Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Interests > Tilted Humor


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-12-2006, 01:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
Femme Fatale
 
Nancy's Avatar
 
Location: Elysium
Diary of a Paranoid Cat

Monday
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Tuesday
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to throw up on their favourite chair....must try this on their bed.

Wednesday
Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

Thursday
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was....Hmm. Not working according to plan.....

Friday
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning, foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Saturday
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Sunday
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to molespeak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.
__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.
Nancy is offline  
Old 04-12-2006, 10:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Currently Canada. I have been in Norway in the last two years, and in Hong Kong before Norway.
I like it.
Would be great if it could be expanded into a whole book of adventures, in a cat's eyes, don't you think so?
__________________
-Imagine how beautiful the world would be if we could only do things for the first-and-last time. Imagine this is the last time you would ever be able to imagine. Imagine that.

-Die Lust der Zerstörung ist gleichzeitig eine schaffende Lust.

-...and god said
Lx1,go!
and there was light...
leftyderek is offline  
Old 04-13-2006, 04:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Arnold, MD
Loved it. Thanks
j0hnb is offline  
Old 04-13-2006, 07:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
frogza's Avatar
 
Location: Right Here
Quote:
Originally Posted by leftyderek
I like it.
Would be great if it could be expanded into a whole book of adventures, in a cat's eyes, don't you think so?

I'd buy a copy
frogza is offline  
Old 04-14-2006, 07:26 AM   #5 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by leftyderek
I like it.
Would be great if it could be expanded into a whole book of adventures, in a cat's eyes, don't you think so?
That would make an awesome book. Happen to be a good writer?
__________________
muckluck is offline  
Old 04-15-2006, 06:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Currently Canada. I have been in Norway in the last two years, and in Hong Kong before Norway.
Me? Not really... and English isnt really my first language anyway- I won't be good enough to write a whole book. I might write a play on that some day though, but won't it become a musicless version of Cats then? :P
__________________
-Imagine how beautiful the world would be if we could only do things for the first-and-last time. Imagine this is the last time you would ever be able to imagine. Imagine that.

-Die Lust der Zerstörung ist gleichzeitig eine schaffende Lust.

-...and god said
Lx1,go!
and there was light...
leftyderek is offline  
Old 04-17-2006, 09:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
Upright
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by frogza
I'd buy a copy
me too, that was great, i can just imagine my cat thinking things like that
__________________
this is me, i'm lil fle
lilfle is offline  
Old 04-17-2006, 09:46 AM   #8 (permalink)
Addict
 
Good stuff. I like a little cat humor. I'm pretty sure our cat thinks much worse stuff than that. I had always hated cats until the first one adopted me.
newtx is offline  
 

Tags
cat, diary, paranoid

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:22 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360