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Old 05-17-2006, 10:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
We work alone
LoganSnake's Avatar
Location: Cake Town
How to Annoy People (Long)

Annoy People

1. Pay tolls with $100 bills

2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot

3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it

4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two

5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April

6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons

7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.

8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines

9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom

10. Chew other people's pencils

11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

12. Wear large hats during the movies

13. Touch strangers

14. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus

15. Bite your dentist's finger

16. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

18. Leave lipstick prints on people's cheeks and foreheads

19. Don't stand during hymns and anthems

20. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa

21. Tell people they have bad breath

22. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

23. Flirt with a friend's spouse

24. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team

25. Shake with your left hand

26. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.

27. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

28. Drum on every available surface.

29. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

30. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

31. Honk and wave to strangers.

32. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

33. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

34. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

39. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

41. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Annoy Cops

42. Say out loud when he/she approaches you "You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?"

43. Ask to see his gun.

44. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.

45. Say out loud "Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!"

46. Slap his hand and say "Bad cop! No donut!"

47. When he frisks you, say "You missed a spot", and grin.

48. After every other sentence oink like a pig quietly to yourself but loud enough for him to hear you.

49. Refer to him by his first name.

50. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.

Annoy Your roomate

51. Smoke weed. Do whatever comes naturally.

52. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.

53. Twitch a lot when you guys eat dinner.

54. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

55. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.

56. Ask him/her to do you a favor and get you a drink, then when they bring it, slowly pour it on the floor.

57. Clip your toenails while watching a movie or eating dinner.

58. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.

59. Speak in tongues.

60. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.

61. Walk and talk backwards.

62. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.

63. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."

64. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g."The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.

65. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance at art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).

66. Collect all your urine in a small jug.

67. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

68. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.

69. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."

70. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.

71. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

72. Eat glass.

73. Smoke ballpoint pens.

74. Smile. All the time.

75. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.

76. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.

77. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.
When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.

78. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.

79. Paste snot on the windows in occult patterns.

80. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.

81. Dye all your underwear lime green.

82. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.

83. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.

84. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.

85. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).

86. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.

87. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.
Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.

88. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.

89. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.

90. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.

91. Shave one eyebrow.

92. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.

93. Put horseradish in your shoes.

94. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.

95. Always flush the toilet three times.

96. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.

97. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.

98. Give him/her an allowance.

99. Listen to radio static.

100. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.

101. Wear sunglasses at night. Bump into things often. Swear loudly.

Annoy your examiner during a Driver's Test

102. Turn the radio on. When the testor goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

103. Beep your horn at everything.

104. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light

105. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"

106. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.

107. Fill your car with beer bottles.

108. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.

109. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.

110. Swear at everybody on the road.

111. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.


40 Ways to Piss Off People in a Computer Lab:

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

10. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

11. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

12. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

13. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

14. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

15. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

16. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

17. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

18. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

19. Draw a pictue of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

20. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

21. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

22. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisely. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

23. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

24. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

25. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

26. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

27. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

28. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

29. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

30. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & take it.

31. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

32. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

33. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

34. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

35. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

36. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

37. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hangup before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

38. Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

39. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

40. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques
LoganSnake is offline  
Old 05-20-2006, 03:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
Location: Bottom of a Bottle
Originally Posted by LoganSnake
Annoy People

33. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

39. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

40. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
These are great!!! I will have to try these when I work the computer lab next.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
DJKDAWG is offline  

annoy, long, people

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