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Old 04-20-2003, 10:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: MN-WI
Gunslinger

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.

The young cowboy took a seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.

"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Sure will," said the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44
and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy. "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man.

"You bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?"

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass and it won't hurt as much."
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Old 04-21-2003, 03:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: oz
good one
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Old 04-21-2003, 12:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
Psycho
 
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*ROFL* Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
Now he just needs to find the old man with the reputation of fastest runner.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
Baz
Psycho
 
Location: North
Good one.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
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Location: Yonder
BWaaa ha ha!!! Nothing better than an Earp joke!
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
Addict
 
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hahahahhah nice!
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Old 08-17-2007, 11:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
 
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Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
nice!
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Old 08-19-2007, 06:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: In the middle of the desert.
Oh, that's excellent!
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Old 08-20-2007, 07:27 AM   #9 (permalink)
I'll ask when I'm ready....
 
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Location: Firmly in the middle....
Sweeeet! That's gonna be repeated.....
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Old 08-21-2007, 06:24 PM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
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Location: Pats country
hee, another good one!
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Old 08-27-2007, 06:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
Dumb all over...a little ugly on the side
 
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Location: In the room where the giant fire puffer works, and the torture never stops.
reminds me of this old one:

A guy goes to the doctor as he is feeling ill. The doctor runs some tests and gives him the results: AIDS.

"Oh no, not AIDS. Doc, I'll do anything, but you have GOT to cure me."

The doctor tells him "Ok, here's what I want you to do. Go down to Mexico for three weeks. The first week, eat nothing but jalepeno and habanero peppers. Week two, eat nothing but bean burritos. The third week, eat nothing but drink as much of the local water as possible."

"Will that cure me Doc?"

"No, but it WILL teach you what your asshole is really for."
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