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Old 12-02-2006, 09:19 AM   #1 (permalink)
Adequate
 
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Location: In my angry-dome.
Zune Labs Design Meeting

From some random post somewhere I can't recall...
---
Behind the Scenes at the Microsoft Zune Design Laboratory

Lead Designer: [Holding up an iPod] Ok, so we want to make one of these.

Associate Designer: Embrace and extend one of these, you mean.

LD: Right, right. [Nods] Right. So are we done?

AD: Well, no. We have to design it.

LD: I thought we were embracing their design.

AD: No, Jobs has good lawyers. We need to do lots of extending.

LD: Right. Right. [Turns iPod around in his hands] VistaPod?

AD: More than the name.

LD: Right. Well, how about we make this scroll wheel thingy textured. With little bumps and ****. The TexturePod!

AD: No. We canít use a scrollwheel. Apple has that patented. And we want to stay away from pod, if possible.

LD: [sighs] Tell me again why we donít just buy the fuckers?

AD: Jobs wonít sell.

LD: Oh, good. I thought it was principles, or something.

AD: No. We havenít embraced principles. How about we make the screen bigger?

LD: I like that! Weíll have a VistaPod Enterprise Edition with a big screen, a VistaPod Home Edition with a really small screen, a VistaPod Business Edition with a big screen, but only half of it works, a VistaPod Student Edition Ö

AD: Weíre going to try to embrace simplicity for this one. Only one edition.

LD: [pauses] I donít understand.

AD: Only one kind of VistaPod.

LD: Huh.

AD: And we canít call it a VistaPod.

LD: Right.

AD: Right.

[uncomfortable silence]

LD: So how much did we offer Jobs?

AD: Lots. Ok, so a bigger screen. And letís use buttons instead of the wheel.

LD: Right. Wheels are dumb anyway. You donít type with wheels!

AD: Yeah. [pauses] You know that thereís not going to be any typing on this thing, right?

LD: [frowns] So how are they going to pick songs?

AD: Well, not by typing their names.

LD: So are all the songs going to be in the Start menu?

AD: [pauses] Thereís not going to be a Start menu either.

LD: Oh.

AD: Have you even looked at an iPod before?

LD: Well Ö no. I was just going to hand one off to our Embrace and Extendgineers and tell them to make one.

AD: Well we canít do that.

LD: Right. [pauses] So bigger screen, buttons. No Start Menu. No keyboard. No mouse?

AD: No mouse.

LD: No mouse. Ok. [thinks] Iíve got it.

AD: Alright.

LD: iPods come in a bunch of colors, right? White and black and blue and whatever, right?

AD: Right.

LD: Letís come up with a color that no oneís ever used before.

AD: [sighs] Thatís a start, I guess.

LD: Brown.

AD: Brown?

LD: Brown.

AD: Like a UPS truck?

LD: I was thinking more a carmel **** brown.

AD: A shit-colored MP3 player.

LD: Yeah. [smiles] Oh yeah.

AD: So youíre proposing a ShitPod.

LD: [frowns] I thought we couldnít use pod.

AD: Why would anybody buy that?

LD: Itís reverse psychology. Everyone always says our stuff looks like ****, right? So what happens if we make something that actually does?

AD: [rubs temples] I donít know.

LD: Then we get to say yeah it looks like ****! Thatís the point!

AD:

LD: Itís countercultural! Itís bold!

AD:

LD: I feel like weíre having a moment here.

AD: Have you ever designed anything before?

LD: Also, letís make it look like a brick. A sort of clunky brown brick with a big screen and buttons.

AD: A ShitBrickPod.

LD: Something like that. [claps hands] I think weíve got it. Weíll get marketing to take pictures of teenagers laughing and partying and being cool while theyíre listening to their ShitBrickPods. And weíll call the campaign ďBringing the UglyĒ.

AD: I donít think thatís a great idea.

LD: Appleís already done pretty, ok? Theyíve already done elegant and well-designed. We need to go in a different direction.

AD: So youíre saying we need to boldly sell something ugly and poorly designed.

LD: Look, weíve been doing it for the past fifteen years. Why stop now? Whatís so special about the ShitBrickPod?

AD: I really donít think Ö

LD: Ok, lunchtime! [stands up] That was fun. Letís design something else tomorrow!
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Old 12-08-2006, 09:43 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Come on guys, I thought it was funny...
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Old 12-08-2006, 12:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I wonder why sometimes the word "shit" is spelled **** and other times it's not?
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Old 12-09-2006, 03:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
<Insert wise statement here>
 
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That is some funny ****! or shit, whichever you prefer.

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud cause it 5:30 in the morning and my gf is asleep.
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Old 12-09-2006, 11:30 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It is funny. I think. I don't have an ipod. I haven't even looked at one. Ive seen a picture or two of them.
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Old 12-09-2006, 11:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
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Hahahahah!!! VistaPod Home Edition. That's funny.
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Old 12-11-2006, 03:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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LOL yeah, it's funny because it's true...
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