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Old 03-23-2006, 12:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
Too Awesome for Aardvarks
 
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Location: Angloland
The little big guide to...

Well, i'm think about starting a continuous thread here in humor, with new and hopefully amusing snipits every so often, depending really on how much i can make you guys laugh, so without further adue, todays little big guide to:


Coolash n. [Synonyms: Schterling, Billage, Munay]
[Pronunciation guide: Kooo-Lash]

Ever since the dawning of modern civilisation (around 2pm if it was a weekend), coolash has played a vital role in trade and transactions. Early stoner-gatherers would barter their items with others so as to gain other items of value, but this systems flaws rapidly became apparent (who would want to trade you their hippo for your lump of rock?) and so, change was inevitable, with notes following shortly afterwards.

Scienticians speculate that as communities became more advanced, the mammoth became the standard unit of currency. However, as the mammoth is decidedly mobile, ones assets had an unfortunate knack of being unavailable for 6-8 months of the year.
For the stoner-gatherer that chose wisely, when the mammoth returned their numbers would have been increased, and thus interestingly free savings where born. However, with the lack of cash machines at that point in time, paying off ones friendly cave system dealer still proved hazardous at best.
Thus, as civilisation progressed, modern currency began to emerge in the form of precious metals and minerals, such as gold, silver, diamonds and hobnobs.
In the modern hairless crested land monkeys world, coolash is no longer made from precious metals, but from various papers and simpler metals, though all are considered highly valuable and like the mammoth of thousands of years ago, still in decidedly short supply 6-8 months of the year. The lack of coolash is these days referred to as being ‘brassic’.
Coolash is used to purchase everything from ‘wacky tobaccy’, to ‘wheels’, to illicit publications favoured by the younger males around the age of not paying attention.
Usually this prized commodity is sought by the hairless crested land monkeys being employed in what is commonly referred to as a job. Jobs vary hugely, with all types of walks and trades, along with some who both walk and trade (or trade and walk, being somewhat less intellectually demanding), being distributed across the wide pride lands. For the hairless crested land monkeys though, the job is a much smaller, more uniform thing, usually involving sitting and processing others good, and accepting their coolash in exchange, thus contributing to the great circle of coolash, also known as “banking”.
Once the hairless crested land monkeys have earned their coolash, they are then free to spend it on what they wish. Some save for future acquisitions, others spank it on getting ‘twatted’, but the underlying principle is the same wherever they turns - ‘you ain’t got it to pay me back with, so piss off and stop asking me for a fiver’.

Although closely related to mammoths, elephants are not to be used as currency. Firstly, they will take offence to this (an angry elephant is generally a bad idea to have in ones wallet), and secondly, but most importantly, they will demand you buy them some bigzla when purchasing your own ‘skins’.
This can be very costly, as not only are bigzla expensive, but also keeping that amount of elephants in loose change tends to have a detrimental effect on ones pockets.
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Last edited by stevie667; 03-23-2006 at 12:43 PM..
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Old 03-26-2006, 03:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
"younger males around the age of not paying attention"


great turn of phrase
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