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Old 04-21-2003, 12:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
pinche vato
 
warrrreagl's Avatar
 
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide

Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Room is spinning.
Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on yourself.
Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hijacked.

Symptom: Bar looks like a circus.
Fault: You're at a circus.
Solution: Go to a bar.
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Old 04-21-2003, 01:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
Loser
 
heh heh heh
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Old 04-21-2003, 02:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
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Location: Yonder
I've had nights like that...
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Old 04-21-2003, 05:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: British Columbia
So thats the problem!
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Old 04-21-2003, 05:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
Addict
 
so much clarit in such a little post
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
Appreciative
 
Location: Paradise
sadly many of the problems discussed describe me on new years this year. never going to drink that much again ever ever ever.
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Old 04-21-2003, 08:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Australia
hah that always makes me laugh
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
Heh heh, I'm going to have to print this one.
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Old 04-22-2003, 07:30 AM   #9 (permalink)
Upright
 
Good One!
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Old 04-22-2003, 09:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: York
Been in that state many times


Three phrases said after heavy night:-
1. I wish I was dead
2. I want to be sick
3. Never again
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Old 04-22-2003, 10:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
he he he
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Old 04-22-2003, 10:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
Fly
see the links to my music?
 
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Location: Beautiful British Columbia
that was great.

"anyone wanna go for a pint?"
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Old 04-22-2003, 12:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
Crazy
 
I don't know how many times I've said "Never again" the morning after.
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