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Old 03-30-2006, 04:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: austin, TX
50 Things to do at Wal-Mart When You're Bored

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playingfield.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
*BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
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Old 03-30-2006, 05:01 AM   #2 (permalink)
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No Wal-Mart where I'm at

But omg if there was one, I'd definitely try those out!
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Old 03-30-2006, 05:14 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
I love this idea... useful for crowded city streets and malls as well when morons walk three abreast taking over the entire sidewalk
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Old 03-30-2006, 11:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Godzilla
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
I've done this a number of times, but only after i saw the film. I didn't want to look silly.
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Old 03-30-2006, 11:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
I've had this done to me... and sadly, I did play along... I just thought I was being absentminded and not remembering a person...
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Old 04-03-2006, 11:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by itch vaccine
No Wal-Mart where I'm at
Where are you, Mars?

-Mikey
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Old 04-03-2006, 12:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I never felt old until I realized that I read this in middle school.
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Old 04-05-2006, 03:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Haha, I know a few kids (read stoners) that have done half of this shit, and/or something equivalent. They've been kicked out multiple times.

Their favorite is going to the deli, getting a bunch of meat and cheese, and a package of rolls, sit down in the McDonalds food court (works best later at night) sit down, make sandwiches, have a great big meal, wad up all the garbage, pop it in the McDonalds garbage can, and walk out, never paying a dime.

Low, decietful, and something I would never do, but somewhat amusing none the less.
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Old 04-06-2006, 06:01 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyChalupa
Where are you, Mars?
Hooray, I live on Mars!
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— Albert Einstein
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Old 06-11-2009, 06:56 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I am banned from a WalMart in Iowa for playing touch football while covered in mud in the aisles of the toy section. There were about 8 or 9 of us, and we picked teams and everything. It also in the middle of a cross country workout, and our coach received a phone call before we even got back to campus.
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Old 06-11-2009, 07:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Stop-Motion Races in the GIft Card Aisle

I know this is a repost, but nary a look is paid much attention to concerted efforts to elongating threads, so here you are:

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Old 06-12-2009, 11:47 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Hide yourself in a rack of clothing and when somebody walks by, yell, "Pick Me!"
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Old 06-15-2009, 03:57 AM   #13 (permalink)
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go into a bathroom stall with a fairly large item and wait till the stall next to yours gets taken. let out a large grunt and drop the item in the toilet from above. kerplunk!
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Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
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Old 06-15-2009, 05:45 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSJTWIZTA View Post
go into a bathroom stall with a fairly large item and wait till the stall next to yours gets taken. let out a large grunt and drop the item in the toilet from above. kerplunk!
I wonder what would work best: a wrench, a thawed chicken, ripe cantoloupe, a bowling ball in a sleeve, or a three-tiered chocolate cake?
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Old 06-15-2009, 11:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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HAHAHA awesome list! =]
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