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Old 06-29-2003, 12:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
Chilled to Perfection
 
ICER's Avatar
 
Location: Dallas, TX
Headaches

Ever since his late teens Jim had suffered from terrible headaches.

Finally, in desperation and after years of misery, he sought medical
advice.

Many tests later the doctor sat down with Jim to deliver his diagnosis.
The doctor said, "Jim, I have both good and bad news.

The good news is I can cure your headaches... the bad news is that it
will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up
against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a
headache.

The only way medical science can relieve the pressure is to remove the
testicles."

Jim was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had
no choice.

"Cut 'em."

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time
in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of
himself.

As he walked down the street, Jim realized that he felt like a different
person - he could make a new beginning and live a new life.

Seeing a men's clothing store he thought, "That's what I need, a new
suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44
long."

Jim laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

Been in the business 60 years!"

Jim tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Jim admired himself in the
mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Jim thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Jim and said, "Let's see...34 sleeve and 16 and a half
neck."

Jim was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

Been in the business 60 years!"

Jim tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As he adjusted the collar
in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Jim was on a roll now and said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed his feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E."

Jim was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

Been in the business 60 years!"

Jim tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. He walked comfortably
around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Jim thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Jim's waist and said, "Let's see...size
36."

Jim laughed, "Ah hah I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years
old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. Size 34
underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache
__________________
What's the difference between congress and a penitentiary?
One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
~~David Letterman
ICER is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 01:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
Upright
 
haha good one
mike21 is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 04:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
Crazy
 
haha bummer
uffjohn is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 05:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
Crazy
 
heard it a while ago, but still good none the less. thanks for posting
microdot is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 06:02 PM   #5 (permalink)
Tilted
 
that would suck ass to find that out a bit to late. Who didnt send the memo?
pilot123 is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 06:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
lol... funny
Flesh is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 07:07 PM   #7 (permalink)
Modern Man
 
Location: West Michigan
I gotta tell that one at work tomorrow. Very Nice!
__________________
Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul
I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold.
-Son House, Death Letter Blues
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Old 06-29-2003, 08:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: OMFG BRB
heh that's great!!
doubleaught is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 08:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: cali
awesome! sad, but awesome. thanks
__________________
no man or woman is worth your tears - and the one who is, won't make you cry

question authority, don't ask why, just do it!
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Old 06-29-2003, 09:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
Insane
 
doh! not the nads!
Mitzkrieg is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 01:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
Custom title.
 
Location: Denmark.
Ouch
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Signature 101
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Old 06-30-2003, 01:16 AM   #12 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: chocolate city
Very funny
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Old 06-30-2003, 06:37 AM   #13 (permalink)
absolute relativist
 
clifclav's Avatar
 
Location: D.C.
very good one. thanks
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Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!
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Old 04-22-2005, 10:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
AHH! Custom Title!!
 
liquidlight's Avatar
 
Location: The twisted warpings of my brain.
I gotta bump it, since somebody beat me to telling it
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Halfway to hell and picking up speed.
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Old 04-23-2005, 03:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: antioch IL
adding to list of things to make me go brrrrrr!!! (and curl into fetal position)
__________________
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Old 04-23-2005, 06:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
Upright
 
haha good one
dfings is offline  
Old 04-23-2005, 08:02 PM   #17 (permalink)
Upright
 
damn Hanes damn them! lol
bookie05 is offline  
Old 04-25-2005, 02:10 PM   #18 (permalink)
Junkie
 
SirLance's Avatar
 
Location: In the middle of the desert.
I am in tears.... poor Jim....
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:58 AM   #19 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Missouri
That is a winner.
Delvid is offline  
Old 04-26-2005, 10:35 AM   #20 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: Norway
Bummer >_<
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