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Old 02-22-2006, 05:37 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: In the middle of the desert.
The New Rifle

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new rifle for hunting season. He goes to a gun shop and asks the clerk to show him a the best hunting rifle he has. The clerk shows him a beauty, and the man says he'll take it.

The clerk then takes out a scope, and says to the man, "You may want a scope, too. This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."

The man takes a look through the scope and starts laughing.

"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.

"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house," the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for free if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."

The man takes another look through the scope and hands back one of the bullets.

"What, you don't want to do it?" the clerk asks.

"It's not that," the man replies. "I just think I can do it with one shot!"
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Old 02-22-2006, 08:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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hate to be a party pooper, but here's the same joke/ different version that was posted here probably a year ago. (only reason i remember is b/c it has been one of my favorites)

Quote:
Two old friends are just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag calls out to them,

"Do you mind if join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they say, "You're welcome."

So they start playing and enjoy the game and the company of the newcomer.Part way around the course, one of the friends asks the guy,

"So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man."

"You're joking!"

"No, I'm not," he says, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.

"Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," says the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picks up the rifle and looks through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can see right in the window!"

"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my next-door neighbor in there with her..... He's naked, too! That bitch!" He turns to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor. He's actually a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hitman takes out the rifle and takes aim, standing perfectly still for about a minute.

"Are you going to do it or not?" asks the friend impatiently.

"Just wait a second, be patient," says the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here....."
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Old 02-24-2006, 09:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: midwest
missed it the last time around...glad I caught it this time
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