDOM:
With erection.............1.5
Without erection..........300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
If the woman who does it is
Experienced.................6
Inexperienced..............73
If a man does it..........680
Add (5) calories for retrieving
it from across the room.


ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
Italian- Man on top,woman in
kitchen....................26
Russian- Woman on bottom,
Man getting permission.....55
American- Both on top......60

SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:
Bouncing....................7
Sliding around..............9
Serious skidding...........12
Whiplash...................27


ORGASM:
Real.......................27
Faked.....................160