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Old 03-09-2006, 08:22 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana
The Rules of "MANHOOD"

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD:

01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

03: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

05: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. *However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. *In fact, even remembering* your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

09: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, *but you may never, ever ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. *If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... *and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ..and it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. *For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not*acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever
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Old 03-09-2006, 08:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
Getting it.
 
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Old 03-09-2006, 10:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunnychile
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD:

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. *If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

interesting...
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Old 03-09-2006, 12:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crackprogram

Quote:
Originally Posted by hunnychile
Originally Posted by hunnychile
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD:

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. *If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
interesting...
Thought that was common knowledge.
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Old 03-09-2006, 12:47 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
fascinating... really fascinating

Quote:
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
or shown the door and he keeps the xbox
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Old 03-09-2006, 01:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
 
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All true.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine

╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝
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Old 03-09-2006, 04:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: In the middle of the desert.
Hmmm... 27 is my fav. Good list!
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Old 03-09-2006, 05:24 PM   #8 (permalink)
Unbelievable
 
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Location: Grants Pass OR
Why is this in humor? I don't get it....
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Old 03-09-2006, 10:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
Like John Goodman, but not.
 
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Location: SFBA, California
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunnychile
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
I've broken that rule. Twice. Don't ask.
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Old 03-11-2006, 11:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: midwest
an important rule was left out...a menage a trois means two girls and one guy, and not vice versa.
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