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Old 04-25-2006, 07:44 AM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
Driving Rules

1.) If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.

2.) The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.

3.) If you paid more than $60,000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially, applicable in parking lots.

4.) Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.

5.) While driving on the freeway and talking on your cell phone, alternate between 45 and 100 MPH. This is especially effective if driving in the fast lane.

6.) Every lane is the suicide lane.

7.) For parking purposes, all SUV's are compact cars. Honest.

8.) If a cop attempts to pull you over, give chase. You won't get away, but it 's guaranteed you'll make live TV. Towards the end of the chase, be sure to throw random items out of your window. It will give the reporters something to talk about on the 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, and 11 o' clock news.

9.) Never use your turn signal, unless of course you are on the freeway with no intention of merging.

10.) Totally disregard on-coming traffic.

11.) In case of rain, immediately pull over. You can not drive in any sort of precipitation.

12.) While driving uphill, do not down shift. While driving downhill, ride your brakes.

13.) When parking on a hill, turn your wheels out, set the emergency brake, remove radio face, enable the alarm, and put The Club on your steering wheel.

14.) On narrow canyon roads, feel free to use the center divider as a passing lane.
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