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Old 05-29-2006, 12:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
26 tips to keep your girl in check

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better", this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be!". Repeat this four or five times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most. Then when she is sleeping, steal all her small things and break them because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you are talking to another girl, make sure she is looking. When she is, stare into her eyes and mouth the words "fcuk you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you are taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it is going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you are really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "because I can".

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she is cold... and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you do not stop b*tching about the cold right now you are going to be b*tching about a black eye". The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she will have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she is fast asleep wait ten minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things, like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you are in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she will go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she is about to order interrupt and say no she is not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell, a bad smell, you know what I am talking about.

21. When it is raining keep asking her if she is crying. She will say no it is just the rain. Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you fcuking baby. Girls like a tough man as I have already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. If you are listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her "no!". this way she will think you are mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but do not get her something. Teach her material objects are not important. The only thing that is important is that she keeps you happy. Your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, christmas or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she is coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually do not like this one that much but I think it is funny.

26. If she is mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you are going to tell her a special surprise. Now she will be really excited. Now dont call.

Sorry girls...
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Old 05-29-2006, 12:58 PM   #2 (permalink)
Extreme moderation
Toaster126's Avatar
Location: Kansas City, yo.
I loved this.
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)
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Old 05-29-2006, 01:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
optik_nerve's Avatar
Location: Florida
Originally Posted by Irishman
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
Funniest shit ever.

Good list.
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Old 05-30-2006, 03:18 AM   #4 (permalink)
Found my way back
healer's Avatar
Location: South Africa
Originally Posted by Irishman
7. If you are talking to another girl, make sure she is looking. When she is, stare into her eyes and mouth the words "fcuk you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.
I can't stop laughing at this! This is one sure-fire way become single.
Originally Posted by The_Jazz
Ok - can I edit my posts to read "what healer said"?
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Old 05-30-2006, 04:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
Moyaboy's Avatar
Location: Charlotte, NC

No you are running neck and neck with porn as the number one cause of relationship break-ups.....

Reference : http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...hreadid=105101
"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."
- Steven Weinberg
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Old 05-30-2006, 07:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
Kadath's Avatar
Location: Camazotz
I always wonder who writes up the things that get passed around email and internet boards. Are they proud when they see it? Do they wish they had tried to make money or achieve fame, rather than casting it anonymously before the swine of the world?

Amusing list.
it's quiet in here
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Old 05-30-2006, 09:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
Sky Piercer
CSflim's Avatar
Location: Ireland
Check....check....and check!

I don't understand, I've been doing this for years and it has gotten me nowhere.
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Old 05-30-2006, 10:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
HEH! End of story if my guy does that! :P
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Old 06-06-2006, 03:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
Please touch this.
Halx's Avatar
Location: Manhattan
Originally Posted by Irishman
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
Funny thing is.. my girl would actually find that funny. The other stuff... maybe not.
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]
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Old 06-12-2006, 06:17 PM   #10 (permalink)
Location: Canada
number 21 is by far the funniest !!!
nrclark is offline  
Old 06-12-2006, 10:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
Filling the Void.
la petite moi's Avatar
Location: California
Holy crap.
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check, girl, tips

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