Tully Mars

WISDOM - FROM THE MILITARY MANUALS'

If the enemy is in range, so are you.'- Infantry Journal
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'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'-U.S. Air Force Manual
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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'- General MacArthur
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'You, you, and you .. Panic.The rest of you, come with me.'- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant
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'Tracers work both ways.'-U.S. Army Ordnance
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'Five second fuses only last three seconds.'- Infantry Journal
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'Any ship can be a minesweeper.Once.'
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Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine

If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him!'

'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil.For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.' -SR-71 pilot

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
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Even with ammunition, the Air Force is just another expensive flying club.'
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'What is the similarity betweenAirTrafficControllers (ATC) and pilots?If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;If ATC screws up, ...... The pilot dies.'

'Never trade luck for skill.'
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that? 'Where are we?' And;'Oh ****!'
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'Airspeed, altitude and brains.Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
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'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation;we never left one up there!'
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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understandingor doing anything about it.'
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'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you'- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'-Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'
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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft , having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks 'What happened?' The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' -Attributed to Ray Crandell(Lockheed test pilot)

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

uncle phil

good ones...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

SSJTWIZTA

haha. some funny stuff in there.

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Plan9

Mmmm, I don't think these came from the manuals themselves. I think they're Murphy's Law bits.

I've read and own an insane amount of US Army FMs and TMs and they're never funny or ironic.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

portieri

Short and simple always makes me laugh

slick50

Excellent reading for those of us TMless and FMless. Thanks

Nimetic

Some good ones there. Thanks.

Tully Mars

Never in the Navy huh?

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I used to drink to drown my sorrows, but the damned things have learned how to swim- Frida Kahlo

Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

nrclark

Thanks , there are a couple of friggin hilarious ones ...

Plan9

Eh, I suck at swimming and didn't want the risk of being on a ship... so I decided jumping out of planes was safer.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

FuglyStick

A short story about my first field problem at Ft. Hood (Disclaimer: I was an asshole when I was 19)--

Shortly after I was assigned to my unit at Ft. Hood, we went on a short field problem--only a week or so I think. The last day of the field problem, I'm on the .50 cal, loaded with blanks, on a swivel turret mounted to a deuce and a half or a 5 ton, I can't remember, during the morning stand to. Out in the distance is a cow, as Ft. Hood was an open post and had cattle wandering all over the place, so I pop off a few blanks. Almost like magic, the CO, XO, and First Sergeant appear out of nowhere.

Top says,"Who fired their weapon?"

And I say, "I did, First Sergeant."

Top says, "Who were you firing at?"

And I say, "That cow, First Sergeant."

Top says, "Why where you firing at a cow?"

And I say, "Because he refused to stop and be identified, First Sergeant."

True story. And they must have thought I was just stupid or something, because that's all they said, they just left.

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AZIZ! LIGHT!

Plan9

That story makes me smile.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."