trickyy

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/8/5stallard.html



The Garden

A spaceship crash-lands on an unknown planet. The two surviving astronauts, a man and a woman, realize the spaceship is damaged beyond repair and that it will be impossible for anyone to come rescue them. They find they are able to live easily off the bountiful vegetation, which provides everything they need—indeed, the setting turns out to be idyllic. Eventually, they procreate and start a family on their new planet. This couple becomes known to later generations as ... Richard Benson and Margaret Wilson, crewmembers on NASA's lost Voyager mission, which disappeared after failing to follow proper emergency procedures.

All the Time in the World

A humble bank clerk bemoans the hectic pace of his life because it limits the time he gets to spend with his books. After an H-bomb attack, the clerk emerges from a bank vault to learn that everyone else on Earth has perished. The man becomes ecstatic when he realizes he finally can read as much as he likes. Later, however, he finds he must spend a lot more time foraging for food than he expected, and at the end of the day he just wants to sleep, so the whole thing is a bit of a washout.

Eye of the Beholder

In a hospital, her head completely wrapped in bandages, a young woman waits for the result of a last-ditch operation to alter her disfigured face so she will not have to be sent to live at a reservation of outcasts. Throughout the episode, the viewer hears the voices of the doctors and bedside family members but never sees their faces. When the bandages are finally removed, they reveal a plain-faced woman with several visible scars. The woman's father says the surgeon probably did the best he could under the circumstances and sends his daughter to Sarah Lawrence.

Where Is Everybody?

A man emerges from his office to find the hallways mysteriously devoid of co-workers. He wanders the silent, empty building looking for signs of life but finds no trace of humanity other than coffee brewing, purses slung over chairs, and folders lying open on desks. Suddenly, he remembers a mandatory meeting in the first-floor conference room.

The Monsters Are Due on Oak Street

After sighting an unusual meteor overhead, suburban residents become increasingly paranoid when their electric power suddenly fails to function. As the tension mounts, the neighbors begin to suspect one another of being disguised aliens that caused the mysterious outage, making wild accusations and attacking each other. Then one man hears on his radio that the blackout was caused by a Texas-based energy company that manipulated the power grid. The residents become outraged over this for a few days and then fixate on property taxes.

Ghost War

During maneuvers near the site of Custer's Last Stand, three National Guardsmen find themselves plunged into the Battle of Little Big Horn. After the men radio for help, the cowboys and Indians are forcibly removed and security is beefed up in the area.

Finding the Key

A once-successful songwriter frustrated by severe creative block meets a mysterious old Chinese man hawking his wares in a downtown flea market. The man sells him a token that will supposedly restore his lost gift for music. The next day, the songwriter sits down at the piano and writes "My Ding-A-Ling."

irseg

"All the Time in the World" - That summary wasn't accurate.. The guy is obsessed with reading, and happens to be nearly blind without his glasses. The episode ends with him accidentally dropping them and shattering the lenses, leaving him helpless without anyone else around. The ending was pretty good, and a bit disturbing. Then again, I still think he could have broken into an eyeglass shop.

Scorpion23

hehe, none of them are right. That's the funny part, these endings don't pack a punch at all.

Martian

I don't know why, but that one made me laugh out loud.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

Pip

Funny stuff!

It actually happens to me every now and then when I work mornings - I come to work and I know there are at least six to eight others there already but they've all dissapeared... I always think we're being robbed and they're held hostage in the back office or something. Good thing reality is anticlimactic as well.

Sion

hint: Tilted Humor

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

vermin

McSweeney's is a hilarious site. Especially the "Lists" and "McSweeney's Recommends". "Reviews of New Food" are good sometimes also.

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If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

jwoody

I liked them all, especially 'Where Is Everybody'.

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