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Old 04-21-2003, 12:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
pinche vato
warrrreagl's Avatar
Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton
Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide

Beer Drinker's Troubleshooting Guide
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Room is spinning.
Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on yourself.
Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hijacked.

Symptom: Bar looks like a circus.
Fault: You're at a circus.
Solution: Go to a bar.
Living is easy with eyes closed.
warrrreagl is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 01:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
heh heh heh
gibber71 is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 02:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
Darth Papa
ratbastid's Avatar
Location: Yonder
I've had nights like that...
ratbastid is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 05:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
Location: British Columbia
So thats the problem!
RenegadeSoul is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 05:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
so much clarit in such a little post
zfleebin is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 06:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
Location: Paradise
sadly many of the problems discussed describe me on new years this year. never going to drink that much again ever ever ever.
teflonian is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 08:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
Location: Australia
hah that always makes me laugh
The above thoughts are not necessarily the thoughts of this user.
pazza is offline  
Old 04-21-2003, 09:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
Heh heh, I'm going to have to print this one.
Lenny is offline  
Old 04-22-2003, 07:30 AM   #9 (permalink)
Good One!
rock1414 is offline  
Old 04-22-2003, 09:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
Location: York
Been in that state many times

Three phrases said after heavy night:-
1. I wish I was dead
2. I want to be sick
3. Never again
small one is offline  
Old 04-22-2003, 10:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
he he he
tunu is offline  
Old 04-22-2003, 10:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
see the links to my music?
Fly's Avatar
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
that was great.

"anyone wanna go for a pint?"

Fly is offline  
Old 04-22-2003, 12:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
I don't know how many times I've said "Never again" the morning after.
"I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern said. "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be a very dangerous activity and not something that should be attempted alone."
Sparky is offline  

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