Jetée

A bloke wanders into a local family-owned pub.

The barmaid and wife of the owner asks what he would like to imbibe.

"I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off," he
replies.

"You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "Get out before I get my
husband.''

The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.

The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.

''I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,'' he replies.

''What???'' screams the barmaid, ''that's it! You're barred, you dirty, filthy,
perverted bastard, get out now.''

Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.

''Right. I'll give you one last chance,' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you
want?''

''I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and
drink it all out of you.''

The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting
down watching the tally.

''What's up, love?'' says the husband.

''There's this disgusting bloke downstairs. When I asked him what he wanted, he said that he wanted to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off,'' she says in a flood of tears.

''What? He's a dead man!'' shouts the husband getting out of his chair.

''Then he said he wanted to pull down my knickers, spread cottage cheese
between my arise cheeks and lick it off!'' screams the wife.

''Right, he's going to need a body bag, the bastard,'' shouts the husband
rolling up his sleeves and picking up a baseball bat.

''Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness
and drink it out of me! Oh!!'' she concludes sobbingly.

When he hears this, the husband puts the baseball bat down and sits back down in his chair.

''Aren't you going to do something?!!'' shouts the wife in hysterics.

''Listen love, I'm not messing with anyone who can drink 14 pints of
Guinness...''

__________________
As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

blahblah454

Holy!! Punch line!!

That was hilarious!!

uncle phil

great...

__________________
"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
-----------------------------------------
"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
-----------------------------------------
never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Cheesus

Nice one.

Daniel_

I think I went out with her once.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Iliftrocks

Then she picks up the bat

__________________
bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

Flinx

And thats when the fight started.... Sorry but someone had to say it

yankeefatboy

I'll never be able to look at a pint of Guinness the same way as before.

frankie777

So this guy's been counting? And in pints of the dark liquid to? Wicked!